Quotes

Season 1

Isabel: Someone saw Serena getting off the train at Grand Central.
Chuck: Good, things were getting a little dull around here.

Chuck: I'm going to have to tell my parents that the hotel they just bought is serving minors.
Serena: And if you also get a drink, they're also serving pigs.
Chuck: oo, I love it when you talk dirty.
Serena: You just love it when a girl talks to you.
Chuck: Actually, I prefer them when they're not talking.
Serena: I've missed your witty banter.
Chuck: Well, let's catch up! Take our clothes off, stare at each other.
Serena: How about I just get a bite to eat? I've been drinking on an empty stomach.
Chuck: I heard you didn't do that anymore.
Serena: Special occasion.
Chuck: Well, how about a grilled cheese with truffle oil? You do like truffles?
Serena: Enough to know it's not on the menu.
Chuck: Good thing, I'm connected.
Serena: Only 'cause I'm hungry.

Serena: This is so good.
Chuck: Well, if you're looking for a way to thank me I've got a couple of ideas.
Serena: It's a sandwich, Chuck.
(Chuck puts his hand on her thigh)
Serena: Uh, uh this isn't happening right now.
Chuck: You're worried Nate will find out?
Serena: What?
Chuck: Last year, the Shepard wedding. You think I don't know why you left town?
The best friend and the boy friend. That's pretty classy, S. I think you're more like me then you'll admit.
Serena: No, no that was then. I'm trying to change.
Chuck: I liked you better before.

Serena: Don't you ever touch her again!
Chuck: Hey, your life is over slut! Don't forget, I know everything.

Blair: She better not show her face again.
Chuck: I'm actually hoping she will.
(Episode 1.01 - Pilot)

Serena: Look, Dan, it was a long time ago and I regret it...
Chuck: Look, Serena, stop trying to pretend you're a good girl. So you slept with best friend's boyfriend. I kind of admire you for it.

Chuck: Looks like it's just you and me. Apparently my room's available...
(Episode 1.02 - The Wild Brunch)

Chuck: Why don't I turn that one piece into a no piece?
Serena: Find a floatie to talk to Chuck.
Chuck: You know, if my dad and your mom come back from South Africa tomorrow engaged, we'd be brother and sister.
& you know what they say, the family that plays together stays together.
Serena: Ah, incest, the universal taboo. One of the only ones you haven't violated.
Chuck: Well I'm game if you are.
(Serena leans into Chuck & then smacks his drink into the pool & walks away)

Chuck: How glad are you to see our families merge, Sis?
Serena: So glad that if you ever call me that again it will be the last thing you say, Chuck.
Chuck: I love it, our first brother\sister squabble. I hope you're going to make yourself available for more miss childhood memories: bathing together for example.
(Serena turns away from him while Chuck looks her up and down)

Chuck: I was just looking out for my family. (Chuck touches Serena's arm but she pushes it away.)
The new Van Der Woodsen-Bass library should be finished by Eric's graduation.
Bart: I can see that Lily and I are going to have our hands full with the two of your
Serena: Will you excuse me? I need some air.
(Chuck stares after her)

Serena: Ya, I had to get out of there. It was getting a little hard to breathe, ya know?
(Episode 1.12 - School Lies)

Serena - Hi Chuck.
Chuck - Please, call me brother.
Serena - I need to talk to you.
Chuck - About getting knocked up? I must say, I was a little disappointed you weren't more careful.
Serena - Chuck, I really need to trust you. I'm hoping deep down inside you're actually a decent person and won't make me regret this.
Chuck - You're here for Blair, aren't you? Look, I'm not going to tell Nate about us. I tortured her, I got bored and moved on.
Serena - There's no moving on just yet. The pregnancy test wasn't for me, it was for Blair.
Chuck - What?
Serena - She won't take it. So given that if she's pregnant, that you're the father -
Chuck - No! We used a condom.
Serena - Well, obviously it broke.
Chuck - What is obvious is that your best friend kept you in the dark.
Serena - What are you talking about?
Chuck - Like I said I handle my business, apparently Nate doesn't. They slept together just after we did. It's him you should be asking for help.
(Episode 1.13 - A Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate)

(knocks on the door)
Serena: Chuck! I'm serious are you done yet? This is my bathroom! It's late and not to mention disgusting. Chuck!
(Chuck is in Serena's bathroom w/ the water running, lotion his hands and smoking a joint)
Serena: What are you doing?
Chuck: Alright ladies, my sister needs to shower make room. I'm just messing with you.
Serena: I can't believe you lit up in my bathroom.
Chuck: Well, if I lit up in mine the folks would know it was me, Sis.
Serena: Oh, okay. Let's get one thing straight, our parents may be insisting on blending our households but I am not your sister.
I do not share any of your DNA nor do I ever wish to.
Chuck: Then I suggest you get new hand towels.
Serena: Okay, it is imperative that I bathe. Can you just get out?! You know what fine, just forget it.
(Serena pulls the joint from out of his mouth and throws it away. Chuck picks it up and puts it back in his mouth.)

Chuck (to Eric): You should meet Brigetta the new Latvian maid.
Serena: No, no, no he should not meet Brigetta. He is 14! Avoid this person.
Chuck: May I remind you that you used to have a sense of humor?
Serena: No.

Lily: Honey, you didn't want to shower?
(Serena glares at Chuck, he chuckles)

Serena: & Constance's bad-girl-turned-good Serena Van Der Woodsen moved in with Chuck Bass.

Dan: Chuck. How are you?
Chuck: Excellent. Enjoying having family around.
Serena: Can you just get it over with Chuck? Just say whatever pervy thing you're going to say and just leave?
Chuck: The wedding cater is presenting a tasting to the family. I was coming to call you to dinner.

Lily: Oh, don't put your dirty package on the table.
Chuck: If I had a dime for every time I heard that.
Bart: That's enough, Chuck.
Serena: Porn and handcuffs? Really?!
Dan: Wow.
Lily: Oh my.
Serena: This is low Chuck, even for you.
Chuck: What? I didn't send this.

Chuck: I didn't send Serena that package and quite frankly her violated Virgin Mary act is getting old.

Delivery Guy: I got three cases of champagne for Serena Van Der Woodsen.
Serena: Oh, no no, I'm Serena Van Der Woodsen but those aren't mine.
Delivery Guy: Well, the purchase order never lies.
(Serena looks at Chuck and Chuck looks at Serena)

Serena: What the hell's your problem?
Chuck: Specify the context.
Serena: You disgust me, Chuck! How dare you involve Eric in something like this?
No wonder you're friendless and girlfriend-less. Even your own father expects the worse from you.
Chuck: Well you saw to that.
Serena: Listen, if we are going to exist under the same roof, I'm laying down some house rules.
Chuck: No need, Princess. Bart already kicked me out.
Serena: What?
Chuck: I'm moving back to my suite. Bart thought it would be best if the family bonded without me for awhile.

Serena: Hey. I'm really sorry, Chuck. I know it wasn't you, who sent me that stuff.
GG: Never thought I'd say this but turns out that Chuck Bass was innocent. So who did send S all those naughty gifts?
Chuck: Why don't I make you a drink?
(Episode 1.14 - The Blair Bitch Project)

Chuck: She really needs to tone down on the social niceties. It's embarrassing.
Serena: Eventually the two of you are going to have to work out your issues.
Chuck: Issues? I'm issue free. And based on my exhaustive research, so are you.
Serena: Georgina?
Chuck: According to my very reliable sources, Georgina Sparks is nowhere near our fair isle. She's in Switzerland, dating the Prince of Balfour.
Serena: There's a prince of Balfour? And she's dating him? Oh thank god.
Chuck: Now you can enjoy the gifts she mailed you with peace of mind. And maybe Chuck in the room.
Serena: Oh shoot, except we're siblings!
Chuck: Georgie always brought out the devil in you. There's a part of me that's disappointed she's not here.
Serena: Mmm, I wonder which part.
Chuck: It's been awhile since I saw the old Serena.
Serena: Well, thanks to her the new one has to break a 2000 on her SAT's so if you could just go swarm elsewhere.
Chuck: The offer still stands. I know a lovely little red-head that is just dying to be you for a day.
Serena: Aww, I leave the cheating to you Chuck. I plan on taking the SAT's myself.

Serena: I'm so stupid. So, so, so, so stupid.
Chuck: You don't sound stupid, you sound drunk. What have you been into?
Serena: Georgina. Good thing is she doesn't want anything except a party. Bad news is, I partied.
Chuck: Care to paint a picture? Does this party require clothes?
Serena: I'm suppose to be at Dan's studying. I called to tell him I would be late, but not this late. I just have to call him and say --
Chuck: That instead of studying with him, you're out with your old pal Georgina.
Serena: No, I don't want him to know she exists. My mom, Blair, even you can't stand her. Dan of all people cannot know Georgie. Can you help me?
Chuck: Say you need me.
Serena: Chuck!
Chuck: Hearing you scream my name is more than enough. I'll take care of it and pick you up in ten.

Serena: This is exactly why I didn't want her to come back. She's been back a day already and look what's happening.
Chuck: If it's really that bad, why don't you just tell him about her?
Serena: I can't. I'll see you later, okay.

Serena: Chuck, Chuck, hey, I'm in trouble.

Serena: Chuck, What did you do? I told you to keep the doors open. When I got there, they were closed?
Chuck: Yeah, they don't keep the doors open. I was thinking on my feet, just trying to help.
Serena: Chuck, you went too far.
Chuck: And so did you, Sis. Look, I feel foolish admitting it, but obviously I've come late to this party.
Serena: English, please.
Chuck: What's Georgina got on you?
Serena: Chuck--
Chuck: Dan I understand. But what's so bad you can't even tell me?
(Episode 1.15 - Desperately Seeking Serena)
(...)

Season 2

Serena: It's the first time I've seen you look in the mirror all summer. Here I thought if you did, you'd turn to stone.
Must be pretty nervous about something if you're willing to take that risk.
Chuck: Haha, Sis. I'm on my way out to Lily Pond. With the triplets returning to Rio,
I thought I would continue