Chapter Two
Jessica lounged on hàng đầu, đầu trang of the Walgreen’s cash register counter.
    “So, do bạn even know what your’e going to do about your dad thing?”
    “Obviously, I’m doing just fine. I can live bởi myself until I turn 18,” Samantha told her, agitated that she was asking that stupid câu hỏi again
    “You do know thats, like, illegal right?” Jessica countered in her annoying teenage girl accent.
    “Since when do people here care what’s legal hoặc not?”
Jessica merely shrugged in response, they were yet again at a stalemate. Jessica was the one person Samantha had managed to get to like her while at work. Honestly, she wasn’t exactly the ideal person for her, but hey, at least she was someone. One thêm person than she had anywhere. Home, school. No one.
    “Omigod, look at that creeper!” Jessica squealed.
This was one her yêu thích phrases, and she used it quite a lot, được trao they worked at Walgreens.
    “He reminds me of one of my ex-boyfriends, the way he’s walking like an ape,”
    “Which one? There are so many I can’t keep track,” Samantha interjected.
    “Domino, obviouslyyy,”
    “Which one was he? And why on Earth was he named Domino?”
This was how their everyday conversations went; Samantha standing there, hoặc bagging, Jessica checking her Iphone repetively and babbling on about nothing. It was better than nothing. hoặc talking about important things. They paid her 4.25 dollars an hour, and Samantha strongly believed she should get paid a lot thêm for dealing with this kind of nonsense. But she couldn’t quit because then she wouldn’t have any money, and would have to steal all her food, instead of just some of it. Sometimes, when nobody was looking, Samantha would slip a package of crackers into her pocket. She had to eat somehow, right?
    And the dog needed food, too. Poochy soon learned there was no thêm dog food, and he was surviving off Samantha’s scraps. Loss of thực phẩm equaled loss of weight, so bạn could almost make his ribs already. Before her father left, Samantha had already been thin, but now she looked near emaciated. When she looked in her mirror, bạn could see the hip, rib, and collarbones, sometimes even through her shirt. But who could she ask for food? Mooching off Jessica clearly wasn’t sustaining her, and $4.25 an giờ wasn’t enough to even pay the bills, yet alone buy food. She’d slipped from a size 4 to a size 0 in only 3 months, and now, being 5’5, she weighed 99 pounds, and Mất tích thêm everyday. On hàng đầu, đầu trang of that, she couldn’t afford to buy any size 0 clothes, so her old size 4 ones were literally falling off, She look homeless.That was really the least of her worries, because she was in danger of being evicted. And if she was evicted, they’d find out she’d been living alone. If they found out she’d been living alone, she’d become a ward of the state. And if she became a ward of the state, her life was over. And so on. Thoughts swirled around in Samantha’s brain, threatening to đám mây her mind. Beckoning her towards them, getting Mất tích inside her own head. But Samantha had to keep it together. Keep her grades up. Look normal. So no one would be suscipous. Lately, she hadn’t been sleeping and mania was taking over. She wrote excellent reports, studied like her life depended on it, and brought in straight A pluses in all her classes. At this rate, she had a chance of graduating early.
    Her empty stomach growled angrily at her, begging to be fed, like a stray dog. After work, Samantha lấy trộm, đánh cắp a tub of ice cream. It was as if a strange force took over her, forcing her to steal it. And if she were shoplifting, it wouldn’t be ice cream. bánh mỳ, bánh mì hoặc something thêm useful. Something else was controlling her. Stars shining overhead, Samantha inhaled the whole thing, hidden in the shadows of a dark alley. Plowing it in with her hands, Samantha felt like a savage. Uncontrollable. Once she started, she couldn’t stop. The only thing that mattered was eating, she focused solely on it, there was nothing else in life. Everything- work, school, job, her father, sister- was forgotten in favor of ignorance. It was wonderful at first, she’d never been so hungry in her whole life, then she felt like a disgusting inhumane beast, then she felt fat, heavy. Instead of growling, her stomach expanded, a stark contrast to the rest of her twiggy body. Instead of feeling starved, she was stuffed to the brim, ready to overflow and explode.All of a sudden, Samantha felt she horribly fat and a complete pig and she should never, ever be allowed to eat like that again. She stumbled, feeling sick, to behind a nearby bụi cây, cây bụi, tổng thống bush and crouched down, overcome with nausea. Not completely because of how much she ate, but also because she was terrified of becoming fat. Sticking her fingers down her throat, she gagged up all she’d eaten that day. She puked and heaved even when a wandering man stopped for a một giây and gawked at the disgusting sight.
    When she was done, Samantha felt so relieved. Her stomach was no longer bloated and distended and a disturbing sense of calm loomed over her, making everything less tense. Suddenly, the bills weren’t such a big deal, she’d find a way to pay for things, eh no problem. The feeling of freedom was like nothing she’d ever experienced before, and she realized, for the first time in a long time, her mind wasn’t racing. Strolling down the đường phố, street to go home, she looked like any other teenage girl. If only they knew. Falling into her unmade bed, Samantha realized how exhausted she was. The puking was starting to take its’ toll. Blinking her eyes dreamily soon turned to actual dreams and she drifted off to another world. Far away and far from here. The problems would have to wait till morning.
    And wait they did. When she first sat up, Samantha couldn’t exactly place why she felt so depressed, alone, helpless. Her head pounded, and her stomach ached. Looking around, it didn’t even look like her room. Oh yeah, she remembered. She flopped back into the pillows, even though school started in less than half an hour. At this point, she really didn’t care. Let her be sick for just one day. She’d still go to work, she promised herself. With that reassurance, she let sleep claim her again.
    2:30. một giây time Samantha had woken up that day, feeling startled and disorientated. This time, though, she dragged herself out of bed, and slopped on some clothes. The instinct was to eat, but Samantha wasn’t going to have any of that again. Walking to work was almost unbearable, as January was the coldest tháng in Alabama and she didn’t own a coat. 37 degrees probably wasn’t frigid for most people, but it sure seemed frosty to Samantha.
    “Gee, what’s up with bạn today, Missy?” Jessica announced in her loud, bubbly voice.
    “Don’t even ask,”
    She didn’t really feel like dealing with Jessica today, but she had to. Right? Everything started forming a filmy layer of her brain again, making her headache worse than before. Was there a way out? She wondered. Living in Graysville was a fast track to no where. There were only a select few kids who were going to get out. Misty Jenkins, Tom Frick, and Melissa Jackson. They, we were all certain, actually had some talent. hoặc some brains. They weren’t frying theirs with đường phố, street drugs. They were the ones who might actually go to college. And get a job. And definetly di chuyển away from here. Get the hell out of dodge. Misty and Tom were seniors, but Melissa was a junior, only a năm older than Samantha. Melissa had always fascinated Samantha, the way even though she wasn’t much older, she had the knowledge of 100 years. Even though she was popular, she was still nice to people. Even though she was athletic, she was still dazzlingly beautiful.
    Putting cans of shelves, was lonely, boring work, without Jessica hovering around her. After about oh 6 seconds, Samantha had gotten annoyed and yelled at her to go away. Fantasizing about life away from here, Samantha wanted to get inside other peoples’ heads. What was it like? To live in Chicago? New York? Maryland? West Viginia? Wyoming? What were the people like? Was it different? Were they racist? Were they democrats? Rebublicans? Where did their kids go to school? Did they have futures? She wished she knew. The only life she knew was in this dumpy little town in the middle of nowhere. Suddenly, boarding school became an option, even though she knew she couldn’t pay for it. Unless.... No, Savannah hadn’t contacted her, besides giáng sinh cards, in 4 years. She wanted nothing thêm than to be left alone. Graysville was her past. Somewhere was her future. Monotomy was starting to drive Samantha insane. Wake up, school, work, home, sleep. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. How did people do it? Didn’t they want to scream? Wasn’t it agonizing? Everyone telling them what to do. And still doing nothing. Being stuck here. Like a movie tape on pause that never gets unfrozen.
    Lights flicked up above her, leaving Samantha in the dusty dark for a few seconds. The store was empty, like a ghost town almost. Full of dead, floating people with unfinished buisness. Ugh, she thought, this is what solidarity does to me. She should probably apologize to Jessica, for being so rude to her earlier. Instead, Samantha left work before her shift was over, slinking out the back exit door. Shoving her hands down in her pockets, she shivered, and nudged a pile of slush with the toe of her show. The hum of Paramore in the background drowned out the hum of gunshots in the real world. Shadows scurried in alleyways, whispering, and disappearing again. Blinking in and out of vision. Invisible.
    Just like Samantha was. Nothing. Thin Air. Worthless. Crossing the dark, dank street, Samantha heard a car screech to a stop right in front of her, narrowly avoiding a hit. Her jaw fell open when she saw who was driving it. Melissa Jackson. But it didn’t look like her. She was no longer composed, and her cheeks were tear-stained and had flyaway strands of hair stuck to them. Disheveled, and startled, Melissa stepped out of the car.
    “I’m so sorry,” she stammered, voice shaking, like she was about to burst into tears.
    “No, um it’s ok, I wasn’t looking,” Samantha wasn’t quite sure how to respond. She’d never seen Melissa like that, and she tip toed back into the car, arms crossed over the chest, like she was holding herself together. Standing in the middle of the street, Samantha stared as the car lights disappeared into the distance. Silence. Suddenly, horns started honking and Samantha was jolted back to reality. Her mind went over and over what just happened, but she still couldn’t make sense of it.
    Walking in a daze, Samantha wandered home, swaying as she walked through the Nữ hoàng băng giá air. Something seemed so weird about it, she thought. Something wasn’t right. She had a strange sense of foreboding she couldn’t explain. Melissa, she thought, something’s going to happen with her...
    Poochy Pie whined to be let out as Samantha fell asleep, exhausted, mind blank. Dreaming of trains, and nothing but trains, left Samantha even thêm tired than before when she woke up. All night, there was an endless slideshow of trains running through her head. Red ones, black ones, blue ones, fast ones, new ones, old ones. What was she supposed to make of that? Deciding to forget about it, she walked to school, unable to stop thinking about it. When she walked up to the door, she had come to the conclusion she’d really Mất tích it that time. The only thing she could think about, hoặc remember, was trains. Trains. Train. Trains. Trains. Trains. TRAINS.
    “Did bạn hear?”
    “Can’t believe it!”
    “How could she ever..?”
    “Her of all people!”
    Everyone whispered, in hushed voices about something unknown. Curious, Samantha asked a ngẫu nhiên freshman with glasses, and gangly limbs.
    “Oh! Melissa Jackson committed suicide last night. She stood in front of a train and got hit on purpose,”