Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts:
1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate ngày to the Yule Ball
2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office
3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter
4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to hiển thị bạn the pointy hat trick
5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar
6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination
7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms"
8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.
9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month"
10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand
11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals
12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force"
13) I am not allowed to claim that growing Marijuana hoặc hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work"
14) I will not give bạn my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot
15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for thêm than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it
16) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive
17) I will not charm the Luật sư đấu trí of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the giáng sinh Feast
18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day"
19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy âm nhạc while wandering the hallways
20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor
21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort
22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy
23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling
24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full"
25) I will not make, "OMG" a spell
26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate
27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways
28) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bee's"
29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge
30) I will not go to class sky clad
31) I will not use Umbridge's câu hỏi kiểm tra to write, "Told bạn I was Hard Core"
32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm
33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers
34) I will not start every potion's class bởi asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion
35) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends"
36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends"
37) I will not call the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an trái cam, màu da cam anorak
38) There is no such thing as a were-thylacine
39) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts
40) Tricking a school House Elf to strip of it's clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!"
41) I do not weigh the same as a Duck
42) I do not have a Dalek Patronous
43) I will not lick Trevor
44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey"
45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween
46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself too seriously
47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions
48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet
49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice
50) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the voice of God.
Funny quotes!!!!
I will only stop being your friend when a mute guy tells a deaf guy that a blind guy saw a legless guy walk on water.
Learn the rules so bạn know how to properly break them
bạn have enemies? Good. That means bạn stood up for something sometime in your life.
Those are my principals, and if bạn don't like them...
... well i have others.
I tình yêu irony. bạn know what's ironic? How the people who know the least about bạn have the most to say.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
Dear McDonald's Cashier,
Stop looking at me like that. Last time i checked, there were no age limits for Happy Meals.
Sincerely, Don't Forget The Toy
I'm sorry bạn don't like me. I'm sorry bạn think I suck. But most of all, I'm sorry I don't give a crap.
Flying is easy, just throw yourself at the ground... and miss.
It's a beautiful day! Now watch some idiot screw it up -_-
If you're gonna embarrass, yourself, do it right!
Get the facts first, bạn can distort them later.
Is it just me hoặc does everything seem funnier when you’re suppose to be quiet?
Emotional without all the emo... it's called being human.
Dear Humans,
Remember when your parents told bạn we were thêm afraid of you, then bạn were of us? We're not.
Sincerely, Spiders
10 years. Trillions of dollars. Thousands of soldiers dead. State of the art technology. The US finally found Bin Laden... in his house.
Yes, I do smile stupidly at the computer when someone says something cute.
Did bạn fall from heaven? Cuz it looks like bạn landed on your face -_-
bạn get trang chủ from school. There is a giant box in the front living room with the word 'FRAGILE' on it. This can only mean one thing...
BUBBLE WRAP!
Me: Can I use the bathroom?
Teacher: I don't know, can you?
Me: When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since bạn were a teacher, bạn would know that. Oh well, i guess I'll do it your way. May I go to the bathroom?
Teacher:...
Everyone thinks a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy... pfffttttt! Yeah right! Our dream is to eat without getting fat.
UGH! It’s not that I hate you... um... lemme put it this way, if bạn were on fire, and I had some water, I’d drink the water.
súng don't kill people. People kill people. Well I think súng help because if bạn just stood around saying "BANG" it wouldn't do much.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
When.I.Read.Stuff.Like.This.The.Voice.In.My.Head.Takes.Pauses.
Keep saying those words. My head is held high. bạn wanna bring me down? I dare bạn to try.
If bạn ask me a câu hỏi I don’t know, I’m not gonna answer.
It doesn’t matter what it is, it’s automatically cool if it glows in the dark!
When I say I won’t tell anybody… my best friend doesn’t count.
Some people were dropped as a baby…. bạn were clearly thrown at a wall.
Every time I see the word “Explain” on a test, I die a little inside.
Laughing so hard, no noise comes out; so bạn just sit there clapping like a retarded seal.
Dear Teacher,
I understand bạn have to talk to the person in front of me but could please remove your fat butt from my face? Thanks.
Teenagers: the most misunderstood people who are treated like children but are expected to act like adults
Okay, now I'm going to ask a câu hỏi millions of girls all over the world want to know... boys, when did it become a high fashion to hiển thị us your stupid ugly boxers?!
According to parents, we're too young for love, too old for fun, too smart to play dumb and too immature for certain movies. It's no wonder teens are so rebellious! There's nothing else to do!
I wish life was like a musical.
and in the middle of math,
i could just jump out of my seat, throw up my papers and start singing.
And then the whole math class would pull this dance routine out of their ass, and we would all know the song we were spontaneously making up...
then sit down like nothing happened.
No matter how old bạn are, no matter how much of a baddass bạn think bạn are, if a toddler hands bạn their ringing toy phone, bạn answer it.
Get the facts first, bạn can distort them later.
Don't steal. The government hates the competition.
If at first bạn don't succeed, change the rules.
Tell the truth and run.
Smile! It makes them wonder what you're up to.
Những người bạn come, and Những người bạn go, but enemies accumulate.
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make ye mad.
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
Life is like a box of chocolates - it's full of nuts.
If bạn can't beat them, tham gia them. Then take over.
When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.
Enjoy every một phút of life. There's plenty of time to be dead.
Education is important. School, however, is another matter
1. I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every một phút of it.
2. When life gives bạn lemons... MAKE YAOI!
3. It takes 47 muscles to frown, 17 to smile but it doesn't take any to sit there with a dumb look on your face.
4. If bạn always stop to smell the hoa hồng sooner hoặc later you'll inhale a bee.
5. I am worse than evil... I am the author!
6. Sorry about being late...I got Mất tích on the path of life.
7. No bạn don't get it bạn think bạn get it which is different than actually getting it get it?
8. There are 3 kinds of people, those who make it happen, those who watch it happen and those who don't know what the hell is happening.
9. People are boring, they are only amusing if bạn push them down a flight of stairs.
10. When life gives bạn lemons make giống nho, nho nước ép, nước trái cây and let the world wonder how bạn did it.
11. I AM NOT CRAZY! My reality is just different than yours.
12. When life gives bạn lemons squeeze them in somebody's eyes and RUN!
13. Uh...define 'normal' for me again.
14. There are three rings in marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
15. It's not incest! It's brotherly love! They're different!
16. "Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!"
17. "Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only bạn get the warm feeling that it brings."
18. "Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.
After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is bởi yelling together." The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together.""
19. Never raise your hand to your children; it leaves your midsection unprotected.
21. I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.
20. Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking.
22. There are plenty thêm cá in the sea, but who wants to go out with a fish?
23. Some people are like a slinky. They have absolutely no use; but bạn can't help smile, when bạn see one fall down the stairs.
24. Due to gần đây cutbacks and until further notice, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
25. I lay at my giường last night, counting the stars, and I thought to myself: Where the fuck did my ceiling go?!
26. Ever notice how DYING is at the end of STUDYING?
27. When someone annoys bạn it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and cú đấm the crap out of them.
28. There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the bờ biển like an idiot.
29. I believe in luck: how else can bạn explain the success of those bạn don't like?
30. Don't bạn wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked "Brightness," but it doesn't work.
31. Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy ANYTHING.
32. That which does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast.
33. Nothing travels faster than light, with the possible exception of bad news, which follows its own rules
34. …didn’t need an excuse to go over to the Dark Side…
35. True tình yêu has no happy ending, because True tình yêu has no ending.
36. Don't treat others as bạn want to be treated, treat others as they treat you.
37. Therapist= The Rapist
38. Unfortunatly, Stupid people are everywhere.
39. bạn know how to find out your stupid?
40. When bạn don't know that the numbers 20 and 21 are switched
42. And that there is no 41
43. And bạn don't know what the hell I'm talking about.
44. Angry woman = dead man
bạn say BABY PINK
I say BLOOD RED
bạn say HANNAH MONTANA
I say BOWLING FOR SOUP
bạn say ZAC EFRON
I say ROBIN
bạn say RAP
I say ROCK
bạn say I’m WEIRD
I say YES I AM
10 BEST THINGS ABOUT BEING A GIRL
10. We can wear guy clothes, but if they wear ours they get funny looks
9. At least one girl always survives in horror movies
8. We can put cotton between our toes and paint our nails without feeling the least bit silly
7. Our magazines have horoscopes
6. Girls with guy first names like Taylor sound cool, but it doesn't work the other way around
5. Our Những người bạn don't say "hi" but punching us in the arm
4. Yes PMS sucks, but at least we have an excuse to lie around eating Sô cô la once a month
3. Make-up covers any imperfections we may have
2. If we flirt with a cop, we can get out of a speeding ticket
1. Girl Talk... bạn know, the way we all just understand each other without having to explain a thing
Man: Where have bạn been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen bạn someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this ghế, chỗ ngồi empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if bạn sit down.
Man: Your place hoặc mine?
Woman: Both. bạn go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do bạn do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: xin chào baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do bạn like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would bạn stay there?
Man: If I could see bạn naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw bạn naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together
Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.
Man: It’s a good thing I have my thư viện card, because I’m checking bạn out.
Woman: Oh, sorry, I’m reserved for someone else
The only reason people get Mất tích in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
Last night I lay in giường looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
I am not a vegetarian because I tình yêu animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
If bạn die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
There are worse things in life than death. Have bạn ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Girls are like phones. We tình yêu to be held, talked too but if bạn press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after bạn vượt qua, cross the river.
Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
If búp bê barbie is so popular, why do bạn have to buy her friends?
The only way to keep your health is to eat what bạn don't want, drink what bạn don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
The road to success is always under construction.
Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the bờ biển like an idiot.
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
bạn know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark ?
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other ngày the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take thêm than one night
A man in tình yêu is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
Ask me no questions, and I'll tell bạn no lies.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
It's funny when people discuss tình yêu Marriage vs. Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better hoặc being murdered.
If your boss is getting bạn down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
For people that hate stereotypes. (BOLD the ones bạn are.)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm an ATHEIEST, so I WILL go to hell
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST have no values hoặc morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I take (or used to take) ANIT-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be CRAZY.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'M NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire, screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth hoặc emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN tình yêu WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have BIG BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that’s how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I’m a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
I’m STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. hoặc crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST tình yêu fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE, so I MUST be ugly
I'm a SKATER, so I MUST do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and ngày only other punks
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe Jesus WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black Những người bạn so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I got a CAR for my birthday, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST tình yêu watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the sun, so I MUST be albino
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST tình yêu to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm a TEXAN, so I MUST ride a horse.
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw anime so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST tình yêu sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST tình yêu hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney hoặc a posh accent, tình yêu trà and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like Yaoi hoặc YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most được ưa chuộng person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a cây hugging hippy
I have a người hâm mộ CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT so I MUST be having cyber sex
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG hoặc MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I tình yêu YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE (much), so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, anime and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I am STRONG, so I MUST be stupid.
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT a CHRISTAIN so I MUST be converted.
I tình yêu marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason bạn have no food.
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Bail bạn out of jail and tell bạn what bạn did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit tiếp theo to bạn saying “Damn … we fucked up … but that shit was fun!”
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Never seen bạn cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours.
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct trích dẫn from you.
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Will leave bạn behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds đít, mông, ass that left you.
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at bạn stumbling all over the place and say “Bitch, drink the rest of that, bạn know we don’t waste.”
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect bạn to have all the time in the world.
REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to whats wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make bạn feel a whole lot better!
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Say sorry when bạn want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, hoặc even just hang out at odd hours.
REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until bạn either fall asleep, hoặc kick them out.
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.
~30 things to do in an elevator!~
1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead while muttering: "Shut up, admit, all of bạn just shut UP!"
2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
3. Crack open your cặp, vali, cặp tài liệu hoặc purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there."
4. Offer name tag to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open bởi themselves.
7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call bạn Admiral.
8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until bạn hear the penny bạn dropped down the shaft go 'plink' at the bottom.
9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, no, not now, bleeped motion sickness!"
11. Meow occasionally.
12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
13. Walk on with a mát, máy làm mát that says "human head" on the side.
14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and di chuyển to the far corner of the elevator.
15. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to the other passengers 'through' it.
16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
17. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
18. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push the red buttons.
19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your 'personal space.'
21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a thêm suitable host body."
22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
23. Wear 'X-Ray Specs' and leer suggestively at other passengers.
24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.
25. Make farm animal noises
26. Start talking to the wall
27. Carry a stuffed animal with bạn and talk to it
28. Carry a small object and start petting it while saying "My precious." in a demonic voice then laugh like a maniac
29. When one person is on ask them if they want to pet your cat and then purr at them.
30. Rip your clothes and stumble on to the elevator and tell them that bạn just escaped from the mental ward and then laugh like a maniac.
1. bạn accidentally enter your mật khẩu on your microwave.
2. bạn haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. The reason for not staying in touch with your Những người bạn is they don't have a screen name hoặc my space.
4. bạn would rather look all over the house for the remote rather than just pushing the buttons on the TV.
6. Your boss doesn’t even have the ability to do your job.
7. As bạn read this danh sách keep nodding and smiling.
8. As bạn read this danh sách bạn think of sending it to all your friends.
9. And bạn were to busy to notice # 5
10. And bạn scrolled back up to see if their was a # 5
11. Now you’re laughing at yourself stupidly.
12. bạn fell for that, and bạn know bạn did.
1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate ngày to the Yule Ball
2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office
3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter
4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to hiển thị bạn the pointy hat trick
5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar
6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination
7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms"
8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.
9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month"
10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand
11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals
12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force"
13) I am not allowed to claim that growing Marijuana hoặc hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work"
14) I will not give bạn my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot
15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for thêm than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it
16) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive
17) I will not charm the Luật sư đấu trí of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the giáng sinh Feast
18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day"
19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy âm nhạc while wandering the hallways
20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor
21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort
22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy
23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling
24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full"
25) I will not make, "OMG" a spell
26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate
27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways
28) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bee's"
29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge
30) I will not go to class sky clad
31) I will not use Umbridge's câu hỏi kiểm tra to write, "Told bạn I was Hard Core"
32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm
33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers
34) I will not start every potion's class bởi asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion
35) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends"
36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends"
37) I will not call the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an trái cam, màu da cam anorak
38) There is no such thing as a were-thylacine
39) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts
40) Tricking a school House Elf to strip of it's clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!"
41) I do not weigh the same as a Duck
42) I do not have a Dalek Patronous
43) I will not lick Trevor
44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey"
45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween
46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself too seriously
47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions
48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet
49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice
50) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the voice of God.
Funny quotes!!!!
I will only stop being your friend when a mute guy tells a deaf guy that a blind guy saw a legless guy walk on water.
Learn the rules so bạn know how to properly break them
bạn have enemies? Good. That means bạn stood up for something sometime in your life.
Those are my principals, and if bạn don't like them...
... well i have others.
I tình yêu irony. bạn know what's ironic? How the people who know the least about bạn have the most to say.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
Dear McDonald's Cashier,
Stop looking at me like that. Last time i checked, there were no age limits for Happy Meals.
Sincerely, Don't Forget The Toy
I'm sorry bạn don't like me. I'm sorry bạn think I suck. But most of all, I'm sorry I don't give a crap.
Flying is easy, just throw yourself at the ground... and miss.
It's a beautiful day! Now watch some idiot screw it up -_-
If you're gonna embarrass, yourself, do it right!
Get the facts first, bạn can distort them later.
Is it just me hoặc does everything seem funnier when you’re suppose to be quiet?
Emotional without all the emo... it's called being human.
Dear Humans,
Remember when your parents told bạn we were thêm afraid of you, then bạn were of us? We're not.
Sincerely, Spiders
10 years. Trillions of dollars. Thousands of soldiers dead. State of the art technology. The US finally found Bin Laden... in his house.
Yes, I do smile stupidly at the computer when someone says something cute.
Did bạn fall from heaven? Cuz it looks like bạn landed on your face -_-
bạn get trang chủ from school. There is a giant box in the front living room with the word 'FRAGILE' on it. This can only mean one thing...
BUBBLE WRAP!
Me: Can I use the bathroom?
Teacher: I don't know, can you?
Me: When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since bạn were a teacher, bạn would know that. Oh well, i guess I'll do it your way. May I go to the bathroom?
Teacher:...
Everyone thinks a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy... pfffttttt! Yeah right! Our dream is to eat without getting fat.
UGH! It’s not that I hate you... um... lemme put it this way, if bạn were on fire, and I had some water, I’d drink the water.
súng don't kill people. People kill people. Well I think súng help because if bạn just stood around saying "BANG" it wouldn't do much.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
When.I.Read.Stuff.Like.This.The.Voice.In.My.Head.Takes.Pauses.
Keep saying those words. My head is held high. bạn wanna bring me down? I dare bạn to try.
If bạn ask me a câu hỏi I don’t know, I’m not gonna answer.
It doesn’t matter what it is, it’s automatically cool if it glows in the dark!
When I say I won’t tell anybody… my best friend doesn’t count.
Some people were dropped as a baby…. bạn were clearly thrown at a wall.
Every time I see the word “Explain” on a test, I die a little inside.
Laughing so hard, no noise comes out; so bạn just sit there clapping like a retarded seal.
Dear Teacher,
I understand bạn have to talk to the person in front of me but could please remove your fat butt from my face? Thanks.
Teenagers: the most misunderstood people who are treated like children but are expected to act like adults
Okay, now I'm going to ask a câu hỏi millions of girls all over the world want to know... boys, when did it become a high fashion to hiển thị us your stupid ugly boxers?!
According to parents, we're too young for love, too old for fun, too smart to play dumb and too immature for certain movies. It's no wonder teens are so rebellious! There's nothing else to do!
I wish life was like a musical.
and in the middle of math,
i could just jump out of my seat, throw up my papers and start singing.
And then the whole math class would pull this dance routine out of their ass, and we would all know the song we were spontaneously making up...
then sit down like nothing happened.
No matter how old bạn are, no matter how much of a baddass bạn think bạn are, if a toddler hands bạn their ringing toy phone, bạn answer it.
Get the facts first, bạn can distort them later.
Don't steal. The government hates the competition.
If at first bạn don't succeed, change the rules.
Tell the truth and run.
Smile! It makes them wonder what you're up to.
Những người bạn come, and Những người bạn go, but enemies accumulate.
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make ye mad.
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
Life is like a box of chocolates - it's full of nuts.
If bạn can't beat them, tham gia them. Then take over.
When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.
Enjoy every một phút of life. There's plenty of time to be dead.
Education is important. School, however, is another matter
1. I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every một phút of it.
2. When life gives bạn lemons... MAKE YAOI!
3. It takes 47 muscles to frown, 17 to smile but it doesn't take any to sit there with a dumb look on your face.
4. If bạn always stop to smell the hoa hồng sooner hoặc later you'll inhale a bee.
5. I am worse than evil... I am the author!
6. Sorry about being late...I got Mất tích on the path of life.
7. No bạn don't get it bạn think bạn get it which is different than actually getting it get it?
8. There are 3 kinds of people, those who make it happen, those who watch it happen and those who don't know what the hell is happening.
9. People are boring, they are only amusing if bạn push them down a flight of stairs.
10. When life gives bạn lemons make giống nho, nho nước ép, nước trái cây and let the world wonder how bạn did it.
11. I AM NOT CRAZY! My reality is just different than yours.
12. When life gives bạn lemons squeeze them in somebody's eyes and RUN!
13. Uh...define 'normal' for me again.
14. There are three rings in marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
15. It's not incest! It's brotherly love! They're different!
16. "Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!"
17. "Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only bạn get the warm feeling that it brings."
18. "Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.
After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is bởi yelling together." The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together.""
19. Never raise your hand to your children; it leaves your midsection unprotected.
21. I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.
20. Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking.
22. There are plenty thêm cá in the sea, but who wants to go out with a fish?
23. Some people are like a slinky. They have absolutely no use; but bạn can't help smile, when bạn see one fall down the stairs.
24. Due to gần đây cutbacks and until further notice, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
25. I lay at my giường last night, counting the stars, and I thought to myself: Where the fuck did my ceiling go?!
26. Ever notice how DYING is at the end of STUDYING?
27. When someone annoys bạn it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and cú đấm the crap out of them.
28. There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the bờ biển like an idiot.
29. I believe in luck: how else can bạn explain the success of those bạn don't like?
30. Don't bạn wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked "Brightness," but it doesn't work.
31. Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy ANYTHING.
32. That which does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast.
33. Nothing travels faster than light, with the possible exception of bad news, which follows its own rules
34. …didn’t need an excuse to go over to the Dark Side…
35. True tình yêu has no happy ending, because True tình yêu has no ending.
36. Don't treat others as bạn want to be treated, treat others as they treat you.
37. Therapist= The Rapist
38. Unfortunatly, Stupid people are everywhere.
39. bạn know how to find out your stupid?
40. When bạn don't know that the numbers 20 and 21 are switched
42. And that there is no 41
43. And bạn don't know what the hell I'm talking about.
44. Angry woman = dead man
bạn say BABY PINK
I say BLOOD RED
bạn say HANNAH MONTANA
I say BOWLING FOR SOUP
bạn say ZAC EFRON
I say ROBIN
bạn say RAP
I say ROCK
bạn say I’m WEIRD
I say YES I AM
10 BEST THINGS ABOUT BEING A GIRL
10. We can wear guy clothes, but if they wear ours they get funny looks
9. At least one girl always survives in horror movies
8. We can put cotton between our toes and paint our nails without feeling the least bit silly
7. Our magazines have horoscopes
6. Girls with guy first names like Taylor sound cool, but it doesn't work the other way around
5. Our Những người bạn don't say "hi" but punching us in the arm
4. Yes PMS sucks, but at least we have an excuse to lie around eating Sô cô la once a month
3. Make-up covers any imperfections we may have
2. If we flirt with a cop, we can get out of a speeding ticket
1. Girl Talk... bạn know, the way we all just understand each other without having to explain a thing
Man: Where have bạn been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen bạn someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this ghế, chỗ ngồi empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if bạn sit down.
Man: Your place hoặc mine?
Woman: Both. bạn go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do bạn do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: xin chào baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do bạn like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would bạn stay there?
Man: If I could see bạn naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw bạn naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together
Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.
Man: It’s a good thing I have my thư viện card, because I’m checking bạn out.
Woman: Oh, sorry, I’m reserved for someone else
The only reason people get Mất tích in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
Last night I lay in giường looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
I am not a vegetarian because I tình yêu animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
If bạn die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
There are worse things in life than death. Have bạn ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Girls are like phones. We tình yêu to be held, talked too but if bạn press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after bạn vượt qua, cross the river.
Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
If búp bê barbie is so popular, why do bạn have to buy her friends?
The only way to keep your health is to eat what bạn don't want, drink what bạn don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
The road to success is always under construction.
Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the bờ biển like an idiot.
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
bạn know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark ?
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other ngày the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take thêm than one night
A man in tình yêu is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
Ask me no questions, and I'll tell bạn no lies.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
It's funny when people discuss tình yêu Marriage vs. Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better hoặc being murdered.
If your boss is getting bạn down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
For people that hate stereotypes. (BOLD the ones bạn are.)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm an ATHEIEST, so I WILL go to hell
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST have no values hoặc morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I take (or used to take) ANIT-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be CRAZY.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'M NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire, screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth hoặc emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN tình yêu WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have BIG BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that’s how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I’m a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
I’m STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. hoặc crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST tình yêu fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE, so I MUST be ugly
I'm a SKATER, so I MUST do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and ngày only other punks
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe Jesus WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black Những người bạn so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I got a CAR for my birthday, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST tình yêu watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the sun, so I MUST be albino
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST tình yêu to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm a TEXAN, so I MUST ride a horse.
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw anime so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST tình yêu sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST tình yêu hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney hoặc a posh accent, tình yêu trà and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like Yaoi hoặc YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most được ưa chuộng person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a cây hugging hippy
I have a người hâm mộ CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT so I MUST be having cyber sex
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG hoặc MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I tình yêu YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE (much), so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, anime and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I am STRONG, so I MUST be stupid.
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT a CHRISTAIN so I MUST be converted.
I tình yêu marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason bạn have no food.
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Bail bạn out of jail and tell bạn what bạn did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit tiếp theo to bạn saying “Damn … we fucked up … but that shit was fun!”
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Never seen bạn cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours.
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct trích dẫn from you.
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Will leave bạn behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds đít, mông, ass that left you.
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at bạn stumbling all over the place and say “Bitch, drink the rest of that, bạn know we don’t waste.”
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect bạn to have all the time in the world.
REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to whats wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make bạn feel a whole lot better!
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Say sorry when bạn want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, hoặc even just hang out at odd hours.
REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until bạn either fall asleep, hoặc kick them out.
FAKE đít, mông, ass FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.
~30 things to do in an elevator!~
1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead while muttering: "Shut up, admit, all of bạn just shut UP!"
2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
3. Crack open your cặp, vali, cặp tài liệu hoặc purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there."
4. Offer name tag to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open bởi themselves.
7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call bạn Admiral.
8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until bạn hear the penny bạn dropped down the shaft go 'plink' at the bottom.
9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, no, not now, bleeped motion sickness!"
11. Meow occasionally.
12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
13. Walk on with a mát, máy làm mát that says "human head" on the side.
14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and di chuyển to the far corner of the elevator.
15. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to the other passengers 'through' it.
16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
17. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
18. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push the red buttons.
19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your 'personal space.'
21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a thêm suitable host body."
22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
23. Wear 'X-Ray Specs' and leer suggestively at other passengers.
24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.
25. Make farm animal noises
26. Start talking to the wall
27. Carry a stuffed animal with bạn and talk to it
28. Carry a small object and start petting it while saying "My precious." in a demonic voice then laugh like a maniac
29. When one person is on ask them if they want to pet your cat and then purr at them.
30. Rip your clothes and stumble on to the elevator and tell them that bạn just escaped from the mental ward and then laugh like a maniac.
1. bạn accidentally enter your mật khẩu on your microwave.
2. bạn haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. The reason for not staying in touch with your Những người bạn is they don't have a screen name hoặc my space.
4. bạn would rather look all over the house for the remote rather than just pushing the buttons on the TV.
6. Your boss doesn’t even have the ability to do your job.
7. As bạn read this danh sách keep nodding and smiling.
8. As bạn read this danh sách bạn think of sending it to all your friends.
9. And bạn were to busy to notice # 5
10. And bạn scrolled back up to see if their was a # 5
11. Now you’re laughing at yourself stupidly.
12. bạn fell for that, and bạn know bạn did.
