(This is a new series where I negatively review classic stories. And yes, I do like this story and I will like all the others I will do in the future, but I just thought this was a fun idea so... There bạn go.)
So I'm pretty sure bởi now we all know this story. It's a timeless tale of adventure, and has a very important moral at the end. This story focuses on 3 pigs building houses to protect themselves from a chó sói, sói and taught kids that time and effort equals success. :)
BUT SINCE I'M A NITPICKING DOUCHE-BAG WHO DOESN'T APPRECIATE SHIT, I'm going to criticize this story as much as I can, pointing out every single last problem with it.
It's time to take a good old ngây ngô, gander at "The Three Little Pigs"
"Once upon a time when pigs spoke rhyme
And monkeys chewed tobacco,
And hens took snuff to make them tough,
And ducks went quack, quack, quack, O!"
.............
Dafaq? And yes, this IS the original too. So I guess this story is another.............
TOTAL TRIP DOWN LSD LAAAAAAAND!!! ^_____^
"There was an old gieo, lợn nái with three little pigs, and as she had not enough to keep them, she sent them out to seek their fortune."
Is it just me hoặc does this sentence not make sense? I mean, it says there's an old gieo, lợn nái with three pigs, that's alright, but the rest doesn't add up. So, what? Is the gieo, lợn nái referring to a house hoặc a mother hoặc A TALKING HOUSE hoặc WHAT!?
"The first that went off met a man with a bundle of straw, and đã đưa ý kiến to him: Please, man, give me that straw to build a house."
Yes old man, please give me your valuable supplies you'll probably need a lot for later. Give me presumably the only thing bạn have for free. :)
"Which the man did, and the little pig built a house with it."
Wait, THAT'S IT!? THAT'S ALL THEY DO WITH THE OLD MAN!? WHY MAKE A CHARACTER IF THEY'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE 2 giây OF SCREEN TIME, IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!
The tác giả could've made an AWESOME ending where all the pigs are about to die, but then the old man saves them all and fights off the wolf! hoặc maybe the old man was evil and planned on killing the pigs later! BUT OF ALL THE THINGS THE tác giả DECIDES TO DO, his mind decides to hail the magic ốc xà cừ shell and do nothing with the old man.
WHY TAKE THE TIME TO DRAW A DETAILED ORIGINAL CHARACTER AND DO NOTHING WITH THEM!?
And it gets even better. :)
"Presently came along a wolf, and knocked at the door, and said: Little pig, little pig, let me come in."
Because evil, deadly, and vicious man-eating Người sói apparently knock on doors. THIS IS NOT A GOOD WAY TO TEACH KIDS!
Người sói would NEVER EVER do something that stupid and nice, they'd kill bạn on the spot!
*Now waiting for các bình luận telling me Người sói can be nice and I can suck it*
"To which the pig answered: Not bởi the hair on my chinny chin chin!"
My Teacher: xin chào Jared, tell me what 6 times 9 is. :)
Me: Not bởi the hair on my chinny chin chin!
My Teacher: Then FUCKING DIE BITCH! >:D
Me: HOLY SHIT WHEN DID THIS BECOME LETHAL WEAPON!? X___X
Seriously, who the hell says that? Oh well, whatever floats the authors boat. (Comments: Who says THAT!? @___@)
"The chó sói, sói then answered to that: Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I'll blow your house in!"
BECAUSE SCARY VICIOUS MAN-EATING Người sói WHO WANT YOUR BLOOD.....
Apparently blow on your house in hopes of knocking it down. Seriously, this is the worst chó sói, sói ever. HE'S thêm OF A PANSY THAN SHANG TSUNG FROM MORTAL KOMBAT 9!
"So he huffed, and he puffed, and he blew his house in, and ate up the little pig."
HOLY FUCKING SHIT, THIS IS A CHILDREN'S STORY!? Seriously, when the HELL in any kids book does a character get BRUTALLY EATEN ALIVE!? And I swear to god this is the original.
All of a sudden this wolf..... He ate a poor innocent little pig......
HE'S A TOTAL FUCKING BADASS! ^_____^
"The một giây little pig met a man with a bundle of furze, and said: Please, man, give me that furze to build a house."
BECAUSE EVERY 4 năm OLD đọc THIS BOOK KNOWS WHAT FURZE IS. :D
Seriously, before this review not even I KNEW what furze was. Great way to teach the kids there! Might as well put words like Dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane and Acetaminophen in your book.
IT'S NO USE!
"Which the man did, and the pig built his house."
Another old man character with less personality than Pebbles and Bam-Bam from the Flintstones, HOOFUCKINGRAY. -___-
"Then along came the wolf, and said:"
I'M GOING TO RAPE YOU! >:D
Yeah, I'm just screwing with you. XD
"Little pig, little pig, let me come in. Not bởi the hair of my chiny chin chin! Then I'll puff, and I'll huff, and I'll blow your house in."
THis hasn't really bothered me until now, but HOW THE FUCK do bạn blow a house IN!? HOW DO bạn BLOW DOWN A HOUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE!?
At this point I wouldn't be surprised if Marvin The Martian from the Looney Toons just blew everything up. Hell, that would've been EPIC!
Seriously, someone has to do a Three Little Pigs and Marvin The Martian crossover, I'D PAY ANYTHING to see that.
"So he huffed, and he puffed, and he puffed, and he huffed, and at last he blew the house down, and he ate up the little pig."
I can just imagine the pre-school teachers saying "Yeah, this book is fine! No deadly vicious man-eating Người sói eating innocent little pigs in THIS book! :D"
Fucking liers. XD
"The third little pig met a man with a load of bricks, and said: Please, man, give me those bricks to build a house with."
And the chó sói, sói huffed, and he puffed, and he fucked up, the end. :)
Haha Jared, I wish.
"So the man gave him the bricks, and he built his house with them."
Gee, these old people sure are nice..... Giving away good and valuable supplies for free...... Maybe they're on to something! Maybe they want to kill us a-
FREE STUFFZ YAYZAS! ^___________^
"So the chó sói, sói came, as he did to the other little pigs, and said: Little pig, little pig, let me come in. Not bởi the hair of my chiny chin chin! Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house in.”
Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll FUCK YOUR HOUSE UP! >:D
Sorry, it's just so fun thinking about if that was actually in this book. XD
"Well, he huffed, and he puffed, and he huffed and he puffed, and he puffed and huffed; but he could not get the house down."
What they need is Kirby for this job, he'll fucking annihilate the brick house.
LIKE A BOSS!
"When he found that he could not, with all his huffing and puffing, blow the house down, he said: Little pig, I know where there is a nice field of turnips. Where?"
You.... bạn MONSTER! bạn eat all my friends.... bạn destroy their houses and take everything that they owned..... And bạn even tried to murder me, and NOW you're trying to be friends!?
..................
OKAAAAAAAYYYY :DDDDDDD
"Oh, in Mr. Smith’s Home-field, and if bạn will be ready tomorrow morning I will call for you, and we will go together, and get some for dinner.”
The Wolf: Oh we'll get bữa tối, bữa ăn tối alright..... It'll be delicious..... Just bạn and me, all alone........
The Third Pig: SOUNDS LEGIT! :D
"Very well... đã đưa ý kiến the little pig, I will be ready. What time do bạn mean to go? Oh, at six o’clock.”
bạn have got to be fucking kidding me. Haven't bạn ever heard the term "Never Judge A Book bởi It's Cover"?
Me at trang chủ looking for good books: BORING, DULL, STUPID, LAME....
"Well, the little pig got up at five, and got the turnips before the chó sói, sói came (which he did about six) and said: Little Pig, are bạn ready? The little pig said: Ready! I have been and come back again, and got a nice potful for dinner."
A POTFUL OF YOU! BWAHAHAHA!!!! *Intimidating Lightning*
Oh I forgot, this is The Three Little Pigs. GODDAMN IT!
"The chó sói, sói felt very angry at this, but thought that he would be up to the little pig somehow hoặc other, so he said: Little pig, I know where there is a nice apple-tree. Where? đã đưa ý kiến the pig."
LITTLE PIG, IF bạn CLICK THIS BUTTON YOU'LL WIN ONE-MILLION DOLLARS! ^____^
Pig: ZOMFG REALLY!? :D
Seriously, this character is so stupid it's almost insulting.
"Down at Merry-garden replied the chó sói, sói and if bạn will not deceive me I will come for you, at five o’clock tomorrow and get some apples.”
Dear god, I feel like I'm reviewing a bad fanfiction.....
Also, HOW THE HELL CAN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS TALK!? I've been trying not to mention this for the entire article, but I can't stand it anymore. HOW THE FUCK ARE THEY TALKING!?
Advertisement: AND THAT'S the benefits of meth and cocaine! ^___^
"Well, the little pig bustled up the tiếp theo morning at four o’clock, and went off for the apples, hoping to get back before the chó sói, sói came; but he had further to go, and had to climb the tree, so that just as he was coming down from it, he saw the chó sói, sói coming, which, as bạn may suppose, frightened him very much."
Longest fucking sentence ever. Seriously, anything thêm complicated than "He bought an apple" Shouldn't be in a kids book.
Also, this story is long as hell. Maybe tiếp theo time I'll just review a Dr. Suess book.
(??: Oh yes Jared.... Yes bạn will..... bạn will PAY for what bạn did to me in your hàng đầu, đầu trang 10 Things I Hate The Most In Video Games list. Haha, HAHHAAHH!!!!)
"When the chó sói, sói came up he said: Little pig, what! Are bạn here before me? Are they nice apples?”
*Trying so hard to not make a penis joke*
"Yes, very, đã đưa ý kiến the little pig. I will throw bạn down one. And he threw it so far, that, while the chó sói, sói was gone to pick it up, the little pig jumped down and ran home."
What kind of 5 năm old wants to read this? My god, THIS IS SO BORING!
"The tiếp theo ngày the chó sói, sói came again, and đã đưa ý kiến to the little pig: Little pig, there is a fair at Shanklin this afternoon, will bạn go? Oh yes, đã đưa ý kiến the pig, I will go; what time shall bạn be ready?"
Me: *Wakes Up* AHHH EVIL MUTANT GUMMY chịu, gấu NAPALM FLAME NINJAS, bạn WON'T PREVAIL THIS TIME! >.<
Me: Oh, this is reality. Oops.
MY GOD THOUGH, WHAT KIND OF KID IS GOING TO SIT THROUGH THIS!? At this point I would've done the sane thing and slammed the fucking book shut!
“At three, đã đưa ý kiến the wolf. So the little pig went off before the time as usual, and got to the fair, and bought a butter-churn, which he was going trang chủ with, when he saw the chó sói, sói coming."
I'm using all the power in my human body to not make a sex joke right here.
"Then he could not tell what to do. So he got into the churn to hide, and bởi so doing turned it round, and it rolled down the đồi núi, hill with the pig in it, which frightened the chó sói, sói so much, that he ran trang chủ without going to the fair."
AND THAT'S WHY bạn DON'T FUCK WITH PIGS.
-DA END-
Haha Jared, I wish. :)
I made that joke an giờ ago. AW FUCK! WHEN WILL THIS END!?
"He went to the little pig’s house, and told him how frightened he had been bởi a great round thing which came down the đồi núi, hill past him."
IT WAS BIG, IT WAS ALL WIGGLY, AND IT ATE EVERYTHING! XD
Spongebob for the fucking win.
"Then the little pig said: Hah, I frightened you, then. I had been to the fair and bought a butter-churn, and when I saw you, I got into it, and rolled down the hill."
Suddenly this pig..... He almost murdered a wolf.... He resorted to bloodshed in a kids book.....
LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING BOSS! ^_______^
Damn it, I made that joke an giờ cách đây too. FUCK!
"Then the chó sói, sói was very angry indeed, and declared he would eat up the little pig, and that he would get down the chimney after him."
Yes wolf. Reveal your plans in a very obvious way. Tell the pig straight up you're going to kill him and let him set up to kill you. :)
I'M TELLING YOU, THIS chó sói, sói IS STUPIDER THAN COSMO FROM THE FAIRLY ODDPARENTS! WHO THE HELL WOULD SAY WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO DO TO SOMEONE!?
Also for a moment I thought I was đọc The Twilight Zone. It's just that this book has so much dark themes in it.
...........
I just called The Three Little Pigs dark. Wow.
Holy shit. I'm going insane.
"When the little pig saw what he was about, he hung on the pot full of water, and made up a blazing fire, and, just as the chó sói, sói was coming down, took off the cover, and in fell the wolf; so the little pig put on the cover again in an instant, boiled him up, and ate him for supper, and lived happy ever afterwards."
THANK Jesus IT'S FINALLY OVER.
In conclusion, why do so many people like this book? It's boring, a bit dark for kids, has a lot of long sentences and words in it 4 năm old kids wouldn't understand, it's too long for it's own good, and the characters are được trao little to no to Scrappy Doo personality.
It's cliche, lame, and outdated as hell. And that's it. I'm finally done, holy shit.
(For the record, all of the conclusion is a lie. Well, most of it anyways. I really did like this story, so leave me alone các bình luận section.)
Anyways, this is Jared Potts, signing o-
??: Guess who..... Hahaha......
Me: Well fuck.
Kyros: Yes, it's me again. And you.... bạn sick bastard.....
Me: What do bạn want, some popcorn? It's in the cabin-
Kyros: SILENCE! bạn shall pay DEARLY for what bạn did to me! And your punishment......
Me: What is it, lunch detention? :D
Kyros! THAT'S IT! FOR YOUR tiếp theo CRUSHING THE CLASSICS ARTICLE, YOU'RE GOING TO REVIEW YOUR yêu thích DR. SUESS STORY.......
Me: Wait.... bạn wouldn't.....
Kyros: Oh yes I would... Ha....Haha..... HAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!!!
Me: Please.... Don't do it! I tình yêu that book!
Kyros: IT'S FINAL! YOU'RE REVIEWING..............
Kyros: The. Butter. Battle. Book.
Me: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Well shit, the tiếp theo episode's going to be a doozie. Goddamn it Kyros. Anyways, see bạn guys later! Thanks for reading, and don't forget to click the I'm A người hâm mộ button if bạn enjoyed!)
So I'm pretty sure bởi now we all know this story. It's a timeless tale of adventure, and has a very important moral at the end. This story focuses on 3 pigs building houses to protect themselves from a chó sói, sói and taught kids that time and effort equals success. :)
BUT SINCE I'M A NITPICKING DOUCHE-BAG WHO DOESN'T APPRECIATE SHIT, I'm going to criticize this story as much as I can, pointing out every single last problem with it.
It's time to take a good old ngây ngô, gander at "The Three Little Pigs"
"Once upon a time when pigs spoke rhyme
And monkeys chewed tobacco,
And hens took snuff to make them tough,
And ducks went quack, quack, quack, O!"
.............
Dafaq? And yes, this IS the original too. So I guess this story is another.............
TOTAL TRIP DOWN LSD LAAAAAAAND!!! ^_____^
"There was an old gieo, lợn nái with three little pigs, and as she had not enough to keep them, she sent them out to seek their fortune."
Is it just me hoặc does this sentence not make sense? I mean, it says there's an old gieo, lợn nái with three pigs, that's alright, but the rest doesn't add up. So, what? Is the gieo, lợn nái referring to a house hoặc a mother hoặc A TALKING HOUSE hoặc WHAT!?
"The first that went off met a man with a bundle of straw, and đã đưa ý kiến to him: Please, man, give me that straw to build a house."
Yes old man, please give me your valuable supplies you'll probably need a lot for later. Give me presumably the only thing bạn have for free. :)
"Which the man did, and the little pig built a house with it."
Wait, THAT'S IT!? THAT'S ALL THEY DO WITH THE OLD MAN!? WHY MAKE A CHARACTER IF THEY'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE 2 giây OF SCREEN TIME, IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!
The tác giả could've made an AWESOME ending where all the pigs are about to die, but then the old man saves them all and fights off the wolf! hoặc maybe the old man was evil and planned on killing the pigs later! BUT OF ALL THE THINGS THE tác giả DECIDES TO DO, his mind decides to hail the magic ốc xà cừ shell and do nothing with the old man.
WHY TAKE THE TIME TO DRAW A DETAILED ORIGINAL CHARACTER AND DO NOTHING WITH THEM!?
And it gets even better. :)
"Presently came along a wolf, and knocked at the door, and said: Little pig, little pig, let me come in."
Because evil, deadly, and vicious man-eating Người sói apparently knock on doors. THIS IS NOT A GOOD WAY TO TEACH KIDS!
Người sói would NEVER EVER do something that stupid and nice, they'd kill bạn on the spot!
*Now waiting for các bình luận telling me Người sói can be nice and I can suck it*
"To which the pig answered: Not bởi the hair on my chinny chin chin!"
My Teacher: xin chào Jared, tell me what 6 times 9 is. :)
Me: Not bởi the hair on my chinny chin chin!
My Teacher: Then FUCKING DIE BITCH! >:D
Me: HOLY SHIT WHEN DID THIS BECOME LETHAL WEAPON!? X___X
Seriously, who the hell says that? Oh well, whatever floats the authors boat. (Comments: Who says THAT!? @___@)
"The chó sói, sói then answered to that: Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I'll blow your house in!"
BECAUSE SCARY VICIOUS MAN-EATING Người sói WHO WANT YOUR BLOOD.....
Apparently blow on your house in hopes of knocking it down. Seriously, this is the worst chó sói, sói ever. HE'S thêm OF A PANSY THAN SHANG TSUNG FROM MORTAL KOMBAT 9!
"So he huffed, and he puffed, and he blew his house in, and ate up the little pig."
HOLY FUCKING SHIT, THIS IS A CHILDREN'S STORY!? Seriously, when the HELL in any kids book does a character get BRUTALLY EATEN ALIVE!? And I swear to god this is the original.
All of a sudden this wolf..... He ate a poor innocent little pig......
HE'S A TOTAL FUCKING BADASS! ^_____^
"The một giây little pig met a man with a bundle of furze, and said: Please, man, give me that furze to build a house."
BECAUSE EVERY 4 năm OLD đọc THIS BOOK KNOWS WHAT FURZE IS. :D
Seriously, before this review not even I KNEW what furze was. Great way to teach the kids there! Might as well put words like Dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane and Acetaminophen in your book.
IT'S NO USE!
"Which the man did, and the pig built his house."
Another old man character with less personality than Pebbles and Bam-Bam from the Flintstones, HOOFUCKINGRAY. -___-
"Then along came the wolf, and said:"
I'M GOING TO RAPE YOU! >:D
Yeah, I'm just screwing with you. XD
"Little pig, little pig, let me come in. Not bởi the hair of my chiny chin chin! Then I'll puff, and I'll huff, and I'll blow your house in."
THis hasn't really bothered me until now, but HOW THE FUCK do bạn blow a house IN!? HOW DO bạn BLOW DOWN A HOUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE!?
At this point I wouldn't be surprised if Marvin The Martian from the Looney Toons just blew everything up. Hell, that would've been EPIC!
Seriously, someone has to do a Three Little Pigs and Marvin The Martian crossover, I'D PAY ANYTHING to see that.
"So he huffed, and he puffed, and he puffed, and he huffed, and at last he blew the house down, and he ate up the little pig."
I can just imagine the pre-school teachers saying "Yeah, this book is fine! No deadly vicious man-eating Người sói eating innocent little pigs in THIS book! :D"
Fucking liers. XD
"The third little pig met a man with a load of bricks, and said: Please, man, give me those bricks to build a house with."
And the chó sói, sói huffed, and he puffed, and he fucked up, the end. :)
Haha Jared, I wish.
"So the man gave him the bricks, and he built his house with them."
Gee, these old people sure are nice..... Giving away good and valuable supplies for free...... Maybe they're on to something! Maybe they want to kill us a-
FREE STUFFZ YAYZAS! ^___________^
"So the chó sói, sói came, as he did to the other little pigs, and said: Little pig, little pig, let me come in. Not bởi the hair of my chiny chin chin! Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house in.”
Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll FUCK YOUR HOUSE UP! >:D
Sorry, it's just so fun thinking about if that was actually in this book. XD
"Well, he huffed, and he puffed, and he huffed and he puffed, and he puffed and huffed; but he could not get the house down."
What they need is Kirby for this job, he'll fucking annihilate the brick house.
LIKE A BOSS!
"When he found that he could not, with all his huffing and puffing, blow the house down, he said: Little pig, I know where there is a nice field of turnips. Where?"
You.... bạn MONSTER! bạn eat all my friends.... bạn destroy their houses and take everything that they owned..... And bạn even tried to murder me, and NOW you're trying to be friends!?
..................
OKAAAAAAAYYYY :DDDDDDD
"Oh, in Mr. Smith’s Home-field, and if bạn will be ready tomorrow morning I will call for you, and we will go together, and get some for dinner.”
The Wolf: Oh we'll get bữa tối, bữa ăn tối alright..... It'll be delicious..... Just bạn and me, all alone........
The Third Pig: SOUNDS LEGIT! :D
"Very well... đã đưa ý kiến the little pig, I will be ready. What time do bạn mean to go? Oh, at six o’clock.”
bạn have got to be fucking kidding me. Haven't bạn ever heard the term "Never Judge A Book bởi It's Cover"?
Me at trang chủ looking for good books: BORING, DULL, STUPID, LAME....
"Well, the little pig got up at five, and got the turnips before the chó sói, sói came (which he did about six) and said: Little Pig, are bạn ready? The little pig said: Ready! I have been and come back again, and got a nice potful for dinner."
A POTFUL OF YOU! BWAHAHAHA!!!! *Intimidating Lightning*
Oh I forgot, this is The Three Little Pigs. GODDAMN IT!
"The chó sói, sói felt very angry at this, but thought that he would be up to the little pig somehow hoặc other, so he said: Little pig, I know where there is a nice apple-tree. Where? đã đưa ý kiến the pig."
LITTLE PIG, IF bạn CLICK THIS BUTTON YOU'LL WIN ONE-MILLION DOLLARS! ^____^
Pig: ZOMFG REALLY!? :D
Seriously, this character is so stupid it's almost insulting.
"Down at Merry-garden replied the chó sói, sói and if bạn will not deceive me I will come for you, at five o’clock tomorrow and get some apples.”
Dear god, I feel like I'm reviewing a bad fanfiction.....
Also, HOW THE HELL CAN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS TALK!? I've been trying not to mention this for the entire article, but I can't stand it anymore. HOW THE FUCK ARE THEY TALKING!?
Advertisement: AND THAT'S the benefits of meth and cocaine! ^___^
"Well, the little pig bustled up the tiếp theo morning at four o’clock, and went off for the apples, hoping to get back before the chó sói, sói came; but he had further to go, and had to climb the tree, so that just as he was coming down from it, he saw the chó sói, sói coming, which, as bạn may suppose, frightened him very much."
Longest fucking sentence ever. Seriously, anything thêm complicated than "He bought an apple" Shouldn't be in a kids book.
Also, this story is long as hell. Maybe tiếp theo time I'll just review a Dr. Suess book.
(??: Oh yes Jared.... Yes bạn will..... bạn will PAY for what bạn did to me in your hàng đầu, đầu trang 10 Things I Hate The Most In Video Games list. Haha, HAHHAAHH!!!!)
"When the chó sói, sói came up he said: Little pig, what! Are bạn here before me? Are they nice apples?”
*Trying so hard to not make a penis joke*
"Yes, very, đã đưa ý kiến the little pig. I will throw bạn down one. And he threw it so far, that, while the chó sói, sói was gone to pick it up, the little pig jumped down and ran home."
What kind of 5 năm old wants to read this? My god, THIS IS SO BORING!
"The tiếp theo ngày the chó sói, sói came again, and đã đưa ý kiến to the little pig: Little pig, there is a fair at Shanklin this afternoon, will bạn go? Oh yes, đã đưa ý kiến the pig, I will go; what time shall bạn be ready?"
Me: *Wakes Up* AHHH EVIL MUTANT GUMMY chịu, gấu NAPALM FLAME NINJAS, bạn WON'T PREVAIL THIS TIME! >.<
Me: Oh, this is reality. Oops.
MY GOD THOUGH, WHAT KIND OF KID IS GOING TO SIT THROUGH THIS!? At this point I would've done the sane thing and slammed the fucking book shut!
“At three, đã đưa ý kiến the wolf. So the little pig went off before the time as usual, and got to the fair, and bought a butter-churn, which he was going trang chủ with, when he saw the chó sói, sói coming."
I'm using all the power in my human body to not make a sex joke right here.
"Then he could not tell what to do. So he got into the churn to hide, and bởi so doing turned it round, and it rolled down the đồi núi, hill with the pig in it, which frightened the chó sói, sói so much, that he ran trang chủ without going to the fair."
AND THAT'S WHY bạn DON'T FUCK WITH PIGS.
-DA END-
Haha Jared, I wish. :)
I made that joke an giờ ago. AW FUCK! WHEN WILL THIS END!?
"He went to the little pig’s house, and told him how frightened he had been bởi a great round thing which came down the đồi núi, hill past him."
IT WAS BIG, IT WAS ALL WIGGLY, AND IT ATE EVERYTHING! XD
Spongebob for the fucking win.
"Then the little pig said: Hah, I frightened you, then. I had been to the fair and bought a butter-churn, and when I saw you, I got into it, and rolled down the hill."
Suddenly this pig..... He almost murdered a wolf.... He resorted to bloodshed in a kids book.....
LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING BOSS! ^_______^
Damn it, I made that joke an giờ cách đây too. FUCK!
"Then the chó sói, sói was very angry indeed, and declared he would eat up the little pig, and that he would get down the chimney after him."
Yes wolf. Reveal your plans in a very obvious way. Tell the pig straight up you're going to kill him and let him set up to kill you. :)
I'M TELLING YOU, THIS chó sói, sói IS STUPIDER THAN COSMO FROM THE FAIRLY ODDPARENTS! WHO THE HELL WOULD SAY WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO DO TO SOMEONE!?
Also for a moment I thought I was đọc The Twilight Zone. It's just that this book has so much dark themes in it.
...........
I just called The Three Little Pigs dark. Wow.
Holy shit. I'm going insane.
"When the little pig saw what he was about, he hung on the pot full of water, and made up a blazing fire, and, just as the chó sói, sói was coming down, took off the cover, and in fell the wolf; so the little pig put on the cover again in an instant, boiled him up, and ate him for supper, and lived happy ever afterwards."
THANK Jesus IT'S FINALLY OVER.
In conclusion, why do so many people like this book? It's boring, a bit dark for kids, has a lot of long sentences and words in it 4 năm old kids wouldn't understand, it's too long for it's own good, and the characters are được trao little to no to Scrappy Doo personality.
It's cliche, lame, and outdated as hell. And that's it. I'm finally done, holy shit.
(For the record, all of the conclusion is a lie. Well, most of it anyways. I really did like this story, so leave me alone các bình luận section.)
Anyways, this is Jared Potts, signing o-
??: Guess who..... Hahaha......
Me: Well fuck.
Kyros: Yes, it's me again. And you.... bạn sick bastard.....
Me: What do bạn want, some popcorn? It's in the cabin-
Kyros: SILENCE! bạn shall pay DEARLY for what bạn did to me! And your punishment......
Me: What is it, lunch detention? :D
Kyros! THAT'S IT! FOR YOUR tiếp theo CRUSHING THE CLASSICS ARTICLE, YOU'RE GOING TO REVIEW YOUR yêu thích DR. SUESS STORY.......
Me: Wait.... bạn wouldn't.....
Kyros: Oh yes I would... Ha....Haha..... HAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!!!
Me: Please.... Don't do it! I tình yêu that book!
Kyros: IT'S FINAL! YOU'RE REVIEWING..............
Kyros: The. Butter. Battle. Book.
Me: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Well shit, the tiếp theo episode's going to be a doozie. Goddamn it Kyros. Anyways, see bạn guys later! Thanks for reading, and don't forget to click the I'm A người hâm mộ button if bạn enjoyed!)
1. Your đọc my article.
2. You're wondering why you're even đọc this.
4. bạn didn't notice that I misspelled you're on #1
5. And you're checking back now
6. Nor did bạn notice I skipped number three.
7. bạn don't even feel like checking back this time. You'll take my word for it..
8. This is so stupid that bạn silently chuckle to yourself.
9. Then bạn realize that six isn't true because that doesn't make sense and that this is a rip off.
10. But bạn remember that a fact is something that can be proven right hoặc wrong, so technically it was a fact.
11. bạn wish bạn never began to read this stupid stuff now but its still hard to stop.
13. I didn't catch bạn with the missing number this time. hoặc did I?
14. bạn wonder why I'm being such a smart butt.
15. But then again, my mind đọc powers amaze you.
16. bạn totally forgot I was only supposed to tell bạn ten facts.
2. You're wondering why you're even đọc this.
4. bạn didn't notice that I misspelled you're on #1
5. And you're checking back now
6. Nor did bạn notice I skipped number three.
7. bạn don't even feel like checking back this time. You'll take my word for it..
8. This is so stupid that bạn silently chuckle to yourself.
9. Then bạn realize that six isn't true because that doesn't make sense and that this is a rip off.
10. But bạn remember that a fact is something that can be proven right hoặc wrong, so technically it was a fact.
11. bạn wish bạn never began to read this stupid stuff now but its still hard to stop.
13. I didn't catch bạn with the missing number this time. hoặc did I?
14. bạn wonder why I'm being such a smart butt.
15. But then again, my mind đọc powers amaze you.
16. bạn totally forgot I was only supposed to tell bạn ten facts.
Ring a Ring a Rosies,
a pocket full of posies
ATISHOO ATISHOO, we all fall down
Known to be a song about a ring of roses, little children hát in a row, then bạn sneeze and bạn fall down. Did bạn ever play that game as a young child? Hold hands and dance in a circle?
Now for the reality.
This nursery rhyme is about the Black Plague.
Ring a ring a rosies - bạn used to have large pinky red circles on your skin, this is how bạn knew bạn had the plague.
A pocket full of posies - People used to hold posies up to their nose to keep the smell of death away. They also believed that it would keep the plague away. (didn't work)
Atishoo Atishoo we all fall down - bạn know what THAT means? if not that, people would sneeze and cough and you'd know that OHMYGOD WERE DYING! And you'd all fall down (basically, you've popped your clogs)
Some people think it is a very, haunting, creepy song if sung in a certain way other than the cheerful way.
Randomness lol.
a pocket full of posies
ATISHOO ATISHOO, we all fall down
Known to be a song about a ring of roses, little children hát in a row, then bạn sneeze and bạn fall down. Did bạn ever play that game as a young child? Hold hands and dance in a circle?
Now for the reality.
This nursery rhyme is about the Black Plague.
Ring a ring a rosies - bạn used to have large pinky red circles on your skin, this is how bạn knew bạn had the plague.
A pocket full of posies - People used to hold posies up to their nose to keep the smell of death away. They also believed that it would keep the plague away. (didn't work)
Atishoo Atishoo we all fall down - bạn know what THAT means? if not that, people would sneeze and cough and you'd know that OHMYGOD WERE DYING! And you'd all fall down (basically, you've popped your clogs)
Some people think it is a very, haunting, creepy song if sung in a certain way other than the cheerful way.
Randomness lol.
ajl's user icon
I NOT HAS A PMS!!!!! - k.
Giggle Giggle went the lad’s,
For they were doing something bad,
What they were holding in their hands,
Oh, it was not the building plans!
Leaders of the building team,
Oh - so - sensible they seemed,
But what nobody else did see,
Was making them chuckle with glee!
One of them looked over his shoulder,
One of the men, the picture holder,
Just to make absolutely sure,
No one thought them immature.
When he saw the coast was clear,
Once thêm at the picture did he peer,
And I’m sure bởi now you’re aware,
Exactly what that man saw there!
