Picture this.
You’re a young guy in high school and you’ve been a closet k-pop fanboy for a while now. Sure, bạn talk about it in các diễn đàn while trolling under the safety of your anonymous handle “Taeyeonfap” but in your actual real life where you’re significantly thêm chickenshit, nobody knows yet, and you’re not sure when hoặc even if you’re going to tell them. It’s been easy to hide from your parents – they tend to stay out of your bedroom since you’ve hit puberty, they only ever enter to change the clothing and the sheets, so they know from the stains exactly how much fapping is going on and are understandably not wanting to walk in on a “session”. Sure, they see the SNSD poster bạn put up but mixed in with all the Sports Illustrated bikini girls they don’t really stick out, and you’re listening to âm nhạc mainly with headphones these days so bạn don’t have to hear “TURN IT DOOOOOWN” from your annoying brother who doesn’t even care what bạn listen to because he’s into some bullshit âm nhạc where they have no talent and scream all the time and bạn can’t even hear the words – who actually listens to that shit, bạn wonder. So it’s not like anyone’s in danger of busting you.
All is going well in your life, with your k-pop fetish remaining nicely undercover, until one ngày in the middle of science class, one of these SNSD albums slips out of your bag.
The guy sitting tiếp theo to bạn picks it up and starts laughing – fascinated bởi “this faggot shit” he starts unboxing it in front of the whole class, to your horror. He lays out all the photocards on the bàn one bởi one while hát “heeeeeey, sexy layydeeee, op, op op…” as everyone gathers around and gawks at them, which is really embarrassing. When he takes out the Taeyeon photocard bạn get particularly hurt and bạn try to grab it off him so he starts making lewd các bình luận about her just to fuck with you. To make matters worse, a group of girls behind bạn start giggling, including this one girl you’ve had a crush on for a while, so bạn guess bạn can Kiss her off the “she thinks I’m a real man, maybe some ngày she will touch my genitals” list. Eventually the teacher intervenes and breaks things up, and you’ve never been so happy to have a possession of yours confiscated until hometime. It looks like the class asshole has won this round.
Upset and ashamed, bạn go trang chủ that night. Over bữa tối, bữa ăn tối your parents know that something’s wrong but thankfully they don’t press bạn about it – the embarrassment of being “outed” at school was enough humiliation for one day. After bữa tối, bữa ăn tối bạn sit with your parents and watch some âm nhạc competition talent show, and a thought occurs to you: “If only they realised that my k-pop idols are talented”, bạn think to yourself “maybe then they will take my tình yêu of this âm nhạc seriously”. Armed with an iPad loaded with your best arsenal of “look, Taeyeon is a really talented singer” YouTube bookmarks, bạn return to school the tiếp theo ngày and hiển thị it around the class.
It goes about as well as bạn realistically hoped it would – the girls are impressed while bạn talk enthusiastically about the harsh training regimes of k-pop and can see your point about Taeyeon, plus that one girl bạn like is kind of talking to bạn again – maybe a handjob behind the bike shed from her is a realistic dream after all. The guy who gave bạn all that shit yesterday grudgingly says “you’re still a faggot for liking that gay shit” but other than this, he keeps to himself and doesn’t press the issue, seeing that bạn have the upper hand with the ladies and not wanting to get them off-side, after all he wants that handjob as much as bạn do. bạn go trang chủ feeling vindicated.
After a while, things calm down, and people seem to forget about it. Then, a few weeks later, the school bully confronts you, smartphone in hand.
“Hey, do bạn like this song?” He shows you, Barbarbar, bởi Crayon Pop.
“No!” bạn exclaim instantly, “they’re not talented at all!”
“Shut the fuck up fag. You’re into this k-pop bullshit, and this is a fucking hit song, it’s number one in Korea. bạn tình yêu this shit, bạn fucking cunt.”
bạn try to protest, but it’s too late. Word has already spread around the school and your pontification on “idol talent” now looks like a joke that everyone is only too keen to rub in your face. Lunchtimes become an ordeal with people hát “BaBa-Bar Bar, BaBaBa-Bar” at bạn everywhere bạn go in the yard, and occasionally a group of bullies will corner bạn somewhere and refuse to let bạn pass until bạn do the “jumping, jumping” dance. Their favourite time to do this is just before bạn leave for trang chủ on your bicycle – “the mũ bảo hiểm gives your dance a thêm authentic feel”, they remind you. That girl bạn like never talks to bạn again and your school social life rapidly disintegrates as nobody wants to be seen hanging out with bạn for fear of also becoming a victim.
Desperate and with pent-up anger that has no outlet in the real world, bạn turn to the Internet and unleash as much Crayon Pop hate as bạn can handle, but it’s no use. It’s obvious to bạn that the girls are gang members and thugs, but in a unique and astoundingly clever pre-emptive marketing strategy, the girls have left their true colours wide out in the open for everybody to see.
bạn watch them rob some innocent hard-working pimp collecting his overdue payments from a lazy whore here, and this isn’t some saesang candid camera, this is on their official video, which means they’re proud of this shit.
bạn also note that their dance tutorial shows them openly bullying class members and practicing fighting moves, just like the ones that guy used to cú đấm bạn in the stomach the other day, it’s practically an instruction manual on how to slap people down.
What can bạn do to tarnish the online reputation of a group who are already this openly gangster? Nothing. Even other groups and the media are frightened of them. Yet they got to #1, and they can barely even sing unlike your beautiful perfect Angel Taeyeon, where is the justice in this world…
A tháng later when bạn are found hanging in your bedroom with a note saying “Taeyeon I’m sorry” which baffles the shit out of your parents (“Who? Is that someone at school?”), the media chalks up your swinging corpse as another statistic in the global phenomenon known as “The Crayon Pop fanboy cull”. At school, bạn are not missed and the world of k-pop fandoms becomes 0.0001% thêm sane as a global average due to your sudden departure.
Crayon Pop are helping the mental health of k-pop fandom culture bởi disposing of their psychologically weakest specimens. Be sure to cheer them on.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
credit goes to kpopalpyse for this hilarious story
link
You’re a young guy in high school and you’ve been a closet k-pop fanboy for a while now. Sure, bạn talk about it in các diễn đàn while trolling under the safety of your anonymous handle “Taeyeonfap” but in your actual real life where you’re significantly thêm chickenshit, nobody knows yet, and you’re not sure when hoặc even if you’re going to tell them. It’s been easy to hide from your parents – they tend to stay out of your bedroom since you’ve hit puberty, they only ever enter to change the clothing and the sheets, so they know from the stains exactly how much fapping is going on and are understandably not wanting to walk in on a “session”. Sure, they see the SNSD poster bạn put up but mixed in with all the Sports Illustrated bikini girls they don’t really stick out, and you’re listening to âm nhạc mainly with headphones these days so bạn don’t have to hear “TURN IT DOOOOOWN” from your annoying brother who doesn’t even care what bạn listen to because he’s into some bullshit âm nhạc where they have no talent and scream all the time and bạn can’t even hear the words – who actually listens to that shit, bạn wonder. So it’s not like anyone’s in danger of busting you.
All is going well in your life, with your k-pop fetish remaining nicely undercover, until one ngày in the middle of science class, one of these SNSD albums slips out of your bag.
The guy sitting tiếp theo to bạn picks it up and starts laughing – fascinated bởi “this faggot shit” he starts unboxing it in front of the whole class, to your horror. He lays out all the photocards on the bàn one bởi one while hát “heeeeeey, sexy layydeeee, op, op op…” as everyone gathers around and gawks at them, which is really embarrassing. When he takes out the Taeyeon photocard bạn get particularly hurt and bạn try to grab it off him so he starts making lewd các bình luận about her just to fuck with you. To make matters worse, a group of girls behind bạn start giggling, including this one girl you’ve had a crush on for a while, so bạn guess bạn can Kiss her off the “she thinks I’m a real man, maybe some ngày she will touch my genitals” list. Eventually the teacher intervenes and breaks things up, and you’ve never been so happy to have a possession of yours confiscated until hometime. It looks like the class asshole has won this round.
Upset and ashamed, bạn go trang chủ that night. Over bữa tối, bữa ăn tối your parents know that something’s wrong but thankfully they don’t press bạn about it – the embarrassment of being “outed” at school was enough humiliation for one day. After bữa tối, bữa ăn tối bạn sit with your parents and watch some âm nhạc competition talent show, and a thought occurs to you: “If only they realised that my k-pop idols are talented”, bạn think to yourself “maybe then they will take my tình yêu of this âm nhạc seriously”. Armed with an iPad loaded with your best arsenal of “look, Taeyeon is a really talented singer” YouTube bookmarks, bạn return to school the tiếp theo ngày and hiển thị it around the class.
It goes about as well as bạn realistically hoped it would – the girls are impressed while bạn talk enthusiastically about the harsh training regimes of k-pop and can see your point about Taeyeon, plus that one girl bạn like is kind of talking to bạn again – maybe a handjob behind the bike shed from her is a realistic dream after all. The guy who gave bạn all that shit yesterday grudgingly says “you’re still a faggot for liking that gay shit” but other than this, he keeps to himself and doesn’t press the issue, seeing that bạn have the upper hand with the ladies and not wanting to get them off-side, after all he wants that handjob as much as bạn do. bạn go trang chủ feeling vindicated.
After a while, things calm down, and people seem to forget about it. Then, a few weeks later, the school bully confronts you, smartphone in hand.
“Hey, do bạn like this song?” He shows you, Barbarbar, bởi Crayon Pop.
“No!” bạn exclaim instantly, “they’re not talented at all!”
“Shut the fuck up fag. You’re into this k-pop bullshit, and this is a fucking hit song, it’s number one in Korea. bạn tình yêu this shit, bạn fucking cunt.”
bạn try to protest, but it’s too late. Word has already spread around the school and your pontification on “idol talent” now looks like a joke that everyone is only too keen to rub in your face. Lunchtimes become an ordeal with people hát “BaBa-Bar Bar, BaBaBa-Bar” at bạn everywhere bạn go in the yard, and occasionally a group of bullies will corner bạn somewhere and refuse to let bạn pass until bạn do the “jumping, jumping” dance. Their favourite time to do this is just before bạn leave for trang chủ on your bicycle – “the mũ bảo hiểm gives your dance a thêm authentic feel”, they remind you. That girl bạn like never talks to bạn again and your school social life rapidly disintegrates as nobody wants to be seen hanging out with bạn for fear of also becoming a victim.
Desperate and with pent-up anger that has no outlet in the real world, bạn turn to the Internet and unleash as much Crayon Pop hate as bạn can handle, but it’s no use. It’s obvious to bạn that the girls are gang members and thugs, but in a unique and astoundingly clever pre-emptive marketing strategy, the girls have left their true colours wide out in the open for everybody to see.
bạn watch them rob some innocent hard-working pimp collecting his overdue payments from a lazy whore here, and this isn’t some saesang candid camera, this is on their official video, which means they’re proud of this shit.
bạn also note that their dance tutorial shows them openly bullying class members and practicing fighting moves, just like the ones that guy used to cú đấm bạn in the stomach the other day, it’s practically an instruction manual on how to slap people down.
What can bạn do to tarnish the online reputation of a group who are already this openly gangster? Nothing. Even other groups and the media are frightened of them. Yet they got to #1, and they can barely even sing unlike your beautiful perfect Angel Taeyeon, where is the justice in this world…
A tháng later when bạn are found hanging in your bedroom with a note saying “Taeyeon I’m sorry” which baffles the shit out of your parents (“Who? Is that someone at school?”), the media chalks up your swinging corpse as another statistic in the global phenomenon known as “The Crayon Pop fanboy cull”. At school, bạn are not missed and the world of k-pop fandoms becomes 0.0001% thêm sane as a global average due to your sudden departure.
Crayon Pop are helping the mental health of k-pop fandom culture bởi disposing of their psychologically weakest specimens. Be sure to cheer them on.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
credit goes to kpopalpyse for this hilarious story
link