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posted by ilovepenguins
i didn't write this

1 - Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2 - If bạn had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3 - There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4 - People who want to share their religious các lượt xem with bạn almost never want bạn to share yours with them.

5 - bạn should not confuse your career with your life.

6 - Nobody cares if bạn can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7 - Never lick a miếng bò hầm, bít tết knife.

8 - The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9 - bạn will never find anybody who can give bạn a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10 - bạn should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that bạn think she's pregnant unless bạn can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11 - There comes a time when bạn should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12 - The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status hoặc ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13 - A person who is nice to bạn but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14 - Your Những người bạn tình yêu bạn anyway.

15 - Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

16 - Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the c*** (not the best) out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have bữa tối, bữa ăn tối with.

17 - A husband will never get the last word in an argument, due to the fact that anything he says is actually the start of an entirely new argument!

18 - Phrases to live bởi "Please, Thank you, and YES DEAR!"

19 - I believe in equality and women's lib......but instead of changing postman to post person, how about tackling........menstruation, mental illness, menopause, etc......it seems to me that we are picking only the nice ones to change!
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