As the alarm went off that morning I rolled over to cut it off and back again to feel for bạn House. bạn weren't beside me. Who would have known that would become the theme of this relationship? I called out to bạn but there was no answer. Where are bạn I wondered?
bạn had declared your tình yêu in a drunken stupor the night before. As my feet hit the floor and I started toward the bathroom a hand reached out from under the giường and grabbed my ankle.
"What the ...." Out slid a sexy figure from under the bed. "You waited under the giường so bạn could scare me?" I am in tình yêu with a 10 năm old.
"Gee I hope not", came that sexy voice.
As I kneeled down on the floor where bạn laid I began kisssing your beautiful face and those sexy lips that I tình yêu so dearly. Your body feels so good and I wanted bạn but I pulled away and excused myself to the bathroom and what I found was blood in my urine and as I came out of the bathroom and announced;
"House there is blood in my urine" I didn't realize it would be the last time my body would be touching yours.
Through all the tests and the waiting I thought bạn would come. I thought bạn wouldn't be able to stay away. I was so scared and so alone. I needed bạn to hold me and to tell me it would be ok. I had never felt so "alone."
When I opened my eyes and bạn were there in the hospital door I thought bạn had finally made a decision to let me in and no matter what the costs hoặc the pain bạn would be there. Just bạn being there made me feel safer. Knowing your head was in the game I knew if there was an answer bạn would find it.
But bạn weren't there. Years of abusing these pills and alcohol and two years of being clean and now being with me has drove bạn back to all these crutches. I thought being with me would make bạn better but it's making bạn worse.
Driving to your apartment I was hoping bạn would have something to say that would take away the doubts and fears I had and maybe that bạn could tell me I was wrong and that I wasn't a problem. I had wanted bạn from the first time I met you. I loved bạn and I wanted bạn thêm than I had ever wanted anything. bạn are challenging, intelligent, witty, exasperating, super sexy, but bạn still would not let me inside. There is something inside bạn that will only deal with me on a logical plain. YOu are afraid to let yourself completely tình yêu me and I am scared bạn will kill yourself trying to let me in. bạn can't allow yourself to be vulnerable without something to numb the pain.
The struggle in my mind on the way to your apartment was pure torture. I told bạn I didn't want bạn to change.
bạn were confident and knew what bạn wanted. I didn't want bạn to change. bạn had not left me alone for thêm than 15 phút before we entered this relationship and now everytime there was a crisis bạn were avoiding me, lying to me, relying on alcohol, pills, everything but me. bạn use to argue your point and stand up to me when bạn thought bạn were right, which was always. bạn just continue to shut me out and only giving me the part of yourself that is physical. bạn refuse to share that không gian where your tim, trái tim is.
"You make me better and hopefully I make bạn better."
'But do I?"
I make bạn a worse doctor, I make bạn feel like bạn have to turn to alcohol hoặc pills instead of me. I cannot be the reason bạn go backwards House. I can't help bạn because I am your problem.
bạn are the most incerdible man I have ever known and I mean that. I want to be your best friend and your partner.
I do not have any interest in being your mother hoặc watching bạn self destruct. bạn have to come to terms with those broken pieces inside yourself and decide to repair them hoặc they will kill you. I will not be your enabler.
"How am I ever going to say goodbye to you", when all I want to do is stay? How will I ever get through the night without your arms encircling me, without your body against mine? "Oh House", why couldn't bạn let me in?
As I knock on the door and bạn answer I know this is going to hurt worse than anything I have ever done. There is that man that is tall, sexy, and has the most beautiful blue eyes standing in front of me but he is still just a hurt little boy on the inside. A hurt little boy that I can not fix because he will not let me inside.
"You took vicodin."
"As I đã đưa ý kiến that sentence I was thinking that
bạn ran from me when I needed you." bạn left me alone. I would never leave bạn alone. I never did. No matter how crazy bạn got hoặc what mess bạn created I never left bạn alone. I have become the chink in your armour. I am weaa kness and not a strength.
As bạn told me bạn were afraid I was going to die I knew that could have been possible but why didn't bạn want to be with me every một phút bạn could. why couldn't bạn just come to me and tell me that bạn were scared? Every một giây that we had left if something was wrong bạn should have wanted to be with me.
When bạn pleaded with me not to go I wanted to fall apart. I wanted to hold bạn and never let bạn go but I can't do this anymore House. as I touched your beautiful face my tim, trái tim shattered into so many pieces. I can't go through these childish behaviors anymore. I tình yêu bạn and I will always tình yêu bạn but this is up to you. I can't fix bạn and bạn refuse to fix yourself.
"Goodbye House."
bạn had declared your tình yêu in a drunken stupor the night before. As my feet hit the floor and I started toward the bathroom a hand reached out from under the giường and grabbed my ankle.
"What the ...." Out slid a sexy figure from under the bed. "You waited under the giường so bạn could scare me?" I am in tình yêu with a 10 năm old.
"Gee I hope not", came that sexy voice.
As I kneeled down on the floor where bạn laid I began kisssing your beautiful face and those sexy lips that I tình yêu so dearly. Your body feels so good and I wanted bạn but I pulled away and excused myself to the bathroom and what I found was blood in my urine and as I came out of the bathroom and announced;
"House there is blood in my urine" I didn't realize it would be the last time my body would be touching yours.
Through all the tests and the waiting I thought bạn would come. I thought bạn wouldn't be able to stay away. I was so scared and so alone. I needed bạn to hold me and to tell me it would be ok. I had never felt so "alone."
When I opened my eyes and bạn were there in the hospital door I thought bạn had finally made a decision to let me in and no matter what the costs hoặc the pain bạn would be there. Just bạn being there made me feel safer. Knowing your head was in the game I knew if there was an answer bạn would find it.
But bạn weren't there. Years of abusing these pills and alcohol and two years of being clean and now being with me has drove bạn back to all these crutches. I thought being with me would make bạn better but it's making bạn worse.
Driving to your apartment I was hoping bạn would have something to say that would take away the doubts and fears I had and maybe that bạn could tell me I was wrong and that I wasn't a problem. I had wanted bạn from the first time I met you. I loved bạn and I wanted bạn thêm than I had ever wanted anything. bạn are challenging, intelligent, witty, exasperating, super sexy, but bạn still would not let me inside. There is something inside bạn that will only deal with me on a logical plain. YOu are afraid to let yourself completely tình yêu me and I am scared bạn will kill yourself trying to let me in. bạn can't allow yourself to be vulnerable without something to numb the pain.
The struggle in my mind on the way to your apartment was pure torture. I told bạn I didn't want bạn to change.
bạn were confident and knew what bạn wanted. I didn't want bạn to change. bạn had not left me alone for thêm than 15 phút before we entered this relationship and now everytime there was a crisis bạn were avoiding me, lying to me, relying on alcohol, pills, everything but me. bạn use to argue your point and stand up to me when bạn thought bạn were right, which was always. bạn just continue to shut me out and only giving me the part of yourself that is physical. bạn refuse to share that không gian where your tim, trái tim is.
"You make me better and hopefully I make bạn better."
'But do I?"
I make bạn a worse doctor, I make bạn feel like bạn have to turn to alcohol hoặc pills instead of me. I cannot be the reason bạn go backwards House. I can't help bạn because I am your problem.
bạn are the most incerdible man I have ever known and I mean that. I want to be your best friend and your partner.
I do not have any interest in being your mother hoặc watching bạn self destruct. bạn have to come to terms with those broken pieces inside yourself and decide to repair them hoặc they will kill you. I will not be your enabler.
"How am I ever going to say goodbye to you", when all I want to do is stay? How will I ever get through the night without your arms encircling me, without your body against mine? "Oh House", why couldn't bạn let me in?
As I knock on the door and bạn answer I know this is going to hurt worse than anything I have ever done. There is that man that is tall, sexy, and has the most beautiful blue eyes standing in front of me but he is still just a hurt little boy on the inside. A hurt little boy that I can not fix because he will not let me inside.
"You took vicodin."
"As I đã đưa ý kiến that sentence I was thinking that
bạn ran from me when I needed you." bạn left me alone. I would never leave bạn alone. I never did. No matter how crazy bạn got hoặc what mess bạn created I never left bạn alone. I have become the chink in your armour. I am weaa kness and not a strength.
As bạn told me bạn were afraid I was going to die I knew that could have been possible but why didn't bạn want to be with me every một phút bạn could. why couldn't bạn just come to me and tell me that bạn were scared? Every một giây that we had left if something was wrong bạn should have wanted to be with me.
When bạn pleaded with me not to go I wanted to fall apart. I wanted to hold bạn and never let bạn go but I can't do this anymore House. as I touched your beautiful face my tim, trái tim shattered into so many pieces. I can't go through these childish behaviors anymore. I tình yêu bạn and I will always tình yêu bạn but this is up to you. I can't fix bạn and bạn refuse to fix yourself.
"Goodbye House."