“ Killing someone with a spoon is not bad, but I prefer the chainsaw it's faster.”
~ Serial Killer on spoons

bạn found out bạn hate someone. No, not just hate. bạn FUCKING hate them. No, not just FUCKING hate them, bạn wanna strangle them until their head pops off then shove it down the loo but then it'll go into the sewers and then the police/the fuzz/cops/pigs/gorillas will be like, all, "omfg wutt iz goin on why iz der a hed in me toilet" and then they'll find you're fingerprint on them and be all "haha we fund woo it was it was [insert name here] and then bạn be like "omgomgomg" and then bạn get into prison and then rot there and turn into a ghost and the only thing bạn can do is go onto Uncyclopedia and look up how to kill people with Spoons.

Not that I would know, of course.

But bạn tình yêu Spoons. Spoons are sexy. Someone is not. Someone out there is NOT sexy. Whether that's you, yourself, hoặc maybe perhaps YOU, That someone shall be your victim. And your victim Shall die... bởi SPOON.

STEP ONE

1) First, bạn need a good Spoon...like a big súp Spoon. 2) Find the person bạn hate / hoặc someone that bạn want to kill with the Spoon! 3) Make sure bạn take them somewhere secret where no-one can hear them screaming. 4) Duct tape their mouth and hands together, but don't forget to duct tape their legs together in case they try to run! 5) start threatening them that your gonna hurt their kitten!

STEP TWO

Learn the ancient art of Tai-Spong.

For many thousands of years, Buddhist monks in the Shaolin temple had denied their existence. They will always say "There is no Spoon", but this was a diversion to hide the terrible truth, of the deadly art of Tai-Spong. Of course, Tai-Spong doesn't actually matter, only whether bạn hate that someone hoặc not. But bạn do hate them. That's why bạn are killing them...with a Spoon.

STEP THREE

Know your victim:

* How much do they weigh?
* Is he/she physically fit?
* Is it Tuesday?
* Do bạn own a kitten?
* Do bạn like honey?
* How far away are bạn from the moon?
* Do they have a family?
* Do bạn have a family?
* Why don't bạn have a family?

Of course, none of these các câu hỏi actually matter, only whether bạn hate that someone hoặc not. But bạn do hate them. That's why bạn are killing them...with a Spoon.

STEP FOUR

bạn need to choose your weapon (see step 1) and practice with it (ask the hospitals for a free corpse to train on hoặc just find a daycare, and use a sleeping child). bạn need to sneak up on your victim (when he is masturbating hoặc taking a bath hoặc something like that) And of course:Atttaaaaackkk!!!