After bạn cut off a vehicle, give a "Thanks-for-letting-me-in" wave and nod to the other driver.
Always save your nose picking for when you're behind the wheel.
Drive closely behind speeding ambulances and ngọn lửa, chữa cháy trucks so bạn get ahead of everyone who pulls over to let them pass.
Drive with a pen and ATM envelope in your hand and write down everything a moron driver does.
If another driver honks at you, ignore it, continue to do exactly what bạn are doing, and give him a dirty look.
If another driver is courteous enough to let bạn in front of him/her, hiển thị your appreciation bởi letting the entire world in front of you, including máy kéo trailers and construction vehicles.
If for some reason bạn had to pull over on the shoulder, wait until a car is approaching to pull back onto the road.
If the driver behind bạn is honking and flashing his headlights because he is in some sort of an emergency rush, do NOT pull over to let him pass.
If bạn are driving fast, stick one arm out the window, twist your hand back and forth, and pretend to be an airplane as the wind lifts your arm.
If bạn are on vacation and bạn see any sort of wildlife, stop in your lane to take a lot of pictures.
If bạn get Mất tích while driving, the best place to stop and get your bearings is at a green light.
If bạn have a car phone, use it as much as possible. If bạn have no one to call, hold the phone up to your ear and pretend.
If bạn need to stop to ask for directions, wait until there is a car behind bạn and stop in your lane to block traffic. Try to ask directions from either a 90 năm old local, a deaf person, an illegal alien, hoặc a child.
If bạn see a vehicle getting in your lane directly behind you, hit your brake pedal. The closer the vehicle, the harder bạn should press.
If bạn see an emergency vehicle traveling on the opposite side of a concrete divider, stop abruptly.
If your vehicle is capable of spinning its tires on dry roads, take advantage of this. Make as much black smoke as possible.
Keep your brake light blinking bởi keeping one foot on the brake pedal at all times.
Maintain flex-time at work so that bạn can drive around leisurely when others are rushing to get to work on time.
Make sure bạn have at least one of the following bumper stickers:
"I may be slow but I'm ahead of you"
"If bạn don't like my driving, get off the sidewalk"
"If bạn can read this, you're too close"
"I'd rather be skiing"
"I brake for no apparent reason"
On multi-laned roads, always drive at the same speed as the vehicle tiếp theo to you. Try to "box" in drivers behind you, who are attempting to pass.
Slow down drastically for every little bump in the road.
Swerve into the opposite lanes to avoid hitting roadside obstacles... like Styrofoam cups and Twinkie wrappers.
Use your driving time as an opportunity to have an intimate encounter with your significant other.
When approaching a curve in the road, slow down as if the road is ENDING.
When approaching a yield sign, either accelerate without looking hoặc come to a full and complete stop.
When drivers ahead of bạn pull over to let emergency vehicles pass, accelerate so that they can not merge back into traffic.
When driving at a slower speed, stay in the left-most lane.
When driving in a lane that is going to end because of construction, ignore all the "LANE CLOSED - MERGE AHEAD" signs. Then wait until the last một giây and cut off the other drivers that had the common sense to switch lanes earlier.
When driving in heavy bumper-to-bumper traffic, always drive with at least 10 car lengths in front of you.
When having another vehicle follow bạn to where ever bạn are going, and a third car merges between you, drive 5 miles an giờ just to make sure that your followers (who are 2 cars behind) can see you.
When picking up a passenger during the early morning hoặc late night, in a residential neighborhood, stop in front of the house and honk the horn. Either a series of long honks hoặc in a melody of a song such as "Shave and a haircut" is appropriate.
When there's traffic behind you, always drive 8-20 MPH below the đã đăng limit.
Whenever possible, cut off other drivers and slow down.
Whenever bạn see a police car, even parked, slam on the brakes and drive 15-20 MPH slower than the speed limit.
While listening to your yêu thích song, let other drivers on the road know that your listing to your yêu thích song. The best way to do this is, is to steer the car with your knee, pretend to be holding a pair of drum sticks, and start beating away at the steering wheel and rear-view mirror. While the whole time bobbing your head all over the place.
While traveling down residential streets, drive 2 MPH and look at all the houses and landscaping. In fact, look everywhere except out the front windshield.
Women are encouraged to put on their make-up while driving.
bạn always have the right of way.
Your car stereo should be blasting âm nhạc at approximately 900,000 dB.