**again i got this from the internet**


These are from by-gone days when we actually had little computer machines that would answer the telephone for us. They were called "answering machines," intuitively enough. Roughly akin to voice mail today, but when they came out, they were quite novel. Thus, the were the nguồn of much amusement.

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"If bạn are a burglar, then we're probably at trang chủ cleaning our weapons
right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home
and it's an toàn, két an toàn to leave us a message."

A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not
here. So leave a message.

Hi. This is John:
If bạn are the phone company, I already sent the money. If bạn are my
parents, please send money. If bạn are my financial aid institution, you
didn't lend me enough money. If bạn are my friends, bạn owe me money. If
bạn are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
(Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, đọc a magazine. Suddenly the
telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet
paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms windmilling at incredible
speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain.
The chuông, bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.

My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your
name and number, we'll get back to bạn as soon as we're finished.

Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now,
because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and
down, and I like doing it left to right...real slowly. So leave a message,
and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.

"Hi. Now bạn say something."

"Hi, I'm not trang chủ right now but my answering machine is, so bạn can talk to
it instead. Wait for the beep."

"Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?"

(From my Japanese friend in Toronto)
He-lo! This is Sa-to. If bạn leave message, I call bạn soon. If bạn leave
*sexy* message, I call sooner!

"Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please
speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these
magnets."

"Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with
her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls. Say, if bạn want
anything cooked while bạn leave your message, just hold it up to the
phone."

"Hello, bạn are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages.
My owners do not need siding, windows, hoặc a hot tub, and their carpets are
clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture
taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will
get back to you."

"This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording
device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and
a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call."

"Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a
message, and if I don't call back, it's you."

"Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a
message, and then wait bởi your phone until I call bạn back."

"You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. bạn feel very sleepy
now. bạn are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist
suggestions. When bạn hear the tone bạn will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number and a message"