[Everybody Loves Raymond] 116 - Diamonds #385
Marie: Oh I used to tình yêu Valentines Day!... then I met your father.
Frank: I used to tình yêu every day.
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 121 - Fascinating Debra #409
Debra: There's nothing funny about me to imitate y'know?
Ray: Oh, what are bạn talking about? Here I'll do you. "Ray, get off of me, it's not your birthday"
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 202 - Father Knows Least #380
Ray: Look, bạn have to do what Mommy says.
Ally: Why?
Ray: 'Cause I do.
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 207 - Anniversary #381
Marie: We almost got divorced.
Frank: There's a sad word��'- almost.
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 208 - The Children's Book #382
Ray: I was wondering-- are we still fighting?
Debra: What? Oh, no, no.
Ray: Okay, good. I almost bought flowers.
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 212 - All I Want For giáng sinh #379
[about sex]
Debra: bạn know, it's not always me what about last week when I was in the mood and bạn weren't?
Raymond: When was that???
Debra: Wednesday. bạn were watching TV I asked bạn to give me a backrub. Yeah bạn gave me one of these one-handed deals.
Raymond: Wait wait a minute. bạn ask for a backrub, and that means Mr. Smith goes to Washington?
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 212 - All I Want For giáng sinh #383
Ray: Not the flannel pajamas!
Debra: What?
Ray: When bạn come to giường wearing that silky thing I know I have a chance but the flannel pajamas? bạn might as well be wearing a porcupine suit!
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 217 - The Ride-Along #384
Debra: Ally, what are bạn doing?
Ally: Cutting Molly's hair.
Debra: Oh no, no, honey, bạn can't cut a doll's hair. It won't grow back-- only people hair grows back.
Ally: Oh. [pauses, calls for her baby brother] Geoffrey!
Debra: Oh, no, no, no, Ally, go ahead. Just cut the doll's hair. Hey, look, bạn missed a spot.
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 303 - The Sitter #398
Ray: [referring to messy house] bạn know what bạn need, bạn need some real help around here.
[Debra glares at Ray]
Ray: Keeping in mind I have a very busy schedule.
Debra: Oh yeah that's right gee isn't it time for your 9 o'clock butt scratch?
Ray: That's okay I don't do that anymore I'm on the patch.
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 305 - The Visit #399
[practising saying mom for Debra's mother]
Ray: Mom... mom... mom...
Marie: [walks through door] Hiii!
Ray: Wow, that... that is powerful... Let me try something: Xena warrior princess, Xena warrior princess...
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com





[Everybody Loves Raymond] 310 - No Fat #410
Ray: Hey.
Marie: Hi honey, want some eggs?
Frank: Don't listen to her, it's not eggs. It's got fake egg crap.
Marie: It tastes exactly the same.
Frank: Yes. Exactly like crap.
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 310 - No Fat #411
Ray: Why didn't bạn bring your dog, Robert?
Robert: I don't think Shamsky would eat this.
Ray: Yeah, but we could eat him.
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 413 - Bully On The Bus #343
Marie: I sense tension and anger.
Frank: Maybe you're picking up your own scent.
Contributed bởi Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 416 - The Tenth Anniversary #371
Raymond: Happy Anniversary. Hey, bạn know what I was thinking? Since this is our tenth anniversary, why don't we let the kids stay at grandmas and grandpas, all night, if bạn know what I mean?
Debra: Hey, xin chào we could watch our wedding video?
Raymond: I guess bạn don't know what I mean.
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 416 - The Tenth Anniversary #372
[after finding out cá đuối, ray taped over his wedding video]
Frank: xin chào good work Ray. Now when some broad starts yapping "you're never romantic!". Guys everywhere can say "Hey, bạn think I'm bad? At least I didn't pull a cá đuối, ray Barone.
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 416 - The Tenth Anniversary #373
Marie: Well I'll tell bạn what I would like if I were Debra...
Frank: I'd like it if bạn were Debra!
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 416 - The Tenth Anniversary #374
Robert: [referring to the wedding magazines] Where did bạn get these?
Ray: The quầy báo, tạp chí, gian hàng bán báo -- it was so embarrassing. I had to buy some porn just to even it out.
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 418 - Debra Makes Something Good #375
Frank: First of all, if I have anything to say about your mother, I'm not afraid to say it right to her face... một giây of all, those are not jokes.
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 418 - Debra Makes Something Good #402
Ray: I'm not going to make those jokes anymore.
Debra: Thank you.
Ray: Will bạn still cook for me?
Debra: Yes.
Ray: Will bạn take your clothes off?
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 421 - Someone's Cranky #376
Raymond: Maybe bạn should cut them some slack.
Robert: What?
Raymond: Yeah 'cause they mean well... y'know?... Well, mom means well, dad's just, mean.
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com





[Everybody Loves Raymond] 421 - Someone's Cranky #377
Robert: Apparently if bạn leave sữa out for twelve weeks, it goes bad and then explodes. [holds a candle] However, this is lavender bouquet.
Raymond: Can we use it to light the apartment on fire?
Debra: Robert, do bạn have any thêm candles?
Frank: hoặc an old sneaker I can bury my face in?
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 422 - Bad Moon Rising #378
Raymond: People! Shut up all of bạn guys. Debra's not feeling well, bio... hormonally.
Frank: Oh! Got it. The enemy within.
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 422 - Bad Moon Rising #400
Debra: Oh, would bạn STOP? I'm not crying because of the way I sound! I'm crying because I'm married to an insensitive derfwad, who instead of trying to make life easier for his wife, tape-records her so he has proof she's a terrible person!
Ray: What's a derfwad?
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 508 - Young Girl #388
Ray: Let me tell bạn something Robert, there's two Debras. That's right. There's the Debra bạn see that doesn't have a problem with it. Then, when everybody leaves, there's the Debra that I see: Darth Debra.
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 515 - Silent Partners #391
Ray: If one was asked to read a book called Devilwood, one would be correct in assuming that the book was scary, hoặc exciting hoặc had something devil-y in it, wouldn't one?
Robert: One would.
Ray: Well then one would be wrong!
Robert: What's going on Raymond?
Ray: Debra wants me to read this so we have stuff in common. But I swear this sucker's like a horse tranquilizer.
Here, listen to this first line. "Imagine a rain so beautiful it must never have existed" what does that mean? What does that mean?? Tell me right now what does that mean???
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 515 - Silent Partners #392
Debra: Have bạn read any of that book?
Ray: I read a lot.
Debra: Yeah? What's it about?
Ray: It's, it's about a rain that's so beautiful, I can't even believe it existed.
Debra: That's the first line, you've read ONE LINE!
Ray: And I was gonna read the tiếp theo line when I came out of my COMA!
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 515 - Silent Partners #393
Ray: This bơ is the perfect temperature Slash density.
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 522 - Say Uncle #304
Frank: Marie, what the hell? One một giây bạn were making me pancakes, the tiếp theo một giây you're gone... which would be great if there were pancakes.
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 612 - Season's Greetings #313
[about the giáng sinh letter from ten years prior]
Frank: I remember this. I had all the stuff I was gonna do when I retire on it.
Marie: Was "be nicer to your wife" on there?
Frank: Might as well have been, it's all ridiculous crap!
Contributed bởi evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 618 - The Breakup Tape #315
Ray: So I have to live in a museum of your erotic past.
Debra: It's not a museum.
Ray: So bạn admit... it was erotic!
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com


[Everybody Loves Raymond] 619 - Talk To Your Daughter #316
Frank: Let me tell bạn about life.
Ray: Great. We're gonna hear the meaning of life from a man who once threw his shoe at a swan.
Frank: That's called "Protecting your sandwich".
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 619 - Talk To Your Daughter #317
Ray: What, bạn don't think I can do it? I'll do it, I'll have the sex talk with her.
Debra: I'll tell bạn what, Ray. bạn can be there, and I'll explain it to the both of you.
Contributed bởi evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 620 - A Vote For Debra #318
Debra: bạn were stuffing your pants with food!
Ray: I'm your husband, you're supposed to support me no matter what's in my pants!
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 625 - The First Time #319
Debra: Oh, honey, honey, not tonight, okay? How about tomorrow?
Ray: How about we start tonight and go til tomorrow?
Debra: We'd have to start at 11:59, then.
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 705 - Who Am I? #320
Ray: Are bạn having an affair with the bookstore guy?
Debra: Right. He's 60 years old, got one eye, and he smells of the jungle.
Ray: Yeah, that's how bạn like it.
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 712 - Grandpa Steals #321
Robert: Your daughter, your problem.
Ray: You're stupid, you're ugly.
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 714 - Just A Formality #322
Debra: bạn listen to me Robert. This is between bạn and Amy. Her parents
are just going to have to get used to the idea. But it's your life. bạn do what bạn want to do.
Ray: Until bạn get married. Then bạn do what she wants to do.
Contributed bởi evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 715 - The Disciplinarian #323
Ray: Come on. You've seen me lay down the law, right?
Frank: I've seen bạn lay down.
Contributed bởi evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 717 - Meeting The Parents #324
Frank: Dear Lord, please keep this in-law family the hell away from me!
Hank: And bạn can stay the heck away from us, too.
Frank: bạn can say "heck" all bạn want, He knows bạn mean "Hell"!
Contributed bởi Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 718 - The Plan #403
[After Robert messes up the wedding invitations]
Amy: And what's this? 'Attire optional?' It's supposed to be 'black tie optional.' 'Attire optional' means 'maybe naked'! There's going to be nude people... at the church... on a Wednesday!
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com





[Everybody Loves Raymond] 720 - Who's Next? #325
Marie: bạn stay away from my husband!
Frank: Marie, we were just talking.
Marie: bạn weren't just talking, bạn were picturing her naked.
Frank: Get out of my head, Woman!
Contributed bởi Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 722 - Baggage #401
Debra: I have to do everything around here! I swear, if I don't do it, then it doesn't get done!
Frank: Well, that's because...now, take it easy...-that's how it's supposed to be.
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 803 - trang chủ From School #326
Michael: I don't have any homework!
Ray: Woahwoahwoawoa... who do bạn think you're dealing with here huh? I may seem stupid, but that's just to get your mother to not ask me to do stuff, okay?... I know all the angles pal, I know all the excuses. If my dog Shamsky had eaten as much homework as I đã đưa ý kiến he woulda pooped the encyclopedia britannica.
Contributed bởi Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 803 - trang chủ From School #327
Michael: I went up to the teacher to ask her a question, and I accidentally đã đưa ý kiến "Mommy."
Ray: bạn called the teacher "Mommy?" Why? Was the teacher yelling?
Contributed bởi Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 804 - Misery Loves Company #311
Robert: You're so closed off. Holding your wife's hand could be pleasurable for you. And thêm importantly, it might allow her to feel wanted and loved bởi you.
Raymond: How does that get me out of laundry?
Robert: If bạn could connect with your wife emotionally, then perhaps bạn wouldn't see doing laundry as a chore. bạn might do it willingly, for her, as a gesture of love.
Raymond: bạn are an idiot wrapped in a moron.
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 814 - Lateness #328
Debra: bạn used to think I was worth waiting for.
Ray: bạn were worth waiting for, but after fifteen years, bạn should be here bởi now!
Contributed bởi Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 816 - Security #329
Marie: Since when is there a law against me expressing my feelings?
Frank: I've been trying to pass that legislation for years.
Contributed bởi Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 821 - The Model #330
Marie: I always thought Robert was a looker.
Frank: I always thought he was thêm of a "look at that."
Contributed bởi Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 905 - Ally's F #331
Debra: Look at all the scribbles on this notebook! "Tommy and Ally Forever," "Ally Hearts Tommy," "Ally Sanders."
Ray: Oh, look. bạn see? That's not even Ally's notebook.
Contributed bởi Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 905 - Ally's F #332
Amy: bạn know, Deb, every child goes through this rebellious phase. I did. One time, in Church choir, we were all supposed to sing "What a Friend We Have In Jesus," and my Những người bạn and I sang "What a Friend We Have in Cheeses!"
Contributed bởi Courtney E


[Everybody Loves Raymond] 905 - Ally's F #333
Robert: What about when I was 13 years old, and my bóng rổ coach called me "The Useless Giraffe?"
Frank: bạn were six foot five. bạn couldn't grab a couple of rebounds?
Contributed bởi Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 905 - Ally's F #334
Ray: If x equals lame, that guy is 4 times x!
Contributed bởi Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 906 - Boys' Therapy #335
[Frank is đọc a paper on the track horses]
Frank: we gotta bet this horse. It's unbeatable! It's unstoppable.
Robert: Marie's Mouth
Ray: This is a sign!
Contributed bởi Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 911 - The Faux Pas #336
Debra: I want to assure bạn that Marie does not speak for all of us.
Frank: No, she just speaks thêm than all of us.
Contributed bởi funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 912 - Tasteless Frank #337
Frank: Hey, could bạn pass the salt?
Marie: What did bạn say?
Frank: I want to put some salt on this.
Marie: In 47 years of marriage, you've never salted my lasagna!
Frank: Marie, it's bad enough it needs it. bạn gotta remind me how long we've been married?
Contributed bởi evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 912 - Tasteless Frank #338
Robert: bạn know, Dad, I have to say, I'm surprised that bạn can't appreciate the interplay of these flavors--the smokiness of the ham, delicately contrasting with the sweetness of the egg custard.
Frank: Why don't bạn put on a dress and do a dance?
Contributed bởi evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 913 - Sister-In-Law #339
Amy: I should've realized guys just want to watch TV and be left alone.
Frank: Amy, will bạn marry me?
Contributed bởi Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 914 - The Power Of No #340
Robert: Yeah, I always know when Amy's in the mood, cause she gives me this little sly smile.
Ray: Yeah... I think she's saying hurry up and get it over with.
Contributed bởi Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 914 - The Power Of No #341
Ray: It's like the thêm I turn her down, the thêm she wants it. She's like a guy!
Contributed bởi Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 914 - The Power Of No #342
Robert: I'm going to help Amy pick out drapes.
Ray: If there's any material left over, maybe bạn can make yourself a little skirt.
Contributed bởi Courtney E