Let's try to fill this Huli hole I feel inside my chest. I need news peeps XD Let's try to get to this making out moment as soon as possible :P
Always many, many thanks to @rrennie and @Belle...
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Previously on December/December:
5 March 2010
“So we are back to the story of your life…” Robert đã đưa ý kiến bitterly “You won’t take the plunge till someone comes along and takes bạn bởi your hand, assuring bạn it’s gonna be ok…Two birds with one stone, otherwise it isn’t even worth it ?” he snapped even thêm bitterly. He scoffed, making him feel like crap even more. “Have bạn ever done something just for yourself in your whole life?”
Hugh sighed exasperated “What now, I am not selfish enough?”
“I meant…ever made a choice that just screamed this is what I want, this is what I need and I am ready to go for it whatever it takes…”
Hugh stayed silent, his head still dangling in between his legs, as he slowly processed his words.
“Nice” Robert pressed on “It’s easy this way: when bạn don’t have to choose blindly knowing bạn might end up doing it hoặc die in the attempt…”
He really didn’t know what to say. Seizing the moment on small things…that was something he could do. He was learning. But on such a matter…
Robert stood up in way that clearly stood for a we are done here.
“You know Hugh…I tình yêu you, but…maybe Lisa was right all along…”
Hugh snapped his head up looking at him.
“Maybe bạn just don’t crave happiness they way normal people do. Maybe….you just don’t want things badly enough. Maybe…you can’t live for yourself”
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December/December - Chapter 13
5 March 2010
Hugh turned the key into the lock, pushed the door open enough to sneak in, and quickly pulled it close behind him. He threw the keys onto the entrance desk, taking off his áo, áo khoác without even switching the light on, and after a few steps he just let himself collapse backwards on his living room couch, rubbing his face with both hands. He sat like that for a while, just focusing on his own breathing and on the way it got Mất tích in the noiseless emptiness of his house.
He finally dropped his hands down and let one arm dangle off the edge, staring blankly into the darkness of the room, as Robert’s last words continued roaring in his ears, over and over again, like sharp-edged blades. At some point, he stuffed one hand inside his pocket, getting his phone out. He scrolled down the folders, until he got to the last one and ran his eyes one thêm time over the words of Lisa’s last message.
He took a deep breath, as if he was physically trying to ease that sense of oppressive distress that was suffocating him. The gloomy quiet of his house struck him. His eyes wandered in the darkness and slowly started adjusting to it, making out shapes and spaces: he thought about the voices that he had once believed one ngày would make these empty spaces come to life and about how his life had slowly been taking a completely different course from the one he had originally planned. And yet each single step he had taken since the ngày he had landed in LA, every decision he has made, whether he told himself he was obliged to hoặc not, had been thoroughly intentional. There was something he was craving deep down inside and wasn’t just ready, hoặc Công chúa tóc xù enough, to admit to himself that he wanted more, hoặc maybe just differently, than everything he had been building until that very moment of six years ago.
So as much as those voices were and would always be irreplaceable in his life, it just felt like he would never feel thoroughly complete and alive again as long as a different one wouldn’t be part of it. Everything had always been about her: about how he felt with her, about the way she made him feel about himself, about that something in his life that had always been missing and that now he had found and already Mất tích so easily.
He ultimately snapped his phone shut and threw it on the floor with a mix of anger and regret, as he turned himself on his stomach and dug his face into the cushions.
The white glare coming out from the TV screen was the only thing lighting the pitch black darkness of Lisa’s bedroom. She was curled up on the giường under a plaid blanket, her legs bent up to her chest with one arm softly stretched over Kaplow petting him, while Shazam was dozing crouched at her feet. She switched channels once again, feeling insufferably edgy: she had been doing this for an giờ already and each time she didn’t even watch what was on before moving on to the tiếp theo one. She was sleepy but couldn’t talk herself into going to giường yet. She glanced sideways at her phone for the umpteenth time, thinking that maybe it had lit up and she hadn’t noticed, but she immediately forced herself to avert her gaze from it, feeling an idiot for just having considered it: so much for not feeling like she was seventeen again. She turned her head checking the luminous screen of her alarm-clock: it was midnight already.
She eventually wiggled down deeper under the blanket, burrowing her head between the pillows, but couldn’t help glancing at her phone one thêm time before finally turning the TV off, telling herself she was diễn xuất like a fool.
8 March 2010
“I think I am gonna have another coffee, otherwise I might seriously fall asleep for good on these damn seats this time” Jess said, springing to his feet. He was keeping his eyes wide open and his eyebrows well-arched, as if he was trying to prevent his eyelids from closing even for just one thêm second. He had just woken up after having unconsciously dropped off for the umpteenth time on his seat.
Compared to the usual hustle and bustle that filled it up during the day, the departure lounge of the Buffalo Niagara International Airport was almost empty at this time of the night. There were just the seven of them, the members of the band, and a few people scattered around, plus the airport staff. Scott was đọc in the smoking area, Bob and Adrian had been sleeping for 3 hours already, whereas Greg and James were playing bridge sprawled on their seats, in the row in front of the one Jess was sat. Hugh was lying down on his back a few seats away from them, keeping his eyes closed although he was certainly well awake. It has been one of the longest weekends of his life, he had barely slept a wink and he had to be on set in just a few hours.
“Someone want some?” Jess asked turning to James and Greg.
James barely lifted his eyes from the cards “What? Coffee? Mmm…might be a good idea”
“Wait up, I am going with you…” Greg đã đưa ý kiến throwing his cards on the ghế, chỗ ngồi between him and James.
James snapped his head up, gaping at him “What are bạn doing?? We were playing…”
Greg stretched out from head to toe, yawning widely “Yeah sorry….but this Honeymoon version, as lovely as it is playing it with you, is boring me stiff”
Jess goggled, stifling a laugh “Wait a minute…what did bạn call it?”
James simply ignored him and sat himself upright snapping his mouth shut and staring at Greg with a knowingly smirk on his face “You bastard….coward….I was beating you, that’s why you’re suddenly getting cold feet…”
“Honeymoon version?” Jess pressed on, amused, darting his eyes back and forth between the two of them.
Greg rolled his eyes, shrugging and stuffing his hands into his pockets “Ask James, he’s the lord of the cards around here…he is the one who knows all the tricks and games” he trailed off teasingly.
“That’s what it’s called…” James snapped getting annoyed already “What’s so funny about it, anyway?” he asked looking at Jess who promptly choked back another laugh, pressing his lips together.
“Nothing, nothing…” he cleared his throat in the attempt to not burst out laughing.
Greg gestured at him with his shoulder “Come on let’s have this coffee…”
James snorted, letting his cards drop “Fine. Ignore me….that’s very mature Mr” he told Greg, standing up “…and what are bạn laughing at?!” he asked narrowing his eyes at Jess who kept silently stifling laughs.
“Jess has this kind of 7th grade humour…don’t pay attention to him” Hugh đã đưa ý kiến from his seat, keeping his eyes stubbornly closed “He finds insanely amusing that bạn two can entertain yourselves with a couples game…” he explained “…you know like those annoying school kids that used to tell you, with a lovely mocking tone, that your best-friend was in fact your girlfriend, just for the sake of some cheap humour…” he đã đưa ý kiến forcing himself to keep a straight face.
Jess turned to him “Yeah, right ‘cause, judging bởi the fake composure of your face, you’re not dying to laugh out loud at that too…”
Hugh pressed his lips in a tight line, choking back a laugh but he gave out a suffocated cough. There was some sort of absurd sneering irony in the fact that he could still feel the urge to laugh at something when his life was so messed up at the moment.
James shook his head in disbelief “Unbelievable…And I thought bạn were the mature one around here Hugh….come on Greg, let’s have this coffee…” he đã đưa ý kiến beginning to walk quickly towards the cafeteria.
“Now you’re my friend again?!” Greg asked taunting him “I thought I heard bạn calling me a coward and a bastard…how does this teaming up thing work around here?”
“Just shut the fuck up and walk…” James silenced him slightly irritated.
Greg cracked up following him “Geez….staying up all night truly makes bạn like a coiled spring….”
“Would bạn mind bringing me mine?” Jess asked with a wide cheeky smile on his face as he dropped himself on the seats, lying lengthwise and crossing his legs.
James froze and slowly turned towards him “Are bạn kidding me? You were the one who wanted coffee…”
“Yeah, but I am soooo tired…and bạn looked quite edgy on the other hand…I think bạn could use a walk. I take it with a dash bởi the way, no foam. Two lumps, thanks” he trailed off teasingly, slowly crossing his arms behind his nape.
James narrowed his eyes at him and was about to reply in kind when Greg seized him bởi his shoulder forcing him to turn “Now, take it easy man…come on, let’s go…Jess is in a pesky mood, tonight” he đã đưa ý kiến to calm him down, but glancing back at Jess over his shoulder with a clearly rather amused expression stamped on his face.
Jess waited for them to walk away before lifting himself up and sitting sprawled on his seat. He glanced at Hugh sensing thêm than ever the presence of that dark, little đám mây that had kept floating over his head all weekend long. He ruffled his hair, trying to make up his mind on what to do and above all, whether he was really supposed to do something, taking into account he wasn’t sure who he was meant to be loyal to and at the same time whether at this point it still made any sense thinking in these terms.
Hugh on the other hand kept lying perfectly still on his back, his eyes still closed under the brim of his hat which was slightly lowered over his forehead. He had been giving his life some serious thought this time, and now…the time had truly come.
It was time.
Deep down inside, he had known Robert was perfectly right all along; maybe he had even sensed what the real issue behind his annoyed attitude might be before he truly spoke his mind, but….he hadn’t wanted to hear it. And perhaps even before that, he had been perfectly aware he was just procrastinating. He just…he just needed time to make up his mind on how to do it. Figure out which was the safest, harmless course for everyone.
Now that he had made his decision, the only missing piece from the puzzle remained Lisa. It’s not like the two issues were really linked to each other. He had made up his mind on the first one, maybe even for longer than he could remember…but Lisa…was he supposed to tell her? What for? To prove her he was ready? He didn’t want her to think he wouldn’t be if she hadn’t be there with him. Robert was right. This was about him, about what he wanted and needed. Lisa… he would tell her, unless Jess proved him she didn’t need him to, that she had moved on, for real.
So, what was left was inevitably the part that scared him the most.
He pushed himself upright, spreading his arms open onto the seatbacks and leaning backwards against them. He noticed that Jess was staring at him with a vague expression of surprise on his face.
“Something wrong?” Hugh asked. Why was he staring at him like that?
Jess looked like he had just seen a ghost. There had been a sudden firmness in Hugh’s quick movement that truly had caught him off guard since he had just been swinging from being catatonic to being mildly depressed for two days in a row.
“No…not at all” Jess stammered “I just…ehm…I was Mất tích in my thoughts, that’s all. bạn startled me” he đã đưa ý kiến giving a little cough.
Stupid. Of course, why wouldn’t he be staring at me? I must have looked like I was springing up.
“Oh sorry…I didn’t mean to” this new no-hesitations philosophy still would take him time to improve if he didn’t want to look like a fool to people.
Jess glanced at the cafeteria: James and Greg had sat down at the bàn and were still calmly stirring their coffees. It looked like they were taking their time. He turned his head and saw that Hugh had started pacing back and forth with his head down. He looked pensive.
“Everything ok?” Jess asked.
Hugh hesitated for a một giây “Yeah…I think so…” he sighed taking a few steps in his direction and stopping himself in front of one of the seats. He started playing with a paper ball on the floor with his feet.
“The boarding should start in a few minutes…” Jess đã đưa ý kiến glancing at the board clock to fill the awkward silence “…hopefully we’ll be trang chủ bởi 11”
Hugh scoffed “Yeah…hopefully, David will be so pleased we’ll have like 3 hours delay in our morning shooting schedule…” he đã đưa ý kiến with a hint of đắng, cay đắng sarcasm in his tone. He really didn’t feel like working today. He had so many things to take care of…
Jess spread his arms open onto the backseats, smirking “Not my problem man, Chase has the ngày off today”
Hugh smiled crookedly “Nice to know bạn feel my pain”.
He felt even lonelier as his words sunk in and acquired their plain meaning.
Jess smiled sympathetically waiting for him to say something more. It was clear he had something on his mind. After another một phút of silence, Hugh sat tiếp theo to him and leaned forward, folding his hands and resting his chin on them. He stood like that for a while just staring blankly in front of him.
Jess waited patiently.
“What about Lisa? Will she be on set tomorrow?” Hugh finally asked.
The thought of her had been obsessing him all weekend. The idea he might have let her down when he hadn’t texted her back was driving him crazy. What if she had thought he had ignored her because he didn’t care enough? But Robert was right, again: this dancing…he didn’t want her to get the feeling he was playing with her.
He had been an idiot anyway. He had been so devastated bởi Rob’s words that he had acted like a real jerk. Now was there a way he might put it without telling her the truth about why he hadn’t felt like texting her back? About why he had been diễn xuất like such a dumbass all weekend? He highly doubted it. Besides, did she still care enough to get disappointed at something so stupid hoặc maybe he was just fooling himself? Perhaps she had just turned her phone off as soon as she had sent that.
God he was such a mockery!! He had got so paralyzed bởi the things Robert had told him that he couldn’t text her back not a single word that truly resembled what he felt and now he was almost dying to talk to her again, knowing whether she was pissed, disappointed, hurt….indifferent.
Jess scrutinized his face. It looked like he was asking him something whereas his mind was totally set on something else, wandering…But anyway he’d better see where all of this was going before saying too much.
“She won’t…she told me she doesn’t have a scene to shoot ‘till Wednesday”
Hugh’s tim, trái tim gave a little bump.
Wednesday? How was he supposed to cope like this ‘till Wednesday?
He sighed, still struggling against that unspoken fear that until now had kept him from asking Jess what he had told himself he would in case Jess would give him the answer he didn’t want to hear…so be it.
Just…it was easier to think than to do it.
Jess leaned forward, resting on his knees. He turned his head to Hugh.
“What’s bugging bạn Hugh?” Hugh peered sideways at him “You’ve been having this dark đám mây over your head all weekend…I thought bạn were doing better…I mean…this your…situation and all…”
Hugh chewed lightly the back of his hand “I am…I am doing better” he trailed off.
Jessed pressed on “So, what is it?”
He still couldn’t talk himself into being the first in bringing the subject up. What if he messed up and Lisa ended up hurt and bruised one thêm time? He was sure Hugh deeply cared for her, but…was that enough?
Hugh suddenly lifted his head up “May I ask bạn something and expect bạn to give me an honest answer?” he đã đưa ý kiến almost holding his breath.
Jess tensed, pushing his torso up “Sure thing” but he didn’t know if that was completely true yet.
Hugh pointed his sad blue eyes at him. “How is she?”
Jessed stared back into them for a while, torn apart. How was she, really?
“She is good…”he finally sighed nodding seriously “…she’s tough, bạn know…she’s special”
Hugh believed he sensed some hint of bitterness in his tone, but he didn’t dwell too much on that thought, because most probably he was just imagining things out of guilt. Instead, his lips curled up in a little, loving smile as soon as the meaning of Jess’s words hit his conscience.
“She looks fearless, doesn’t she?” he whispered pensive, turning his head to stare blankly ahead of himself once more, as a whole life of memories of hers was just passing before his very eyes. Possibly this was exactly the reason he had been so awfully careless in assuming she wasn’t just as breakable as him. Even thêm maybe. He hated himself for that. Not that he hadn’t taken into account her feelings but…so much for loving her: he had been selfish all along and he had never even really realized it.
But this was about to change.
“She is just as breakable as anyone else….” Jess answered sharply, as if he had read his thoughts. He was finding himself surprisingly protective towards Lisa. He had never snooped into her business, nor he was really holding any grudge at Hugh, but right now he just didn’t want all the hurting to start again. Especially for her.
Hugh took a deep breath, letting his head drop down to stare at the floor. He still didn’t know how to put this…it wasn’t like he was sure Jess knew something about anything, so he must be cautious. It was one thing was asking him how was she doing, which might be a friendly concern; it was another to ask him a direct câu hỏi like that, assuming he knew something more.
He rubbed the back of his neck, looking for an appropriate way to phrase this “Does she…I mean…do bạn know whether she…”
But Jess cut him off this time taking the plunge for him.
“It’s not over between the two of you, is it?”
Hugh snapped his head up, looking silently at him slightly hang-mouthed for a second. Then he just pressed his lips in a tight smile. Of course. How could he have ever thought he might fool them all for so long?
He dropped his head down once again “How long have bạn known?”
“I didn’t. I just guessed…”
Hugh limited himself to nod, pondering. Well, this made things easier, although it didn’t mean it would be less painful for him.
Jess prompted him “So…is it?”
Hugh’s face grew mournful “It’s not my choice….” he đã đưa ý kiến regretfully “but I suppose it is…”
“That’s it?” Jess hadn’t understood what he was hitting at exactly but he was thêm and thêm convinced that this wasn’t the only thing buzzing in Hugh’s head.
Hugh took courage for real this time. Do hoặc die. He had learned his lesson bởi now, but all the same he felt his heart-beat racing insanely. God he couldn’t be asking this…the answer might kill him.
“Is she still seeing that guy? The English producer?”
Jess stood silent for a while, wondering whether he should just answer his câu hỏi hoặc go deeper into it. Everything sounded like too risky of an answer. He couldn’t take such a responsibility, especially since Lisa hadn’t really told him anything. What if he was wrong and she was really better off this way? On the other hand, though, maybe he could provide him with an additional piece of information. Then it would be up to him.
It looked like he had finally made up his mind, somehow.
“She’s leaving for Luân Đôn right after the end of the shooting…”
Hugh could just feel the blood pounding in his head: it almost felt like something was roaring painfully inside him. He swallowed, forcing himself to focus and lowered his gaze.
“You think she’s happy?” he asked abruptly without giving Jess’ words thêm time to sink in deeper and rip apart what was left of him. It felt one thousand times worse than he had expected it already.
Jess thought his answer carefully through, taking his time. It was pretty easy actually: he knew what his main concern was, who to be precise and it’d better be HIS own too if he really wanted to be deserving of her. It wasn't like he didn't care about Hugh. Of course he did. But Lisa came first now.
“I think she deserves a chance at happiness…this is what I think. Whether she is hoặc might be…it’s not up to me to judge…” he đã đưa ý kiến firmly.
Hugh immediately stood up on his feet with an unreadable expression on his face. That was it. He had had his answer.
Jess wasn’t expecting such a sudden reaction “Hugh that doesn’t mean…” he started, but then he had to stop midsentence because Hugh himself cut him off with a warning glance. Greg and James had just come back with Jess’s coffee.
“That’s all I need to know Jess…” he đã đưa ý kiến heading to his ghế, chỗ ngồi to start collecting his things “We gotta go now. It’s time”.
Always many, many thanks to @rrennie and @Belle...
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Previously on December/December:
5 March 2010
“So we are back to the story of your life…” Robert đã đưa ý kiến bitterly “You won’t take the plunge till someone comes along and takes bạn bởi your hand, assuring bạn it’s gonna be ok…Two birds with one stone, otherwise it isn’t even worth it ?” he snapped even thêm bitterly. He scoffed, making him feel like crap even more. “Have bạn ever done something just for yourself in your whole life?”
Hugh sighed exasperated “What now, I am not selfish enough?”
“I meant…ever made a choice that just screamed this is what I want, this is what I need and I am ready to go for it whatever it takes…”
Hugh stayed silent, his head still dangling in between his legs, as he slowly processed his words.
“Nice” Robert pressed on “It’s easy this way: when bạn don’t have to choose blindly knowing bạn might end up doing it hoặc die in the attempt…”
He really didn’t know what to say. Seizing the moment on small things…that was something he could do. He was learning. But on such a matter…
Robert stood up in way that clearly stood for a we are done here.
“You know Hugh…I tình yêu you, but…maybe Lisa was right all along…”
Hugh snapped his head up looking at him.
“Maybe bạn just don’t crave happiness they way normal people do. Maybe….you just don’t want things badly enough. Maybe…you can’t live for yourself”
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December/December - Chapter 13
5 March 2010
Hugh turned the key into the lock, pushed the door open enough to sneak in, and quickly pulled it close behind him. He threw the keys onto the entrance desk, taking off his áo, áo khoác without even switching the light on, and after a few steps he just let himself collapse backwards on his living room couch, rubbing his face with both hands. He sat like that for a while, just focusing on his own breathing and on the way it got Mất tích in the noiseless emptiness of his house.
He finally dropped his hands down and let one arm dangle off the edge, staring blankly into the darkness of the room, as Robert’s last words continued roaring in his ears, over and over again, like sharp-edged blades. At some point, he stuffed one hand inside his pocket, getting his phone out. He scrolled down the folders, until he got to the last one and ran his eyes one thêm time over the words of Lisa’s last message.
He took a deep breath, as if he was physically trying to ease that sense of oppressive distress that was suffocating him. The gloomy quiet of his house struck him. His eyes wandered in the darkness and slowly started adjusting to it, making out shapes and spaces: he thought about the voices that he had once believed one ngày would make these empty spaces come to life and about how his life had slowly been taking a completely different course from the one he had originally planned. And yet each single step he had taken since the ngày he had landed in LA, every decision he has made, whether he told himself he was obliged to hoặc not, had been thoroughly intentional. There was something he was craving deep down inside and wasn’t just ready, hoặc Công chúa tóc xù enough, to admit to himself that he wanted more, hoặc maybe just differently, than everything he had been building until that very moment of six years ago.
So as much as those voices were and would always be irreplaceable in his life, it just felt like he would never feel thoroughly complete and alive again as long as a different one wouldn’t be part of it. Everything had always been about her: about how he felt with her, about the way she made him feel about himself, about that something in his life that had always been missing and that now he had found and already Mất tích so easily.
He ultimately snapped his phone shut and threw it on the floor with a mix of anger and regret, as he turned himself on his stomach and dug his face into the cushions.
The white glare coming out from the TV screen was the only thing lighting the pitch black darkness of Lisa’s bedroom. She was curled up on the giường under a plaid blanket, her legs bent up to her chest with one arm softly stretched over Kaplow petting him, while Shazam was dozing crouched at her feet. She switched channels once again, feeling insufferably edgy: she had been doing this for an giờ already and each time she didn’t even watch what was on before moving on to the tiếp theo one. She was sleepy but couldn’t talk herself into going to giường yet. She glanced sideways at her phone for the umpteenth time, thinking that maybe it had lit up and she hadn’t noticed, but she immediately forced herself to avert her gaze from it, feeling an idiot for just having considered it: so much for not feeling like she was seventeen again. She turned her head checking the luminous screen of her alarm-clock: it was midnight already.
She eventually wiggled down deeper under the blanket, burrowing her head between the pillows, but couldn’t help glancing at her phone one thêm time before finally turning the TV off, telling herself she was diễn xuất like a fool.
8 March 2010
“I think I am gonna have another coffee, otherwise I might seriously fall asleep for good on these damn seats this time” Jess said, springing to his feet. He was keeping his eyes wide open and his eyebrows well-arched, as if he was trying to prevent his eyelids from closing even for just one thêm second. He had just woken up after having unconsciously dropped off for the umpteenth time on his seat.
Compared to the usual hustle and bustle that filled it up during the day, the departure lounge of the Buffalo Niagara International Airport was almost empty at this time of the night. There were just the seven of them, the members of the band, and a few people scattered around, plus the airport staff. Scott was đọc in the smoking area, Bob and Adrian had been sleeping for 3 hours already, whereas Greg and James were playing bridge sprawled on their seats, in the row in front of the one Jess was sat. Hugh was lying down on his back a few seats away from them, keeping his eyes closed although he was certainly well awake. It has been one of the longest weekends of his life, he had barely slept a wink and he had to be on set in just a few hours.
“Someone want some?” Jess asked turning to James and Greg.
James barely lifted his eyes from the cards “What? Coffee? Mmm…might be a good idea”
“Wait up, I am going with you…” Greg đã đưa ý kiến throwing his cards on the ghế, chỗ ngồi between him and James.
James snapped his head up, gaping at him “What are bạn doing?? We were playing…”
Greg stretched out from head to toe, yawning widely “Yeah sorry….but this Honeymoon version, as lovely as it is playing it with you, is boring me stiff”
Jess goggled, stifling a laugh “Wait a minute…what did bạn call it?”
James simply ignored him and sat himself upright snapping his mouth shut and staring at Greg with a knowingly smirk on his face “You bastard….coward….I was beating you, that’s why you’re suddenly getting cold feet…”
“Honeymoon version?” Jess pressed on, amused, darting his eyes back and forth between the two of them.
Greg rolled his eyes, shrugging and stuffing his hands into his pockets “Ask James, he’s the lord of the cards around here…he is the one who knows all the tricks and games” he trailed off teasingly.
“That’s what it’s called…” James snapped getting annoyed already “What’s so funny about it, anyway?” he asked looking at Jess who promptly choked back another laugh, pressing his lips together.
“Nothing, nothing…” he cleared his throat in the attempt to not burst out laughing.
Greg gestured at him with his shoulder “Come on let’s have this coffee…”
James snorted, letting his cards drop “Fine. Ignore me….that’s very mature Mr” he told Greg, standing up “…and what are bạn laughing at?!” he asked narrowing his eyes at Jess who kept silently stifling laughs.
“Jess has this kind of 7th grade humour…don’t pay attention to him” Hugh đã đưa ý kiến from his seat, keeping his eyes stubbornly closed “He finds insanely amusing that bạn two can entertain yourselves with a couples game…” he explained “…you know like those annoying school kids that used to tell you, with a lovely mocking tone, that your best-friend was in fact your girlfriend, just for the sake of some cheap humour…” he đã đưa ý kiến forcing himself to keep a straight face.
Jess turned to him “Yeah, right ‘cause, judging bởi the fake composure of your face, you’re not dying to laugh out loud at that too…”
Hugh pressed his lips in a tight line, choking back a laugh but he gave out a suffocated cough. There was some sort of absurd sneering irony in the fact that he could still feel the urge to laugh at something when his life was so messed up at the moment.
James shook his head in disbelief “Unbelievable…And I thought bạn were the mature one around here Hugh….come on Greg, let’s have this coffee…” he đã đưa ý kiến beginning to walk quickly towards the cafeteria.
“Now you’re my friend again?!” Greg asked taunting him “I thought I heard bạn calling me a coward and a bastard…how does this teaming up thing work around here?”
“Just shut the fuck up and walk…” James silenced him slightly irritated.
Greg cracked up following him “Geez….staying up all night truly makes bạn like a coiled spring….”
“Would bạn mind bringing me mine?” Jess asked with a wide cheeky smile on his face as he dropped himself on the seats, lying lengthwise and crossing his legs.
James froze and slowly turned towards him “Are bạn kidding me? You were the one who wanted coffee…”
“Yeah, but I am soooo tired…and bạn looked quite edgy on the other hand…I think bạn could use a walk. I take it with a dash bởi the way, no foam. Two lumps, thanks” he trailed off teasingly, slowly crossing his arms behind his nape.
James narrowed his eyes at him and was about to reply in kind when Greg seized him bởi his shoulder forcing him to turn “Now, take it easy man…come on, let’s go…Jess is in a pesky mood, tonight” he đã đưa ý kiến to calm him down, but glancing back at Jess over his shoulder with a clearly rather amused expression stamped on his face.
Jess waited for them to walk away before lifting himself up and sitting sprawled on his seat. He glanced at Hugh sensing thêm than ever the presence of that dark, little đám mây that had kept floating over his head all weekend long. He ruffled his hair, trying to make up his mind on what to do and above all, whether he was really supposed to do something, taking into account he wasn’t sure who he was meant to be loyal to and at the same time whether at this point it still made any sense thinking in these terms.
Hugh on the other hand kept lying perfectly still on his back, his eyes still closed under the brim of his hat which was slightly lowered over his forehead. He had been giving his life some serious thought this time, and now…the time had truly come.
It was time.
Deep down inside, he had known Robert was perfectly right all along; maybe he had even sensed what the real issue behind his annoyed attitude might be before he truly spoke his mind, but….he hadn’t wanted to hear it. And perhaps even before that, he had been perfectly aware he was just procrastinating. He just…he just needed time to make up his mind on how to do it. Figure out which was the safest, harmless course for everyone.
Now that he had made his decision, the only missing piece from the puzzle remained Lisa. It’s not like the two issues were really linked to each other. He had made up his mind on the first one, maybe even for longer than he could remember…but Lisa…was he supposed to tell her? What for? To prove her he was ready? He didn’t want her to think he wouldn’t be if she hadn’t be there with him. Robert was right. This was about him, about what he wanted and needed. Lisa… he would tell her, unless Jess proved him she didn’t need him to, that she had moved on, for real.
So, what was left was inevitably the part that scared him the most.
He pushed himself upright, spreading his arms open onto the seatbacks and leaning backwards against them. He noticed that Jess was staring at him with a vague expression of surprise on his face.
“Something wrong?” Hugh asked. Why was he staring at him like that?
Jess looked like he had just seen a ghost. There had been a sudden firmness in Hugh’s quick movement that truly had caught him off guard since he had just been swinging from being catatonic to being mildly depressed for two days in a row.
“No…not at all” Jess stammered “I just…ehm…I was Mất tích in my thoughts, that’s all. bạn startled me” he đã đưa ý kiến giving a little cough.
Stupid. Of course, why wouldn’t he be staring at me? I must have looked like I was springing up.
“Oh sorry…I didn’t mean to” this new no-hesitations philosophy still would take him time to improve if he didn’t want to look like a fool to people.
Jess glanced at the cafeteria: James and Greg had sat down at the bàn and were still calmly stirring their coffees. It looked like they were taking their time. He turned his head and saw that Hugh had started pacing back and forth with his head down. He looked pensive.
“Everything ok?” Jess asked.
Hugh hesitated for a một giây “Yeah…I think so…” he sighed taking a few steps in his direction and stopping himself in front of one of the seats. He started playing with a paper ball on the floor with his feet.
“The boarding should start in a few minutes…” Jess đã đưa ý kiến glancing at the board clock to fill the awkward silence “…hopefully we’ll be trang chủ bởi 11”
Hugh scoffed “Yeah…hopefully, David will be so pleased we’ll have like 3 hours delay in our morning shooting schedule…” he đã đưa ý kiến with a hint of đắng, cay đắng sarcasm in his tone. He really didn’t feel like working today. He had so many things to take care of…
Jess spread his arms open onto the backseats, smirking “Not my problem man, Chase has the ngày off today”
Hugh smiled crookedly “Nice to know bạn feel my pain”.
He felt even lonelier as his words sunk in and acquired their plain meaning.
Jess smiled sympathetically waiting for him to say something more. It was clear he had something on his mind. After another một phút of silence, Hugh sat tiếp theo to him and leaned forward, folding his hands and resting his chin on them. He stood like that for a while just staring blankly in front of him.
Jess waited patiently.
“What about Lisa? Will she be on set tomorrow?” Hugh finally asked.
The thought of her had been obsessing him all weekend. The idea he might have let her down when he hadn’t texted her back was driving him crazy. What if she had thought he had ignored her because he didn’t care enough? But Robert was right, again: this dancing…he didn’t want her to get the feeling he was playing with her.
He had been an idiot anyway. He had been so devastated bởi Rob’s words that he had acted like a real jerk. Now was there a way he might put it without telling her the truth about why he hadn’t felt like texting her back? About why he had been diễn xuất like such a dumbass all weekend? He highly doubted it. Besides, did she still care enough to get disappointed at something so stupid hoặc maybe he was just fooling himself? Perhaps she had just turned her phone off as soon as she had sent that.
God he was such a mockery!! He had got so paralyzed bởi the things Robert had told him that he couldn’t text her back not a single word that truly resembled what he felt and now he was almost dying to talk to her again, knowing whether she was pissed, disappointed, hurt….indifferent.
Jess scrutinized his face. It looked like he was asking him something whereas his mind was totally set on something else, wandering…But anyway he’d better see where all of this was going before saying too much.
“She won’t…she told me she doesn’t have a scene to shoot ‘till Wednesday”
Hugh’s tim, trái tim gave a little bump.
Wednesday? How was he supposed to cope like this ‘till Wednesday?
He sighed, still struggling against that unspoken fear that until now had kept him from asking Jess what he had told himself he would in case Jess would give him the answer he didn’t want to hear…so be it.
Just…it was easier to think than to do it.
Jess leaned forward, resting on his knees. He turned his head to Hugh.
“What’s bugging bạn Hugh?” Hugh peered sideways at him “You’ve been having this dark đám mây over your head all weekend…I thought bạn were doing better…I mean…this your…situation and all…”
Hugh chewed lightly the back of his hand “I am…I am doing better” he trailed off.
Jessed pressed on “So, what is it?”
He still couldn’t talk himself into being the first in bringing the subject up. What if he messed up and Lisa ended up hurt and bruised one thêm time? He was sure Hugh deeply cared for her, but…was that enough?
Hugh suddenly lifted his head up “May I ask bạn something and expect bạn to give me an honest answer?” he đã đưa ý kiến almost holding his breath.
Jess tensed, pushing his torso up “Sure thing” but he didn’t know if that was completely true yet.
Hugh pointed his sad blue eyes at him. “How is she?”
Jessed stared back into them for a while, torn apart. How was she, really?
“She is good…”he finally sighed nodding seriously “…she’s tough, bạn know…she’s special”
Hugh believed he sensed some hint of bitterness in his tone, but he didn’t dwell too much on that thought, because most probably he was just imagining things out of guilt. Instead, his lips curled up in a little, loving smile as soon as the meaning of Jess’s words hit his conscience.
“She looks fearless, doesn’t she?” he whispered pensive, turning his head to stare blankly ahead of himself once more, as a whole life of memories of hers was just passing before his very eyes. Possibly this was exactly the reason he had been so awfully careless in assuming she wasn’t just as breakable as him. Even thêm maybe. He hated himself for that. Not that he hadn’t taken into account her feelings but…so much for loving her: he had been selfish all along and he had never even really realized it.
But this was about to change.
“She is just as breakable as anyone else….” Jess answered sharply, as if he had read his thoughts. He was finding himself surprisingly protective towards Lisa. He had never snooped into her business, nor he was really holding any grudge at Hugh, but right now he just didn’t want all the hurting to start again. Especially for her.
Hugh took a deep breath, letting his head drop down to stare at the floor. He still didn’t know how to put this…it wasn’t like he was sure Jess knew something about anything, so he must be cautious. It was one thing was asking him how was she doing, which might be a friendly concern; it was another to ask him a direct câu hỏi like that, assuming he knew something more.
He rubbed the back of his neck, looking for an appropriate way to phrase this “Does she…I mean…do bạn know whether she…”
But Jess cut him off this time taking the plunge for him.
“It’s not over between the two of you, is it?”
Hugh snapped his head up, looking silently at him slightly hang-mouthed for a second. Then he just pressed his lips in a tight smile. Of course. How could he have ever thought he might fool them all for so long?
He dropped his head down once again “How long have bạn known?”
“I didn’t. I just guessed…”
Hugh limited himself to nod, pondering. Well, this made things easier, although it didn’t mean it would be less painful for him.
Jess prompted him “So…is it?”
Hugh’s face grew mournful “It’s not my choice….” he đã đưa ý kiến regretfully “but I suppose it is…”
“That’s it?” Jess hadn’t understood what he was hitting at exactly but he was thêm and thêm convinced that this wasn’t the only thing buzzing in Hugh’s head.
Hugh took courage for real this time. Do hoặc die. He had learned his lesson bởi now, but all the same he felt his heart-beat racing insanely. God he couldn’t be asking this…the answer might kill him.
“Is she still seeing that guy? The English producer?”
Jess stood silent for a while, wondering whether he should just answer his câu hỏi hoặc go deeper into it. Everything sounded like too risky of an answer. He couldn’t take such a responsibility, especially since Lisa hadn’t really told him anything. What if he was wrong and she was really better off this way? On the other hand, though, maybe he could provide him with an additional piece of information. Then it would be up to him.
It looked like he had finally made up his mind, somehow.
“She’s leaving for Luân Đôn right after the end of the shooting…”
Hugh could just feel the blood pounding in his head: it almost felt like something was roaring painfully inside him. He swallowed, forcing himself to focus and lowered his gaze.
“You think she’s happy?” he asked abruptly without giving Jess’ words thêm time to sink in deeper and rip apart what was left of him. It felt one thousand times worse than he had expected it already.
Jess thought his answer carefully through, taking his time. It was pretty easy actually: he knew what his main concern was, who to be precise and it’d better be HIS own too if he really wanted to be deserving of her. It wasn't like he didn't care about Hugh. Of course he did. But Lisa came first now.
“I think she deserves a chance at happiness…this is what I think. Whether she is hoặc might be…it’s not up to me to judge…” he đã đưa ý kiến firmly.
Hugh immediately stood up on his feet with an unreadable expression on his face. That was it. He had had his answer.
Jess wasn’t expecting such a sudden reaction “Hugh that doesn’t mean…” he started, but then he had to stop midsentence because Hugh himself cut him off with a warning glance. Greg and James had just come back with Jess’s coffee.
“That’s all I need to know Jess…” he đã đưa ý kiến heading to his ghế, chỗ ngồi to start collecting his things “We gotta go now. It’s time”.
