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Is this a good poem? please read ^^ first time I ever written a poem

There is no cure for depression just some talk with no relation they say bạn can fix it with tình yêu and care but what if that just isn’t there? But I think there is one no one should ever do one where the note is your signal the gun is your queue except one person though the girl who hides her face so in fact I know her very well her dream a nightmare her life a living hell she lies awake at night trying to put up with her own fight with that object in her grip shell just say she fell and slip what could be worse ? everyday she feels shes living a curse . She looks at the mirror and to her despise she just wants to put on a disguise. Im just too fat im not this hoặc that she screams but no one can hear her it seems . bạn see now if your wondering how I relate hoặc why I choose to end this persons fate well the truth is the poem bạn see is about no other then me



Yea I got kinda depressed and randomly started typing
 SeeUV3 posted hơn một năm qua
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ngẫu nhiên Các Câu Trả Lời

MERCEYISAWESOME said:
It's pretty dang good, actually. But bạn just need to make your sentences shorter, (like take out the's and other stuff. Unless it has to be there in order to make sense. Like instead of 'all the children' just put 'children' we still know what you're talking about. xD) and put them in columns. hoặc else it'll look thêm like a paragraph than a poem. Sorry, we're learning how to write a propped poem in school. But other than that, it's good. :)
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posted hơn một năm qua 
EgoMouse said:
Eh, it was alright.
I would put commas, periods, hoặc press enter so they won't be a line of text. It makes it hard to tell when to pause without any breaks in the sentences.
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posted hơn một năm qua 
*
British aren't you?
S7n posted hơn một năm qua
egyptprincess7 said:
It's good,it's just that I think bạn should of added some commas and such. Because your sentences seem to run on a bit. But,it's good.
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posted hơn một năm qua 
Sir_Kiwi said:
Pretty good. :) And it's much better than what I can write. The only thing that's a problem is that it should be in lines since it's a poem, because poems usually aren't a huge tường of text. But other than that, I see no problems.
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posted hơn một năm qua 
mr-cullen said:
Awe
it's good
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posted hơn một năm qua 
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