Have bạn ever felt like your whole life is stuck in a crossroad? Your teacher is an evil witch? Your bank account seems to be visited bởi a freaking reaper? bạn think your neighbor’s dog is possessed bởi something? Sometimes bạn swear that your boss sold his/her own soul? All of that would make a good TV hiển thị (yea, right! As if anyone would even bother to watch)?
, let me tell you:
Your life truly sucks
bạn are in the right place. Now sit down and grab some salt.
Here are some examples to follow from the people who know how to deal with crappy situations the best. Just choose the thông tin các nhân that fits bạn the best. FIRST PROFILE:
bạn are a strong person, who doesn’t really like chick flick moments hoặc to hiển thị your emotions, but that, in reality, is as cute as a teddy chịu, gấu (that sometimes gets pissed off) can be?
Well then, lucky you! bạn are just like Dean
and bạn have a kick-ass personality!
bạn are really in tình yêu with your car, and that’s kind of awesome, since driving a car is a great way of clearing your mind. So since bạn aren’t the biggest planes fan, bạn should drive and drive on your car. And don’t worry about the gasoline price hoặc something like that [it’s not like there’s a oil war out there, and those things are overrated anyways], that’s why the fake credit cards exist.
bạn might get a bit tired of the driving, though (yep, that happens to the best ones, no need to be ashamed). So if that happens, just rent a motel room and make sure that it comes with a vibrating massage giường (you may need a lot of coins for this one). Yes, I know how bad that sounds, but there’s no need to be shy. Also, bạn will be alone in the room. Who do bạn think it can be there anyways, your brother? Yea, right. Like he doesn’t have a life of his own. *insert sarcasm note here
BUT, if your bother is in the room with bạn for some creepy hoặc Supernatural reason, make sure bạn make as much fun as bạn can of him. That will make bạn happy as hell, I promise. Also, there’s nothing wrong in using his laptop and go visit some cool websites like bustyasianbeauties.com. bạn would be doing him a favor, if bạn ask me. He needs to learn something about real life (so yea, make sure to update his internet favorites). bạn can also get a myspace, I heard that women dig that (Note to yourself
: learn what the hell a myspace is).
bạn don’t wanna be closed in a strange and cheap motel room forever, so get out and have some fun. Meet new people. And bởi people I mean women and bởi meeting I mean getting laid; but it’s all the same right? Just be reaaaally
careful with the type of women bạn meet; some of them can be very sneaky and steal a hand of your pocket without bạn even noticing, literally (again, don’t feel bad if that happens, at least she was willing to have animal sex with you).
Just drink some purple nipple shots and you’ll be fine.
Of course all this epic journey should be taken with some old school rock cassettes and pie (LOTS of pie). I heard that mumbling Metallica it’s a really good way of calming down. And pie it’s just good for your health.
Most of all, don’t forget to have FUN
! Go visit some cool places like Hollywood. Who knows, bạn can even bang Paris Hilton (or make sure bạn kill her, so she can’t ruin some ngẫu nhiên epic tv hiển thị – that would be kind of awesome).
Just make sure bạn be careful, bạn don’t wanna die in a hospital where the nurses aren't even hot. So stay away from crossroads, okay? Final advice:
Helping Những người bạn is awesome, and bạn are an amazing friend. Just make sure bạn don’t help them too
much, hoặc bạn might end up in jail.
And remember, bạn are awesome. And adorable. SECOND PROFILE:
bạn are smart, open-minded, generous and bạn don’t like when people mess with your stuff? Nobody ever gets your intelligence? Aww well, aren’t bạn a cutie pie! bạn are just like Sam
People don’t exactly understand/appreciate your smartness (yea, being smart hurts sometimes), so maybe that means it’s time to spread your horizons and meet new people. Just be cautious about who bạn meet, bạn don’t wanna ending up sleeping with someone *really* hairy who can bite (trust me when I tell bạn that those aren’t the type of bites you’re looking for) hoặc someone who keeps offering bạn some weird red bloody thing to drink.
If bạn can’t find someone under those conditions, no worries. Usually even the cheapest motels have porn channels, so It’s all good.
bạn should go out thêm often, but bạn also need to collaborate. If bạn go to a Halloween party, make sure bạn go dressed up in some costume [SUIT UP!]. bạn can’t go dressed up as yourself – UNLESS bạn are really hot; in that case bạn should UNdressed up and use just a towel around your waist (but I highly doubt that’s your case).
And to be the spirit [lol, excuse my choice of words] of the party bạn just need to charm people with some of your talents, like fairy tales and a couple of magic tricks. That will totally blow them away; I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them become speechless after that.
bạn can also invite people for some Pictionary game, because your draws are always so awesome!
If after all of that, bạn still don’t have some friends; damn those people seriously have issues. And who better to acknowledge their pain than you?
Yea, I thought so.
This means it’s time to start giving hugs. hiển thị those people that bạn are there for them, in the end they are just Công chúa tóc xù little soldiers, too precious for this world.
Oh well, I’m not a freaking Angel, so don’t expect miracles.
And who needs Những người bạn anyways? Don’t bạn have a brother hoặc something? That will do.
Also, here’s some good news: bạn don’t need anybody to get drunk.
Just make sure bạn don’t drink too
much, otherwise, bạn will end up the night hugged to a toilet. Final advice:
Be careful while bạn sleep. Not everybody is nice like you, so be alert hoặc bạn might wake up with some spoon in your mouth. Also, watch where bạn walk on, bạn don’t want to lose a shoe hoặc something.
Make sure bạn take this serious! It’s a very serious matter, we don’t have time for blah blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, BLAH!