Note: Because every time I read a ‘Haku is secretly a girl’ fic, I always wonder ‘if she’s hiding her gender, why in the world doesn’t she actually hide it’?
“Alright kid,” Momochi Zabuza decided, looking down at the young girl in front of him. “I suppose bạn can follow me around.”
“Yay!” she cheered. “I’ll be the best tool ever, Zabuza-dono!”
Zabuza winced. “Maybe bạn shouldn’t call me that, Haku…”
Haku cocked her head, confused. “But…but you’re my new master, Zabuza-dono.”
“Yeah, but think of how it looks! A young girl like bạn trailing around after an older guy like me and calling me ‘dono’…” Zabuza shook his head ruefully. “People will get ideas.”
Haku blinked innocently. “What kind of ideas?”
“We are NOT having this conversation,” Zabuza đã đưa ý kiến firmly.
“Are bạn sure, Zabuza-dono?” Haku asked. “When two people are talking it is generally called a ‘conversation’.”
“That’s not what I mean!”
“I still don’t quite understand your concern, but it seems to stem from the fact that I’m a female, right?” Haku inquired.
“…Yes,” Zabuza admitted finally.
“Well, I’ve been thinking about it and I’ve come to the conclusion that it would be very dangerous for me to be traveling around with bạn as a young girl. There are all sorts of perverts in the world, bạn know,” Haku đã đưa ý kiến sagely.
“You worry about that but bạn don’t get why I’m hesitant to have bạn call me ‘Master’?” Zabuza asked with no small amount of disbelief.
“Not at all,” Haku assured him brightly.
Zabuza sighed heavily. “So what do bạn plan to do? Dạ hội giả trang as a boy?”
Haku nodded firmly. “That sounds like a sound idea.”
“Alright,” Zabuza agreed reluctantly. “That should solve most of my image problems. Not all, God knows, but people should talk less, at least…we can go get bạn some boy clothes in the morning.”
“Boys clothes?” Haku was puzzled. “Whatever for?”
“Well, you’re planning to pretend to be a boy, right?” Zabuza checked to see if the plan had somehow changed.
“Absolutely, Zabuza-san,” Haku đã đưa ý kiến with a nod.
“Then wouldn’t it make sense to, I don’t know, attempt to look like a boy?” Zabuza asked. “Maybe cut your hair?”
Haku gasped, horrified. “Cut my hair? There are plenty of boys with long hair! Easily half of the guys I’ve ever met, in fact!”
“I suppose bạn have a point,” Zabuza grudgingly admitted. “Can bạn at least tie it up?”
“I’ll see what I can do,” Haku promised somewhat patronizingly.
“Good,” Zabuza sounded relieved, “because at the end of the ngày they can be as feminine as they like because they actually ARE guys so they’re not trying to fool anyone.” He paused. “Unless, of course, they’re posing as a girl, but I’m not really one to judge, so…”
“With long hair, I could pose as a girl!” Haku realized.
“You are a girl,” Zabuza felt the need to remind her.
“That’s certainly an advantage I have, then. Because – no offense – bạn really couldn’t pull cross-dressing convincingly off,” Haku đã đưa ý kiến honestly.
Zabuza snorted. “None taken, believe me.”
“Always, Zabuza-dono!” Haku đã đưa ý kiến enthusiastically.
“But even if bạn won’t cut your hair, shouldn’t bạn at least dress in guy clothing? The only guys who don’t are guys pretending to be girls,” Zabuza pointed out.
Haku considered that for a moment. “It could just mean that I’m secure enough in my masculinity to embrace my feminine side.”
“What masculinity?” Zabuza wanted to know. “You. Are. A. Girl.”
“No one has to know that…”
“So bạn plan to be a girl pretending to be a boy pretending to be a girl?” Zabuza đã đưa ý kiến slowly, wondering how, exactly, he always managed to get himself in to these kinds of situations.
“Dressing like a girl but willing to clear up any misunderstandings about my actually being a boy should the need arise hoặc people just outright make the assumption that I’m a girl,” Haku clarified.
“If you’re going to dress like a girl anyway, what in the world is the point in pretending to be a boy?” Zabuza demanded.
“It’s for my own protection,” Haku insisted.
“But how will bạn be protected if you’re making no effort to hide your gender?!?!” Zabuza cried.
“Because I will be telling everyone that I’m a boy,” came Haku’s simple answer.
“But you’ll look like a girl!” Zabuza just couldn’t di chuyển past that.
“Who would believe that I’m a girl who looks like a girl and is trying to pass herself off as a boy?” Haku asked reasonably.
“Because that would just be stupid,” Zabuza đã đưa ý kiến dryly.
Haku beamed at him. “Exactly!”
“I suppose there is something to be đã đưa ý kiến for that. But wouldn’t it just be easier to, oh, I don’t know, actually pretend to be a boy instead of playing all these complicated mind games?” Zabuza queried.
“It would,” Haku agreed readily enough, “But there are two reasons why I’m not going to.”
“I’m almost afraid to ask.”
“First, if I’m going to be a shinobi now, I can’t very well do things the easy way,” Haku began.
“That is a point of pride, yes,” Zabuza acknowledged. “Now what’s the một giây reason?”
“I just don’t want to.”
Poor Zabuza almost fell over. “You…you won’t put any effort into your ploy to pretend to be a boy simply because bạn don’t want to?”
“AND because as a soon-to-be Shinobi it’s practically a moral imperative,” Haku added.
“And now you’re talking about morals? I really had no idea what I was getting into when I agreed to raise you, did I?” Zabuza mused.
“I’ve heard many a parent say that, so I’m sure that’s normal,” Haku assured him.
“Parent?” Zabuza repeated blankly.
“I’m an impressionable child and you’re a responsible adult. That makes bạn my surrogate parent bởi definition,” Haku explained patiently.
“I didn’t sign up to be your father, kid,” Zabuza đã đưa ý kiến gruffly.
“I don’t remember asking,” Haku đã đưa ý kiến sweetly.
“Me? Responsible? bạn have got to be kidding me,” Zabuza đã đưa ý kiến bluntly.
“Not at all, Zabuza-dono. You’re a lot thêm responsible than either of my biological parents were. My mother, for instance, stayed in an area that periodically massacred those with the misfortune to be born with a Kekkei genkai while having one herself and never mentioning it to me hoặc testing the waters with her husband and apparently just hoped the whole thing would go away. And then there’s my father. The man realized that the pacifistic tình yêu of his life and beloved little girl just happened to be able to control ice and his first reaction was something along the lines of ‘burn the witch’!” Haku recounted, her eyes flashing.
“It would kind of be hard to be less responsible,” Zabuza pointed out.
“See?” Haku said, cheerful again. “I’m moving up in the world in terms of guardians!”
Zabuza nodded his assent. “As sad as that is, I think you’re right…And incidentally, I also see where bạn get your insanity from…”
“So it’s settled then?” Haku questioned. “I’ll go around telling people I’m a boy and bạn can act slightly embarrassed bởi my women’s clothing?”
“Since I am slightly embarrassed at how paper-thin your disguise will be, that should work perfectly,” Zabuza told her.
“Don’t bạn tình yêu it when things work out this perfectly?” Haku đã đưa ý kiến with a smile.
“ ‘Perfectly’?” Zabuza repeated, shaking his head incredulously. “You are so lucky you’re a valuable tool hoặc I swear…”