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posted by Shelly_McShelly
Researchers in the UK examined thêm than 1000 jokes and placed them before 36,000 voters to determine the "official" 50 funniest jokes of all time.

And here they are:

50. I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'. So I went - and I got it.

49. A niêm phong, con dấu walks into a club...

48. Went to the corner cửa hàng - bought 4 corners.

47. So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.

46. I'll tell bạn what I tình yêu doing thêm than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

45. I tried water polo...
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posted by milorox18
1. When bạn get pulled over, say “What’s wrong, ossifer, there’s no blood in my alcohol?”

2. When he asks why bạn were speeding, tell him bạn wanted to race.

3. When he talks to you, pretend bạn are deaf.

4. If he asks if bạn knew how fast bạn were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to……

5. Ask if bạn can see his gun.

6. When he says bạn aren’t allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger.

7. Touch him.

8. When he asks why bạn were speeding, tell him bạn had to buy a hat.

9. Ask him where he bought his cool hat.

10. Refer to him bởi his first name.

11. Pretend bạn are gay...
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posted by Mallory101
" Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
Moooooove, I'm trying to speed!
If you're rich, I’m single!
0-60 in 15 minutes!
A clean car is a sign if sick mind.
100% Irony Free
Adrenalin is my drug of choice.
Adults are just kids with money.
Baby on bored
HOME SCHOOL. Smarter than ever.
I talk to strangers
I Think Feminists Are Cute!
Keep honking, I am reloading!
Pain is inevitable misery is optional.
To All bạn Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
Tennis players have fuzzy balls.
Your honor student deals the best drugs.


The fastest way to a fisherman's tim, trái tim is through his fly
Stupidity is not a crime so you’re...
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found this on the net:

18 Fun Things To Do In A Final That Does Not Matter (i.e. bạn are going to fail the class completely no matter what bạn get on the final exam)

1) Get the copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!"

2) Talk the entire way through the exam. Read các câu hỏi aloud, thảo luận your các câu trả lời with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure bạn can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

3) Bring cheerleaders.

4) Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five phút into it, loudly say to the...
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posted by slytherin360
Found this on the net:

24 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of bạn just shut UP!"

2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

3. Crack open your cặp, vali, cặp tài liệu hoặc purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

4. Offer name tag to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they...
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Check out this infected canker sore in my mouth!
I work for the IRS.
Have bạn ever tried cat meat?
I don't know why I ate it - liver and onions always gives me gas.
I just had a proctological exam - wow, worth every penny!
The last time my head rang like this I woke up with a dead man tiếp theo to me!
I puked on the last person who flew tiếp theo to me.
My butt reeeally itches!
Would bạn look at the size of the hair I just yanked out of my nose!
My psychiatrist says that flying helps offset my desire to mutilate small, defenseless, woodland creatures.
The last guy who ignored me is still on a respirator....
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posted by KataraLover
As many of bạn are aware, I absolutely ADORE Wicked and I'm so excited about the movie adaptation that is just taking FOREVER to be made, even before the pandemic came along. So, like many people, I just keep wanting them to make some casting announcements for the movie already and have been making my own fan-cast for the movie, even making a video of my fan-cast. However, I felt like taking the time to explain my casting choices so everyone knows why I made my choices. I will provide my fan-cast video at the end, so bạn can hear the vocal capabilities. Please keep in mind that this is just...
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David Cage, the creator of many famous games of the gần đây era. A man who is đã đưa ý kiến to be one of the most creative minds in gaming right now. And yet, no matter who bạn ask, there is only two opinions on this guy. There’s the people who like David Cage and then there are the people who don’t. And I’m one of the people who don’t. Welcome to an episode of Content Cuck. And this is the David Cage and Quantic Dream rant article. I’m here to discuss all the flaws of every Quantic Dream game, yes, all five of them, and talk about the flaws of David Cage, from the self centered behavior to...
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So, for no reason whatsoever I decided to make an little thing about how I think each of my yêu thích characters would react to a “modern day” zombie apocalypse. I say modern because some of these characters are from past hoặc fantaisie time frames.

Regina Mills (Once Upon A Time): I can totally see her being that one person who keeps finding her way down shit creek—and naturally she doesn’t have a paddle either. Basically she’s the one who bad things keep happening to. For instance she’s the one who finds a stellar getaway car and it’s loaded with gas. But naturally, when she needs...
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It was the năm 2009, a young couple of nobodies arrived on the scene and one of those nobodies was a man bởi the name of Mike "the Situation" Sorrentino. I knew when I first saw him that I WASN'T gonna like him and sure enough I didn't. He had a bad reputation from the moment they showed him and it just kept getting worse. Not only that but he's a selfish, self-centered, ego driven guy that cares to much about his abs then he does people. When he signed up for Dancing with the stars It made me hate him even thêm because he cared too much about his hiển thị to even get in a ngày of training done. To add even thêm fuel to the ngọn lửa, chữa cháy he SHOULD of been sent trang chủ first but u people saved him for basically no reason whatsoever.
1. mostly the people on here are jerks. I đã đăng a perfectly nice post and everyone just blew up at me. I mean, like, seriously guys? Probably at least 3 people with get mad about this article.

2. People think bạn can say whatever they want. I mean, like, just because it's the ngẫu nhiên người hâm mộ club doesn't mean bạn won't get reported.

3. The các câu hỏi aren't even questions. there just some thing like OMG! /THID IS SO TERABL! then bạn click on it and they're like: O QK FUROMH TOHJY MPE!

4. If bạn post something nobody sees it because then someone posts something like: CDAVKIBFRE HGTFES GHKHGY7DA and everyones like lol.
There are many reasons as to why cliques, stereotypes, and conformity are burdens in the socialite world. We, as humans, thrive on social interaction. So how come we create guidelines that prevent us from meeting new people?

Let's focus on the years that I consider to be a nesting post for the social monsters; the glorious teenage years. I've noticed that, before class in the morning, my grade hangs around the lower commons in the same, separated groups. The sophomores are usually over bởi the front office and the juniors and seniors are scattered about.

I prefer to hang out with my upperclassmen...
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To My Loving Husband Patrick.

People say we are not meant to be
People say you're not good for me
People say I'm too good for you
People say you're ugly
People say you're fat
I say screw bạn to those people
I say you're the most perfect man I've ever known
I say you're my hopes and dreams
I say I tình yêu you
bạn say do bạn mean it?
I say yes I do
I tình yêu bạn
thêm than anything in the world
bạn tình yêu me for who I am
Not for my looks hoặc body
Just me
If bạn never saved me from Devin
Who knows where I'd be now
He abused me; he raped me
bạn found me and took me in
bạn cared for me and treated me like...
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posted by Bananaaddict
This danh sách was emailed to me. I thought some of them were pretty clever, so I decided to post it. My các sở thích are 3, 5, 22, and 23! Enjoy. :)

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round bàn was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much bạn push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth...
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posted by Schnusch
What Is Fear Of Itching

The fear of itching is known as Acarophobia. This fear can also include a phobia about any insects that might cause itching in human beings.


Why Do People Fear Itching?

If bạn have a phobia about itching, bạn may harbor some memories of past infections hoặc other problems that caused bạn to feel terribly itchy and uncomfortable.

Prior experiences with itching can include things like headlice, scabies, and other such infestations. These conditions can be stubborn, embarrassing, and quite stressful. They are also extremely contagious.


Cleanliness May Become An Obsession

Hygiene...
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posted by x-menobsessed26
Bill Gates Goes to Heaven
Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up bởi St. Peter.

"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send bạn to Heaven hoặc Hell. After all, bạn enormously helped society bởi putting a computer in almost every trang chủ in America, yet bạn also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case; I'm going to let bạn decide where bạn want to go."

Bill replied, "well, what's the difference between the two?"

St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let bạn visit both places briefly,...
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1. If using a touch-tone, press ngẫu nhiên numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. Use CB lingo where applicable.
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza, bánh pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
8. Answer their các câu hỏi with questions.
9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition...
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Note: These have been all tried bởi me.
1) Go around saying "I'mma ninja" to ngẫu nhiên people and pose like a ninja

2) Throw bắp rang bơ, bỏng ngô at ngẫu nhiên people and run away if caught

3) Go to the mall, clothes section, and ask the worker where the baby clothes is. Go to the bathroom. Come out and ask the same worker the same question.

4) Go up to person and say "Why were bạn following me? Huh?". Then leave, hopefully, bạn run. If they follow. turn around and say: "See? WHY do bạn follow me?" Run off for good.

5) Knock on a persons door and ask "Do bạn have gum? I need some for my little cousin..." Before they...
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1. Run up a down escalator naked
2. Walk into the middle of 2 gangs about to fight and sing michael jacksons beat it
3. Fart really loudly in a crowded elevator
4. Walk into a biker bar and sing Mocho Man hoặc YMCA
5. cú đấm someone in the face for no reason
6. Drive through detroit with rucka rucka ali's 'Detroit' Blaring through a speaker on hàng đầu, đầu trang of my car
7. Do the tour de france on a motorbike and cú đấm all the cyclers
8. rugby tackle someone of a tall building
9. BIG STRANGER RODEO!!!!!!!
10. Steal a doctors stepha-thingy and pretend to examine him
11. Walk into a church dressed as Jesus hoặc Chuck Norris and shout "i am the lord god"
posted by KitkatKaysa
Scorpio.
Your element: Water
Your ruling planets: Pluto
Symbol: The bọ cạp
Your stone: Topaz
Life Pursuit: To survive against all opposition
Vibration: Resilient
Scorpio's Secret Desire: To triumph

Description:
Reputed to be the "most powerful" sign of the zodiac, Scorpios lead fate filled lives and have intense and dramatic personal relationships. Even as children Scorpios are often found to be wise beyond their years. Many astrologers call this the sign of the "oldest souls". Old and wise beyond the average, Scorpios often know all the answers, except sometimes; they too often have difficulty...
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