"Pea," whispered Prince Bartholomew, interrupting her train of thought. "Hurry up, you're embarrassing me."
"Oh," Pea's mind was elsewhere. "I..."
The crowd stared at the princess anxiously.
"I need a drink of water," đậu xanh, hạt đậu said. A butler immediately scurried towards her.
"Your highness, it'll be a few moments before we can get bạn some water. Right now all we have is the traditional celebratory champagne," he đã đưa ý kiến in a British accent.
"Great, that'll do the trick," đậu xanh, hạt đậu popped open the bottle and poured it into a glass. She finished the glass in three giây flat. The crowd was bewildered bởi her lack of etiquette and watched in shock as the princess chucked the glass on the ground casually.
"What are bạn doing?" asked Prince Bartholomew. đậu xanh, hạt đậu gazed into the audience and saw her mother, Queen Annalynne, looking furiously at her.
"Let's try this again, shall we?" asked the priest. "Princess Peanalita, do bạn take Prince Bartholomew to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
Pea didn't waste another moment. "I can't," she replied. Everyone gasped.
"What do bạn mean, bạn can't?" asked the prince through clenched teeth.
"Would bạn like me to find bạn a dictionary?" đậu xanh, hạt đậu rolled her eyes. "Or are your đọc skills just as bad as your comprehension skills?"
"How dare you!" Bartholomew slapped đậu xanh, hạt đậu across the face. "Princesses must be respectful and worshipping towards their princes!"
"Apologize at once, Peanalita!" Annalynne stood up from her seat.
"Apologize?" đậu xanh, hạt đậu was astounded. "Are bạn crazy? He just slapped me!"
"Yes, I did!" Bartholomew yelled. "Women who are disrespectful to their superiors get punished!"
"Then I suppose the same goes for men," đậu xanh, hạt đậu answered. With that, she punched the arrogant jerk in the face. "You know, I was gonna try and let bạn down easy but now that I see what a big, hairy dick bạn are, I'm happy to dump your sorry ass. In fact, why don't I just tell everyone here the truth? I'm in tình yêu with someone else! And even though he doesn't tình yêu me anymore, I'm not gonna marry some rich snob just so I can have a few nice dresses...okay a thousand really gorgeous dresses with hand-stiched satin bows and the finest fabric from Europe...but bạn get my point." Princess đậu xanh, hạt đậu left Prince Bartholomew, who was on the ground tending his bloody nose. As she began to hurry down the aisle towards the exit, Annalynne stopped her.
"Peanalita, what do bạn think you're doing?" Queen Annalynne scolded. "You're giving up everything bạn ever wanted! And for what? Conrad doesn't even tình yêu you!"
"So?" đậu xanh, hạt đậu asked. "The last time I checked the solution to getting your tim, trái tim broken wasn't marry some ngẫu nhiên dude with a fat wallet. If I go through with this marriage, I'll end up like you..."
"And what's wrong with that?" Annalynne was offended. "I'm beautiful, powerful, and rich. What could possibly be thêm satisfying?"
"Yes, but you're also stuck-up, selfish, bitter, cruel, and disliked bởi practically everyone." đậu xanh, hạt đậu responded. "You know, before I got banished, I was on my way to becoming just like you, hoặc even worse. But the ngày I left the lâu đài was the ngày I realized I wanted all the wrong things in life. The reason I was such a chó cái, bitch was because I wasn't really happy. And once again, I don't know where I'm headed, but I know that I have a better chance of finding happiness in the middle of nowhere than in some stuffy castle."
"Why, bạn ungrateful little brat!" yelled Annalynne. "I've được trao bạn everything bạn could ever want in life and this is how bạn thank me? I was a loving mother to you!"
"No! When the rest of our kingdom wanted me gone, bạn exiled me immediately to save your own reputation!" đậu xanh, hạt đậu kept walking. "Face it, Mother, bạn only love me when I have something that will benefit you. Like this marriage, don't think I believed for one một giây that bạn actually give a rat's đít, mông, ass whether hoặc not I'm happy."
"Where are bạn going, bạn silly girl?" Annalynne called after her. "You have nothing without me! Even that filthy peasant boyfriend of yours đã đưa ý kiến bạn don't have a brain beneath that pretty face!"
"Well, I...hey,wait a second..." Something occured to Princess Pea. When Annalynne had được trao her the letter in which Conrad broke up with her, it was in an envelope, unopened. And after đậu xanh, hạt đậu read it to herself, she'd crumpled it up and thrown it away. So how on Earth could her mother possibly know in detail what Conrad đã đưa ý kiến to her in the note? "YOU!" đậu xanh, hạt đậu stormed back over towards her mother. "You wrote that letter, didn't you?"
"What? I did no such thing!"
"Mother, that line didn't work when bạn tried to deny the botox and it ain't working now," replied Pea.
"I only did it to protect you," Annalynne tried to seem compassionate. "I knew bạn would be making a mistake to stay with that boy. So I did what was necessary for your own well-being."
"Wrong again, bạn did it to trick me into thinking that I should marry Bartholomew!" đậu xanh, hạt đậu cried. "How could bạn be so selfish? That's low even for you...breaking your daughter's tim, trái tim and preventing her from being with her true tình yêu so that bạn can get thêm money!"
"What are bạn going to do about it? Slap me like bạn did the prince?" Annalynne asked. "You're still the weak little girl you've always been."
"No, I have a punch-no-more-than-one-person-a-day rule. However, I haven't done this yet." đậu xanh, hạt đậu ripped off a large chunk of her wedding cake and threw it onto Annalynne.
"Later, Mommy Dearest. And don't bother trying to find me with that tracking device, I'm finally over the whole tiara trend." đậu xanh, hạt đậu skipped out of the back gates of the castle, off to find Conrad and set things right.
Princess đậu xanh, hạt đậu hurried outside the palace gates into the village. She ran along the cobblestone streets hoping to find some mode of tranportation. I've got to get back to Beast's castle, maybe Conrad is still there, đậu xanh, hạt đậu thought hopefully to herself. Suddenly, she noticed a large carriage with a driver that practically had "stupid" written on his forehead.
"Yo, dude!" đậu xanh, hạt đậu yelled at him. "There's a hundred bucks taped to the back of your carriage." As the người đánh xe ngựa, người lái xe, coachman stepped out to check the back, đậu xanh, hạt đậu hopped into the driver's ghế, chỗ ngồi and yelled. "Sorry, but this is an emergency!" She rode off on the carriage. A few hours passed and đậu xanh, hạt đậu finally found the castle. The Beast's lâu đài looked as though it had been on Extreme Makeover: trang chủ Edition. It was no longer dark and gloomy but instead bright and beautiful. đậu xanh, hạt đậu hurried inside...
"Belle!" đậu xanh, hạt đậu cried out.
"Pea!" Belle hugged the princess. "We were worried, bạn just vanished so suddenly without saying goodbye! So much has happened since bạn left. Beast has transformed into a human! In fact, his real name is Prince Adam. bạn see, as it turns out, he and all of the people who lived in this lâu đài were under a spell that could only be broken if-"
"Belle, honey, I don't wanna be rude but I really don't give a flying fuck right now! I'm in the middle of a crisis!" đậu xanh, hạt đậu interrupted. "Where's Conrad?"
"He left right after bạn disappeared," Belle replied. "He seemed depressed about bạn leaving without notice."
"Damn it, how will I ever find him now?"
"Well," Belle thought for a moment. "When Gaston invaded the lâu đài to attack Adam, he had the magic mirror...but he didn't have it when he went upstairs to find Adam...so...he must have left it around...here it is!"
"I know I'm gorgeous but how exactly is a mirror gonna help me?" đậu xanh, hạt đậu asked, as Belle handed her the mirror.
"It's enchanted, it will hiển thị bạn anything bạn wish to see," Belle answered. "Best of luck, Pea! I have to get changed, Adam and I are marrying this afternoon!" She hurried upstairs.
Princess đậu xanh, hạt đậu spoke to the mirror. "I wish to see Conrad." The mirror shone brightly and then showed Conrad. He seemed to be in a lâu đài of some sort. đậu xanh, hạt đậu recognized it after a moment of brief confusion. "Hey, I've been to the lâu đài before...years ago...when I was a little girl...We visited it one Christmas...Of course! That's King Stefan's castle! What the heck is Conrad doing there? I've got to get to him!"
Pea ran outside of the lâu đài as night began to fall. She hopped back into the driving ghế, chỗ ngồi of the carriage and ordered the ngựa to take her to King Stefan's kingdom. Hours rolled by. đậu xanh, hạt đậu was cold, mierable and utterly convinced that the ngựa had no idea where they were going. Just as she was about to lose all hope, she realized they'd reached a forest. She jumped off of the carriage and ran through the woods. She saw the lâu đài in the distance. The moon shone brightly. đậu xanh, hạt đậu ran as fast as her feet could carry her towards the castle. Everbody in the entire kingdom seemed to be asleep which đậu xanh, hạt đậu found rather peculiar. She hurried through the lâu đài doors and found her way up a tower. She walked into a room where a beautiful girl was sleeping in a bed. The girl had long golden curls and wore a blue dress. She had a rose carefully tucked beneath her hands.
"Where is Conrad?" đậu xanh, hạt đậu wondered aloud. Suddenly, she heard voices approaching.
"Congratulations, Phillip! You've defeated Maleficent!" đã đưa ý kiến one voice.
"Now bạn must awaken Rose with true love's kiss," added another.
Just then, a handsome prince and three plump little nàng tiên came into the room.
"Who are you?" asked the prince.
"I'm depressed," đậu xanh, hạt đậu cried. "My one true tình yêu was supposed to be in this lâu đài and I can't find him anywhere."
"Well, there's my one true love," he pointed at the sleeping girl. He stepped towards her and leaned in for a kiss.
"Isn't that like ngày rape hoặc something?" đậu xanh, hạt đậu asked as she wiped a tear off her cheek.
The girl's eyes opened and she smiled up at her prince.
"Oh, there's so much to explain!" đã đưa ý kiến the fairy in blue while clapping excitedly. She flew over to the girl, who was getting out of the bed. "Rose, the boy bạn met in the woods just so happens to be Prince Phillip! The one you're betrothed to! So even though bạn have to marry a prince, it turns out the prince is the boy bạn wanted to marry all along! Isn't that wonderful?"
"Yes," replied the girl. "But what am I doing lying in a bed? The last thing I remember, bạn three brought me to the lâu đài and I heard an eerie voice calling my name."
"Should we tell her?" the fairy in green asked the nàng tiên in blue and red.
"Nah," they all agreed. "Aurora, all that matters is that bạn two are together at last." Aurora and Phillip hugged.
"You two are lucky, man," đậu xanh, hạt đậu spoke up. "Never take each other for granted. Because sometimes bạn lose the person bạn tình yêu before bạn get to tell them how bạn feel." She continued to cry.
"You poor darling!" đã đưa ý kiến Aurora sympathetically. She hugged Pea. "I'm sure things will work out for bạn somehow."
"Now that I think of it...Fauna, Merryweather, we did meet a handsome young man earlier today, didn't we?" asked the fairy in red.
"Yes, Flora, you're right!" answered Fauna. "He đã đưa ý kiến his name was Conrad."
"That's him!" Pea's tim, trái tim filled with hope. "Oh, where did he say he was going?"
"Well," đã đưa ý kiến Merryweather. "He told us that he had Mất tích his one true tình yêu and felt like dying. We tried to make him feel better but nothing helped. We asked him if he'd mind watching over Aurora while we put the rest of the kingdom to sleep. He agreed politely...but if he's not here...there's a chance he...oh dear, there's a chance he might have run in to...Maleficent."
"Who's Maleficent?" asked Pea.
"The mistress of all evil," answered Merryweather. "We must pray Conrad didn't vượt qua, cross paths with her...she's incredibly devious. She kills innocent people for the joy of it."
"You mean to say if Conrad went to the tower and Maleficent was there, he's probably...dead?" đậu xanh, hạt đậu was horrified.
"Well, there's only one way to find out," đã đưa ý kiến Flora. "Aurora, Phillip, bạn two must prepare for the ceremony."
"Good luck," Aurora waved goodbye to đậu xanh, hạt đậu as she and Phillip headed down the tower stairs, hand in hand.
"You, my dear, come with us," Flora told Pea. With a wave of their wands, the three nàng tiên carried đậu xanh, hạt đậu throughout the castle. They searched everywhere, soaring through the sky. Princess đậu xanh, hạt đậu looked below them to see a balcony with Conrad lying on it.
"NOOOOOO!" cried Pea. The nàng tiên sadly descended her onto the balcony. "Why is he lying there? Why would Maleficent just take his life away?"
"I'm so sorry, dear," Fauna was crying. "That's just how Maleficent's always been. She was heartless."
Rain began to pour down on the balcony. đậu xanh, hạt đậu lay on hàng đầu, đầu trang of Conrad's lifeless body. She wished thêm than anything she could turn back time. "Conrad, wake up," đậu xanh, hạt đậu cried. "I don't know what my mother told bạn but it was a lie...please don't leave me like this...I'm alone in this world without you...wake up...I know I đã đưa ý kiến I wanted a prince but I finally see that you are my prince, bạn always have been...PLEASE..."
Pea sobbed, her tears landing uncontrollably as the rain poured down on her. "It's too late, bạn can't leave me, I'm already in tình yêu with you!" She lay her head on his breathless chest.
"There is, however, one remedy to Maleficent's spinning wheel curse," Flora realized. "The Kiss of true love."
Pea turned back to Conrad's body and lifted his head up carefully. She gently kissed his soft lips. After a moment of thinking that Conrad would never come back to her, his eyes opened. He smiled up at Pea.
"Pea? W-What are bạn doing here? I thought bạn were in tình yêu with Prince Bartholomew..." he said, his voice soft and weak.
"Two words," đậu xanh, hạt đậu smiled down at him, half laughing, half crying. "Bullshit."
Conrad grinned and picked himself up off the ground. He lifted đậu xanh, hạt đậu into the air and spun her around. They kissed again.
The three nàng tiên cheered gleefully. Princess đậu xanh, hạt đậu had found her prince at last. Even though he wasn't technically a prince, he was the prince for her.
The tiếp theo afternoon, Princess đậu xanh, hạt đậu and Conrad married in the forest. Snow White, Mulan, Jasmine, Cinderella, Ariel, Tiana, Pocahontas, Belle, and Aurora were all present. From that ngày forward, Peanalita and Conrad spent their days together, madly in love.
Although they bickered occasionally, it was always led to sizzling hot make-up sex. Princess đậu xanh, hạt đậu had learned so many things over the course of her journey. She'd learned that true happiness can't be bought. She'd learned that princes can be thêm trouble than they're worth. Speaking of princes, after being abandoned at the altar, Bartholomew gave up on marriage and opened his own tattoo parlor...things are going great for him, if bạn exclude the fact he's being sued bởi Captain Hook for using an infected needle. đậu xanh, hạt đậu had also learned that there was a lot thêm to herself than a pretty face, great hair, and expensive clothes. Speaking of clothes and great hair, Queen Annalynne was soon exiled from her own kingdom and now spends her days selling her designer clothes for thực phẩm on a đường phố, street corner in Agrabah. Pea, however, was living blissfully with her man. đậu xanh, hạt đậu apologized to her father-in-law Leopold, who used to be her royal assistant, for all the years of hell she'd put him through. She sold all of her tiaras and used the money to build a fun boarding school for underprivileged little girls. She'd also learned that sometimes getting exiled from your own shallow life is just what bạn need to see the world thêm clearly. Princess đậu xanh, hạt đậu now lived in a medium-sized cottage in the forest with her non-royal husband. She opened a clothing cửa hàng in the comfort of her own home. They eventually went through the trials and tribulations of raising two daughters. Not exactly the happily ever after đậu xanh, hạt đậu had always imagined. In fact, in spite of losing a fortune, she had gained everything that truly matters. And đậu xanh, hạt đậu had never been happier.
"And not to be rude, but I'm like so sure that my happily ever after is way better than yours!" đậu xanh, hạt đậu grinned.
