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posted by coolkatstar
I found this on the internet :P

part I
Everybody who has a dog calls it "Rover" hoặc "Boy"; I called mine "Sex". Now Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the city hall to renew his license, I told the clerk I wanted to have a license for Sex. He đã đưa ý kiến "I'd like to have one too." Then I đã đưa ý kiến "But this is a dog". He đã đưa ý kiến he didn't care want she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was 9 years old." He đã đưa ý kiến I must have been quite a kid.

Then when I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He đã đưa ý kiến every room in the hotel was for sex. I đã đưa ý kiến "You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at nights." He đã đưa ý kiến "Me too."


Part II
One ngày I entered Sex in a contest, but before before the competition began the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was hanging around. I told him that I planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold tickets of my own. "But bạn don't understand," I said, "I hope to have sex on TV." He called me a show-off.

When my wife and me separated, we went to court to fight over the custody rights of the dog. I đã đưa ý kiến "Your honor, I had Sex before we were married." The judge đã đưa ý kiến "me too." Then I told him that after I married Sex left me. The judge đã đưa ý kiến "Me too."

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking for him around town. A cop came over and asked me, "What are bạn doing in this dark alley at 4 in the morning?" I đã đưa ý kiến "I'm looking for sex." My case comes up on Friday.
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added by BatCountry9000
added by jbiebgirl100
added by RoohWinchester
Source: Google/TICA (The International Cat Association)
added by animemaykat101
Source: funnymotivationalposters.info
added by KateKicksAss
added by Kiniko90
Source: failblog.org
added by Jeffersonian
added by Jeffersonian
added by Jeffersonian
added by r-pattz
posted by MileySelena982
1. We only cry infront of bạn when we
a) want bạn to comfort us, or
b) can't help it

2. We only wear mini váy when we are single,
not because we do it for you. But not all of us.

3. When we talk about how "hot" guys are, we don't mean it.
Personality is all we care about. But a hot guy's a plus

4. If bạn ask us what's wrong and we don't reply... DON'T
ASK AGAIN. We don't hoặc feel like bạn should know, so
forget about it.

5. When we say we're mad, upset, hoặc angery, belive us.
Because we MEAN it.

6. Do not, I repeat. Do not EVER make our FATHERS
MAD. Just don't go there, okay?

7. If bạn think we like to hang out with bạn every
waking minute, think twice.

8. Have bạn ever thought that we only do the things
we do for you?

9. When bạn ask us out, and we say yes, our first date
better be AWESOME. If not, read number 6 again. <3

10. When we say we tình yêu you... bạn better believe it.
posted by funnyshawna
Apparently, this is what I do when I'm tired and slightly depressed. Go figure.

101 Great Uses for Eye-Patches!

1.    Wear it to cover your eye.
2.    Wear it to cover the hole where your eye used to be.
3.    Use it to prevent a hole ever being where your eye should be.
4.    Wear it to shield your eye from insects and other flying material.
5.    Wear two and pretend bạn are blind.
6.    Wear none and pretend bạn can see.
7.    Wear them as sunglasses when rendezvousing...
continue reading...
added by Fitch
Ever since I was little, me and my family always took trips upstate New York to the Catskills. We had this old beat-up trailer up there, it was probably around 50 years old at the time. It had a kitchen, a living room, a bathroom and two bedrooms. Back when all six of us, me, my two brothers, my parents, and my dog Chester went up there, me and my little brother, Joey, would have to sleep in the living room on the couches, as there were only two beds, one queen-sized giường for my parents, and one single giường for my older brother Tom.

Sleeping in the living room was the one part me and Joe hated...
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