PLEASE ANSWER!! Fell free to criticize!

I tình yêu music, so I wrote this to share some songs I wrote. I'm working towards my dreams to become a singer right now. Here are some songs:

Your one last wish,
Remains unsaid,
You’ll cry into the night,
On your death bed,
Dying,
How will they remember you,
When you’re gone?
Six feet,
Underground,
bạn lay,
In a coffin filled with silk,
Wilted hoa strewn about,
How will they remember you,
When you’re not around?
They throw dirt,
Over your grave,
Your unseeing eyes,
Wide open,
All of your,
Hearts desires are gone,
Your mind no longer corrupted,
How will they remember you,
When you’re gone?
Six feet,
Underground,
bạn lay,
In a coffin filled with silk,
Wilted hoa strewn about,
How will they remember you,
When you’re not around?
Five bullets,
Implanted in your pale skin,
Your face is all red and white,
It’s your turn,
Is there life after death?
Tell me now.
How will they remember you,
When you’re gone?
Six feet,
Underground,
bạn lay,
In a coffin filled with silk,
Wilted hoa strewn about,
How will they remember you,
When you’re not around?
When you’re gone,
Your loved ones crying,
But they’ll forget you,
Live on with life soon,
So soon.






Is there anyone out there,
Feeling so alone?
Are bạn filled with sorrow?
Have bạn been broken down?

And I want bạn to know,
I can’t stay forever,
We all die in the end,
But we can tham gia together,
And make the best of not fitting in!

bạn are unique,
What’s normal anyway?
If we’re all different,
Why do we even try to be the same?


And I want bạn to know,
I can’t stay forever,
We all die in the end,
But we can tham gia together,
And make the best of not fitting in!

Make the best of life!
Now sing along if bạn broken!
Sing along if you’re gonna stand up and fight!
Now fight!
Live in the moment!
Don’t let anyone put bạn down!

And I want bạn to know,
I can’t stay forever,
We all die in the end,
But we can