xin chào guys, i was just wondering, judging bởi this prologue, would read my fanfic if i wrote one? now, im not saying that i'll actually be nghề viết văn one, cuz i have a really busy summer, but i just want your opinion of it. like, is it any good? I would HIGHLY appreciate constructive critiscim. i want bạn to nit-pick. Spelling mistakes, grammar, choppy hoặc awkward sentences, run-on sentences, being too descriptive, out-of-character thoughts hoặc actions, stupid/weak ideas, anything! just be polite about it :)
PS: i know, its a bit long for a prologue, but i couldnt help myself!

And voila! Here it is:

The Son of Neptune
Prologue
Percy
I was looking phía trước, chuyển tiếp to spending three weeks with Annabeth, Grover, Tyson, and all of my other camp friends. I had finally gotten to do some training today with my sword after an entire school năm of no practice whatsoever. Because, unfortunately, my mom had still not forgotten the china cabinet I took out with my javelin a few years ago, and wouldn’t let me use weapons in the apartment. This meant that I had to spend the whole ngày in the arena getting back into shape. That was fine with me, because Annabeth was there, and sword fighting cleared my mind almost as much as water did.
We were at the campfire now, and it lasted longer than usual because it was our first summer back since the Titan War. The flames burned high and bright: a cheery golden-yellow.

I was sitting with Annabeth--our hands intertwined right in front of everybody--but nobody paid much attention. Her hair flickered in the light of the fire, and her grey eyes resembled swirling mist. She caught me staring and gave me an amused grin, raising an eyebrow.

The Apollo campers had just finished a song about Minos having a cow for a son, hoặc something like that. I leaned phía trước, chuyển tiếp to Annabeth and whispered so that no one could hear but her, “Wanna go for a walk?”
Her smile broadened and she said, “Sure, the bờ biển, bãi biển right?”
I gave her a wide grin.
“I thought so,” she laughed.
I got up and offered her my hand, which she took, and I led the way down to the beach. It was quiet except for the faint sounds of campers laughing and singing.
I saw that Travis and Connor had started a marshmallow, kẹo dẻo fight. I looked back at the lake, which was glassy and smooth. The moon shown bright and large over the treetops.

I took off my shoes, and so did Annabeth, leaving them bởi the dining pavilion. I stepped onto the bờ biển where the waves were lapping at my toes.

“You know what? How ‘bout we take a walk...” I paused and turned to look at her. “At the bottom of the lake,” I finished, giving her a cocky smile, telling her that I was about to hiển thị off.

She laughed, “Alright, Seaweed Brain.” I took off into the water, diving into a white mass of swirling bubbles. There was a một giây splash and Annabeth was there tiếp theo to me. I made a bubble for her to breathe and we settled at the bottom.

The sand became dry where ever we went. I pointed out different fish, corals, and several hippocampi. It was beautiful down there, much nicer than a walk in the woods hoặc on the bờ biển in my opinion.

We stopped at a particularly large coral reef, where cá were darting in and out of little holes. Son of the Sea God, Son of the Sea God, their little minds whispered, as many of them stopped to stare at me. One clownfish in particular stood out from the others.

I wasn’t going to câu hỏi what a saltwater cá was doing in the middle of a lake. But hey, once you’ve found a magical cow-serpent trapped under a thuyền wreckage, bạn don’t ask questions.

The clownfish was thinking about how Annabeth’s hair was the strangest anemone he had ever seen, and what a wonderful trang chủ it would make. He started towards her, eager to di chuyển in.

“Sorry buddy, but this lot is sold,” I told him.

“What?” Annabeth asked.

“Nothing, just something that cá was thinking,” I đã đưa ý kiến pointing him out. The little guy was persistent though.
To whom is it sold, lord?
I smiled. “To me.” The clownfish grumbled and retreated slightly into his cave in the coral.

“You know, Percy. Of all your powers, that is, like, the most interesting one,” she said. “I mean think about it. bạn get to hear what they think about everything.
bạn can communicate with them, and ask them what they think of the BP oil spill! hoặc global warming! hoặc scuba divers! hoặc fishing! Wait, never mind, scratch out the last one. I think that conversation would turn ugly,” she grimaced.

At that I had to laugh. “Man I gotta try that one day!”
“Percy no! I wasn’t being serious when I đã đưa ý kiến that!” she said, but cracked a smile all the same. “You could offend them! Then we’d never get to—“ she gasped.
I searched the water, expecting a monster to appear out of nowhere, but Annabeth didn’t seem to notice.
“Percy, what if they know something about architecture?” she said, her eyes widening.

“What?” I đã đưa ý kiến chuckling. I wasn’t sure if she was being serious hoặc not. When I voiced this out loud, she merely shook her head, still gazing at the cá with newfound interest.

“Think about it, they live in such a beautiful place. All of those little tunnels inside the reef, all made bởi fish. They probably know a thing hoặc two about thiết kế and structure. Imagine the information we could get from them!” she đã đưa ý kiến excitedly.
Oh no, I could see where this was going.

“It would launch the world into a new era of architecture! The things we could do with our buildings and parks…” she đã đưa ý kiến dreamily. Then she went on to the mathematical portion, talking about structural supports and angles and a bunch of other confusing stuff.

Pretty soon, my eyes glazed over and I found myself staring at the clownfish again, wondering what would happen if I tried to feed it cá sticks.

“Percy!” Annabeth snapped her fingers underneath my nose.

“Huh?”

“Were bạn even listening?”

“Umm, no.” I stopped her before she could argue, though. Without taking my gaze off the clownfish, I said, “Hey, do bạn happen to have any cá sticks I could borrow?”
She looked at me like I had totally Mất tích it.

“I mean, to feed to the fish.”

“Percy! That’s so cruel! Like, cá cannibalism. How could bạn think that?”

“Hey! They did it in this one movie I saw, except with a pig and bacon. Besides, bạn could think of it like a science experiment. How would the clownfish react to it? How would his reaction differ if I gave him the extra spicy ones?”

“They have extra spicy cá sticks?” She asked. “Never mind! Off topic.”

“Think, Annabeth, how would other species react to it? I can hear their thoughts, which makes it a whole lot thêm accurate. bạn know bạn want to,” I goaded her. For a second, she seemed to consider the idea.

Then she shook her head and started walking again. I started after her. “Honestly, where do bạn get these ideas?” she asked incredulously.

I hung my head. “Sorry, just a thought,” I muttered.

I wasn’t really sure exactly what did it, maybe the way I đã đưa ý kiến it, hoặc the way I shuffled my feet dejectedly, the look on my face, hoặc maybe it was just the entire situation in general, but she doubled over laughing.

“You're truly--one of a—kind--Percy, bạn know that?” she đã đưa ý kiến in between fits of laughter as tears ran down her cheeks.

“Stop laughing at me!” I complained. “It’s not funny!” I struggled to keep a smile from forming on my lips, and failed.

“You’re such a hypocrite! You’re smiling too!” That’s when my self-restraint broke, and I was rolling on the sand laughing alongside her.

After many failed attempts at stopping, nearly ten phút later, I calmed down enough stand up again. Still grinning like an idiot, I dusted off my clothes and held out a hand to Annabeth.

As we walked, we fell into a quiet, comfortable silence. The kind where bạn never actually talked, but felt like bạn had a whole conversation. I was randomly picking up clams, just for something to do, when I found a particularly large one. I told it to open up and couldn't believe my luck when I saw what was inside of it.
It was a small pearl, not a perfect sphere, and not as big as bạn would see on a necklace, but thêm natural.

Annabeth gasped, “It’s beautiful…”

“You want it?”

“You would give that to me?”

“Yeah, take it, I don’t really have much use for it,” I replied.
She took the pearl and turned it over in her hands.

“Wait, can I see that again? Just for a second,” I asked.

“Sure” she đã đưa ý kiến slowly. I took the pearl and broke off a jagged piece of coral from a nearby reef. I turned my back to her so that she couldn’t see what I was doing. On the pearl, I scratched:

PJ+AC
Ψ
I handed it back to her. When she saw what I had written, a slow smile formed on her lips. “You’re getting better at this Percy.” Then she leaned in to me, her face inches from mine and getting closer.

    When we finally stepped out onto the shore, the last few campers from the bonfire were dispersing as I walked her to the Athena cabin.

“’Night Percy,” she said.
I stepped in closer. “Goodnight Annabeth.” I kissed her softly on the lips, and when I pulled back, she had an unfocused look in her eyes.
I suppressed a smile as I walked back to lều, cabin three.
When I reached the door, I turned to look at her: she was still standing there. I chuckled softly and went in, got ready for bed, and climbed into my bunk. As I drifted off to sleep, I thought that maybe, finally, I really was getting better at this.

If only I knew at that moment that I wouldn’t get to stick around long enough to find out.