"Life isn't all about what we want.. Its about what we get at the end.. what we deserve..!! "
James, My so-called Brother-in-Law yelled at Me, "PC, cum'on, its 03.50 p.m, bạn gotta wake up..!!
I could barely open my eyes.. Sun was out @ the window.. staring at me so wild.. I cud'nt help.. But I knew I got to wake up hoặc else I would end up here sleeping whole day.. I tried to watch the sky.. the Birds still hát at my Door.. I felt something chua ripping my throat to Burn off with the fire.. I looked around to see what was that.. He was Smoking.. I got to know this isn't going to be a good ngày start for Me..! He knew I hate smoking, but he din't care..
My Phone Rang, before i could grab my phone, James grabbed my Phone, yelling at me again "why the hell in the world would he call bạn again ??"
I wasn't going to answer him, so I snatched my phone & answered him in a dull voice, "he may've got some important thing to say that bạn need not to care about.." though I still din't wanted to answer him in that tone.. i knew I was Harsh..
Obviously, Why would someone tolerate my anger, my roughness... & My sarcasm.. ?? I was Sarcastic.. & these Days.. I was at the Worse stage..
Before i could regret saying that, He was out of my sight.. Sneaking, I snapped my phone & answered the call..
'Hello"
" xin chào PC, Long time..!! " Sam, My friend since School, full of fake Enthusiasm..
"hey Sam, how are ya.. Yes Long time.. Umm.. well i guess I know that wasn't your mistake.. I was outta here from your life.. Sorry 'bout that..!! "
"Its okay, Do bạn have any speacial plans for today as its your off ??"
"not Really"
"Can we meet up for a while ?? "
"Sure thing , Meet bạn at Pacific at 05.00 pm"
I rushed through the Bathroom Door, though I was not at all in a mood to Rush.. I din't care if I was going to be late.. I turned the tánh kỳ dị, mạch nước phun, geyser On. While i was getting the Breakfast ready for James, My Head was spinning with thoughts, "Why Sam wants to see me" I murmerred to myself.
I can't help myself not-to-worry 'bout that.. I can't forget the last time we met.. Sam, crying in front of Me like anything, Begging me not to leave.. But i had to as i knew i don't feel the same way he feels... though i don't know what I wan't from life.. But it was literally Not him..!!
It was 3 months since I saw him.. He was going insane, the last time I checked.
I went to the bathroom, full with thoughts, snapped the door & sat down on the bathroom floor.. The water was so warm, burning my skin but I din't care..
Suddenly I heard the Doorbell. I can only listen to the Voice coming from the Balcony, I felt it was Him, not sure.. I stood up..
I turned the lights On, I saw Sam was here.. "Holy Crow, What are bạn doing here ??"
"I knew you'll take Long, to get ready like Girls"
I stomped my feet "I hate when bạn call me that..!! " Actually i was behaving thêm girly bởi stomping my feet to the ground .. I hate people calling me "girly".. 'cause i was not at all. I hate to put on make up, I was boyish as I tình yêu to put on shoes like boys & wear T-shirts & sneakers & most boyish stuffs..
bởi 05.30 pm, We were out at the Movie theatre for a while watchin "Ishqiya" All the time he was busy staring at me like anything.. giving me those looks.. & I was feeling so awkward.. I hate when he spend even a Bug, for ME... !!! thêm awkward to know that the couple tiếp theo to me was so busy kissing & hugging that they were barely paying attention. Least interested in the movie at all..
But Today after all, as we met after a long time, I wanted to spend my time, Some of My time with Him.. (I can't deny the fact that I keep spending My time with Me & its ends up with nothing but just Me..)
As finally the movie got over.. I can feel the change in my mood.. My Mood swings really use to give a whiplash to me & people near bởi me.. I was sort of happy now.. As we di chuyển outta theatre, I stopped bởi the bar tiếp theo to the theatre.. Remembering college days, when we use to spend a lot of time here at this bar.
He grabbed my Hand in his warm hands "wanna get some refreshment,PC ?? " he đã đưa ý kiến in a thoughtful voice.
I nodded.
We ordered 2 light beers.
I can't make any difference but I really could'nt make myself clear that what could be the possible reason to bring Sam here back to me.. after all what I've done to him.. ??
"Sam, why you're here ??" I asked Impatiently
Nothing, Just wanted to see bạn last Time.. " He answered..
"I'm not dead yet.. Why would bạn even care ??" I muttered with a sarcastic grin on my face
"I can't share that, but really PC, this would be the last time you'll ever see me.."
Before I could manage to see that He'd not been Lying to Me, I landed upto a decision to grab my things & to walk out the Bar. He stood in front so that i could'nt escape. I had to give up..
"I got Married last month.. " Sam whispered
My mouth hung open & Eyed wide open to see My so called best friend got married & I din't have any clue about that ?? Was i really so Bad that he cudn't even share that Big news with ME ??
"hey, I'm Sorry.. I wish I could tell you.. But literally I can't..!!"
"You don't have to be Sorry Sam, It's not You, it's Me.. " I answered, almost a Whisper. I've been hurting him all the time, since College.. as I tried to fall in tình yêu with him but could'nt manage to lie him anymore..
He was saying something I was barely listening to. I felt my eyelids wet & he yelled "OMG, Stop that..!!"
I wiped out the tears, I almost forgot being human these days.. I was like a Statue, who hardly Cries.. Laugh hoặc do anything human hoặc sane..
He took my hands in his, again & begged "Can I ask bạn why you're crying Now ?? "
" I ... I..." I mouthed but couldn't answer..
As I stared to different things at the Bar, the Boy who served us the Beer, watching the TV, looking for nothing, It almost felt like he was bit of interseted in our Conversation.
" I don't know what it is.. " I replied
"I know I've been hurting bạn all the time Since we've met.. " I was talking to myself, avoiding his gaze..
"Look, PC, can bạn please be precise" He questioned
"Sam, I'm Happy for bạn that bạn got married.. But are bạn happy?? I know you're not.. & I wish I could do anything to make bạn feel batter.. to make bạn happy but ---- ?? "
"Ofcourse, why the hell in the world would I may NOT-be-happy ?? I married a Girl who's name is PC " He shudderred with Blank eyes wide open
"What" I shouted.
"Did bạn marry a girl 'cause Her name is same as mine ?? "
"Yes, Why not.. What's so wrong.. I knew I can't get YOU.. so this isn't a Bad Deal Sugar.." He answered with a Grin..
"I don't have words for this Stupid Idiocy you've done to you.."
He pressed my hands to his face & replied in a dull voice "I would never forget bạn PC, I don't know what it was But bạn drove me Crazy , I can't loose bạn in any way.. you're the best & the Greatest Person I've ever met.. I wanted bạn to be with Me.. to see your name with Mine.. I did whatever I wanted to do.. one hoặc the other way.. But we can't meet up like this again.. I want to di chuyển ahead & PC, Please help me -------- "
"whatever.. !!" my sarcasm wasn't still too far away from this.. "I will still consider myself as the sinner.."
"Another one" I yelled at the bar boy to get another Beer.. A strong one this time..
Before, I could pass out, I realised that The time passed out like Dry particles of Sand and I would never get a chance to see my friend again..
He dropped me back to my home..
We were sort-of enjoying the Silence left between us.. & we din't wanted to break the it until we reached Home.
I threw myself out of the Car, like I was dying to.. He was out of my sight.. without saying anything..
"Goodbye, Sam" I whispered to myself.. with my eyes blurred with something.. but I was too tired to Cry, standing here on the road.. I could just listen to the purr of the car from somewhere far too away on the Empty roads..
Here, Im sitting alone at my bed.. watching the Stars Burning through My window.. Its so hard to make out the difference why my eyes were wet ?? Im hearing to my own thoughts, I wish I could take another Chance.. I could get a Grip.. & get out of here.. I wish I could make My friend Happy atleast... no matter if I'm NOT.. I needed him so Bad..
I'm not scared of Loosing him that way, though.. Im scared with the thought that will I ever fall in tình yêu to the Core ?? Will I ever get what I want.. ?? But I'm thêm scared with the thought that will I ever get to know what is that really that I WANT ??
What if I could Never be able to fall in for some one.. I culdn't breathe with the thought.. My worlds revolves around this thought.. I have to know what is it that I want so Intense.. Before it get too late to apologize.. ???
with the endless thoughts, I fell asleep..!!
mystery2myself
PC TDL
