1. If bạn are married, and intend to renew your wedding vows, DON'T. bạn will end up divorced.
2. Amnesia is very common. In fact, nearly every time bạn hit your head amnesia will result. AND it's fairly simple to get rid of. Just have people:
A)Take turns hitting bạn on the head again until your memory comes back
OR
B)Have them let bạn wander around, confused, for a few days until it comes back on its own hoặc something else hits bạn on the head.
3. If a friend hoặc member of your family introduces a cousin, aunt, uncle, sibling, etc that looks EXACTLY like them, run in the other direction. They are always EVIL.
4. Do not hire a butler, a maid, hoặc a nanny unless bạn are willing to accept them into your family. Either bạn hoặc a family member will end up falling in tình yêu with them. In the case of two hoặc thêm of the above living under one roof, prepare for double the tình yêu troubles.
5. If bạn have a pet, bạn don't need to train them! They will grow up to perform tricks, save people's lives, and be really really cute entirely on their own!
6. If bạn have a secret, the entire world will know in just 22 short minutes. Doesn't matter if bạn "tell" anyone, somehow everyone will still find out.
7. bạn will dislike the company of (possibly even despise) your in-laws.
7a. bạn will dislike your kid'(s) bf/gf.
7b. 9 times out of 10 they will also dislike you.
8. Twins are a really common phenomenon (both identical and fraternal). bạn can have twins easily with no fertility treatments! Wow, awesome! So if bạn are expecting, don't just eat for 2. Play it an toàn, két an toàn and eat for 3.
9. If bạn see a pair of handcuffs, don't touch them. Just don't. The keys are always missing. But if bạn do happen to touch the handcuffs, prepare yourself to wind up being attached to:
A)The sibling bạn like the least
B)Someone ridiculous (i.e. hooker, stranger, etc)
C)Someone bạn can't stand
D)All of the above?
This will normally last for around 24 hours.
10. Stag/Hen parties are always, always, always a BAD idea. No elaboration needed.
11. Running into your ex(s), even in a big city, is really common and will always happen when bạn are with your current significant other.
11a. If your ex calls and wants to see bạn DO NOT (i repeat) DO NOT agree to see them again because they will always attempt to get back together with you.
11b. Conversely, if bạn attempt reconciliation they will always be with their significant other. Damn.
12. It is not only easy to meet your yêu thích celebrity, but appearing on their show, hát with them, hoặc getting them to assist bạn in some hair brained scheme is also fairly simple.
13. Never buy an expensive vase, desk, lamp, piece of furniture, vest, dress, watch (ok, just don't buy anything expensive at all!) because it will somehow end up broken, lost, hoặc destroyed.
13a. Hint: If bạn have children, they did it.
13b. If bạn don't have children, it's most likely an extraneous family member causing trouble. See #7.
14. If bạn intend to throw someone a surprise party hoặc event of some sort, they will always find out. See #6.
15. Architects, Doctors, Lawyers, TV/Radio hosts, Musicians, and Designers are all very common career choices. Hardly anyone ever becomes a Teacher, Secretary, Clerk, hoặc Accountant. (How boring!)
16. If bạn do something terrible to a friend hoặc family member all bạn need to do is apologize and all will be forgiven. Whether bạn called your sibling a nasty name hoặc cheated on your spouse, they will forgive bạn and life moves on. After all, that's what Những người bạn and family do! NOTE: Sometimes, multiple apologies may be necessary.
17. Beware of your neighbors. They are always annoying and generally very nosy. If bạn suspect they are spying on you, it's because they probably are! They never have anything better to do with their time except come over and bother you. Better get used to it!
18. If bạn have a cellar, make sure to check it on a semi-normal basis. Somehow, someone will end up stuck down there (and they'll start losing their minds almost immediately!)
19. If bạn are a teenager, bạn will always get the boy/girl of your dreams to fall for you. It doesn't matter if bạn are the world's biggest nerd and they are the world's biggest hottie; just pursue them for a little while and everything will turn out the way bạn want. (Again, this may take a little time. But don't despair, it will happen!)
20. Never eavesdrop. bạn will inevitably misinterpret the overheard conversation and come to a grandiose and incorrect conclusion which will result in your embarrassment. So, if bạn hear two people bạn know discussing something important, resist the urge to listen in.
Note from the author: The above does not necessarily apply to animated hoặc "mockumentary" sitcoms (i.e. The Simpsons, The Office, Scrubs, Family Guy, Modern Family, etc.)
