How's my story so far?

The plot is a 8 năm old girl is possessed bởi a demon-vampire, and the whole story is from her 20 năm old sister's POV. Here's some of it. Hope this doesn't sounds like a weird plot :\


I walked down the đường phố, street only to find my yêu thích breakfast bar infront of me.
I opend the door and walked in as the bells chimed as they hit the glass. I
looked around to see if Rosie was here, but it turns out, she wasn't. I
guess she doesn't work on Wensdays. I walked to the front counter and sat
down on one of those high chairs that spin. The velvet color reminded me of
the dress my sister wore to her một giây grade buổi hòa nhạc in December. She is
starting 3rd grade soon, and she's scared. Going to a new school must be
hard for a kid her age. And those nasty 5th graders. In my school, we were
separated from the kids in the higher grades. Even the buses were divided
into garde levels. And we had to wear uniforms. If bạn were in 3rd grade,
bạn would wear purple, 4th grade, green, and 5th grade, blue. I remember I
got Mất tích the first day, and a teacher lectured me on how I wasn't paying
attention, but I didn't care. The woman had no kids, so she didn't know
what it feels like to get Mất tích at such a young age especially when a kid
comes trang chủ and starts kicking the dust screamin at the wind at how stupid
some people were for tratin children like that. I had sat on my tire
lung lay, swing that ngày thinking about how my life was going to end up.