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posted by milorox18
1. When bạn get pulled over, say “What’s wrong, ossifer, there’s no blood in my alcohol?”

2. When he asks why bạn were speeding, tell him bạn wanted to race.

3. When he talks to you, pretend bạn are deaf.

4. If he asks if bạn knew how fast bạn were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to……

5. Ask if bạn can see his gun.

6. When he says bạn aren’t allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger.

7. Touch him.

8. When he asks why bạn were speeding, tell him bạn had to buy a hat.

9. Ask him where he bought his cool hat.

10. Refer to him bởi his first name.

11. Pretend bạn are gay and ask him out.

12. When he says no, cry.

13. If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment.

14. If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.

15. If he asks bạn to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.

16. When he asks bạn to spread them, tell him bạn don’t go that way.

17. When he puts the handcuffs on, say “Usually my dates buy me bữa tối, bữa ăn tối first”

18. Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, cause bạn don’t like ink on your fingers.

19. After bạn sign the ticket and give it to him, say “Oops! That’s the wrong name.”

20. Bribe him with donuts, and when he agrees, tell him sorry, I just ate the last one.

21. When he comes up to the car, say “License and registration, please” right when he says it.

22. When he goes to read bạn your rights, sing “La La La, I can’t hear you!”

23. Trip and fall into him.

24. Accuse him of police brutality when he pushes bạn away.

25. Before bạn sign the ticket, pick your nose. bạn have to sign with his pen.

26. Chew on the pen, nervously.

27. Clean your ear with the pen.

28. If it’s a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring.

29. Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say I thought the name sounded familiar…..

30. Ask him if he ever worked in a prison. If he says yes, ask him how the plumbing was.

31. Act like bạn are retarded.

32. When he’s telling bạn what bạn did wrong, start repeating him, quietly.

33. Mumble to yourself.

34. When he tells bạn to stop, say what are bạn talkin about, DUDE?

35. Drive to Dunkin bánh doughnut and say hmmm….only 5 of bạn here tonight…….

36. Ask if they know how to make the donuts.

37. When he comes to the car, say I have a badge just like yours!

38. Ask if he watches Cops.

39. Ask if ever watched Cop Rock.

40. Giggle if he did.

41. Talk to your hand.

42. Ask if he knows somone named Rosy Palm and her Five yêu thích Friends.

43. Accuse him of Sexual Harassment if he does.

44. When he frisks you, say bạn missed a spot, and grin.

45. When he asks to inspect your car, say there is no alcohol in my car, sir, the last cop got it.

46. Try to sell him your car.

47. Ask if bạn can buy his car.

48. If he takes bạn to the station, Ask to sit in front.

49. Play with the siren.

50. If bạn know him, say bạn had his wife for dinner.

51. If bạn don’t know him, ask if bạn can have his wife for dinner. Oops…I meant OVER for dinner

52. Ask if he ever had pu-tang er.

53. If he asks what it is, point at him and giggle.

54. If there is someone else in the car, talk to each other in tongues.

55. When he acts confused, keep talking, look at him and laugh.

56. When bạn are in the back, touch his neck through the fencing.

57. Turn your head and whistle.

58. When he pulls out his night stick, say what bạn gonna do with that.

59. If bạn are female, say I don’t do that on the first date.

60. If he sticks bạn in the back of the car, cower in the corner, suck your thumb, and whine.

61. Stare at his lights and say “Look at the pretty colors!”

62. Tell him bạn like men in uniform.

63. Ask if bạn can borrow his uniform for a Halloween party
To My Loving Husband Patrick.

People say we are not meant to be
People say you're not good for me
People say I'm too good for you
People say you're ugly
People say you're fat
I say screw bạn to those people
I say you're the most perfect man I've ever known
I say you're my hopes and dreams
I say I tình yêu you
bạn say do bạn mean it?
I say yes I do
I tình yêu bạn
thêm than anything in the world
bạn tình yêu me for who I am
Not for my looks hoặc body
Just me
If bạn never saved me from Devin
Who knows where I'd be now
He abused me; he raped me
bạn found me and took me in
bạn cared for me and treated me like...
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posted by Bananaaddict
This danh sách was emailed to me. I thought some of them were pretty clever, so I decided to post it. My các sở thích are 3, 5, 22, and 23! Enjoy. :)

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round bàn was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much bạn push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth...
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posted by Schnusch
What Is Fear Of Itching

The fear of itching is known as Acarophobia. This fear can also include a phobia about any insects that might cause itching in human beings.


Why Do People Fear Itching?

If bạn have a phobia about itching, bạn may harbor some memories of past infections hoặc other problems that caused bạn to feel terribly itchy and uncomfortable.

Prior experiences with itching can include things like headlice, scabies, and other such infestations. These conditions can be stubborn, embarrassing, and quite stressful. They are also extremely contagious.


Cleanliness May Become An Obsession

Hygiene...
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posted by x-menobsessed26
Bill Gates Goes to Heaven
Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up bởi St. Peter.

"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send bạn to Heaven hoặc Hell. After all, bạn enormously helped society bởi putting a computer in almost every trang chủ in America, yet bạn also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case; I'm going to let bạn decide where bạn want to go."

Bill replied, "well, what's the difference between the two?"

St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let bạn visit both places briefly,...
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1. If using a touch-tone, press ngẫu nhiên numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. Use CB lingo where applicable.
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza, bánh pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
8. Answer their các câu hỏi with questions.
9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition...
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Note: These have been all tried bởi me.
1) Go around saying "I'mma ninja" to ngẫu nhiên people and pose like a ninja

2) Throw bắp rang bơ, bỏng ngô at ngẫu nhiên people and run away if caught

3) Go to the mall, clothes section, and ask the worker where the baby clothes is. Go to the bathroom. Come out and ask the same worker the same question.

4) Go up to person and say "Why were bạn following me? Huh?". Then leave, hopefully, bạn run. If they follow. turn around and say: "See? WHY do bạn follow me?" Run off for good.

5) Knock on a persons door and ask "Do bạn have gum? I need some for my little cousin..." Before they...
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1. Run up a down escalator naked
2. Walk into the middle of 2 gangs about to fight and sing michael jacksons beat it
3. Fart really loudly in a crowded elevator
4. Walk into a biker bar and sing Mocho Man hoặc YMCA
5. cú đấm someone in the face for no reason
6. Drive through detroit with rucka rucka ali's 'Detroit' Blaring through a speaker on hàng đầu, đầu trang of my car
7. Do the tour de france on a motorbike and cú đấm all the cyclers
8. rugby tackle someone of a tall building
9. BIG STRANGER RODEO!!!!!!!
10. Steal a doctors stepha-thingy and pretend to examine him
11. Walk into a church dressed as Jesus hoặc Chuck Norris and shout "i am the lord god"
posted by KitkatKaysa
Scorpio.
Your element: Water
Your ruling planets: Pluto
Symbol: The bọ cạp
Your stone: Topaz
Life Pursuit: To survive against all opposition
Vibration: Resilient
Scorpio's Secret Desire: To triumph

Description:
Reputed to be the "most powerful" sign of the zodiac, Scorpios lead fate filled lives and have intense and dramatic personal relationships. Even as children Scorpios are often found to be wise beyond their years. Many astrologers call this the sign of the "oldest souls". Old and wise beyond the average, Scorpios often know all the answers, except sometimes; they too often have difficulty...
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1. Walk up to a ngẫu nhiên person, grab both their shoulders, look into their eyes and say, "I feel bad for you, son."
2. Walk up to a ngẫu nhiên person, then point to another person and whisper loud enough for the person bạn are pointing at to hear, "That guy seriously has issues for him to work out."
3. Walk up to a ngẫu nhiên person the same gender as bạn and say, "Yes! I like your movements!" hoặc "You're as tight as fuck!" Especially if it's an adult with little children.
4. In a place where there are a lot of people, point to a ngẫu nhiên man's dick and yell out, "There's a raccoon! Natures ninjas! Oh shiiittt!"
5. Just walk up to a person don't even know and say, "You again!? Meh, it's your life."
posted by Mallory101
 11. Take him to Victoria's Secret with Alice.
11. Take him to Victoria's Secret with Alice.
100 ways to annoy Edward Cullen:

1. Tell him Bella has decided to marry Jacob
2. Tell him bạn saw Mike Newton romancing Bella on one of thse days he went *camping
3. Imagine him naked while following him around
4. Prance around the house hát Madonna's 'Like a virgin' at the hàng đầu, đầu trang of your lungs every morning, make sure Bella is around to hear
5. Running it bởi Charlie that Edward has been 'sleeping' with Bella for the past 2 years, at the wedding reception.
6. Smear your blood all over his new car freshener. Blame it on Jacob
7. hiển thị him the twilight trailer. Ask him if he's thinks that he looks like...
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1. Everytime bạn read Twilight, a kitten is born :D

2. If bạn are obbsessed with mythical creatures, read Twilight!

3. If your life is all sad and gloomy, read Twilight!

4. If your completely bored, why not read Twilight!

5. ITS JUST AWESOME!!!!!! well to me and all the other Twilighters out there :D

PLEASE NO BAD COMMENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by cute20k
meebo
(meebo) :meebo: *meebo*
positive
(smile) :) :-) =) =-)
:D :-D x-D X-D (grin)
(angel) O:)
fun
(lol) x-D X-D :))
:P :-P
(wink) ;) ;-)
;P ;-P
:'D
:-> :>
(cool) B) B-) 8) 8-)
:-* :*
:pirate: (arr) (arrr) (pirate) P)
<:-p <:o) <:-P (party)
confused
:S :-S :s :-s :? :-?
(hmm)
: :-
oops
:x :X :-X :-x
negative
(mad) >>:( >:( >>:-( >:-(
(sad) :( :-(
(roll) (rolleyes)
:T :-T
:< :-<
(evil) (devil) >:) >>:) >>:-) >:-)
(angry) >:o
neutral
(neutral) :| :-| Meebo Emoticons
Guide bởi cute20k đã đăng 2 phút cách đây


meebo
(meebo)...
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1. well folks this will be an experiment for all of us

2. Oops! hey, has anyone ever suvived 500 ml of this stuff
before?

3. nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

4. ya'know...there's big money in kidneys...and this guy got two
of'em

5. wait a minute, if this is his spleen,then what's that?

6.damm! there go the lights again...

7.what's this doing here?

8. that's cool! now can bạn make his leg twitch?!

9.boo! boo! come back with that! bad dog!

10. sterile schemerle. the floor's clean, right?

11. what do u mean he wasn't in 4 a sex change?

12. ok, now take a picture from this angle. this...
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posted by heavenly13
yea...it sounds beter with the rythem and all that( ive recorded it with drums, đàn piano , gutair...ext) and the forms probily bad.,,,,....but plzz read it and comment!!!!and be honest


WHo's dating who

walkin' down the hallway talking with my fiends
the gossip never ends
who like's who
who hate's you
who has the cutest new shoes


then i turn around and see you
and relize

Chourus: All i want is you...I dont wanna be cool. Who cares about all of this. lets get together and froget who's "in" and whos "out" , bạn know what its all about. I dont care about who's dating who...unless its me and you......
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1. Take someone's shopping xe đẩy, giỏ hàng and switch the items with stuff from the person tiếp theo to them's cart
2. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen bạn in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment
3. Smash the person in front of bạn on the head with a ham
4. Go up to some old geezer & say "Grandpa!!! You're ALIVE!!! It's a MIRACLE!!! etc."
5. Take something from someone else's cart, when they say "hey, that's mine! " call the security and say that the other ... person was trying to take your _____
6. di chuyển "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
7. Hide...
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posted by nessienjake
All porcupines float in water.

The airplane Buddy cây ô rô, hoa huệ, holly died in was called "American Pie." (Thus the name of the Don McLean song.)

If bạn toss a penny 10,000 times, it will not be heads 5,000 times, but
more like 4,950. The heads picture weighs more, so it ends up on the bottom.

There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

Al Capone's business card đã đưa ý kiến he was a used furniture dealer.

The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame đường phố, street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life."

Pearls melt in vinegar.

Marilyn Monroe had eleven toes....
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Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your pocket and say, "Oops, I forgot."
Ask the person tiếp theo to bạn if they know how to tap into top-secret hình năm góc, hình ngũ giác, lầu năm góc files.
Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the xóa key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever bạn hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.
Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.
Borrow someone else's keyboard bởi reaching over, saying "Excuse...
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posted by pollyloveshouse
 Just plaln annoying!!
Just plaln annoying!!
Hi there fanpoppers =) So I was thinking about some of the things that drive me mad, pet peeves and all that, and I happened to open an chain mail form a friend with these things on, and they all fit me perfectly!! I also added some thêm that I came up with too, hope bạn enjoy!




1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the heck is yours? Do I point at my butt when I ask where the toilet is?




2. People who are willing to get off their butt to tìm kiếm the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change...
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added by 050801090907
added by 050801090907