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roseteaxx said:
bạn do have a few possible character flaws in here. bạn can tweak what bạn already have to make them flaws, without adding anything drastic.
For example, she's snobby, but she's also hyperactive. I'm not really sure how those two fit together (it'll be a bit challenging to pull off, but maybe bạn can do it!), but maybe bạn can give her a bossiness, something that sometimes annoys other characters (and not just the bad guys! Not just the jealous Những người bạn and all! The good guys have to recognize it too! Make it clear that she IS bossy!) and comes across as realistic. bạn can play off of the snobby bit and make it thêm like a bossiness instead.
Another thing that strikes me as a little odd is that she's both slightly Tomboy and slightly Pretty Lolita. Those are polar opposites (because Tomboy is a style, not really a personality). I think bạn want too much out of your character, which can be a bit unrealistic. bạn have to pick and choose. Characters can be extremely creative, but they are trickier than they seem. It is really easy to make a character Mary Sue-ish hoặc unrealistic. Take a little time. Think of her as a real person. If bạn give her too many awesome traits, she won't feel realistic anymore. Maybe give some of these traits to your other characters?
Another thing I would do is, once you've finished with Yuki, to focus thêm on your other characters. Think of them as the main focus, just while developing them, and make them really vivid. This way, bạn can make the most of all your characters, and include some of these awesome traits that perhaps don't quite fit Yuki.
A really important thing in order to avoid being Mary Sue is to let her make mistakes. Don't let her be the one who always saves the day. Don't let her always be right all the time. Don't make it so that characters get into trouble when they don't listen to her, and if only they had listened to her it would be okay. Don't make everyone tình yêu her, and for those who don't like her, don't make them obnoxiously jealous and unlikeable. Maybe they have a real reason not to. Maybe she's really annoying, and they just need a break from her sometimes. Give her weaknesses. Give her fears. Give her quirks. I think you'll do fine :)
I give bạn a lot of credit in that bạn recognize a problem with your character and are trying to fix it. I think this is really great of bạn as a writer. Everyone needs help sometimes, nobody is perfect at doing these things. People think it's easy to create great characters, but it's actually really difficult. I always see people write Mary Sue hoặc unrealistic characters and then when anybody points a flaw out, they get really defensive. And there are a lot of really great implications for your character so far. For one thing, she has a strong personality. She has quirks. bạn hint at a few possible flaws. She just needs a little tweaking. Don't give up on her! She's got a lot of potential :)
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