just emotion....
I got this from Oprah btw. >.<
What's Your Emotional Style?Most people can identify with at least one of these emotional styles. Read each of the following groups of questions, and then begin to discover your own emotional style:
1.
Did bạn have a loss early in life that makes bạn fear losing people? Do bạn cling to people hoặc push them away because you're afraid of losing them? In relationships, are bạn so obsessed with the fear you'll be left, that bạn push people away?
Your emotional style could be Abandonment.
Abandonment
The ongoing fear that people will leave is at the root of this emotional style. These people may fear that if they rock the thuyền in the smallest way, the ones they tình yêu will leave. Or, they may adapt bởi running away from a relationship before they can be hurt.
If this emotional style applies to you, it's important to learn that bạn won't fall apart if someone leaves you. Be aware of the fear that any kind of abandonment stirs up — hypersensitivity to separation, dread of being isolated. Mindfulness can help track this emotional style and prevent it from ruling your life.
2.
Do bạn find yourself irritated when someone keeps bạn from doing what bạn want?
Do bạn feel that bạn are somehow special, and the rules don't apply to you?
Your emotional style could be Entitlement.
Entitlement
People with this emotional style feel that rules don't apply to them. They may have been spoiled as a child, hoặc the tình yêu they received was based on a certain quality — looks, academics, athletic skills. These people often exaggerate their prowess, usually to hide a feeling of inadequacy, hoặc feel they are entitled to thêm than their fair share of compensation. They also display a lack of self-discipline, and the inability to delay gratification.
If your emotional style is entitlement, try to be aware of the negative impact your actions have on the people around you. Mindfulness can help bạn learn to catch yourself before bạn overstep appropriate limits, and connect with your deeper feelings so bạn can deal with them directly.
3.
Are bạn drawn to people who control bạn hoặc make decisions for you?
Do bạn feel guilty about having needs hoặc wants of your own?
Do bạn feel resentful when your needs hoặc wishes aren't considered?
Your emotional style could be Subjugation.
Subjugation
This emotional style revolves around the feeling that your own needs never take priority in an intimate relationship. These people give in easily, but their hidden resentment can smolder into anger and rage. Some will overreact at the least sign of being controlled, while others are unable to make even a simple commitment.
If this describes you, get in touch with your resentment, so that bạn can begin to assert your wishes and needs effectively. Being mindful will help bạn track your automatic reactions — the anger hoặc thoughts that are primed bởi the fear that bạn will be controlled.
4.
When bạn were young, were bạn made to feel that bạn didn't belong in some way?
Do bạn tend to feel like an outsider in a group?
Are bạn shy and self-conscious in social situations?
Your emotional style could be Exclusion.
Exclusion
Finding yourself on the outside of things often leads to this emotional style. The perceived message is, "You're not like us." This feeling typically causes a person to stay on the edge of the action, reinforcing the feeling of exclusion. This may lead avoidance of groups in adulthood, hoặc conversely, cause someone to revel in their outcast role.
If bạn feel excluded, learn to feel and challenge your fears bởi making efforts to initiate conversations, and learning to master your anxiety. Mindfulness will help bạn step back from thoughts that make bạn uncomfortable.
5.
Do bạn feel people can't be trusted?
As a child, were bạn treated unfairly hoặc abused?
Do bạn feel that people bạn are close to will betray your trust?
Your emotional style could be Mistrust.
Mistrust
Suspiciousness and a quick temper are typical of this emotional style. Often the mistrust stems from having been physically, sexually, hoặc emotionally abused. People of this style tend to gravitate to relationships in which their worst fears are confirmed, getting involved with people who treat them badly.
If this describes you, bạn may want to work with a therapist specializing in clients who have been abused. Treatment may involve revisiting your memories and expressing your anger, which is an essential emotional step. Mindfulness can help bạn become aware of your tendency to assume betrayal, and help bạn challenge those thoughts
6.
As a child, were bạn put down hoặc made to feel inept?
Do bạn fear bạn won't succeed at anything, no matter how hard bạn try?
Do bạn feel that bạn don't deserve the success you've had?
Your emotional style could be Failure.
Failure
A typical feeling in this emotional style is being deficient despite one's accomplishments. This can lead people to push themselves extremely hard, despite the constant fear of failure. Some fall prey to the imposter phenomenon — bạn succeed, but secretly feel you're a fraud and will be found out. Others discover that believing they will fail becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If bạn see yourself in this emotional style, learn to thêm accurately assess your talents and abilities, as well as accept that your accomplishments are truly deserved. Being mindful will help bạn identify and challenge your internal negative thoughts.
7.
Do bạn feel that if people knew the "real" you, they would see that you're flawed?
Do bạn feel a sense of shame that keeps bạn from letting people get close?
Are bạn drawn to people who are critical and rejecting of you?
Your emotional style could be Unlovability.
Unlovability
The automatic assumption that "I'm not lovable" typifies this emotional style. Shame and humiliation, along with a feeling of being flawed, are this style's prominent emotions. Two patterns are seen in people who feel unlovable. Some give in to their deep feeling of unworthiness, while others hide behind arrogance, seeking public recognition and adulation.
People with this emotional style may find it hard to be genuine in a relationship. One thing bạn can do is challenge the thoughts that amplify your flaws. Mindfulness will help bạn learn to feel confident that those close to bạn know and tình yêu bạn as bạn are, and bạn will begin to heal.
8.
Do bạn hold yourself to the highest standards, but feel it's never good enough?
When bạn were young, were bạn made to feel bạn could always do better, no matter what bạn accomplished?
Do your relationships hoặc health suffer because bạn push yourself too hard?
Your emotional style could be Perfectionism.
Perfectionism
People with this emotional style unrelentingly hold themselves to the highest standards. No matter how well they do, it's never good enough, so they drive themselves until the rest of their life suffers. This emotional style drives people to push themselves in sports, at school, in physical appearance, hoặc for social status.
If this emotional style applies to you, realize that lowering your standards will be a relief. bạn will have time and energy to have your other needs met, including the need for downtime. Being mindful will help bạn examine and challenge the self-criticism.
9.
Do bạn often feel that people don't really care about your needs hoặc tune into your feelings?
Do bạn often find yourself in a caretaker role with others?
Are bạn drawn to relationships with people who are cold, hoặc self-absorbed?
Your emotional style could be Deprivation.
Deprivation
At the tim, trái tim of this emotional style is the belief, "My needs won't be met." No matter how much is được trao to people of this style, it never feels like enough. Some people overindulge in an attempt to nurture themselves, while others become the caretaker they never had, and may gravitate to careers in which they help others, like social work hoặc nursing.
If your emotional style is deprivation, examine how your need to be nurtured affects your relationships. bạn should become aware of a tendency to distort your interpretation of the actions of others. People might enjoy your company without wanting anything more. Mindfulness will help bạn begin to communicate your needs thêm clearly, and to seek thêm emotionally available partners.
10.
Do bạn often have the fear that something bad will happen to bạn hoặc a loved one?
Do your fears keep bạn from doing things that bạn would like?
Are bạn overly preoccupied with worries about health hoặc finances?
Your emotional style could be Vulnerability.
Vulnerability
The key element of this emotional style is an exaggerated fear that something terrible is about to happen. This can lead to thriftiness to the point of denying yourself pleasure, hoặc embracing some health fad to ward of disease. At its extreme, it takes the form of a phobia, like fear of flying. Some people react bởi constantly seeking reassurance, while others overcompensate bởi taking risks.
People with this emotional style can win emotional freedom bởi mindfully monitoring their thoughts, rather than letting them dictate their behavior. Meditation can also help calm your mind
