I woke up this morning and looked over at the alarm clock to see that it was only 7 AM. I looked at my calendar and couldn't stop staring at the date; March 15th, 1995. Today is Alanna's first birthday and I can't believe it has gone bởi this fast. I got out of giường and quickly changed my clothes before walking down the hallway. I looked up the staircase that leads downstairs and glanced over at Alanna's bedroom door. I quietly walked inside her bedroom and leaned over the hàng đầu, đầu trang of the crib. I quietly watched her sleep peacefully and found myself starting to cry. Why am I doing this? Why am I crying? It's no big deal! Get a hold of yourself Mike! You're being ridiculous!
As I turned to walk out of the room, I heard her babbling something and turned around. I playfully đã đưa ý kiến "I woke bạn up; didn't I?" I walked up to her and lifted her into my arms. I kissed her forehead and đã đưa ý kiến "happy first birthday Alanna!" I bought her downstairs and put her in the living room while I went to go get something for us to eat. I came back into the living room with a container of yogurt and a spoon. I sat down on the edge of the đi văng and asked "here; bạn want some?" I can never get her to sit down long enough because she's always wantng to go somewhere. Every few phút she would walk up to me and try to grab the spoon. I đã đưa ý kiến "you have to ask for it." Then she showed me sign language for "more" and I would feed her a spoon full. I'm not Công chúa tóc xù enough to give her the spoon because I have a feeling that the entire living room would end up covered in yogurt!
My bodyguard Jeffrey came downstairs and đã đưa ý kiến "oh; the birthday girl is awake!" I đã đưa ý kiến "yeah; I was hoping she would still be asleep so we would have time to start decorating for the party; but I accidentally woke her up." Jeffrey asked "well; now that I'm awake, what would bạn like me to start helping bạn with Mr. Jackson?" I walked over to the coffee bàn and grabbed a notepad. I passed it to him and he asked "only Janet, your brothers, Latoya, Rebbie, your mother, and Frank are invited to the party? I thought for sure bạn would've invited thêm people! You're not going to invite Debbie hoặc Lisa Marie?" I đã đưa ý kiến "Debbie đã đưa ý kiến she doesn't really want to be around the baby too much because she doesn't want to get attached. As for Lisa, I'm still hurting a lot and I don't know if I’m ready to forgive her! She devastated me because I wanted to have children so badly with her! I'm not even sure if she pays attention to the tabloid magazines enough to know that Alanna even exists!" Jeffrey đã đưa ý kiến "fair enough Sir; what would bạn like my help with?" I đã đưa ý kiến "well; bạn can start helping me put the decorations up around the house!" I grabbed a big cardboard box from inside the closet and drop it down on the table. Jeffrey started sifting through it and asked "don't bạn think this is a little too much stuff for a one-year-olds birthday party? I mean, she's not really going to know the difference between a couple of balloons and streamers as opposed to 300 of them!" I playfully smacked his shoulder and đã đưa ý kiến "stop whining Jeffrey; anything for my little girl!"
It took us over an giờ and a half to get all of the baby color màu hồng, hồng decorations and plates spread out across the first floor of the house. Before I knew it, there was a knock on the front door and I opened it to find Latoya standing there with a big white box in her arms. I invited her inside and she placed both the big white box and a gift bag on the phòng bếp, nhà bếp table. I đã đưa ý kiến "thanks for picking up her birthday cake for me on such short notice! bạn are a lifesaver!" Latoya responded as she hugged me "of course Michael; the staff members there at the bakery already had it waiting for me when I arrived. I can't wait for bạn to see what it looks like!" I đã đưa ý kiến "you weren't supposed to look at it Latoya; it's supposed to be a surprise!" She đã đưa ý kiến "I know Michael; I'm sorry! I just couldn't help it because it was sitting right tiếp theo to me in the car!" I lifted the lid on the cake box and đã đưa ý kiến "this is so adorable and so pink! I like the hot màu hồng, hồng feathers they glued to the base of the cake! It's so girly!"
Just after placing the cake on the bàn in the dining room, the rest of the family members and my manager Frank arrived at the house. I'm still not too thrilled with the fact that my brothers are actually here because Alanna has only seen them a few times since she's been born; which is pretty pathetic if bạn ask me! I hugged each of them and Jackie asked "where is Allison?" I cringed with irritation as I đã đưa ý kiến "her name’s not Allison it's Alanna and she is in the living room!" Jackie đã đưa ý kiến "sorry about that. I'm going to wish her a happy birthday!" After a while, I started to lose track of time because I was wondering why Alanna was diễn xuất so fussy and when I looked down at my watch I noticed it was 20 phút past her nap time.
We all went to the dining room and I đã đưa ý kiến "we have to try to do this birthday cake and present thing kind of fast because she could fall asleep any một phút now!" I shut the lights off as Latoya brought the birthday cake with the candles lit into the dining room. She put it down in front of Alanna; who was sitting on my lap and we all sang happy birthday to her. Afterwards, I helped her blow out the candles and before I could even stop her, she shoved her face into the side of the cake! All of us started cracking up as she lifted her face covered in màu hồng, hồng frosting and did a face plant onto the table. I looked down at her and đã đưa ý kiến "I don't think she's going to be eating the cake today!" Mother asked "why not Michael?" I đã đưa ý kiến "because she's fast asleep!"
***
"Can bạn say 'daddy'?" My daughter looked at me as if I had three heads and continued to eat the few crackers I put on her high chair tray. I đã đưa ý kiến "apparently bạn can't; that's okay! We'll work on it and before bạn know it you'll know thousands of words!" I took her out of the high chair and brought her into the play room where all her toys are. As I sat there picking up a few toys off the floor, Jeffrey invited my manager Frank inside the house. He came into the room and sat down tiếp theo to me on the floor. I asked "what are bạn doing here? We didn't have anything planned for today; did we?" He responded "I can't believe bạn forgot already; bạn have the televised interview with Diane Sawyer in just a few hours!" I slapped my hand against my face and đã đưa ý kiến "I better call Grace to come watch the baby then! This is the first time I'm leaving her with the baby on her own because all bạn and I have really been working on is finishing up the new album in my personal recording studio!"
After Grace arrived at the house, I led her inside to the play room where Alanna was watching the lion King on the TV. I asked concerned "are bạn sure bạn don't want me to stay? It's not too much for bạn to watch her on such short notice; is it?" Grace đã đưa ý kiến "you're worrying for nothing Michael. Go have a nice interview and things will be fine when bạn get back! bạn can trust me!" I kissed Alanna over five times before Frank grabbed me bởi my arm and dragged me out of the house. We got into the car and he đã đưa ý kiến "calm down Mike; the baby is fine! bạn need to get yourself into interview mode and trust that the nanny has everything under control!" I took a deep breath and đã đưa ý kiến "I know; it's just really hard for me because I've never left her with somebody else before without me being there! It's better late than never because I was going to have to do it eventually when I go on tour again." Frank asked "are bạn nervous about the interview?" I đã đưa ý kiến "I'm pretty nervous because we scheduled this interview a năm in advance when me Lisa I were still together and Diane was supposed to interview both of us as a couple! I don't know what I'm going to talk about now!" Frank suggested "you could talk about what it's like being a daddy!" I đã đưa ý kiến "I really want to keep the talking about Alanna to a minimum because I don't think she needs the overexposure hoặc the press to be all over her!"
I sat there in the interview chair on the set of the Diane Sawyer hiển thị with her sitting across from me looking at cards that she held in her hands. The cameraman signaled to start rolling and she introduced the hiển thị like she normally does. She started asking me the typical các câu hỏi about "history" and the tour. I knew it was only a matter of time before the topic of Alanna came to surface. She asked "so; how's your little one?" I felt trapped and obligated to answer the câu hỏi because it's a live broadcast show. I knew I couldn't just avoid the câu hỏi like I normally would! I đã đưa ý kiến reluctantly "she's doing well!" Diane asked "is she a chip off the old block?" I đã đưa ý kiến "it's hard to really tell because she's only 13 months old; but she does tình yêu when I play âm nhạc around the house!"
I was silently hoping and praying that she was done probing me for các câu trả lời about something that I clearly didn't want to talk about! I tried to make it clear with my body language and thankfully she caught on! About 40 các câu hỏi later, the interview was over and I breathed sigh of relief as I walked off the stage. I immediately pulled Frank away from the snack bàn and đã đưa ý kiến "come on; I want to get out of here and go back to my baby!" Frank quickly grabbed a doughnut in each hand and followed me out the back door to the car. After we got inside, I đã đưa ý kiến "I hated how Diane kept asking me about Alanna when I obviously didn't want to talk about her! I want bạn to make it very clear to any interviewer in the future that talking about my kids is strictly off-limits! I don't want to have to be put in that situation again! I had no choice but to answer the câu hỏi because it was on live TV! Either bạn tell them not to ask about Alanna anymore hoặc I just won't do live TV shows anymore!" Frank asked "are bạn seriously going to use that against me Michael? It's not like I wanted that to happen!" I rolled my eyes and đã đưa ý kiến "yeah right; if bạn don't want that to happen bạn wouldn't have brought it up on the car ride to the TV set!" For the rest of the ride back to the ranch Frank sat there silent because I think he was embarrassed that I caught him in a lie!
As soon as we pulled into the driveway, I bolted out of the car and inside the house. I ran upstairs and Grace was just shutting Alanna's bedroom door. I whispered "did bạn have any trouble getting her down for a nap because I wasn't here?" She đã đưa ý kiến "she cried for the first few phút and then I just put a movie on the TV in her bedroom. She's not asleep yet; but she probably will be any một phút now!" I quietly crept into her room and glanced down at her as she smiled up at me with her pacifier in her mouth. I rubbed her back and đã đưa ý kiến "hi.” She took the pacifier out of her mouth and đã đưa ý kiến "hi daddy" as she drifted off to sleep. I shut the bedroom door and đã đưa ý kiến "she just đã đưa ý kiến her first words! I have a feeling that once I get her talking she's not going to stop!"
***
It seems like Alanna has been learning tons of words every single ngày since she started talking! The only one that she really likes to say right now is "no." She must've learned that word from hearing me say it over and over again to her. I feel I am going to have to learn to use another word besides no! She's almost 20 months old now and I can't believe how fast time is going by.
***
I was sitting at the bàn with Grace because I wanted to have a conversation with her about Alanna. I đã đưa ý kiến "Frank came over yesterday and finalized the dates for my tour." She asked "have bạn decided whether hoặc not you're going to take the baby with bạn hoặc leave her here with me?" I đã đưa ý kiến "I couldn't sleep at all last night because I was trying to figure out what I'm going to do! I just don't think that I could leave her behind! I just don't think it would be fair to either of us! Obviously I can't spend every waking một phút with her while I'm busy with the tour; that's why wanted to ask bạn if bạn would go on the tour with us just to watch Alanna during the day?" She sat there in silence for a few phút and then đã đưa ý kiến "I would tình yêu to go all over the world with bạn and the baby together! When do we leave?" I responded "September 14th is when we leave and go straight to Munich." She đã đưa ý kiến "this is honestly the best job I've ever had!"
***
I miss the days when Alanna was just a happy go lucky baby because now she is starting to hiển thị the signs of starting her terrible twos! I don't think negotiating is going to work for very long because she's starting to throw temper tantrums and I find it really embarrassing as a father.
We sat there in the living room watching TV when I đã đưa ý kiến "okay; I think it's time to watch something else now because we've seen this movie five times in a row and daddy is getting a little sick of it.” She protested "no; thêm Aladdin! Don't shut it off!" I ignored her and walked up the TV to switch the movie. I put "the cáo, fox and the hound" on the TV and sat back down on the couch. Alanna did something that she had never done before; she climbed onto my lap and slapped my leg. I casually đã đưa ý kiến "that wasn't very nice." She just looked at me and slapped my leg again. I did like I would normally do if she was diễn xuất out and just ignored her.
phút later, Grace arrived at the house because I decided to get her thêm acquainted with Alanna since she will be spending a lot of time with her while I'm on tour. I invited her inside and she asked "did bạn have another business meeting that bạn need to go to?" I đã đưa ý kiến "no, I'm going to be around the house all ngày and I just wanted bạn to get thêm comfortable with the baby. Actually I wanted to ask bạn if bạn would like to di chuyển into one of the guest bedrooms? I won't charge bạn rent hoặc anything? I just want bạn two to get used to each other because I probably won't be around as much as I want to be when the tour starts. She đã đưa ý kiến "I would tình yêu to live here temporarily! I just want bạn to know that if bạn feel that I am invading your rights hoặc your parenting just tell me because I have a tendency to do that with past clients." I đã đưa ý kiến "I have a feeling that bạn and I are going to get along just fine!"
As I stood there in the phòng bếp, nhà bếp talking with Grace, Alanna continued to give me dirty looks from inside the living room. Grace and I walked into the living room and Alanna resumed in slapping my legs. I rolled my eyes and đã đưa ý kiến "I think someone needs a nap." Grace suggested "you know Michael; she is almost 2 years old. It wouldn't be a bad time to start enforcing discipline with her." I đã đưa ý kiến "no, I'm a really laid-back type of dad. I think she's too young for that stuff anyway. I don't think she really knows any better!" Besides, she's too cute to be mad at!" Grace chuckled and đã đưa ý kiến "whatever bạn say Mr. Jackson! I just think you're going to regret it later on because I don't think you're laid-back parenting approach is going to work for very long!" I chuckled and đã đưa ý kiến "I personally think you're wrong about that; but we'll have to see who's right!"
***
Grace is officially moved in temporarily at Neverland and I kind of like having someone to talk to other than Jeffrey. I opened my eyes because I felt like something was climbing all over me as I lay there in bed. The first thing I saw was Alanna jumping up and down on the bed. I looked at the clock and đã đưa ý kiến "grace must've taken bạn out of your cũi, giường cũi when bạn woke up.” I playfully scooped her into my arms and carried her downstairs. Grace was just starting to make a pot of coffee when I sat Alanna down in her high chair. Grace đã đưa ý kiến "nice to see that bạn two finally woke up!" I asked puzzled "what do bạn mean the two of us? bạn didn't take Alanna out of her cũi, giường cũi a little while ago?" Grace looked at me confused and đã đưa ý kiến "no, why would bạn think that?" I đã đưa ý kiến "because when I woke up this morning she was jumping up and down on my bed. She must've climbed out of her cũi, giường cũi on her own! That's just great; now I have a whole other thing to worry about now that she can get out of it on her own!"
I stood up and đã đưa ý kiến "since she's going to be two years old tiếp theo month, maybe it's time to get rid of the crib!" Grace and I laughed as Alanna grinned from ear to ear at the sound of me saying that." I đã đưa ý kiến "I guess that means that we're going shopping today!" Grace đã đưa ý kiến "I have some things of my own to take care of; but if bạn need me I'm just a phone call away." I shook my head in agreement and went back upstairs with the baby to go get ready for the day.
My bodyguard Jeffrey drove Alanna and I to a children's store and I asked "how come all these cars are in the parking lot Jeffrey?" Jeffrey đã đưa ý kiến "oh my gosh Mr. Jackson; I'm so sorry I forgot to call the manager and ask him to shut the store down in advance!" I responded "that's fine; I'll just put the mask on Alanna so we can go inside. I just hope not too many people interrupt us because I have a shopping to do. You'll definitely have to go inside with us now Jeffrey because it'll be absolute chaos if bạn don't!"
The một giây we entered the store, all the customers went crazy. I'm all for appreciating my fans; but sometimes I would just like to be left alone and to be treated like a normal person! I had to make my decision on what giường to purchase very quickly because I just wanted to get out of the chaos! After picking out the bed, I grabbed a màu hồng, hồng bedding set off of a shelf and that's when Alanna had a complete MELTDOWN! She threw herself on the ground and refused to get up. I have to admit that I was completely embarrassed because I didn't know what to do. Now I felt like everyone else was looking at me for a different reason other than the fact that I'm Michael Jackson.
I tried to pick her up; but that just made matters worse because she kept screaming "that one, that one, that one" at the hàng đầu, đầu trang of her lungs. I reluctantly grabbed the Navy blue comforter set off of the shelf and gestured for Jeffrey to pay for it. I dropped the comforter at Jeffrey's feet and ran out the door with Alanna in my arms! I've never been so embarrassed in my life!
***
I'm still recovering from the incident at the furniture store yesterday. It only made matters worse because some people snapped pictures of the tantrum and sold it to tabloid magazines! I hope she gets over this tantrum phase because I'm going crazy!
Jeffrey came downstairs at around 7 o'clock at night and đã đưa ý kiến "I finally built the giường frame and put the mattress inside Mr. Jackson. I already took the cũi, giường cũi out of Alanna's room and Grace is in there putting the bedding on it right now." I picked Alanna up and asked excitedly "are bạn ready to go see your big bed?" She looked at me confused as we walked up the steps and into her room. I put her down and she immediately asked "no crib?" I picked her up and put her on her new giường under the covers. I đã đưa ý kiến "nope; no thêm crib! bạn stay in your giường and watch a movie until bạn fall asleep; okay?"
After turning on the TV, I walked out of the room and flopped backwards on the giường in my bedroom. I was startled bởi the sight of Alanna standing tiếp theo to the giường because I wasn't expecting her to be there. I got up and đã đưa ý kiến "no; bạn have to go back to your room and go to sleep." I placed her back into her giường and đã đưa ý kiến "sleep well." Once again, she came back into my bedroom and I brought her back to hers. After doing that several times, I think she was getting frustrated to with me because when I went back to my room she started to cry.
Every time she cries it's like the most awful thing she could do to me as a father. I just can't handle it. She started shouting "daddy your room" over and over. I whispered to myself "don't do it Mike! bạn can handle this! It's not that bad!" I sat there for 15 phút trying to distract myself bởi watching TV; but then she đã đưa ý kiến something that I just couldn't ignore. She đã đưa ý kiến in between sobs "I tình yêu bạn daddy!" That destroyed any willpower that I had left!
I walked into her room and wrapped her in my arms as tight as I possibly could. She stated again "your room daddy! I sleep in your room!" I reluctantly đã đưa ý kiến "yes; we're going to my room! We'll try the giường again tomorrow night!" I carried her back to my room; but she had fallen asleep in my arms before I could even lay her down. I gently placed her on the opposite side of the giường and turned the volume down on the TV.
I couldn't help but look at her as she lay there tiếp theo to me; curled up in a little ball with one of her thumbs in her mouth. I feel guilty for bringing her in here; but I think she's starting to realize that she has her daddy wrapped around her finger. I have to start figuring out this whole assertive parenting style and fast!
As I turned to walk out of the room, I heard her babbling something and turned around. I playfully đã đưa ý kiến "I woke bạn up; didn't I?" I walked up to her and lifted her into my arms. I kissed her forehead and đã đưa ý kiến "happy first birthday Alanna!" I bought her downstairs and put her in the living room while I went to go get something for us to eat. I came back into the living room with a container of yogurt and a spoon. I sat down on the edge of the đi văng and asked "here; bạn want some?" I can never get her to sit down long enough because she's always wantng to go somewhere. Every few phút she would walk up to me and try to grab the spoon. I đã đưa ý kiến "you have to ask for it." Then she showed me sign language for "more" and I would feed her a spoon full. I'm not Công chúa tóc xù enough to give her the spoon because I have a feeling that the entire living room would end up covered in yogurt!
My bodyguard Jeffrey came downstairs and đã đưa ý kiến "oh; the birthday girl is awake!" I đã đưa ý kiến "yeah; I was hoping she would still be asleep so we would have time to start decorating for the party; but I accidentally woke her up." Jeffrey asked "well; now that I'm awake, what would bạn like me to start helping bạn with Mr. Jackson?" I walked over to the coffee bàn and grabbed a notepad. I passed it to him and he asked "only Janet, your brothers, Latoya, Rebbie, your mother, and Frank are invited to the party? I thought for sure bạn would've invited thêm people! You're not going to invite Debbie hoặc Lisa Marie?" I đã đưa ý kiến "Debbie đã đưa ý kiến she doesn't really want to be around the baby too much because she doesn't want to get attached. As for Lisa, I'm still hurting a lot and I don't know if I’m ready to forgive her! She devastated me because I wanted to have children so badly with her! I'm not even sure if she pays attention to the tabloid magazines enough to know that Alanna even exists!" Jeffrey đã đưa ý kiến "fair enough Sir; what would bạn like my help with?" I đã đưa ý kiến "well; bạn can start helping me put the decorations up around the house!" I grabbed a big cardboard box from inside the closet and drop it down on the table. Jeffrey started sifting through it and asked "don't bạn think this is a little too much stuff for a one-year-olds birthday party? I mean, she's not really going to know the difference between a couple of balloons and streamers as opposed to 300 of them!" I playfully smacked his shoulder and đã đưa ý kiến "stop whining Jeffrey; anything for my little girl!"
It took us over an giờ and a half to get all of the baby color màu hồng, hồng decorations and plates spread out across the first floor of the house. Before I knew it, there was a knock on the front door and I opened it to find Latoya standing there with a big white box in her arms. I invited her inside and she placed both the big white box and a gift bag on the phòng bếp, nhà bếp table. I đã đưa ý kiến "thanks for picking up her birthday cake for me on such short notice! bạn are a lifesaver!" Latoya responded as she hugged me "of course Michael; the staff members there at the bakery already had it waiting for me when I arrived. I can't wait for bạn to see what it looks like!" I đã đưa ý kiến "you weren't supposed to look at it Latoya; it's supposed to be a surprise!" She đã đưa ý kiến "I know Michael; I'm sorry! I just couldn't help it because it was sitting right tiếp theo to me in the car!" I lifted the lid on the cake box and đã đưa ý kiến "this is so adorable and so pink! I like the hot màu hồng, hồng feathers they glued to the base of the cake! It's so girly!"
Just after placing the cake on the bàn in the dining room, the rest of the family members and my manager Frank arrived at the house. I'm still not too thrilled with the fact that my brothers are actually here because Alanna has only seen them a few times since she's been born; which is pretty pathetic if bạn ask me! I hugged each of them and Jackie asked "where is Allison?" I cringed with irritation as I đã đưa ý kiến "her name’s not Allison it's Alanna and she is in the living room!" Jackie đã đưa ý kiến "sorry about that. I'm going to wish her a happy birthday!" After a while, I started to lose track of time because I was wondering why Alanna was diễn xuất so fussy and when I looked down at my watch I noticed it was 20 phút past her nap time.
We all went to the dining room and I đã đưa ý kiến "we have to try to do this birthday cake and present thing kind of fast because she could fall asleep any một phút now!" I shut the lights off as Latoya brought the birthday cake with the candles lit into the dining room. She put it down in front of Alanna; who was sitting on my lap and we all sang happy birthday to her. Afterwards, I helped her blow out the candles and before I could even stop her, she shoved her face into the side of the cake! All of us started cracking up as she lifted her face covered in màu hồng, hồng frosting and did a face plant onto the table. I looked down at her and đã đưa ý kiến "I don't think she's going to be eating the cake today!" Mother asked "why not Michael?" I đã đưa ý kiến "because she's fast asleep!"
***
"Can bạn say 'daddy'?" My daughter looked at me as if I had three heads and continued to eat the few crackers I put on her high chair tray. I đã đưa ý kiến "apparently bạn can't; that's okay! We'll work on it and before bạn know it you'll know thousands of words!" I took her out of the high chair and brought her into the play room where all her toys are. As I sat there picking up a few toys off the floor, Jeffrey invited my manager Frank inside the house. He came into the room and sat down tiếp theo to me on the floor. I asked "what are bạn doing here? We didn't have anything planned for today; did we?" He responded "I can't believe bạn forgot already; bạn have the televised interview with Diane Sawyer in just a few hours!" I slapped my hand against my face and đã đưa ý kiến "I better call Grace to come watch the baby then! This is the first time I'm leaving her with the baby on her own because all bạn and I have really been working on is finishing up the new album in my personal recording studio!"
After Grace arrived at the house, I led her inside to the play room where Alanna was watching the lion King on the TV. I asked concerned "are bạn sure bạn don't want me to stay? It's not too much for bạn to watch her on such short notice; is it?" Grace đã đưa ý kiến "you're worrying for nothing Michael. Go have a nice interview and things will be fine when bạn get back! bạn can trust me!" I kissed Alanna over five times before Frank grabbed me bởi my arm and dragged me out of the house. We got into the car and he đã đưa ý kiến "calm down Mike; the baby is fine! bạn need to get yourself into interview mode and trust that the nanny has everything under control!" I took a deep breath and đã đưa ý kiến "I know; it's just really hard for me because I've never left her with somebody else before without me being there! It's better late than never because I was going to have to do it eventually when I go on tour again." Frank asked "are bạn nervous about the interview?" I đã đưa ý kiến "I'm pretty nervous because we scheduled this interview a năm in advance when me Lisa I were still together and Diane was supposed to interview both of us as a couple! I don't know what I'm going to talk about now!" Frank suggested "you could talk about what it's like being a daddy!" I đã đưa ý kiến "I really want to keep the talking about Alanna to a minimum because I don't think she needs the overexposure hoặc the press to be all over her!"
I sat there in the interview chair on the set of the Diane Sawyer hiển thị with her sitting across from me looking at cards that she held in her hands. The cameraman signaled to start rolling and she introduced the hiển thị like she normally does. She started asking me the typical các câu hỏi about "history" and the tour. I knew it was only a matter of time before the topic of Alanna came to surface. She asked "so; how's your little one?" I felt trapped and obligated to answer the câu hỏi because it's a live broadcast show. I knew I couldn't just avoid the câu hỏi like I normally would! I đã đưa ý kiến reluctantly "she's doing well!" Diane asked "is she a chip off the old block?" I đã đưa ý kiến "it's hard to really tell because she's only 13 months old; but she does tình yêu when I play âm nhạc around the house!"
I was silently hoping and praying that she was done probing me for các câu trả lời about something that I clearly didn't want to talk about! I tried to make it clear with my body language and thankfully she caught on! About 40 các câu hỏi later, the interview was over and I breathed sigh of relief as I walked off the stage. I immediately pulled Frank away from the snack bàn and đã đưa ý kiến "come on; I want to get out of here and go back to my baby!" Frank quickly grabbed a doughnut in each hand and followed me out the back door to the car. After we got inside, I đã đưa ý kiến "I hated how Diane kept asking me about Alanna when I obviously didn't want to talk about her! I want bạn to make it very clear to any interviewer in the future that talking about my kids is strictly off-limits! I don't want to have to be put in that situation again! I had no choice but to answer the câu hỏi because it was on live TV! Either bạn tell them not to ask about Alanna anymore hoặc I just won't do live TV shows anymore!" Frank asked "are bạn seriously going to use that against me Michael? It's not like I wanted that to happen!" I rolled my eyes and đã đưa ý kiến "yeah right; if bạn don't want that to happen bạn wouldn't have brought it up on the car ride to the TV set!" For the rest of the ride back to the ranch Frank sat there silent because I think he was embarrassed that I caught him in a lie!
As soon as we pulled into the driveway, I bolted out of the car and inside the house. I ran upstairs and Grace was just shutting Alanna's bedroom door. I whispered "did bạn have any trouble getting her down for a nap because I wasn't here?" She đã đưa ý kiến "she cried for the first few phút and then I just put a movie on the TV in her bedroom. She's not asleep yet; but she probably will be any một phút now!" I quietly crept into her room and glanced down at her as she smiled up at me with her pacifier in her mouth. I rubbed her back and đã đưa ý kiến "hi.” She took the pacifier out of her mouth and đã đưa ý kiến "hi daddy" as she drifted off to sleep. I shut the bedroom door and đã đưa ý kiến "she just đã đưa ý kiến her first words! I have a feeling that once I get her talking she's not going to stop!"
***
It seems like Alanna has been learning tons of words every single ngày since she started talking! The only one that she really likes to say right now is "no." She must've learned that word from hearing me say it over and over again to her. I feel I am going to have to learn to use another word besides no! She's almost 20 months old now and I can't believe how fast time is going by.
***
I was sitting at the bàn with Grace because I wanted to have a conversation with her about Alanna. I đã đưa ý kiến "Frank came over yesterday and finalized the dates for my tour." She asked "have bạn decided whether hoặc not you're going to take the baby with bạn hoặc leave her here with me?" I đã đưa ý kiến "I couldn't sleep at all last night because I was trying to figure out what I'm going to do! I just don't think that I could leave her behind! I just don't think it would be fair to either of us! Obviously I can't spend every waking một phút with her while I'm busy with the tour; that's why wanted to ask bạn if bạn would go on the tour with us just to watch Alanna during the day?" She sat there in silence for a few phút and then đã đưa ý kiến "I would tình yêu to go all over the world with bạn and the baby together! When do we leave?" I responded "September 14th is when we leave and go straight to Munich." She đã đưa ý kiến "this is honestly the best job I've ever had!"
***
I miss the days when Alanna was just a happy go lucky baby because now she is starting to hiển thị the signs of starting her terrible twos! I don't think negotiating is going to work for very long because she's starting to throw temper tantrums and I find it really embarrassing as a father.
We sat there in the living room watching TV when I đã đưa ý kiến "okay; I think it's time to watch something else now because we've seen this movie five times in a row and daddy is getting a little sick of it.” She protested "no; thêm Aladdin! Don't shut it off!" I ignored her and walked up the TV to switch the movie. I put "the cáo, fox and the hound" on the TV and sat back down on the couch. Alanna did something that she had never done before; she climbed onto my lap and slapped my leg. I casually đã đưa ý kiến "that wasn't very nice." She just looked at me and slapped my leg again. I did like I would normally do if she was diễn xuất out and just ignored her.
phút later, Grace arrived at the house because I decided to get her thêm acquainted with Alanna since she will be spending a lot of time with her while I'm on tour. I invited her inside and she asked "did bạn have another business meeting that bạn need to go to?" I đã đưa ý kiến "no, I'm going to be around the house all ngày and I just wanted bạn to get thêm comfortable with the baby. Actually I wanted to ask bạn if bạn would like to di chuyển into one of the guest bedrooms? I won't charge bạn rent hoặc anything? I just want bạn two to get used to each other because I probably won't be around as much as I want to be when the tour starts. She đã đưa ý kiến "I would tình yêu to live here temporarily! I just want bạn to know that if bạn feel that I am invading your rights hoặc your parenting just tell me because I have a tendency to do that with past clients." I đã đưa ý kiến "I have a feeling that bạn and I are going to get along just fine!"
As I stood there in the phòng bếp, nhà bếp talking with Grace, Alanna continued to give me dirty looks from inside the living room. Grace and I walked into the living room and Alanna resumed in slapping my legs. I rolled my eyes and đã đưa ý kiến "I think someone needs a nap." Grace suggested "you know Michael; she is almost 2 years old. It wouldn't be a bad time to start enforcing discipline with her." I đã đưa ý kiến "no, I'm a really laid-back type of dad. I think she's too young for that stuff anyway. I don't think she really knows any better!" Besides, she's too cute to be mad at!" Grace chuckled and đã đưa ý kiến "whatever bạn say Mr. Jackson! I just think you're going to regret it later on because I don't think you're laid-back parenting approach is going to work for very long!" I chuckled and đã đưa ý kiến "I personally think you're wrong about that; but we'll have to see who's right!"
***
Grace is officially moved in temporarily at Neverland and I kind of like having someone to talk to other than Jeffrey. I opened my eyes because I felt like something was climbing all over me as I lay there in bed. The first thing I saw was Alanna jumping up and down on the bed. I looked at the clock and đã đưa ý kiến "grace must've taken bạn out of your cũi, giường cũi when bạn woke up.” I playfully scooped her into my arms and carried her downstairs. Grace was just starting to make a pot of coffee when I sat Alanna down in her high chair. Grace đã đưa ý kiến "nice to see that bạn two finally woke up!" I asked puzzled "what do bạn mean the two of us? bạn didn't take Alanna out of her cũi, giường cũi a little while ago?" Grace looked at me confused and đã đưa ý kiến "no, why would bạn think that?" I đã đưa ý kiến "because when I woke up this morning she was jumping up and down on my bed. She must've climbed out of her cũi, giường cũi on her own! That's just great; now I have a whole other thing to worry about now that she can get out of it on her own!"
I stood up and đã đưa ý kiến "since she's going to be two years old tiếp theo month, maybe it's time to get rid of the crib!" Grace and I laughed as Alanna grinned from ear to ear at the sound of me saying that." I đã đưa ý kiến "I guess that means that we're going shopping today!" Grace đã đưa ý kiến "I have some things of my own to take care of; but if bạn need me I'm just a phone call away." I shook my head in agreement and went back upstairs with the baby to go get ready for the day.
My bodyguard Jeffrey drove Alanna and I to a children's store and I asked "how come all these cars are in the parking lot Jeffrey?" Jeffrey đã đưa ý kiến "oh my gosh Mr. Jackson; I'm so sorry I forgot to call the manager and ask him to shut the store down in advance!" I responded "that's fine; I'll just put the mask on Alanna so we can go inside. I just hope not too many people interrupt us because I have a shopping to do. You'll definitely have to go inside with us now Jeffrey because it'll be absolute chaos if bạn don't!"
The một giây we entered the store, all the customers went crazy. I'm all for appreciating my fans; but sometimes I would just like to be left alone and to be treated like a normal person! I had to make my decision on what giường to purchase very quickly because I just wanted to get out of the chaos! After picking out the bed, I grabbed a màu hồng, hồng bedding set off of a shelf and that's when Alanna had a complete MELTDOWN! She threw herself on the ground and refused to get up. I have to admit that I was completely embarrassed because I didn't know what to do. Now I felt like everyone else was looking at me for a different reason other than the fact that I'm Michael Jackson.
I tried to pick her up; but that just made matters worse because she kept screaming "that one, that one, that one" at the hàng đầu, đầu trang of her lungs. I reluctantly grabbed the Navy blue comforter set off of the shelf and gestured for Jeffrey to pay for it. I dropped the comforter at Jeffrey's feet and ran out the door with Alanna in my arms! I've never been so embarrassed in my life!
***
I'm still recovering from the incident at the furniture store yesterday. It only made matters worse because some people snapped pictures of the tantrum and sold it to tabloid magazines! I hope she gets over this tantrum phase because I'm going crazy!
Jeffrey came downstairs at around 7 o'clock at night and đã đưa ý kiến "I finally built the giường frame and put the mattress inside Mr. Jackson. I already took the cũi, giường cũi out of Alanna's room and Grace is in there putting the bedding on it right now." I picked Alanna up and asked excitedly "are bạn ready to go see your big bed?" She looked at me confused as we walked up the steps and into her room. I put her down and she immediately asked "no crib?" I picked her up and put her on her new giường under the covers. I đã đưa ý kiến "nope; no thêm crib! bạn stay in your giường and watch a movie until bạn fall asleep; okay?"
After turning on the TV, I walked out of the room and flopped backwards on the giường in my bedroom. I was startled bởi the sight of Alanna standing tiếp theo to the giường because I wasn't expecting her to be there. I got up and đã đưa ý kiến "no; bạn have to go back to your room and go to sleep." I placed her back into her giường and đã đưa ý kiến "sleep well." Once again, she came back into my bedroom and I brought her back to hers. After doing that several times, I think she was getting frustrated to with me because when I went back to my room she started to cry.
Every time she cries it's like the most awful thing she could do to me as a father. I just can't handle it. She started shouting "daddy your room" over and over. I whispered to myself "don't do it Mike! bạn can handle this! It's not that bad!" I sat there for 15 phút trying to distract myself bởi watching TV; but then she đã đưa ý kiến something that I just couldn't ignore. She đã đưa ý kiến in between sobs "I tình yêu bạn daddy!" That destroyed any willpower that I had left!
I walked into her room and wrapped her in my arms as tight as I possibly could. She stated again "your room daddy! I sleep in your room!" I reluctantly đã đưa ý kiến "yes; we're going to my room! We'll try the giường again tomorrow night!" I carried her back to my room; but she had fallen asleep in my arms before I could even lay her down. I gently placed her on the opposite side of the giường and turned the volume down on the TV.
I couldn't help but look at her as she lay there tiếp theo to me; curled up in a little ball with one of her thumbs in her mouth. I feel guilty for bringing her in here; but I think she's starting to realize that she has her daddy wrapped around her finger. I have to start figuring out this whole assertive parenting style and fast!