Chapter 5
When we arrived at the school I sat there a moment just staring at it. This would be my prison, I could just tell. How will I ever survive? My mom was already out of the car; she reached her head in the door.
“Get out.”
“Why do bạn even care what I do?” I asked incredulously.
“I don’t.’ she đã đưa ý kiến bluntly.
“Well way to be blunt.” I đã đưa ý kiến sarcastically.
“Would bạn just hurry up?”
“I’m coming.” I slowly climbed out, biting my lip to stop the inevitable pain. “You know a little help would be nice.” I đã đưa ý kiến sarcastically as I finally stood on my crutches. “Let’s go.” I started hobbling off towards the school.
As I opened the front door and stepped inside I was a little amazed. The high ceilings were hung with lamps that illuminated a soft light. Half-way up the tường were brown bricks which were then taken over bởi white bricks. The main office sat just off to the right. I opened the door for myself and went inside as my mother trailed behind me. She walked up to the long desk, which I thought was the receptionist desk.
“Hi, I need to enroll my daughter in school.” My mom faked a smile.
This older looking lady sat behind the bàn with a high school student to her left. “Could bạn bring me the enrollment forms off that desk?” She đã đưa ý kiến very southerly.
“Where?” The girl asked.
“You know where my office is? Well the room bạn pass through before my office, in there bạn will see a long table. On that bàn there’s a stack of forms look for the one that says enrolment on it and bring it to me.” She đã đưa ý kiến sweetly. She reminded me of someone’s grandmother. She just had this grandmotherly thing about her. The girl got up and left returning a few phút later with a stack of paperwork. My mother took the paperwork and began filling it out. I just sat in one of the two chairs in the office looking around. I could see into the office I was sitting tiếp theo to.
In there sat another older looking woman but who was younger than the first woman. She had a bàn that took up pretty much the whole không gian of her office. Also I noticed that she had a bunch of Elvis memorabilia. She obviously was a người hâm mộ of Elvis. All the sudden a memory came flooding back to me.
“Elvis, why don’t bạn open that gift next,” my uncle said. I stared at my sister. “Yeah open that one next.” I smiled. Elvis was my big sister Kelsey’s nickname from my uncle. My uncle had a nickname for me too, frog; because when I was born I just to stick my tongue out and sit like a frog. Kelsey got her nickname from one of the outfits my mom had bought her trang chủ in when she was a baby. I almost smiled thinking about it.
I was sucked back when I heard the older woman talking. “Now you’ll need to come to school tomorrow, but make sure to stop bởi here first so that I can get one of the students to hiển thị bạn around.” She smiled at me.
“I won’t be coming tomorrow.” I stated.
“Carrie,” my mother scolded. “You don’t say it like that.”
“Oh I’m sorry, “I đã đưa ý kiến sarcastically. “How does this work? I told bạn so.”
“Carrie, enough.” My mother practically yelled. She turned towards the older looking woman. “I’m sorry she’s normally not like this. She won’t be able to come tomorrow; I thought if I registered her today it would take longer. She has surgery tomorrow and so she can’t come.”
“That’s okay; she’ll just need to get a note from her doctor.” She smiled at me. “Feel better.”
“Yeah right,” I mumbled under my breath as I crutched away.
“Thank bạn so much,” my mom đã đưa ý kiến as we walked away.
As soon as the door closed and we were out of the building my mom started yelling. “Why were bạn being so incredibly rude? That lady didn’t deserve that.” She scowled at me.
‘I didn’t mean to be rude to her. I meant to direct it towards you.” I practically screamed. “I told you, I told bạn they would want me to enroll if we came and registered me today. I told they would want me in class tomorrow, but did bạn listen to me? NO. Why not? Because I’m just a stupid kid and you’re an adult so bạn think bạn know everything.” My mom got in the car without a word. I climbed in being careful to take it slowly.
“For your information, I don’t think I know everything; and fine bạn were right. Does it make bạn happy that I’m admitting bạn were right?” She scowled at the road.
“Ecstatic.” I đã đưa ý kiến sarcastically.
“Great,” she growled. The rest of the way trang chủ we didn’t talk which was fine bởi me. She drove me crazy all the freaking time. I couldn’t breathe without her telling me I was doing it wrong. I couldn’t even say anything without her assuming it had some hidden meaning.
When we got trang chủ I went to my room and she went to hers. Good, I thought, finally, some peace and quiet. Hopefully she just leaves me alone for the rest of the day. I stared up at my ceiling. Slowly my mind drifted away until I fell into a deep sleep.
I watched as Kelsey sat on the đi văng crying. Then I walked into the room. “Kelsey, don’t cry. bạn know mom and dad are just worried. They don’t mean to act like that.”
“I know, but they treat me like I’m five.”
“I know.” I smiled sympathetically. “I know.” I wrapped her closer to me.
I remembered that day. Kelsey had asked to go to some party and my parents đã đưa ý kiến no. They told her they didn’t like the people she was hanging out with so they told her she couldn’t go. I remember the screaming and the fighting. This wasn’t the first fight they had over that situation it was just the last one they had over that situation. Kelsey had died a few days later.
I woke up with tears staining my face. I quickly wiped them away and looked outside it was getting dark so that means it must be about five hoặc six. I got up to see a note attached to the fridge.
I went out to get some food. Be back later.
Mom
I went through the fridge and found some leftovers that didn’t look too bad, yeah, they would work. I hopped over to the counter and stuck it in the microwave. As I waited I let myself do something I swore I wouldn’t do. I cried. I cried and didn’t stop even when I started eating. I only stopped when I heard the front door being unlocked. I got up as quickly as I could and hobbled to the sink, hiding my face. “Get everything bạn needed?” I asked bored.
“Yes.” She whispered. I hobbled off away from her and back to my room. It was then that I noticed something black sitting on my floor. I picked it up. It was the rock from the lake. I turned it over in my hands and then placed it on my dresser. It was the only thing on there. I didn’t need many material things; hoặc at least that’s what I told myself. I stared at the rock for a few thêm phút before going back to laying on my bed. I reached over and grabbed my laptop.
“Let’s see what’s happening on Facebook today.” I đã đưa ý kiến sarcastically. I opened up the internet and typed in Facebook. A page pulled up asking for my tên người dùng and password. I typed in both. I didn’t have very many friends; just my parents, my sister, and a few colleges. I didn’t bother looking at Kelsey’s; I knew what I would find; a bunch of photos, some tường posts from people who had barely talked to her, and a bunch of we’ll miss bạn messages. After Kelsey’s funeral we got all these hoa and all these people stopping by. Some of these people Kelsey had hated bởi they stopped bởi and pretended like they were the best of friends. It had really made me mad and it still did.
I decided to look at my dad’s profile. On it sat a picture of Kelsey but there were some newer pictures. Ones with a strange woman in them; I looked at his relationship status: engaged. Engaged? Engaged? Are bạn serious? Here we were falling apart and yet he was just moving on with life. How could he be even thinking about marrying someone? Who would get married so short of a time after their daughter was killed? What kind of person does that? I went through the pictures. They were all the same. A pretty blonde with her arms around my dad, smiling, and laughing as if nothing bad has ever happened. I stared at the blonde woman staring back at me.
She was pretty. She had blue eyes and long eyelashes that every woman dreamed about. She probably wore a size two but had double D boobs. She wore a million watt smile. I stared at her. How had my dad gotten this woman? My dad was not the most attractive guy, and I can say that because I am reacted to him. Was it the money? Because it’s not like he had a lot of that. My mom was the one who made most of the money in our house, I knew how much he made and it wasn’t a lot. My mom had always been the provider. I knew how my dad had gotten my mom; he knocked her up, and because otherwise I don’t think my mom would have stayed if they hadn’t had Kelsey. Don’t get me wrong I never once blamed her; because to blame her would be to blame myself. I was also born before they got married. I closed my eyes.
Kelsey, do bạn remember when we first learned we were born out of wedlock? I do. I remember bạn told mom that it wasn’t fair that she got to go around having em bé without being married but that bạn had to wait to have kids. Well Kelsey, now you’ll never have those kids. You’ll never get to have some guy look at bạn like bạn are the most beautiful thing in the world. Do bạn ever feel sad about that? Do bạn ever cry? I cry for bạn all the time. Every time I think about the fact that you’ll never be called mommy and never get to walk down the aisle.
Kelsey does it bother you? Does it make bạn crazy? It drives me crazy. It drives me insane that you’ll never get any of the opportunities that bạn deserved. It makes me sick to know that bạn won’t get any chance to have anything bạn were supposed to have. bạn were supposed to have kids and three chó and a husband who adored you. bạn were supposed to walk down the aisle in that dress you’ve been dreaming about since bạn were five. bạn were supposed to get the big house with the yard. bạn were supposed to have Isabella, my niece, and bạn were supposed to come to my wedding and be my maid of honor. bạn were supposed to be there when I had my first kid. bạn were supposed to hold my hand when my husband and I had our first fight. I was supposed to hold your hand when your daughter graduated and when the last one left. I was supposed to cry with bạn when bạn became a grandmother.
All of those moments were meant for bạn and know what do bạn have? bạn get to watch as people who don’t deserve kids have them. bạn get to watch as someone who should never be a grandparent becomes one. bạn have to watch as people who have no right to live, live on. Does it frustrate you? It frustrates me. It kills me. bạn were a good person; bạn should have had all those things. Instead bạn get to be dead. How is that fair? It’s not.
When I opened my eyes I was crying hysterically. I couldn’t breathe. I sat up and cried. My tim, trái tim and soul were ripping apart with the agony. All these murders get to just sit on death row till they die of old age but my sister died when she was eighteen. She was just a baby compared to them. She didn’t deserve what she got. I cried even harder. I cried until there was nothing left but emptiness and sorrow; and when I was done I laid down on my side, ignoring the pain in my ankle. I wrapped myself tightly around a cái gối, gối and wrapped myself tightly in a blanket. Hoping that those two things would hold me together. Eventually, though, I feel asleep.
When we arrived at the school I sat there a moment just staring at it. This would be my prison, I could just tell. How will I ever survive? My mom was already out of the car; she reached her head in the door.
“Get out.”
“Why do bạn even care what I do?” I asked incredulously.
“I don’t.’ she đã đưa ý kiến bluntly.
“Well way to be blunt.” I đã đưa ý kiến sarcastically.
“Would bạn just hurry up?”
“I’m coming.” I slowly climbed out, biting my lip to stop the inevitable pain. “You know a little help would be nice.” I đã đưa ý kiến sarcastically as I finally stood on my crutches. “Let’s go.” I started hobbling off towards the school.
As I opened the front door and stepped inside I was a little amazed. The high ceilings were hung with lamps that illuminated a soft light. Half-way up the tường were brown bricks which were then taken over bởi white bricks. The main office sat just off to the right. I opened the door for myself and went inside as my mother trailed behind me. She walked up to the long desk, which I thought was the receptionist desk.
“Hi, I need to enroll my daughter in school.” My mom faked a smile.
This older looking lady sat behind the bàn with a high school student to her left. “Could bạn bring me the enrollment forms off that desk?” She đã đưa ý kiến very southerly.
“Where?” The girl asked.
“You know where my office is? Well the room bạn pass through before my office, in there bạn will see a long table. On that bàn there’s a stack of forms look for the one that says enrolment on it and bring it to me.” She đã đưa ý kiến sweetly. She reminded me of someone’s grandmother. She just had this grandmotherly thing about her. The girl got up and left returning a few phút later with a stack of paperwork. My mother took the paperwork and began filling it out. I just sat in one of the two chairs in the office looking around. I could see into the office I was sitting tiếp theo to.
In there sat another older looking woman but who was younger than the first woman. She had a bàn that took up pretty much the whole không gian of her office. Also I noticed that she had a bunch of Elvis memorabilia. She obviously was a người hâm mộ of Elvis. All the sudden a memory came flooding back to me.
“Elvis, why don’t bạn open that gift next,” my uncle said. I stared at my sister. “Yeah open that one next.” I smiled. Elvis was my big sister Kelsey’s nickname from my uncle. My uncle had a nickname for me too, frog; because when I was born I just to stick my tongue out and sit like a frog. Kelsey got her nickname from one of the outfits my mom had bought her trang chủ in when she was a baby. I almost smiled thinking about it.
I was sucked back when I heard the older woman talking. “Now you’ll need to come to school tomorrow, but make sure to stop bởi here first so that I can get one of the students to hiển thị bạn around.” She smiled at me.
“I won’t be coming tomorrow.” I stated.
“Carrie,” my mother scolded. “You don’t say it like that.”
“Oh I’m sorry, “I đã đưa ý kiến sarcastically. “How does this work? I told bạn so.”
“Carrie, enough.” My mother practically yelled. She turned towards the older looking woman. “I’m sorry she’s normally not like this. She won’t be able to come tomorrow; I thought if I registered her today it would take longer. She has surgery tomorrow and so she can’t come.”
“That’s okay; she’ll just need to get a note from her doctor.” She smiled at me. “Feel better.”
“Yeah right,” I mumbled under my breath as I crutched away.
“Thank bạn so much,” my mom đã đưa ý kiến as we walked away.
As soon as the door closed and we were out of the building my mom started yelling. “Why were bạn being so incredibly rude? That lady didn’t deserve that.” She scowled at me.
‘I didn’t mean to be rude to her. I meant to direct it towards you.” I practically screamed. “I told you, I told bạn they would want me to enroll if we came and registered me today. I told they would want me in class tomorrow, but did bạn listen to me? NO. Why not? Because I’m just a stupid kid and you’re an adult so bạn think bạn know everything.” My mom got in the car without a word. I climbed in being careful to take it slowly.
“For your information, I don’t think I know everything; and fine bạn were right. Does it make bạn happy that I’m admitting bạn were right?” She scowled at the road.
“Ecstatic.” I đã đưa ý kiến sarcastically.
“Great,” she growled. The rest of the way trang chủ we didn’t talk which was fine bởi me. She drove me crazy all the freaking time. I couldn’t breathe without her telling me I was doing it wrong. I couldn’t even say anything without her assuming it had some hidden meaning.
When we got trang chủ I went to my room and she went to hers. Good, I thought, finally, some peace and quiet. Hopefully she just leaves me alone for the rest of the day. I stared up at my ceiling. Slowly my mind drifted away until I fell into a deep sleep.
I watched as Kelsey sat on the đi văng crying. Then I walked into the room. “Kelsey, don’t cry. bạn know mom and dad are just worried. They don’t mean to act like that.”
“I know, but they treat me like I’m five.”
“I know.” I smiled sympathetically. “I know.” I wrapped her closer to me.
I remembered that day. Kelsey had asked to go to some party and my parents đã đưa ý kiến no. They told her they didn’t like the people she was hanging out with so they told her she couldn’t go. I remember the screaming and the fighting. This wasn’t the first fight they had over that situation it was just the last one they had over that situation. Kelsey had died a few days later.
I woke up with tears staining my face. I quickly wiped them away and looked outside it was getting dark so that means it must be about five hoặc six. I got up to see a note attached to the fridge.
I went out to get some food. Be back later.
Mom
I went through the fridge and found some leftovers that didn’t look too bad, yeah, they would work. I hopped over to the counter and stuck it in the microwave. As I waited I let myself do something I swore I wouldn’t do. I cried. I cried and didn’t stop even when I started eating. I only stopped when I heard the front door being unlocked. I got up as quickly as I could and hobbled to the sink, hiding my face. “Get everything bạn needed?” I asked bored.
“Yes.” She whispered. I hobbled off away from her and back to my room. It was then that I noticed something black sitting on my floor. I picked it up. It was the rock from the lake. I turned it over in my hands and then placed it on my dresser. It was the only thing on there. I didn’t need many material things; hoặc at least that’s what I told myself. I stared at the rock for a few thêm phút before going back to laying on my bed. I reached over and grabbed my laptop.
“Let’s see what’s happening on Facebook today.” I đã đưa ý kiến sarcastically. I opened up the internet and typed in Facebook. A page pulled up asking for my tên người dùng and password. I typed in both. I didn’t have very many friends; just my parents, my sister, and a few colleges. I didn’t bother looking at Kelsey’s; I knew what I would find; a bunch of photos, some tường posts from people who had barely talked to her, and a bunch of we’ll miss bạn messages. After Kelsey’s funeral we got all these hoa and all these people stopping by. Some of these people Kelsey had hated bởi they stopped bởi and pretended like they were the best of friends. It had really made me mad and it still did.
I decided to look at my dad’s profile. On it sat a picture of Kelsey but there were some newer pictures. Ones with a strange woman in them; I looked at his relationship status: engaged. Engaged? Engaged? Are bạn serious? Here we were falling apart and yet he was just moving on with life. How could he be even thinking about marrying someone? Who would get married so short of a time after their daughter was killed? What kind of person does that? I went through the pictures. They were all the same. A pretty blonde with her arms around my dad, smiling, and laughing as if nothing bad has ever happened. I stared at the blonde woman staring back at me.
She was pretty. She had blue eyes and long eyelashes that every woman dreamed about. She probably wore a size two but had double D boobs. She wore a million watt smile. I stared at her. How had my dad gotten this woman? My dad was not the most attractive guy, and I can say that because I am reacted to him. Was it the money? Because it’s not like he had a lot of that. My mom was the one who made most of the money in our house, I knew how much he made and it wasn’t a lot. My mom had always been the provider. I knew how my dad had gotten my mom; he knocked her up, and because otherwise I don’t think my mom would have stayed if they hadn’t had Kelsey. Don’t get me wrong I never once blamed her; because to blame her would be to blame myself. I was also born before they got married. I closed my eyes.
Kelsey, do bạn remember when we first learned we were born out of wedlock? I do. I remember bạn told mom that it wasn’t fair that she got to go around having em bé without being married but that bạn had to wait to have kids. Well Kelsey, now you’ll never have those kids. You’ll never get to have some guy look at bạn like bạn are the most beautiful thing in the world. Do bạn ever feel sad about that? Do bạn ever cry? I cry for bạn all the time. Every time I think about the fact that you’ll never be called mommy and never get to walk down the aisle.
Kelsey does it bother you? Does it make bạn crazy? It drives me crazy. It drives me insane that you’ll never get any of the opportunities that bạn deserved. It makes me sick to know that bạn won’t get any chance to have anything bạn were supposed to have. bạn were supposed to have kids and three chó and a husband who adored you. bạn were supposed to walk down the aisle in that dress you’ve been dreaming about since bạn were five. bạn were supposed to get the big house with the yard. bạn were supposed to have Isabella, my niece, and bạn were supposed to come to my wedding and be my maid of honor. bạn were supposed to be there when I had my first kid. bạn were supposed to hold my hand when my husband and I had our first fight. I was supposed to hold your hand when your daughter graduated and when the last one left. I was supposed to cry with bạn when bạn became a grandmother.
All of those moments were meant for bạn and know what do bạn have? bạn get to watch as people who don’t deserve kids have them. bạn get to watch as someone who should never be a grandparent becomes one. bạn have to watch as people who have no right to live, live on. Does it frustrate you? It frustrates me. It kills me. bạn were a good person; bạn should have had all those things. Instead bạn get to be dead. How is that fair? It’s not.
When I opened my eyes I was crying hysterically. I couldn’t breathe. I sat up and cried. My tim, trái tim and soul were ripping apart with the agony. All these murders get to just sit on death row till they die of old age but my sister died when she was eighteen. She was just a baby compared to them. She didn’t deserve what she got. I cried even harder. I cried until there was nothing left but emptiness and sorrow; and when I was done I laid down on my side, ignoring the pain in my ankle. I wrapped myself tightly around a cái gối, gối and wrapped myself tightly in a blanket. Hoping that those two things would hold me together. Eventually, though, I feel asleep.
