Mare: *Pushing a shopping xe đẩy, giỏ hàng through a supermarket* Excuse me sir.
Store Worker: Yes ma'am?
Mare: What's the saltiest salt in your lineup of salt?
Store Worker: Salt Lake salt from Salt Lake City. May I make a suggestion?
Mare: Yes.
Store Worker: Have bạn ever been to Salt Lake City?
Mare: No.
Store Worker: Well bạn better get going now, because Tom Foolery's performing at the Horseshoe, the city's newest comedy club.
Mare: How do bạn know Tom Foolery's going to be there?
Store Worker: Because. *Rips off his disguise, revealing himself to be Tom Foolery* He's me. *Gives the mare a ticket* Enjoy the show. *Runs through the back of the supermarket, and gets on a round stage*
The blue unicorn was surrounded bởi crowds of ponies cheering, awaiting a comedy routine.
Tom: *Looks around, seeing the thousands of ponies cheering for him* Good morning, and thank bạn for joining me!
Crowd: *Cheering*
Tom: Look at this, we all left our house to get somewhere. Could bạn imagine if we got every single ngựa con, ngựa, pony on the planet to leave their house, then make it here all at the same time?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It would be very easy if nopony got vaccinated.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: What do bạn think would happen if all of us were dead? Would we reappear 300 years later, and start over from the stone age?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: We could definitely improve on a few things that several ponies despise. Like the presidential election.
Crowd: *Clapping while laughing*
Tom: During my 1st hiển thị in St. Foalis, I đã đưa ý kiến I don't vote because I don't trust anyone. Two months later, the capitol building in Washington DC was raided bởi angry protestors who were not happy with the Democrats fucking over the Republicans, and miscounting the votes.
Crowd: *Cheering*
Tom: Instead of just standing there and shouting, they should have at least tried to kill Joe Biden. They missed a perfect opportunity.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: In my last hiển thị I also thought of a good way to improve the fairness of the presidential election. Instead of relying on misguided idiots to make the selection on who our leader should be, we take all the candidates into a special room.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And in that special room bạn let the candidates duke it out in....Sudden death!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Whoever kills the other candidates gets to become president, but it doesn't end there. In another special room, bạn have an obstacle course!
Crowd: *Cheering while clapping*
Tom: With spikes, dynamite, holes filled with crocodiles, balancing boards that di chuyển bởi themselves, and dozens of other challenging obstacles that would make even the toughest drill sergeant cry to their mom in horror!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: All surrounded bởi fire.
Crowd: *Laughing, cheering, and clapping*
Tom: And only then, bạn will become president of the United States of Equestria. But after going through all that crap, I don't think bạn would want to be president anymore.
Crowd: *Clapping, whistling, and cheering*
Tom waited for the crowd to stop laughing. Once they did, he proceeded with his tiếp theo joke.
Tom: Does the time bother you?
Crowd: *Chuckles*
Tom: I get bothered bởi the time. Not so much the time itself, but other ponies bother me. For the time.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: bạn get this old mare that asks what time is it? What time is it?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: As if, bạn yourself were responsible for keeping time.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I mean I feel honored that they think I'm the one in charge, but bạn must understand bạn don't see official time keeper here, do you?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Here's another way they'll ask you. *Speaks in a British accent* Do bạn have the time?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Well no. I don't believe I do. I certainly didn't have it on me this morning.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: bạn know, I think the Navy has it.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Yeah, they keep it right up there in observatory. They let a little of it out here and there.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Not too much though. They don't want us using it too much. Just enough.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Time. They'll also ask do bạn know what time it is? Then I say, yes.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I wouldn't want to disappoint them. There's no time, we made it up. bạn don't see any numbers in the sky, do you?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: When the hell is it? We often know where we are, but we really don't know when we are. All the time zones are different. Every calendar is different. These calendars tell bạn what ngày of the năm it is, but a few countries have different types of calendars. Chinese celebrate the New năm in February while we celebrate ours in January.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Chinese are also up in the 7000's along with the Hebrews, and we're stuck 5000 years in the past.
Crowd: *Clapping, and cheering*
Tom: How did they do that?!
Crowd: *Cheering, and clapping*
Tom: We don't know when it is, it could be the middle of last tháng for all we know. Yet we have it down so perfect, that every 4 years we have to stick in an extra day. They call it February 29.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Bullshit it's March 1st and I know it.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It just feels like March 1st. What's the sense of keeping track of time? I'll give bạn an example. There's a moment coming. It's not there yet.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It's almost there.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And it's gone!
Crowd: *Clapping*
Tom: There's no now. There's no now. Everything is the near future, hoặc the gần đây past. There is no present, welcome to the present. *Whistles while looking to his left* Gone again.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It's so imprecise. We don't even care to use the minutes, and giây we've been given. What time bạn got?
Crowd: *Chuckling*
Tom: I got uh. *Looks at his right wrist* I got just after.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Just after? Shit I must be slow, I had going on.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Where did that imprecision come from? I remember they taught it to me in school when they were helping me tell time, but of course bạn can't tell time, time tells you.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But they were trying. Now the big hoof, but I don't have a big hoof.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Never mind. Look at the clock! And the clock is wonderful, there's so much emotion to a clock. I hate digital clocks!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Digital clocks rob me of the emotion attached to the spatial relation of the clock face. Don't bạn feel that the 1st half giờ goes bởi quicker when it goes down all the way to 30?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Where as the 2nd half hour, you're fighting against gravity trying to get back to 0!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Holy christ, it's a long climb! I'll tell you, if I had a half giờ to live, I want it to be this one. *Raising his left leg impersonating the clock* Instead of the one where it goes. *Lowers his arm back towards the ground*
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: It can be very vague with the way we say certain things, like now. Now is an interesting one. bạn want that now?!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Yes. Well, would bạn like to try again?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: hoặc sometimes, just now. Did bạn hear that? What?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Just now. bạn must have meant just then.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Yeah, just then, but there it is now.
Crowd: *Whistling, and clapping*
Tom: Pardon me, do bạn have the time? When, now, hoặc when bạn asked me?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: This shit is moving Flitter.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: There's a few others, right away, immediately, just like that, lickety split, at the tip of a hat, and no time at all. As quick as bạn can say Big Macintosh! I'm sure some of bạn have đã đưa ý kiến that.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Or, I'll be back before bạn can say Big Macintosh. Big Macintosh, haha, you're not back.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: How about a jiffy? *Jumps around the stage* A jiffy! *Looks at the crowd behind him* hoặc a flash.
Crowd: *Chuckling*
Tom: Which one is faster, a jiffy hoặc a flash? I think there are two flashes in a jiffy myself.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But nopony knows how many jiffy's there are in two shakes of a lamb's tale. But why are there two shakes of a lamb's tale? What happened to the basic unit of measurement? One shake of a lamb's tale!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: We can all do our own arithmetic thank you.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Belched a little there.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Then we have words like soon. That's a very emotional one, a lot of potential for drama. *Frowning* Soon!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Soon?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Looks down at the ground* Is your mother coming home? *Looks up at the lights on the ceiling* Uh-huh.
Crowd: *Chuckling*
Tom: *Looks down at the ground* When? *Looks up at the lights on the ceiling* Soon. Real soon.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Looks at the audience* As soon as she can. Sooner than bạn think.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That sounds a little scary. Sooner than I think? That's almost like before bạn know it. I'll be back before bạn know it!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: He did it, holy christ!
Crowd: *Cheering, whistling, and clapping*
Tom: Then there's a few others like one of these days. Before long. Any time now. Well that's true. Everything will happen any time now.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: As well as any ngày now. That one sounds kind of arrogant. xin chào Ben I'll give bạn back those 5 bucks bạn gave me. Yeah, any ngày now.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Sooner hoặc later, now and then, once in a while, from time to time. In a little while. I think that one's cheerful don't you?
Crowd: *Chuckling*
Tom: It'll be just a little while. hoặc it will take....a short time.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That sounds almost terminal doesn't it? bạn only have, a short time. Where as bạn have, a little while.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Boy I would tình yêu to have a little while instead of a short time.
Crowd: *Chuckling*
Tom: Then we have long ways of measuring time, like Kingdom Come. *Talks in a Southern accent* I'm gonna stand here til' Kingdom Come.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Well I don't have that on my watch. *Looks at his wrist* Doomsday bạn say? Until the cows come home. That's an easy one to remember, it's around Dusk. If bạn leave them out overnight they burst. Pop!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Here's a long period of time, forever.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Impatient ponies will frequently say, I've been standing in this line FOREVER!!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Look at this Albert. This stallion has been standing in this line. Forever.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: He seems fairly fresh to me.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Almost like an eternity. I've had a few ponies say that to me. It's almost like it's been an eternity. As if they had experience.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Then other ponies use real measurements of time, such as 5 minutes. Give me 5 phút please. Oh are bạn kidding me? I can fix that shit in 5 minutes.
Crowd: *Clapping*
Tom: bạn can do anything in 5 minutes, even things bạn hate. xin chào let's go talk to Dan. Are bạn kidding, Dan's an asshole!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Look, only 5 minutes. Okay, let's get it over with. It is after all for 5 minutes. But not 10. Now we're entering double digits.
Crowd: *Whistling*
Tom: 10 minutes. Now 15 is popular. Almost everypony in Equestria uses that one. It's got a regulatory tone to it. It sounds like something bạn have to do when you're at work. Especially when you're on brake.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Man, I like 20 minutes. Doesn't that sound thêm free than 15?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: 20 minutes. I'll be back in 20 minutes. Shit, what's he going to do?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom went to a nearby ghế đẩu, phân to grab a zip of water.
Crowd: Turn around!
Tom: *Looks at the ponies behind him*
Crowd: *Cheering*
Tom: Have I been ignoring your section?
Crowd: Yeah!
Tom: Well I'm sorry. I'll make a note of that in my rulebook of comedy. I usually don't care for following rules bởi the way.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: Many of them just seem pointless, and vague. Like the social distance craze that didn't last very long last year. For a good reason.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: First off, what the fuck is so social about it?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Hi Jerry. Stay 6 feet away hoặc I'll cú đấm bạn in the eye!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And there's thousands of ponies that agree with me on this one. Speed limits.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: The Germans know this. That's why on one of their highways called the Autobahn, there is no speed limit.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: A lot of rules in Monopoly piss me off as well.
Crowd: *Clapping, and cheering*
Tom: One of my Những người bạn got accused of cheating bởi robbing the bank, but he đã đưa ý kiến he wanted to make it feel thêm like real life.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But there were many rules that didn't make sense when I was growing up as a little colt.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: We all had to go through this, unless you're that one naughty 9 năm old who lấy trộm, đánh cắp this program from your parents, hoặc older sibling without their knowledge and are therefore watching this even though bạn shouldn't.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Have to keep everyone alert from time to time.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But all of us adults had to go through this procedure during our childhood.
Tom took another quick zip of water, then continued his joke.
Tom: Now not all of these rules were bad, like running with the scissors.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: That was one I always obeyed. What are bạn doing?! I'm not running with the scissors.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Mom didn't want me poking my eye out. My dad always đã đưa ý kiến don't stick your head out of the window. He didn't want me getting decapitated while we drove around town in the Jeep.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: But many of the rules my parents came up with I thought were bad. The first one was, no hát at the table.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Why? Because I đã đưa ý kiến so.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That was the first sign of a bad rule. Because I đã đưa ý kiến so. So what happened? One pilgrim hundreds of years cách đây ruined it for everyone because his voice constantly cracked?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: bạn can still sing while standing near the table. bạn just can't sit there.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Sings* I'm standing bởi the table. hát bởi the table. I'm not sitting, because I can't sing.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Impersonates the dad* Sit down you!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That was your middle name, you.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: Tom bạn Foolery. Kinda has a nice ring to it. It would make thêm sense though if my last name was shortened to fool.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: Then whenever I did something that angered my parents they would shout Tom bạn fool!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: Sometimes if I did something they considered dangerous they always đã đưa ý kiến the same thing over and over again. bạn could have broken your neck!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That was always the anticipated outcome, a broken neck. What if I jumped down the stairs, hoặc out of a window?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They never said, bạn could have broken your legs!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It was always a broken neck. What if I was playing with the electrical outlets?
Crowd: *Laughing, and cheering*
Tom: That was another stupid rule because your hooves are not small enough to fit inside the outlets. Therefore bạn don't need to worry about getting electrocuted.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But those parents. They always say, don't plug anything into the outlet!
Crowd: *Clapping*
Tom: Of course if bạn do break one of their rules, they'll also say go to your room! They make that sound like a bad thing, but that's where all your stuff is.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Go to your room! Thanks mom. I'm gonna play some Nintendo.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That's the one thing that sucks about being a child, bạn have many rules bạn need to follow, and nobody takes bạn seriously since you're smaller than them.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But as bạn get older, and taller, bạn have thêm freedom, a couple of responsibilities, and the only downside to this is the higher risk of being thrown in jail if bạn do anything illegal.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But it gets even better when your age continues to increase, because bạn can start doing things that bạn weren't able to do after bạn passed the age of 5.
Crowd: Oh boy.
Tom: Ahhh.... I can finally shit my pants again.
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: Most of us don't even wear pants, which makes it even thêm fun for the others bạn encounter out in public.
Crowd: *Cheering, and clapping*
Tom: And for those of bạn that complain about sleep, you'll be able to take thêm naps.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: You'll get a solid 10 hours of pure bliss. Maybe even longer. Another thing bạn can start doing again is forgetting stuff.
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: bạn won't have to remember a god damn thing ever again!
Crowd: *Cheering*
Tom talked about the advantages of getting old, but there was one disadvantage he was going to point out.
Tom: There's only one downside to getting old. I guess bạn know bởi now, you're all going to die. I didn't mean to remind bạn but it is on your schedule.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It might even happen before bạn get old. It usually happens when bạn don't expect it. Generally bạn have your stamp collection out.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: *Looks at the ceiling* Now? *Looks at the floor* Now.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: There's a time to die, and that's okay. Nopony wants to die. No one! Well, bạn know. Most ponies.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Don't want to die. Nopony wants to die. Boy if bạn think being sick is no fun.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Dying is really a pain in the ass!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Nopony wants to die. Nopony minds being dead. Being dead is great.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: But getting dead.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Nopony wants that. *Walks across the stage* I hope I don't die. I wonder how often ponies think that. It's just under the surface. bạn go out for the day. Going out of your house then say. Boy I hope I don't die.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It would really spoil the circus. If I were to die. Jeez I hope I don't die. Comedians don't want to die. It's only a metaphor but it's so true.
Crowd: *Chuckling*
Tom: The comics out there say I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die. Jeez I was dying out there. It was like a morgue!
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: But if the comedian does succeed in making the audience laugh, then they will say.....I killed them!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I killed them! So it's either me hoặc you.
Crowd: *Laughing, and whistling*
Tom: Just like on the interstate. bạn know dying shouldn't be bad, it shouldn't be! We're all gonna do it. It's one of the few fair things in life. Everypony catches it once.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And dying should be fun, after bạn die you're gonna find out where bạn go.
Crowd: *Laughing with few claps*
Tom: Isn't that the big thing we wonder about all the time? Where the hell do bạn go? I don't know! Joe knows where he's going. I know Joe thinks he knows but Joe don't know. Where do we go? Nopony knows. Well sometimes I think, bạn know where bạn think you're gonna go. Whatever bạn think you'll do that's where you're gonna go. Chances are you'll go there if bạn keep thinking it. Don't bạn here some of them say, I'm going to hell. Don't worry about me.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Don't worry about me I'm going to hell. He is!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I think when bạn die your soul goes to a nhà để xe in Buffalo.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: When Regis Philbin dies he'll have four choices.
Crowd: *Laughing, clapping, and whistling*
Tom: That's the idea, you'll go wherever bạn wanna go.
Crowd: *Whistling*
Tom: Now nopony wants to die, and it's mostly because bạn don't want others going to your funeral. We've seen it, we know how bad it is. We know the funeral is no fun! If I don't like funerals for others I KNOW I'm not gonna like my own!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: There's no way I can get behind my own funeral. I'm gonna be lying there in the casket. They're gonna put me in the box. They're gonna put me in the chuyển đổi, chuyển đổi được with the hàng đầu, đầu trang down.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: bạn know that's embarrassing, just lying there.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And other ponies are looking at you. You're dead!
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: And you're dead. You're just lying there still, and everyone comes looking. *Makes his eyes wider while looking at the floor*
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It's embarrassing! And then sometimes they'll kneel bởi your casket doing the vượt qua, cross thing on their chest. Then they're silent for a moment. And what they're doing during that silence is, subtracting. Their age from your age.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: So they get a rough estimate on what they have left.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Then they ask don't he look good?
Tom then made a creeped out face, making the audience laugh more.
Tom: Are bạn crazy? HE's DEAD!!!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I know but he never looked that good.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Oh they say the nicest things about you. Your popularity goes up when bạn die.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They'll say the nicest things about you, even if they're making it up.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Well he was a real asshole, but he meant well.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: The well meaning asshole.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: bạn get real được ưa chuộng when bạn die. All the hoa bạn can ever ask for. Think of the hoa bạn get when bạn die. bạn get thêm hoa during your death than bạn ever got in your whole life. All your hoa arrive at once, too late.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Well, Ben is dead now. Poor Ben. Pat is gone too. Poor Pat is dead too. Albert is still alive, isn't he?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I wish he would die so I could like him.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Reincarnation is another thing ponies believe in after death. Reincarnation, they're coming back. Lots of ponies are sure of it. What they come back as, no one knows. To be honest though, mathematically it doesn't seem to work. Let's say we had 6 ponies. I know it was 2, but that number is controversial.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: So we'll say, about 6 ponies. 6 souls. Those 6 ponies die, and then the 6 souls go back to the staging area.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: New ponies are born, and then the 6 souls are back, but we still only have 6 souls. Now we have 4 billion ponies, claiming to have souls.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Where are all these extra souls coming from?!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Someone is printing up souls!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And it lowers their value!
Crowd: *Clapping, and laughing*
Tom: The thêm souls there are, the less they're worth.
Crowd: *Clapping*
Tom: Well somepony has to think about this stuff. That's my job, thinking about goofy shit, and informing bạn about what it means.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I often think of the perfect murder. bạn know what the perfect murder is. bạn pick up a ngựa con, ngựa, pony bởi it's legs, and bạn beat another ngựa con, ngựa, pony to death bởi striking him with the ngựa con, ngựa, pony bạn have obtained.
Crowd: *Laughing while cheering*
Tom: And they both die, and there's no murder weapon!
Crowd: *Laughing, whistling and clapping*
Tom: What happened here Sargent? Looks like a pedestrian accident to me.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They must have been walking at a high rate of speed.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Of course if bạn should be caught committing the perfect murder in progress, the police could send you....to death row. Death row. ahhhh..You got that one meal, but that doesn't really give bạn much, does it?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I mean what a big deal. Why don't bạn leave me alone? I'm not hungry man!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They give me that last meal. bạn gotta have fun with it if bạn have the opportunity. It can be anything bạn want. They have to give it to you. But first bạn tell them. bạn can't decide.
Crowd: *Laughing while clapping*
Tom: Well damn! I can't decide!
Crowd: *Whistling while clapping*
Tom: I could choose a pizza, hoặc a lobster, but I honestly can't decide. They would have to wait for bạn to make up your mind. They can't kill bạn if bạn can't decide.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: This could go on for 6 months. Stallion can't decide what he wants for last meal during death sentence!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: 3 years, 8 years! Then finally, tell them you've decided. I think I'll have. Pizza. Okay, what kind of toppings?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Awww... I can't decide.
Crowd: *Clapping, whistling, and cheering*
Tom: xin chào my feeling is if you're gonna die, die big! Make something out of it. Nopony wants to just....pass away.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: bạn don't want to be a euphemism, do you? Nopony wants to pass away. bạn know, Arnold passed away. Oh did he? Yes. Well I didn't know that. Well that's the idea.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: On the other hand, Dan died!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Oh yes I heard about Dan dying. That's true. I say die big! Give it a shot man! Go out big! I say die big. Give 'em a hiển thị before bạn go!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Entertain, and inform those bạn leave behind. If bạn have the potential, make something out of it. Practice a few reflexes when bạn get electrocuted hoặc run over bởi a truck.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Roll off the autopsy table.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: vượt qua, cross your legs, scratch your balls, do something!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: Now the reason I am giving bạn these suggestions is because of part of the death process called. The two một phút warning.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: Not many ponies are aware of this. The two một phút warning, just like in football. Two phút before bạn die, bạn receive an audible warning. Two minutes, get your shit togetha!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: The only reason we don't know about it is because the only ponies that do know about it die.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And we probably wouldn't believe anypony if they told us anyway. bạn hear that one old stallion on the bus, and he says, hey! I just got my 2 một phút warning.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: You'd think he was a football coach, from out of town. But know when the 2 một phút warning does arrive.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I say use that time to entertain. Do something with the time to make something. If anything, give a speech. We can all make up a 2 một phút speech. Pick a category bạn really like, and talk non-stop for 2 minutes! I mean it's your last chance to tell them!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And at the end leave a big pause and say if this is not the truth, may god strike me dead!!
Crowd: *Clapping while laughing, cheering, and whistling*
Tom: Thanks for joining me on this nice day. Have fun out there with your lake of salt.
Crowd: *Cheering, and clapping as Tom waves goodbye, and runs off the stage*
The End
SeanTheHedgehog Productions. Copyright, 2021