Me, Myself, and I
bởi Rita Skeeter
Exclusive interview with notorious Death Eater Bellatrix Lestrange
Here I am, sitting in the private dungeon of the notorious Bellatrix Lestrange, most feared follower of the Dark Lord, and having a completely normal interview. Read on to see if there’s thêm to Bellatrix than just madness and a nasty reputation!
RS: Hello!
BL: *growls*
RS: Do bạn mind if I use a quick-quotes quill?
BL: What’s that?
*fingers wand handle threateningly*
RS: Oh, nothing, erm, moving on…Can I call bạn Bella?
BL: No.
RS: How would bạn describe your relationship with the man known as Lord Voldemort
*Bellatrix turns pink, then regains composture*
BL: I am his most loyal follower! I, who spent years in Azkaban for him!
RS: Riiiiight, I’m sure that was a real big help, now-
*Bellatrix reaches for wand again*
BL: Do bạn doubt me, bạn FILTHY HALF-BLOOD!
RS: uh, no, of course not, now, what would bạn say is your yêu thích spell?
BL: CRUCIO!! Would bạn like a demonstration?
*Bellatrix laughs evilly and reaches for wand again*
RS: No need for that, now, er, why do bạn like it so much?
BL: It’s so much fun to cause innocent people pain! HAHAHA! And I give filthy mudbloods and half-bloods what they deserve. *cackles evilly* I also like Avada Kedavra, but not as much since it doesn’t actually cause people insufferable pain, *Cackles again*.
RS: *uncomfortably* Right, er, moving on, how do bạn feel before going out on missions for the Dark Lord? Uncomfortable? Excited? Guilty?
*Bellatrix leans phía trước, chuyển tiếp and looks at my nghề viết văn pad*
BL: I CAN be nice! Like if someone begs me to kill them it’s not like I ignore that altogether reasonable request!
RS: Okay, moving on again, what are your main goals in life?
BL: To torture as many innocent people as possible, especially filthy mudbloods, kill muggles, do the Dark Lords bidding, make out with the Dark Lor-er, nothing
*Bellatrix turns pink*
RS: Mmmhmm, very interesting, now, how do bạn feel about the way J.K. Rowling has written about bạn in the Harry Potter Books? Do bạn feel she has done bạn justice?
BL: I HATE THE STUPID TITLE! The series should be called something thêm like “The Dark Lords quest for blood purification and the filthy half-blood idiot who stood in his way and eventually died a painful death”
RS: Hmmm, and how do bạn feel about your death at the hands of Molly Weasley?
BL: DO NOT SPEAK OF IT! THAT STUPID HALF-BLOOD-FILTHY-BLOOD-TRAITOR-FAT-UNTALENTED-SEVEN-KIDS-UGLY-HOUSEWITCH DID NOT DESERVE TO KILL ME! THE DARK LORD MOST LOYAL FOLLOWER! I COULD DEFEAT HER WITH MY WAND TIED BEHIND MY BACK! I WILL HAVE JUSTICE!! CRUCIO! CRUCIO! CRUCIO! AVADA KEDAVRA!
*As I was running for my life, I was forced to conclude my highly informative interview with Bellatrix Lestrange*
bởi Rita Skeeter
Exclusive interview with notorious Death Eater Bellatrix Lestrange
Here I am, sitting in the private dungeon of the notorious Bellatrix Lestrange, most feared follower of the Dark Lord, and having a completely normal interview. Read on to see if there’s thêm to Bellatrix than just madness and a nasty reputation!
RS: Hello!
BL: *growls*
RS: Do bạn mind if I use a quick-quotes quill?
BL: What’s that?
*fingers wand handle threateningly*
RS: Oh, nothing, erm, moving on…Can I call bạn Bella?
BL: No.
RS: How would bạn describe your relationship with the man known as Lord Voldemort
*Bellatrix turns pink, then regains composture*
BL: I am his most loyal follower! I, who spent years in Azkaban for him!
RS: Riiiiight, I’m sure that was a real big help, now-
*Bellatrix reaches for wand again*
BL: Do bạn doubt me, bạn FILTHY HALF-BLOOD!
RS: uh, no, of course not, now, what would bạn say is your yêu thích spell?
BL: CRUCIO!! Would bạn like a demonstration?
*Bellatrix laughs evilly and reaches for wand again*
RS: No need for that, now, er, why do bạn like it so much?
BL: It’s so much fun to cause innocent people pain! HAHAHA! And I give filthy mudbloods and half-bloods what they deserve. *cackles evilly* I also like Avada Kedavra, but not as much since it doesn’t actually cause people insufferable pain, *Cackles again*.
RS: *uncomfortably* Right, er, moving on, how do bạn feel before going out on missions for the Dark Lord? Uncomfortable? Excited? Guilty?
*Bellatrix leans phía trước, chuyển tiếp and looks at my nghề viết văn pad*
BL: I CAN be nice! Like if someone begs me to kill them it’s not like I ignore that altogether reasonable request!
RS: Okay, moving on again, what are your main goals in life?
BL: To torture as many innocent people as possible, especially filthy mudbloods, kill muggles, do the Dark Lords bidding, make out with the Dark Lor-er, nothing
*Bellatrix turns pink*
RS: Mmmhmm, very interesting, now, how do bạn feel about the way J.K. Rowling has written about bạn in the Harry Potter Books? Do bạn feel she has done bạn justice?
BL: I HATE THE STUPID TITLE! The series should be called something thêm like “The Dark Lords quest for blood purification and the filthy half-blood idiot who stood in his way and eventually died a painful death”
RS: Hmmm, and how do bạn feel about your death at the hands of Molly Weasley?
BL: DO NOT SPEAK OF IT! THAT STUPID HALF-BLOOD-FILTHY-BLOOD-TRAITOR-FAT-UNTALENTED-SEVEN-KIDS-UGLY-HOUSEWITCH DID NOT DESERVE TO KILL ME! THE DARK LORD MOST LOYAL FOLLOWER! I COULD DEFEAT HER WITH MY WAND TIED BEHIND MY BACK! I WILL HAVE JUSTICE!! CRUCIO! CRUCIO! CRUCIO! AVADA KEDAVRA!
*As I was running for my life, I was forced to conclude my highly informative interview with Bellatrix Lestrange*
1. Tell him that bạn know he didn't really care about Sirius Black
2. Make out with Ginny Weasley right in front of him
3. Tell him he sucks at Quidditch and offer him pointers on how to stay on his broomstick
4. Loudly and in great detail, tell him how much he reminds bạn of Severus Snape
5. Convince him that it was Dumbledore who invented the Cruciatus Curse
6. Make him believe that he is closely related to Bellatrix Lestrange
7. Convince him that his parents used to be Death Eaters
8. Make him spend a week alone with Bellatrix Lestrange
9. Give him extra private Potions lessons with Professor Snape
10. Convince him that there's been a mistake, and that he really belongs in Slytherin
11. Tell him that if he hadn't been in Gryffindor, Dumbledore wouldn't have died
12. Make him sit through an interview bởi Rita Skeeter and then have to read the whole thing out loud in front of everybody
13. Make him loudly and publicly insult the Weasley Family
2. Make out with Ginny Weasley right in front of him
3. Tell him he sucks at Quidditch and offer him pointers on how to stay on his broomstick
4. Loudly and in great detail, tell him how much he reminds bạn of Severus Snape
5. Convince him that it was Dumbledore who invented the Cruciatus Curse
6. Make him believe that he is closely related to Bellatrix Lestrange
7. Convince him that his parents used to be Death Eaters
8. Make him spend a week alone with Bellatrix Lestrange
9. Give him extra private Potions lessons with Professor Snape
10. Convince him that there's been a mistake, and that he really belongs in Slytherin
11. Tell him that if he hadn't been in Gryffindor, Dumbledore wouldn't have died
12. Make him sit through an interview bởi Rita Skeeter and then have to read the whole thing out loud in front of everybody
13. Make him loudly and publicly insult the Weasley Family