"I like taking pointless Facebook surveys as much as the tiếp theo person. But, since they’re mostly about kissing, I started to wonder how someone completely incapable of feeling tình yêu might handle such things. So I just had to tag my good pal Lord Voldemort in my most gần đây survey. Here's what he had to say:
Was your last Kiss standing up, sitting down, hoặc lying down?
The only Kiss I believe in is the Dementor's kiss, and as I have very little soul remaining in my withered husk of a body, one would have little effect on me.
Whose giường were bạn on last?
Nagini's, playing "Dangle the Severed Hand Over The Snake And Jerk It Away Just As She Strikes." It helps her go to sleep. I also sang her favourite Parseltongue lullaby, "SSSSSssSSSSSSSSSssSSS."
When's the last time someone of the opposite sex told bạn they missed you?
When I returned to the chamber of secrets in the form of a blurry memory, my beloved basilisk converged on me with her usual deadly stare and demanded to know why I'd missed fifty of our anniversaries in a row. I gently explained that we were not in a "relationship," just a mutual killing partnership with benefits.
Are bạn excited for anything?
FOR THE IMMINENT DEATH OF HARRY POTTER AND MY EVENTUAL DOMINATION OF THE ENTIRE PLANET.
I'm also looking phía trước, chuyển tiếp to the release of the new Josh Groban holiday album. Just five thêm months till Christmas!
Do bạn hate the last person bạn kissed?
I hate everyone, but I've never kissed anyone. So, no. Paradox city!
Have bạn ever been cheated on?
I'm not entirely sure about Severus Snape. He claims to be a faithful servant, yet I have stalked his Facebook thông tin các nhân for quite some time, and several of his song lyric status những thông tin cập nhập don't seem to refer to me. Very curious...
If bạn married the last person bạn texted, what would your last name be?
Pettigrew... excuse me while I vomit up several feet of my intestines...
Do bạn like to have long hair hoặc short hair?
Hair is such a nuisance. I really don't see the point. Do snakes have hair? Cockroaches? Bacteria? NO! (Flagella and cilia DO NOT COUNT.) Why, then, should Lord Voldemort? It's simply strands of dead nutrients hanging limply off one's head! Though I admit I sort of like the sound of that.
What is your yêu thích giáng sinh carol?
It goes something like, "Joy to the world, Harry Potter's dead! Dark Lord cut off his head! What happened to the body? We flushed it down the potty! And round and round it goes! And round and round it goes! And it got flushed into the chamber of secrets and the basilisk ate it, the end!" It's sung bởi Josh Groban.
Do bạn hate anyone?
Everyone except myself, Nagini, and the Grobester.
Have bạn ever told someone bạn loved them and meant it?
Of course not! What, do bạn live under a rock hoặc something?
Do bạn believe everyone deserves a một giây chance?
I don't even believe in a first chance. Kill them and then ask questions, and if they don't answer, dismember the corpse, that's what I always say. I also have it needlepointed onto a pillow.
Do bạn like being kissed spontaneously, hoặc asked first?
It doesn't matter, I would murder the perpetrator before the mucus membranes of our mouths made even the slightest contact.
Has anything made bạn mad lately?
I was filled with UNEARTHLY FURY to discover that Potter slipped through my unnervingly long and spindly fingers once again! I crushed a house elf's head to a pulp with my bare hands. Then I impaled an underperforming Death Eater on a spit and served him to Nagini in a gyro... but since I was so mad, I didn't give her any tzatziki sauce with it.
Do bạn think bạn can last in a relationship for 6 months hoặc more?
I could, but whoever I was in the relationship with wouldn't last thêm than three seconds. They'd be too dead.
The last person bạn kissed, how many times have bạn cried in front of them?
...Do bạn even know me at all?
What's the first thing bạn do when you're mad?
Rip the spines out of people's backs.
Three hours ago, were bạn touching a person of the opposite sex?
Yes, I pressed my finger deeply into Bellatrix's Dark Mark to summon my servants to a meeting. I understand she blushed.
Did bạn hug anyone today?
No, but Nagini squeezed the life out of several people with her constricting powers. Good girl."
