I got this off an e-mail from a friend, so this is not mine and I take no claim in it. Please don't do these things in real life, it's just for fun and a good laugh. And if bạn do do these things (number 4 fo example), than I'm sorry but you're really dumb.
6 Ways On How To Deal With cá mập Attacks:
1) DON'T SWIM IN THE SEA
thêm than 99% of cá mập attacks happen in large watermasses- also know as oceans. An easy way to tell if bạn are in an ocean is to taste the water- it will taste like salt.
2) SWIM ALONGSIDE FAT PEOPLE
Make sure that there are always fat people in the water with you. Odds are that bạn can swim faster than them- increasing your chances of escape.
Replace the sunblock of the person tiếp theo to bạn with BBQ rib sauce.
4) DON'T GO INTO THE WATER WITHOUT A KNIFE
As soon as bạn spot a shark- furiously stab the person tiếp theo to you. As soon as he is bleeding proufusely- swim away as fast as bạn can.
5) LISTEN CAREFULLY
Every cá mập has a theme song. If bạn here the following- swim for your life: da-dam. da-dam. da-dam if it's fast like this: dadam, dadam, dadam- give up -you are already screwed.
6) DON'T PANIC
Stay calm if a cá mập has got you. At this late stage bạn are screwed in any case- survival is not an option... The people on the bờ biển, bãi biển do not appreciate someone screaming & shouting like a lunatic- it just isn't pleasant -think of the children damnit!
Happy swimming! :D