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posted by simpleplan
1. When the teacher says to “take a seat”, bạn answer “take it where”.
2. When the teacher calls your name at roll call, bạn answer “Absent”.
3. When she calls roll, bạn answer “yo mama”.
4. When the teacher says something, bạn say “is that so?”
5. If bạn so happened to not turn in your homework say, your class pet ate it.
6. Tell your teacher you’ll turn in your homework, as soon as your parents finish doing it.
7. Tell your teacher bạn did not turn in your homework because bạn were watching TV.
8. Fold your homework into a cootie-catcher.
9. Fold your homework into a paper airplane and fly it to the teacher’s desk. Extra points if it hits the teachers head.
10. Beg your teacher for extensions on reports.
11. Whisper to your neighbor during a test, but claim it was the sugar ants on the floor.
12. Argue with your teacher about your test grade and claim it was supposed to be one hoặc two points higher than it actually is.
13. While your teacher is grading papers in class, sharpen your pencil. Very loudly.
14. When the teacher says to stop, covertly break the lead and say “but it’s not sharpened”.
15. Roll your pencil across the desk.
16. Do drum rolls with your pencil. Use the head of the person in front of bạn as the cymbals.
17. Never bring a pen hoặc pencil so bạn always have to borrow one from the teacher.
18. Return the pencil to the teacher, with the eraser end all chewed and slobbery.
19. Use crayon for important assignments. Purple crayon.
20. Lean your chair back so that it is balancing on only two legs. Extra points if bạn fall over backward.
21. Covertly chew gum in class. Extra points if bạn snap and crack it with out being caught.
22. When possible, eat thực phẩm in class. Loud, crunchy food.
23. Go into the graphics options on the school computers, click graphics properties and click on rotation. Rotate 180 degrees. Extra points if the teacher can’t find out how to get it back the way it was.
24. Put wads of chewed gum on the end of your pencil.
25. Ask to be excused to the bathroom. Even if bạn just came from recess lunch.
26. When the teacher asks a question, raise your hand. If the teacher calls on you, ask if bạn can go to the bathroom.
27. Ask if bạn can be excused to go to the bathroom, then take a tour arround the school.
28. Put too many staples on your paper when bạn staple it. Extra points if bạn make a good thiết kế with them.
29. Write so small on your paper that the teacher can barely read it.
30. Bring brightly colored notebook paper to write on. Examples: neon pink, purple, red, orange, green…and so on.
31. Blurt out the các câu trả lời to the teachers questions.
32. When your teacher asks a question, wiggle in your ghế, chỗ ngồi and shout “I know, I know!”
33. When the teacher ask a question, wave your hand like a palm cây in a hurricane and say “pick me, pick me!” When the teacher finally calls on you, say “never mind”.
34. Raise your hand. When the teacher calls on you, look innocent and say “I was just stretching”.
35. Raise your hand. When the teacher calls on bạn say “I wasn’t paying attention”.
36. Make basket shots with every paper bạn want to throw away. Extra points if bạn get a basket.
37. When the teacher calls on you, tell her the longest personal story bạn know.
38. When the teacher says “Pay attention please” reply “how much should I pay?”
39. When the teacher calls on you, talk so softly that the teacher can barely hear you. When she tells bạn to speak up, pretend to be dead on your desk.
40. When the teacher calls on bạn say “finally”—Even if bạn where picked first.
41. Count how many times your teacher says um. At the end of the period, present the grand total at the end of class.
42. For your book report, choose the shortest book with the most pictures bạn can find.
43. Whistle while bạn work.
44. Never seem to listen to directions.
45. Right after the teacher gives directions say “huh”.
46. Comb, brush, hoặc braid your hair in class.
47. Bring a lizard, mouse, rat, exedra into class. “Accidentally” let it lose. Extra points if the teacher screams like a little girl.
48. Don’t work when the teacher is looking. Work when the teacher is working.
49. Sigh, “This is boring” heavily.
50. Laugh out loud for no reason.
51. Don’t talk to a substitute teacher because the is a “stranger”.
52. Never let your teacher finish a sentence without an interruption.
53. After everything your teacher says say “That’s what bạn think”.
54. If bạn have a substitute teacher, ask bạn and your Những người bạn to sit in all different places so that the substitute’s seating chart is all messed up.
55. Track sand into the classroom bởi “accident”.
56. Keep dropping your pencil.
57. Call her “grandma”.
58. Call him “grandpa”
59. Throw lots of spit wads.
60. Fall asleep in class. If the teacher wakes you, say “aww, I was dreaming bạn were actually nice”.
61. After class, cover every inch of the dry-erase board with dry-erase marker so that the teacher can not write anything on it.
62. Hide other sách inside of text sách and appear to be đọc the text book.
63. After every time the teacher explains something ask “is that going to be on the test?”
64. After every time the teacher explains something say “well, duh”.
65. Make up humorous excuses for being late.
66. Forget to have your parents make excuses for being late.
67. Yell “Yessssssssss” after every time bạn finished something. Anything.
68. Annoy Ms. Thompson. AT ALL COST.
69. If Mr. Corley walks by, whistle innocently, and when he turns his back, run fast.
70. Make animal shows on projector.
71. Read your math book when bạn are supposed to be đọc history. If the teacher asks why, say “oh, how did that get there?”
72. Read comic sách hidden in your text books.
73. Ask a teacher how old she is. When she replies, put your hand over your tim, trái tim and say “WOW!”
74. Ask the same câu hỏi the teacher just finished answering 10 phút ago.
75. Knock a heavy text book off your bàn again…and again…and again….and again….
76. Keep finding an excuse to keep walking in front of the projector.
77. Smudge up your paper so that it is hard to read.
78. Ask for help on something. Then say “never mind”. Then ask for help on the same thing 2 phút later to annoy your teacher.
79. Make animal bunny ears to the teacher if she/he is infront of the projector.
80. Read out loud during silent đọc time.
81. Pretend to fall asleep instead of following instructions. Then say “I don’t get it”.
82. Doodle on your desk. Big, hard to ignore doodles.
83. Write stupid các câu hỏi on your desk.
84. Put messages in your textbooks.
85. Always write in marker. Bright neon marker colors.
86. While the teacher is talking, roll your eyes. Then yawn and stretch. After that, gaze longingly out the window. Keep looking at the clock every five minutes. Sigh. Very loudly.
87. Whistle very loudly when the teacher is trying to concentrate.
88. Never look up a word in the dictionary. Always ask your teacher.
89. Make your id picture hard to read.
90. Put staples all over the floor.
91. If bạn have the guts, start a thực phẩm fight. ?
92. Come in just after the chuông, bell every day.
93. Complain about the thực phẩm at the school cafeteria.
94. Pretend like bạn have only one brain cell.
95. Where sunglasses inside. Even if it is cloudy.
96. Laugh stupidly. Often.
97. Talk loudly about your yêu thích show.
98. If bạn can, get the necessary materials to take over the p.a system. Then, play forty phút of your yêu thích cd over it. Extra points if bạn do not get caught.
99. Play coin football during silent đọc time.
100. Gather your stuff ten phút before class ends.
101. Run out of the classroom right after the bell. Before the teacher dismisses you.
posted by invadercalliope
CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIII
IIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
PPPPPEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEE
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLL!
HI EVERYONE!
TODAYS MY 2 EPISODE!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
ITS ME INVADER CALLIOPE YOUR HOST!
NOW ITS TIME TO TALK ABOUT THE SPECAIL GUEST ngôi sao ZIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
clapdy clap clap
Invader Callipe:HI ZIM
Zim:I'M NORMAL *walks away*
WELL BYE ZIIIIIIIIIIIM!
WELL GOODBYE EVERYONE THIS IS THE END OF EPISODE 2!
SEE YA LATER BYE BYE EVERYONE!
The End!
Miss Carey: Hello, Allex! Come in!
Allex: Hi! What's happening here?
Mady: It's drama club.
Miss Carey: Come and tham gia us!
Allex: Ok. What are bạn doing?
Ed: We're putting on a play.
Allex: Really? Can i be in it? I like acting.
Nicki: He's a really good actor, Miss Carey.
Miss Carey: Excellent!
Allex: What's the play?
Mady: It's The Ugly Duckling.
Allex: Oh... That's for little children.
Mady: Yes, we're doing it for kindergarten.
Nicki: It's fun!
Ed: I'm the kind man.
Mady: I'm the kind man's doughter.
Alex: What about me?
Miss Carey: You, Alex, can be the ugly duckling.
posted by shutyourface
don't worry this bài viết is not about con cừu, cừu hoặc bananas it is about a thêm serious matter.

this is a thảo luận and i want everyone đọc this
nghề viết văn a bình luận about what bạn think is write hoặc wrong
ok?

so anyway

here i go


what came first

the egg

hoặc the chicken?

thats my thảo luận and i want EVERYONE who's a người hâm mộ
of ngẫu nhiên to write what they think is right


and become a người hâm mộ of me and become a người hâm mộ of my
article

and remember

what came first
the egg
hoặc the chicken

i am only doing this because i have been
wondering that for ages
SEASON 3;

[shades closing]

[windows clattering]

Fluttershy: Fuzzy Legs, do bạn think bạn could secure those windows?

[webs shooting]

[windows close]

Fluttershy: And you'll alert me if anything scary comes close to the cottage?

[birds squawk]

Fluttershy: Oh, who am I kidding?... It's WHEN something scary comes close to the cottage! Please tell me my hiding place is ready.

Harry: [growls nicely]

Fluttershy: Oh, look, you've filled it with everything I need to survive this awful night. Thank you. Thank bạn all! Now I don't have to step a hoof outside until this whole thing is over.

[bucket clattering]

Fluttershy:...
continue reading...
added by pinkbloom
added by MeiMisty
added by Gretulee
added by Gretulee
added by 3xZ
added by mina27
added by TimberHumphrey
video
DEMENTED POEMS

hoa hồng are crap
Violets are shit
Sit on my face
And wiggle a bit

hoa hồng are stupid
Violets are silly
Grease up your flaps
Cuz here comes my willy

hoa hồng are awful
Violets are the pits
Lift up your shirt
And hiển thị me your tits

hoa hồng make me laugh
Violets make me titter
You're a dirty bitch
And bạn tình yêu it up the shitter

hoa hồng are straight
Violets are twisted
Bend over love
You're about to get fisted

hoa hồng are crap
Violets are wanky
Oooh I've just cum
Pass me a hanky

hoa hồng are red
It's elementary
Let's ring your best friend
And try double entry

hoa hồng are shit
Violets are crap
hiển thị me your clit
And I'll cum in your lap

hoa hồng are red
Skidmarks are brown
Give me a blow job
And nuốt, nhạn it down

hoa hồng are groovy
Violets are funky
I'm thinking of you
And spanking my monkey
1. At the movies: When bạn meet acquaintances/ friends.. .
Stupid Question:-
Hey, what are bạn doing here?
Answer:-
Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet…
Stupid Question:-
Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-
No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia.. …why don’t bạn try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask…
Stupid Question:-
Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-
Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When bạn ask the waiter
Stupid Question:-
Is ! the “Butter Paneer Masala”...
continue reading...
added by adultswimperson
Source: Google
I found this hilarious bài viết on pcworld.com
Don't know who the tác giả is, but he's funny.

1. Backward Thinking
"I sold my only car to help pay for gas money, but now gas has come down in price. How do I get my car back?"
I tried to contact this guy, but it turns out that he also sold his computer to help pay for his Internet connection.

2. It's huy hiệu Lock--Capisce?
"HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPSLOCK? I ACCIDENTALLY TURNED IT ON YESTERDAY AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO TURN IT BACK OFF."
Note to self: Register howtoturnoffcapslock.com; make millions.

3. Credit Crunch
"I wanted to see if my computer would read my...
continue reading...
posted by Sheetal1256
Here are some funny New Year's resolutions for 2012...
I will think of a mật khẩu other than "password" hoặc "hello".

I will not tell the same story at every get together.

I won't worry so much.

I will cut my hair.

I will grow my hair.

I will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine - if that unwashed fellow sits tiếp theo to me again, I'll tell him he stinks!

I will be thêm imaginative.

I will not bore my boss bởi with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some thêm excuses.

I will do less laundry and use thêm deodorant.

I will avoid taking a bath whenever...
continue reading...
Give my regards to broadway. o-O

*Insert epic theme song here*

Alright, I'm pretty sure we all know who Spongebob is. The hiển thị was a funny, crazy, and inventive kids hiển thị that pretty much EVERYBODY ALIVE has at least heard of.

The hiển thị had memorable characters, funny comedy that everyone can enjoy, and.......

CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAATEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! ^____^

But one of my yêu thích parts of the hiển thị was the songs, and today we're counting down the best of them!

BECAUSE NOBODY CAN SING BETTER THAN A TALKING SPONGE. ;D

#10. Striped Sweater!

link

Shots fired.

Seriously, this is EASILY the stupidest song on this...
continue reading...
added by Juilet1234
posted by Usui--takumi
Why was Tigger looking in the bowl??
He was trying to find pooh.
There were three men on an airplane, one of them decides to bring a baby.There is a crash and only three parachutes so they leave the baby behind. When they get to the bottom they hear screaming. They find the baby on the ground. The dad of the baby says, '' How did bạn get down here? ''. The baby replies, '' Me not dumb, me not silly, me hold on to daddy's willy!''
What's black and white, black and white, black and white?
A chim cánh cụt rolling down a hill.
Yo momma so fat, when she jumps her own boobs slap her.
Yo momma so dumb AND fat,...
continue reading...