1. If a boy is aloof, stand-offish, ignores bạn hoặc is just plain rude, it is because he is secretly in tình yêu with bạn — and bạn are the point of his existence.
2. Secrets are good — especially life-threatening ones.
3. It’s OK for a potential romantic interest to be dimwitted, violent and vengeful — as long as he has great abs.
4. If a boy tells bạn to stay away from him because he is dangerous and may even kill you, he must be the tình yêu of your life. bạn should stay with him since he will keep bạn an toàn, két an toàn forever.
5. If a boy leaves you, especially suddenly (while telling bạn he will never see bạn again), it is because he loves bạn so much he will suffer just to keep bạn safe.
6. When a boy leaves you, going into shock, losing all your Những người bạn and enduring night terrors are completely acceptable occurrences — as long as bạn keep your grades up.
7. It is extremely romantic to put yourself in dangerous situations in order to see your ex-boyfriend again. It’s even thêm romantic to remember the sound of his voice when he yelled at you.
8. Boys who leave bạn always come back.
9. Because they come back, bạn should hold out, waiting for them for months, even when completely acceptable and less-abusive alternative males present themselves.
10. Even though bạn have no intention of dating an alternative male who expresses interest in you, it is fine to string the young man along for months. Also, bạn should use him to fix things for you. Maybe he’ll even buy bạn something.
11. bạn should use đã đưa ý kiến male to fix things because girls are incapable of anything mechanical hoặc technical.
12. Lying to your parents is fine. Lying to your parents while bạn run away to save your suicidal boyfriend is an extremely good idea that shows your strength and maturity. Also, it is what bạn must do.
13. Car theft in the service of tình yêu is acceptable.
14. If the boy bạn are in tình yêu with causes bạn (even indirectly) to be so badly beaten bạn end up in the hospital, bạn should tell the doctors and your family that bạn “fell down the steps” because bạn are such a silly, clumsy girl. That false explanation always works well for abused women.
15. Men can be changed for the better if bạn sacrifice everything bạn are and devote yourself to their need for change.
16. Young women should make no effort to improve their social skills hoặc emotional state. Instead, they should seek out potential mates that share their morose deficiencies and emotional illnesses.
17. Girls shouldn’t always read a book series just because everyone else has.
18. When nghề viết văn a book series, it’s acceptable to lift seminal nguồn material and bastardize it with tired, overwrought teenage angst.
19. When making hoặc watching a major feature film, bạn should gleefully embrace the 20 phút of plot it provides in between extended segments of vacant-eyed silence and self-indulgent, moaning banter.
20. ma cà rồng — once among the great villains of literature and motion pictures — are no longer scary. In fact, they’re every bit as whiny, self-absorbed and impotent as any human being.