I found these on Tumblr ... thought they were funny (and pretty damn accurate).
This is a little graphic for those of bạn who shy away from this kinda stuff ;)
1. Bella is clumsy, shy and constantly bites her lower lip when she’s nervous
2. Edward finds her lip biting habits sexy
3. Edward is jealous, over protective and a bit controlling
4. Edward has a temper
5. Though there are no ma cà rồng and no werewolves, Human Edward can actually GROWL
6. Edward has the greenest eyes she’s ever seen and a panty dropping crooked smile
7. Edward always has velvety smooth, warm voice that turns to rough when he wants Bella
8. Bella has the deepest brown eyes and he can see to her soul through them
9. Edward has a monster cock that deserves an award and can put any other to shame ;)
10. Though some might think physically impossible, Edward can get hard in less than 3 giây after seeing Bella only bite her lip
11. Tanya is a bitch
12. Rose is the coolest badass ever
13. Esme is always wiping tears from her eyes somewhere
14. Carlisle the kindest and most compassionate Doctor ever… unless you’re đọc a SAVAGE story [Lorabell note: hoặc Emancipation Proclamation where he’s a straight up badass]
15. Unless it’s a sex marathon story hoặc a Dadward/Momella story, you’re gonna have to wait till they say “I tình yêu you” before sex
16. Edward always gets Bella to come only 2 giây before him and both always happen explosively with white spots behind their eyelids
17. Alice is referred to as a pixie, loves Bella búp bê barbie and always takes her shopping against her will
18. No matter how long the story is hoặc what genre but you’ll ALWAYS find Edward in a towel somewhere with Bella there to drool over the V between his hips
19. Bella hates wearing heels, calls them “death traps” and they’re usually forced on her bởi Alice hoặc Rose
20. Edward has LONG fingers that can do wonders with âm nhạc and Bella’s [*cough* and Lorabell’s *cough*] lady bits
21. Charlie is always always always fishing… I mean, dude get a life - no one fishes 24/7 not even in Canon
22. Jacob is bad. If he’s not bad, he’s gay. If he’s not gay, he’s a dog. Literally.
23. Mike is a douche. No matter what he does and how nice he is, he’s always a douche with a small dick
24. EVERY TIME Bella and Edward have sex, it’s better than the last and the best sex they have ever had. EVER.
25. Jake almost ALWAYS ends up with Leah
26. Rosalie always smacks Emmet on the back of his head… if she’s not around then it’s Esme
27. They always rip condoms with their teeth
28. At one time hoặc another you’ll find that “she/he saw something unreadable flicker in his/her eyes but it disappeared before she/he could see what it was”
29. The tác giả will almost always sneak in at least one book hoặc movie quote
30. When most normal people would have reached for the telephone and dialed 911, Bella is NOT freaked out bởi Edward watching her sleep
This is a little graphic for those of bạn who shy away from this kinda stuff ;)
1. Bella is clumsy, shy and constantly bites her lower lip when she’s nervous
2. Edward finds her lip biting habits sexy
3. Edward is jealous, over protective and a bit controlling
4. Edward has a temper
5. Though there are no ma cà rồng and no werewolves, Human Edward can actually GROWL
6. Edward has the greenest eyes she’s ever seen and a panty dropping crooked smile
7. Edward always has velvety smooth, warm voice that turns to rough when he wants Bella
8. Bella has the deepest brown eyes and he can see to her soul through them
9. Edward has a monster cock that deserves an award and can put any other to shame ;)
10. Though some might think physically impossible, Edward can get hard in less than 3 giây after seeing Bella only bite her lip
11. Tanya is a bitch
12. Rose is the coolest badass ever
13. Esme is always wiping tears from her eyes somewhere
14. Carlisle the kindest and most compassionate Doctor ever… unless you’re đọc a SAVAGE story [Lorabell note: hoặc Emancipation Proclamation where he’s a straight up badass]
15. Unless it’s a sex marathon story hoặc a Dadward/Momella story, you’re gonna have to wait till they say “I tình yêu you” before sex
16. Edward always gets Bella to come only 2 giây before him and both always happen explosively with white spots behind their eyelids
17. Alice is referred to as a pixie, loves Bella búp bê barbie and always takes her shopping against her will
18. No matter how long the story is hoặc what genre but you’ll ALWAYS find Edward in a towel somewhere with Bella there to drool over the V between his hips
19. Bella hates wearing heels, calls them “death traps” and they’re usually forced on her bởi Alice hoặc Rose
20. Edward has LONG fingers that can do wonders with âm nhạc and Bella’s [*cough* and Lorabell’s *cough*] lady bits
21. Charlie is always always always fishing… I mean, dude get a life - no one fishes 24/7 not even in Canon
22. Jacob is bad. If he’s not bad, he’s gay. If he’s not gay, he’s a dog. Literally.
23. Mike is a douche. No matter what he does and how nice he is, he’s always a douche with a small dick
24. EVERY TIME Bella and Edward have sex, it’s better than the last and the best sex they have ever had. EVER.
25. Jake almost ALWAYS ends up with Leah
26. Rosalie always smacks Emmet on the back of his head… if she’s not around then it’s Esme
27. They always rip condoms with their teeth
28. At one time hoặc another you’ll find that “she/he saw something unreadable flicker in his/her eyes but it disappeared before she/he could see what it was”
29. The tác giả will almost always sneak in at least one book hoặc movie quote
30. When most normal people would have reached for the telephone and dialed 911, Bella is NOT freaked out bởi Edward watching her sleep
hi i dont know what to call this but heres the first chapter if bạn have any ideas tell me
"Alice we don't need to dress up it's just high school.again." I đã đưa ý kiến under my breath.
"Oh come on Bella can't bạn let me have some fun today."
"Fine." I đã đưa ý kiến giving up trying to argue with Alice. Alice had me in dark washed skinny jeans and high heel ankle boots,with a purple long-sleeved layered casual t.
"Just today though."Not wanting her to get the wrong idea that i would let her do this everyday.
"Agreed.Now stay still I'm almost finished.
"Time to go Renesemee,Jacob."I yelled upstairs. Jacob was now moved in with us we all pretty much not breath anymore but we had to get used to it again since we can go to schol again beacause renesemee is 7 now and stoped ageing
"Alice we don't need to dress up it's just high school.again." I đã đưa ý kiến under my breath.
"Oh come on Bella can't bạn let me have some fun today."
"Fine." I đã đưa ý kiến giving up trying to argue with Alice. Alice had me in dark washed skinny jeans and high heel ankle boots,with a purple long-sleeved layered casual t.
"Just today though."Not wanting her to get the wrong idea that i would let her do this everyday.
"Agreed.Now stay still I'm almost finished.
"Time to go Renesemee,Jacob."I yelled upstairs. Jacob was now moved in with us we all pretty much not breath anymore but we had to get used to it again since we can go to schol again beacause renesemee is 7 now and stoped ageing
Edward's Pov.
I wake up, finding myself asleep, in ropes, mouth covered. Everyone else is sleeping,
and I can't break myself out of it. Then, Jasper and the man, come in. I pretend to sleep.
"Should we do it now? hoặc later?"
"The killing of Bella? We will wait until she goes through what these guys experienced,
then, we will do them first. Then her."
No. No. NO!!!!! I must get my self out of this! I must find Bella and fast!!
What am I going to do! I can't get myself out!
Rosalie: Uh...
Jasper: Looks like sumbody's up! Can we do it now master? Please!?
Just so I know what to do with the others?
Master: Alright, but just her.
Rosalie: AH Mrjekjsnubgu!!!
NO!!! NOT ROSALIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wake up, finding myself asleep, in ropes, mouth covered. Everyone else is sleeping,
and I can't break myself out of it. Then, Jasper and the man, come in. I pretend to sleep.
"Should we do it now? hoặc later?"
"The killing of Bella? We will wait until she goes through what these guys experienced,
then, we will do them first. Then her."
No. No. NO!!!!! I must get my self out of this! I must find Bella and fast!!
What am I going to do! I can't get myself out!
Rosalie: Uh...
Jasper: Looks like sumbody's up! Can we do it now master? Please!?
Just so I know what to do with the others?
Master: Alright, but just her.
Rosalie: AH Mrjekjsnubgu!!!
NO!!! NOT ROSALIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its short sorry. its supposed to be a cliff hanger. the tiếp theo one is a lot longer.
I promise.
Bella's Pov.
We all looked at each other. That scream was SO familiar. Where's Alice?
Alice?
"Alice? Alice where are you?!" I shouted.
Then there was another yell coming from the middle door.
Then we realized. Alice went ahead of us and went towards the middle
section. We all ran as fast as we could. Edward smashed the door
and there they were. Alice, The mysterious man, and Jasper, with
mysterious purple eyes.
"Surprised to see me?" the man and Jasper đã đưa ý kiến at once.
I promise.
Bella's Pov.
We all looked at each other. That scream was SO familiar. Where's Alice?
Alice?
"Alice? Alice where are you?!" I shouted.
Then there was another yell coming from the middle door.
Then we realized. Alice went ahead of us and went towards the middle
section. We all ran as fast as we could. Edward smashed the door
and there they were. Alice, The mysterious man, and Jasper, with
mysterious purple eyes.
"Surprised to see me?" the man and Jasper đã đưa ý kiến at once.
Renesmee Pov.
I was excited when I heard that I got to do what my family does!
I was happy until now. That sign creeped me out. Greatly. Mom and
Dad were in front of the crowd, and I stood in the back tiếp theo to Emmett
and Rosalie. Uncle Emmett hugged me. He knew that I was dyingly scared.
"It will be okay. Uncle Jasper will be back to normal in no time," he đã đưa ý kiến gently.
"Right. He will be fine," Aunt Rosalie said.
Suddenly, the large door opened, then, mom and dad entered proudly.
__________________________________________________
I felt a chill spread through my body. Though, I felt like I need to help Jasper. He needs
help. My help.
As we entered the black castle, it was pitch black. There was a bondfire ahead of us and
it wasn't just a regular fire! IT MOVED! It showed us the way until we reached the main room.
Then there were three doors. Through the middle, we heard yelling and screaming from a
girl.
I was excited when I heard that I got to do what my family does!
I was happy until now. That sign creeped me out. Greatly. Mom and
Dad were in front of the crowd, and I stood in the back tiếp theo to Emmett
and Rosalie. Uncle Emmett hugged me. He knew that I was dyingly scared.
"It will be okay. Uncle Jasper will be back to normal in no time," he đã đưa ý kiến gently.
"Right. He will be fine," Aunt Rosalie said.
Suddenly, the large door opened, then, mom and dad entered proudly.
__________________________________________________
I felt a chill spread through my body. Though, I felt like I need to help Jasper. He needs
help. My help.
As we entered the black castle, it was pitch black. There was a bondfire ahead of us and
it wasn't just a regular fire! IT MOVED! It showed us the way until we reached the main room.
Then there were three doors. Through the middle, we heard yelling and screaming from a
girl.