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posted by Bond_Of_Fury
Looking for a laugh?
Say no more, look no further! :{D


1.
Two guys are taking the subway. One of them had a bunch of bananas and a jar of musterd. He peeled a banana, dipped it in the mustard and threw it out of the window. The other guy looked at him weird, but decided not to say anything. After a một phút hoặc two, he did the same thing. Peeled the banana, put it in the mustard, and threw it out of the subway train!
"Why on Earth are bạn doing that." the guy said.
"Hell, do you like bananas with mustard?"

2.
Two guys, Buck and Jamie, were sitting with Mindy, Jamie's girlfriend, in a bar chatting. Buck was amorously glancing towards Mindy, but carefully of course, as Jamie is very jealous. When Jamie got to the bathroom real quick, Mindy whispered Buck hastily:
"Grab your chance! Now!!"
Buck looked around nervously, and drank Jamie's bia up in 1 draft, and ran away.


3.
Why do Japanese students always have such a high IQ? Ever seen a blonde Japanese kid?

4.
I used to hate weddingparties when I was younger. Everyone gave me a poke in my side, saying:
"Hey, when will it be your turn?"
They all stopped when I began doing the same thing... on funerals.

5.
"Tell me, Rose. You're married to an archaeologist, right? Isn't that boring?"
"Not at all! The older I get, the thêm interesting I get to him!"

6.
So once upon a time there was a doctor who had sex with his patient. He has so many regret for it that his concious started to play games with him. To calm himself down, he continuously told himself:
"It's not that bad. You're not the first doctor who's been in giường with his patient, and you're certainly not going to be the last."
But then his other half pulled him inside the real world again, saying:
"But buddy... you're an animal doctor...

7.
So this blonde girl walked into a store.
"Mister, can I buy that tv from you?"
"I ain't selling nothing to blonde girls."
The blonde girl left, and returned to the store a while after, only with dark hair.
"Mister, can I buy that tv from you?"
"I ain't selling nothing to blonde girls."
The blonde girl left, and returned to the store a while after, only with purple hair.
"Mister, can I buy that tv from you?"
"I ain't selling nothing to blonde girls."
The blonde girl asked:
"I don't get it, I'm not even blonde anymore, why wouldn't bạn sell me that tv, mister?"
"Because this is a microwave!"

8.
Why did Napoleon wear a red vest? Because he was a hero whose environment wouldn't notice a thing if he was injured.

So now we know why Hitler wore brown pants.

9.
It's a warm, sunny say on the funeral. An old man was standing tiếp theo to an open grave, as a boy walked bởi and said:
"Feels great, huh gramps, taking a breath of fresh air?"

10.
Yesterday I've witnessed the greatest thing. I got trang chủ from an evening at the pub (not too late this time). I came inside and my wive received me, dressed in sexy lingerie and holding only two velvet cords. She told me:
"Tie me up, and afterwards bạn may do anything bạn want..."

So I tied her up and went to get me another beer!
added by Me_Iz_Here
Source: Tumblr
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Source: Google
posted by robobot14
1.Favorite Color
Red-My tomato
Orange-My carrot
Yellow-My banana
Green-My broccoli
Blue-My taffy
Purple-My grape
Pink-My cotton candy
Black-My jellybean
Brown-My Sô cô la

2.Favorite Food
Pork chops-Sat on a
Jello-Bounced on a
Pancakes-Stepped on a
Spare ribs-Threw a
Rice-Squeezed a
Spaghetti-Destroyed a
Pudding-Chewed on a
Fries-Grossed out a
Chicken-Scared a

3.Favorite number
1-Bed sheet
2-Spaceship
3-Table lamp
4-Feather
5-Skyscraper
6-Balloon
7-Computer
8-Oven
9-Classroom

4.Favorite animal-
Gorilla-Because it was too fluffy
Bunny-Because it was too unorganized
Giraffe-Because it was too silly
Lion-Because it was too stretchy
Alligator-Because it was too beautiful
Sheep-Because it was too chua
Dog-Because it was too bumpy
Cat-Because it was too hyper
Horse-Because it was too dirty

My giống nho, nho stepped on a bàn lamp because it was too unorganized!
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Don't let them catch you.
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posted by TheRealSexyKate
Q: Why did the forgetful chicken vượt qua, cross the road?

A: To get to the other side -- er, no -- to go shopping -- no, not that either -- damn it.

Q: Why did the redneck vượt qua, cross the road?

A: He wanted to sleep in the ditch on the other side.

Q: Why did the one-handed man vượt qua, cross the road?

A: To get to the một giây hand shop.

Q: Why did the turkey vượt qua, cross the road?

A: Because he wasn't a chicken.

Q: Why did the fat turkey vượt qua, cross the road?

A: To get hit bởi my car.

Q: Why did the woman vượt qua, cross the road?

A: I don't know, but where'd she get shoes and what is she doing out of the kitchen?
posted by JoannaVonDoom
A
is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for bạn bạn twit she was only after your money and could have được trao a shit about you.

B
is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!

C
is for Call ya later.She won't. She never has before.

D
is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?

E
is for Eating like a pig. Remember when...
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posted by BlackSunshine
LOL – Liên minh huyền thoại I found this on the internet.

INTERESTING FACTS

1. If bạn yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, bạn would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it)



2. If bạn fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that's thêm like it)



3. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

(In my tiếp theo life I want to be a pig)

(How'd they figure this out, and why?)



4. Banging your head against a tường uses 150 calories an hour.

(Still can't get over that pig thing)

(Don't try this at home...maybe at work?)



5. Humans...
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