Looking for a laugh?
Say no more, look no further! :{D
1.
Two guys are taking the subway. One of them had a bunch of bananas and a jar of musterd. He peeled a banana, dipped it in the mustard and threw it out of the window. The other guy looked at him weird, but decided not to say anything. After a một phút hoặc two, he did the same thing. Peeled the banana, put it in the mustard, and threw it out of the subway train!
"Why on Earth are bạn doing that." the guy said.
"Hell, do you like bananas with mustard?"
2.
Two guys, Buck and Jamie, were sitting with Mindy, Jamie's girlfriend, in a bar chatting. Buck was amorously glancing towards Mindy, but carefully of course, as Jamie is very jealous. When Jamie got to the bathroom real quick, Mindy whispered Buck hastily:
"Grab your chance! Now!!"
Buck looked around nervously, and drank Jamie's bia up in 1 draft, and ran away.
3.
Why do Japanese students always have such a high IQ? Ever seen a blonde Japanese kid?
4.
I used to hate weddingparties when I was younger. Everyone gave me a poke in my side, saying:
"Hey, when will it be your turn?"
They all stopped when I began doing the same thing... on funerals.
5.
"Tell me, Rose. You're married to an archaeologist, right? Isn't that boring?"
"Not at all! The older I get, the thêm interesting I get to him!"
6.
So once upon a time there was a doctor who had sex with his patient. He has so many regret for it that his concious started to play games with him. To calm himself down, he continuously told himself:
"It's not that bad. You're not the first doctor who's been in giường with his patient, and you're certainly not going to be the last."
But then his other half pulled him inside the real world again, saying:
"But buddy... you're an animal doctor...
7.
So this blonde girl walked into a store.
"Mister, can I buy that tv from you?"
"I ain't selling nothing to blonde girls."
The blonde girl left, and returned to the store a while after, only with dark hair.
"Mister, can I buy that tv from you?"
"I ain't selling nothing to blonde girls."
The blonde girl left, and returned to the store a while after, only with purple hair.
"Mister, can I buy that tv from you?"
"I ain't selling nothing to blonde girls."
The blonde girl asked:
"I don't get it, I'm not even blonde anymore, why wouldn't bạn sell me that tv, mister?"
"Because this is a microwave!"
8.
Why did Napoleon wear a red vest? Because he was a hero whose environment wouldn't notice a thing if he was injured.
So now we know why Hitler wore brown pants.
9.
It's a warm, sunny say on the funeral. An old man was standing tiếp theo to an open grave, as a boy walked bởi and said:
"Feels great, huh gramps, taking a breath of fresh air?"
10.
Yesterday I've witnessed the greatest thing. I got trang chủ from an evening at the pub (not too late this time). I came inside and my wive received me, dressed in sexy lingerie and holding only two velvet cords. She told me:
"Tie me up, and afterwards bạn may do anything bạn want..."
So I tied her up and went to get me another beer!
Say no more, look no further! :{D
1.
Two guys are taking the subway. One of them had a bunch of bananas and a jar of musterd. He peeled a banana, dipped it in the mustard and threw it out of the window. The other guy looked at him weird, but decided not to say anything. After a một phút hoặc two, he did the same thing. Peeled the banana, put it in the mustard, and threw it out of the subway train!
"Why on Earth are bạn doing that." the guy said.
"Hell, do you like bananas with mustard?"
2.
Two guys, Buck and Jamie, were sitting with Mindy, Jamie's girlfriend, in a bar chatting. Buck was amorously glancing towards Mindy, but carefully of course, as Jamie is very jealous. When Jamie got to the bathroom real quick, Mindy whispered Buck hastily:
"Grab your chance! Now!!"
Buck looked around nervously, and drank Jamie's bia up in 1 draft, and ran away.
3.
Why do Japanese students always have such a high IQ? Ever seen a blonde Japanese kid?
4.
I used to hate weddingparties when I was younger. Everyone gave me a poke in my side, saying:
"Hey, when will it be your turn?"
They all stopped when I began doing the same thing... on funerals.
5.
"Tell me, Rose. You're married to an archaeologist, right? Isn't that boring?"
"Not at all! The older I get, the thêm interesting I get to him!"
6.
So once upon a time there was a doctor who had sex with his patient. He has so many regret for it that his concious started to play games with him. To calm himself down, he continuously told himself:
"It's not that bad. You're not the first doctor who's been in giường with his patient, and you're certainly not going to be the last."
But then his other half pulled him inside the real world again, saying:
"But buddy... you're an animal doctor...
7.
So this blonde girl walked into a store.
"Mister, can I buy that tv from you?"
"I ain't selling nothing to blonde girls."
The blonde girl left, and returned to the store a while after, only with dark hair.
"Mister, can I buy that tv from you?"
"I ain't selling nothing to blonde girls."
The blonde girl left, and returned to the store a while after, only with purple hair.
"Mister, can I buy that tv from you?"
"I ain't selling nothing to blonde girls."
The blonde girl asked:
"I don't get it, I'm not even blonde anymore, why wouldn't bạn sell me that tv, mister?"
"Because this is a microwave!"
8.
Why did Napoleon wear a red vest? Because he was a hero whose environment wouldn't notice a thing if he was injured.
So now we know why Hitler wore brown pants.
9.
It's a warm, sunny say on the funeral. An old man was standing tiếp theo to an open grave, as a boy walked bởi and said:
"Feels great, huh gramps, taking a breath of fresh air?"
10.
Yesterday I've witnessed the greatest thing. I got trang chủ from an evening at the pub (not too late this time). I came inside and my wive received me, dressed in sexy lingerie and holding only two velvet cords. She told me:
"Tie me up, and afterwards bạn may do anything bạn want..."
So I tied her up and went to get me another beer!
Everyone strives to be beautiful. But, honestly, what is beautiful? Beautiful used to be someone who was loving, who was caring and had a beautiful heart. Someone who told the truth but never hurt others. Someone who never got caught up in gossip hoặc drama. Someone who, no matter what was happening in their life, was always there for someone else who had it worse. Now, beauty has big boobs, is stick-thin and wears 5 lbs. of make up. Now, beautiful is someone who has name-brand clothes, the best phone and tons of friends. Beautiful is a 'perfect' body. Beautiful is photo-shopped long lashes and clear skin. Now, beauty doesn't matter what's on the inside. I wish we could all go back to when beautiful was our moms sitting on the đi văng with us in pajamas, no make up, when we were five. I miss those days. This is a sick, messed up world. And I can't stand it.
Bottled up inside
Are the words I never said‚
The feelings that I hide‚
The lines bạn never read.
bạn can see it in my eyes‚
Read it on my face:
Trapped inside are lies
Of the past I can't replace.
With memories that linger-
Won't seem to go away.
Why can't I be happier?
Today's a brand-new day.
Yesterdays are over‚
Even though the hurting's not.
Nothing lasts forever‚
I must cherish what I've got.
Don't take my tình yêu for granted‚
For soon it will be gone-
All bạn ever wanted
Of the tình yêu bạn thought you'd won.
The hurt I'm feeling now
Won't disappear overnight‚
But someway‚ somehow‚
Everything will turn out all right‚
No thêm wishing for the past.
It wasn't meant to be.
It didn't seem to last‚
So I have to set him free.
This is not mine‚ it was written bởi Melissa Collette
Are the words I never said‚
The feelings that I hide‚
The lines bạn never read.
bạn can see it in my eyes‚
Read it on my face:
Trapped inside are lies
Of the past I can't replace.
With memories that linger-
Won't seem to go away.
Why can't I be happier?
Today's a brand-new day.
Yesterdays are over‚
Even though the hurting's not.
Nothing lasts forever‚
I must cherish what I've got.
Don't take my tình yêu for granted‚
For soon it will be gone-
All bạn ever wanted
Of the tình yêu bạn thought you'd won.
The hurt I'm feeling now
Won't disappear overnight‚
But someway‚ somehow‚
Everything will turn out all right‚
No thêm wishing for the past.
It wasn't meant to be.
It didn't seem to last‚
So I have to set him free.
This is not mine‚ it was written bởi Melissa Collette
I AM A VICTIM OF THE INNORCENT SUSPENSION! But this is how I'm talking to you!
So I went to use fanpop on an iPad that belonged to a friend, because I can't reply to diễn đàn posts hoặc các bình luận on a computer.
Then I saw it. It đã đưa ý kiến I was suspended. I was in utter shock, I knew about people getting suspended like this. I never though it'd happen to me. I went on the computer yesterday and remembered, I was still logged on! Yep, I can use fanpop because I kept myself logged on somewhere. So PLEASE, don't think it won't happen to you. If bạn would like your account saved I highly recommend bạn keep it logged on somewhere. If bạn can't do that, just please be careful. ~amy36y
So I went to use fanpop on an iPad that belonged to a friend, because I can't reply to diễn đàn posts hoặc các bình luận on a computer.
Then I saw it. It đã đưa ý kiến I was suspended. I was in utter shock, I knew about people getting suspended like this. I never though it'd happen to me. I went on the computer yesterday and remembered, I was still logged on! Yep, I can use fanpop because I kept myself logged on somewhere. So PLEASE, don't think it won't happen to you. If bạn would like your account saved I highly recommend bạn keep it logged on somewhere. If bạn can't do that, just please be careful. ~amy36y