What Being a Retard Online can do for You
Being a retard online will bring bạn riches beyond your wildest dreams, hot girls and above all - attention: bạn crave attention, bạn absorb it like a wet sponge...Ah yes, bạn may very suffer from ADHD but it doesn't matter: no my friend, because bởi being a retard online bạn can get all the attention bạn need for a small fee.
Poor Literacy is Kool!
If bạn want to be a retard bạn must learn to spell like one, remember kids - poor literacy is cool! First of all we must take a lesson from the Image comics of old and remember that everything must be EXTREME! - note how we must yell EXTREME! hoặc write it in full capitals, this emphasizes our commitment to being retarded. Also, a use of hyperpunctuation is recommended, for example, instead of NO U! write NO U!!!!11!!111!1!!11!!11! Note the uses of 1's adds the effect of retardedness, as it looks like bạn can't even use a keyboard properly, without bursting into some kind of spastic fit. Now enough of that foolishness, once bạn have learnt that everything must be EXTREME! bạn must di chuyển on to the art-form of butchering the English language until it is nothing but a bunch of garbage: To do this bạn need to practice hard at being a retard and misspell as many words as bạn can, even simply words like "you" and "I" must be warped - we suggest using "U" hoặc "joO" - note that phrases such as "yoou" hoặc "ebil" are a little too advanced for bạn at this stage but with practice bạn can master these thêm advanced moves.
Practice Your 1337 Skillz
In order to practice your L33T Skillz, try going on a multiplayer FPS game, such as Team Fortress 2. Of course, being the retard that bạn are, bạn will fail epicly. (Epicily. What the hell?) and have a kill to death ratio of 1:9000.1. In spite of this, pretend bạn are good bởi making up pathetic excuses, such as 'This C0mput3r SUX!'
Learn to be Offensive
To be a retard online bạn must become one with the Force and master the ancient art of offence - in short bạn should always make a point of being an asshole to everyone, because its a well-known fact internet tough-guys get lots of Những người bạn and free sex. If bạn want to get serious on being offensive be sure to brush up on your knowledge of "yo momma" jokes and "yo so ugly" trích dẫn - these could mean the difference between sounding like a true retard hoặc actually being witty, if bạn find yourself in danger of actually being witty hoặc somewhat humorous in your attempts at being a retard simply say something about Chuck Norris, Mr T hoặc Rick Astley and bạn will become instant-retard.
Trolling for Dummies
1. Find idiot
2. Make idiot mad
3. Idiot says insult
4. bạn say "NO YOU!"
5. ??????????????????????????????
6. RECESSION!
Spamming 101
Contrary to common thought spamming is a delicate and time-consuming lifestyle, if bạn wish to go down this path of retardness please be aware that bạn may not be prepared for the massive amount of brainpower required for such a complex task - however if bạn want to attempt this tricky feat here is the know-how. First bạn must spam a lot, bởi which we mean bạn must spam until bạn can spam no thêm - spam until bạn bleed - spam like crazy - spam random, nonsensical garbage - spam until bạn get people saying "stop spamming" - spam until your IP is banned and bạn can spam no thêm -
Spam!
SPAM!
SPAM!!!
SPAM!!!!!!!!!!
Caps Lock
IS YER FRIEND.
Alt-F4
Press these magic buttons on your keyboard now and bạn will have completed the course of being a retard online - and are now free to bask in the glory this achievement shall earn bạn with your friends.
Being a retard online will bring bạn riches beyond your wildest dreams, hot girls and above all - attention: bạn crave attention, bạn absorb it like a wet sponge...Ah yes, bạn may very suffer from ADHD but it doesn't matter: no my friend, because bởi being a retard online bạn can get all the attention bạn need for a small fee.
Poor Literacy is Kool!
If bạn want to be a retard bạn must learn to spell like one, remember kids - poor literacy is cool! First of all we must take a lesson from the Image comics of old and remember that everything must be EXTREME! - note how we must yell EXTREME! hoặc write it in full capitals, this emphasizes our commitment to being retarded. Also, a use of hyperpunctuation is recommended, for example, instead of NO U! write NO U!!!!11!!111!1!!11!!11! Note the uses of 1's adds the effect of retardedness, as it looks like bạn can't even use a keyboard properly, without bursting into some kind of spastic fit. Now enough of that foolishness, once bạn have learnt that everything must be EXTREME! bạn must di chuyển on to the art-form of butchering the English language until it is nothing but a bunch of garbage: To do this bạn need to practice hard at being a retard and misspell as many words as bạn can, even simply words like "you" and "I" must be warped - we suggest using "U" hoặc "joO" - note that phrases such as "yoou" hoặc "ebil" are a little too advanced for bạn at this stage but with practice bạn can master these thêm advanced moves.
Practice Your 1337 Skillz
In order to practice your L33T Skillz, try going on a multiplayer FPS game, such as Team Fortress 2. Of course, being the retard that bạn are, bạn will fail epicly. (Epicily. What the hell?) and have a kill to death ratio of 1:9000.1. In spite of this, pretend bạn are good bởi making up pathetic excuses, such as 'This C0mput3r SUX!'
Learn to be Offensive
To be a retard online bạn must become one with the Force and master the ancient art of offence - in short bạn should always make a point of being an asshole to everyone, because its a well-known fact internet tough-guys get lots of Những người bạn and free sex. If bạn want to get serious on being offensive be sure to brush up on your knowledge of "yo momma" jokes and "yo so ugly" trích dẫn - these could mean the difference between sounding like a true retard hoặc actually being witty, if bạn find yourself in danger of actually being witty hoặc somewhat humorous in your attempts at being a retard simply say something about Chuck Norris, Mr T hoặc Rick Astley and bạn will become instant-retard.
Trolling for Dummies
1. Find idiot
2. Make idiot mad
3. Idiot says insult
4. bạn say "NO YOU!"
5. ??????????????????????????????
6. RECESSION!
Spamming 101
Contrary to common thought spamming is a delicate and time-consuming lifestyle, if bạn wish to go down this path of retardness please be aware that bạn may not be prepared for the massive amount of brainpower required for such a complex task - however if bạn want to attempt this tricky feat here is the know-how. First bạn must spam a lot, bởi which we mean bạn must spam until bạn can spam no thêm - spam until bạn bleed - spam like crazy - spam random, nonsensical garbage - spam until bạn get people saying "stop spamming" - spam until your IP is banned and bạn can spam no thêm -
Spam!
SPAM!
SPAM!!!
SPAM!!!!!!!!!!
Caps Lock
IS YER FRIEND.
Alt-F4
Press these magic buttons on your keyboard now and bạn will have completed the course of being a retard online - and are now free to bask in the glory this achievement shall earn bạn with your friends.
Again Disney has wrapped its magical fairy hands around this tale making it two movies, when in reality this tale is quite short.
There is a young girl, who is working out in the fields. Her dép, sandal falls off and a eagle (or hawk) then picks up the shoe. She chases after it leaving her family just for the shoe, which the bird drops on the kings lap. The king orders her beheaded but sees her beauty and declares her his wife, also ending in forced child birth of several sons.
(Have yet to find how she dies.)
There is a young girl, who is working out in the fields. Her dép, sandal falls off and a eagle (or hawk) then picks up the shoe. She chases after it leaving her family just for the shoe, which the bird drops on the kings lap. The king orders her beheaded but sees her beauty and declares her his wife, also ending in forced child birth of several sons.
(Have yet to find how she dies.)
Sure Disney may have spun a lovely tale of a prince and a princess with the evil Queen and occasional fairy friend but that's not what really happen. There was no gifts bestowed to the princess at her birth there was no curse put on her to activate at her 16th birthday, there was no worrying kingdom that mourned her, and there was no Prince Charming hoặc evil dragon queen. No none of that.
There was simply a young princess who fell into a coma. Her family presumed her dead but could not chịu, gấu to bury her body. So they kept her locked away in her room for years. Then a neighboring king hear's of a beauty forever Nữ hoàng băng giá in sleep. He comes over, finding the sleeping beauty alone in her room where he rapes her unconscious body and leaves. It wasn't till nine months did she wait from the pains of child birth of twins then to die from those same pains.
The end.
There was simply a young princess who fell into a coma. Her family presumed her dead but could not chịu, gấu to bury her body. So they kept her locked away in her room for years. Then a neighboring king hear's of a beauty forever Nữ hoàng băng giá in sleep. He comes over, finding the sleeping beauty alone in her room where he rapes her unconscious body and leaves. It wasn't till nine months did she wait from the pains of child birth of twins then to die from those same pains.
The end.
