As I put Rachel to giường I take a deep breath and I open a book I try hard not to think about my birthday. The harder I try to put the events from yesterday out of my head the thêm I hang on to every word and replay every moment.
Mother was a handful as usual and as usual she was able to find fault with everything I did.
I am the "Dean of Medicine", graduated medical school in the hàng đầu, đầu trang of my class, and I run a hospital and it is still not enough to earn her respect.
She called me a slut. How could she actually call me....?
Then there is House. bạn were going to stand up for me. bạn felt defensive of me. I should tell bạn that I loved the way that felt. bạn whom I have loved forever and wanted to pay some attention to me. bạn felt like a hero to me in that moment. I know bạn needed time alone. I have done nothing but order bạn around and keep bạn jumping through hoops.
I don't know why everything bạn do makes me thêm afraid that this is not what bạn want. I wish I could tell bạn that I am scared. I have never wanted many things in my life. My life has been based on gaining approval. But, "I want you." I have always wanted you.
"I am screwing this up." I am screwing us up.
I wish I could tell bạn that when bạn walk into the room I just want to touch you. I think about what it feels like when your lips brush across mine. I can feel bạn inside me and how amziing bạn feel to me. I can feel bạn in my core. The moment that bạn took me in your arms and bạn picked up and I laid underneath you. I never imagined that bạn would feel so good to me. I felt like I was.........................Home.
I knew from the beginning that ngày in the bookstore I would never meet another man that I wanted the way I wanted you. But I know it doesn't seem that way. Lately I can't hold a smile. Lately...... Lately I am so afraid bạn will find out I am not what bạn want. bạn will realize I am not good enough.
She put her head in her hands and tears began streaming down her face. I need bạn House. I need bạn so much. Please ........
At that moment she felt a hand touch her. She didn't jump because she knew the touch.
Cuddy come here. House pulled her up gently and he sat down and she sat in his lap and she buried her head in his shoulder. He held her and he rocked as she cried.
Cuddy talk to me. Tell me what's wrong.
She just hung on to him tighter and cried harder.
Why are bạn so upset now? Is it because I drugged your mother hoặc I tried to get out of being here? I am sorry. Cuddy do bạn want out of this?
She raised up and she put her hand on his face. Maybe that would be the best. Maybe this is just thêm than bạn can handle.
With that he stood up. "What?!" thêm than I can handle? I am not the one who looks miserable all the time hoặc barks out orders like they are a drill instructor. bạn wait on me to screw up hoặc to let bạn down.
House maybe that is why bạn lied to me hoặc tried to get out of my birthday dinner. bạn are just sabtoging this.
Again with the lying. Cuddy I did that to save my patient. I didn't tell bạn afterwards because bạn made a production out of me respecting your wishes. I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to hurt us. I didn't want to lose you.
I drugged your mother because I didn't want to spend the evening with her and her ranting. I didn't want to listen to Wilson whining.
For someone who didn't want me to change bạn have done nothing but try to change me. I feel like I am on a tightrope.
Well bạn can leave. bạn don't have to be here. bạn are free to leave anytime bạn want. I have always survived. I cried myself to sleep many nights because of you. One thêm is not really a big deal.
He approached her and she tried to pull away but he held on. I don't want to leave Cuddy. I.....
We have everything but the truth Cuddy.
"Cuddy what is the truth?" He put his finger under her jaw and raised her face upward until their eyes met.
"Cuddy", the truth?
Her eyes were so full of fear and then she just đã đưa ý kiến it.
I'm afraid!!! ok I am afraid.
bạn are not the only one who is broken and screwed up. I am so in tình yêu with you. bạn were my fantaisie House. bạn were in my head and now bạn are in my............ And again the tears streamed down her face.
You're in my tim, trái tim now and I don't know how to deal with it. I know what it feels like to be touched bởi bạn and how bạn feel when bạn make tình yêu to me and I can't imagine how that would feel if I...... if I lost........
He wrapped his arms around her little frame and sighed and as he began to speak a tear escaped his eyes.
Cuddy I was drowning in my self pity and my pills and bạn put your faith in me and bạn found a way to breathe life back into me. That chasm that we talked about a few years ago; bạn turned a deaf ear to it and bạn just dealt with me from your heart.
I am a different man now. I am here because I want to be here and I am trying to reach you. Cuddy come here to me.
Cuddy, "I tình yêu you. He led her to the đàn piano and he began to play.
"Wilson had it sent over from his condo to Cuddy's." It was therapuetic for House and Wilson had bought for him.
As he played the tension in her body eased and she watched his hands di chuyển across the keys.
"That is beautiful House. What is it?
"Cuddy's Serenade." I composed it the night of Rachel's Simchat.
I wrote it that night.
House I wanted to invite you. "I wanted bạn there." I didn't know how to say it hoặc how to ask you.
There was a moment that I realized bạn had always been there to save me Cuddy and bạn took the hit and my wrath. I realized how much bạn have được trao up and sacrificed for me. bạn put yourself out there for this hospital, patients, and for me.
I was so mad at bạn about the surgery bạn did but bạn did it to save my life. bạn knew I would be furious.
House did bạn forgive me?
Cuddy bạn have been there every step and took everything I had to dish out. The câu hỏi is now,
"can bạn forgive me?"
"I tình yêu bạn Cuddy." "The way bạn draw your bottom lip in when bạn want something and bạn don't know how to ask for it. The way bạn raise your eyebrow and square your shoulders when bạn are trying to put your foot down. The way bạn flirt with me and even the way bạn look at me at the bữa tối, bữa ăn tối bàn when I am getting ready to put your mother in her place."
"House", I thought bạn wanted the night alone.
"That's the thing Cuddy." I am never alone. I don't feel alone and I like the way that feels. The only thing I could think of anyway was bạn naked. So here I am.
"She laughed" and then she laughed harder. He watched her but then as he was watching her he just leaned into her. Cuddy I want you.
House bạn always want sex.
No. I want you. I want bạn to hear bạn laugh. I want bạn to stop preparing for defeat and open up to me. I want bạn to wear low cut blouses to get my attention. I want bạn to put me in my place when I am being a jerk. I want bạn to let me in.
"House." And she drew her bottom lip in as she stood up. She raised up on her tip toes and she kissed him. She took his hand and led him to the bedroom and began to undress him and with all abandon she made tình yêu to him.
She left him breathless all night.
They were slowly forming a bond and they were beginnning to hiển thị they had the ability to bend and not break.
As the light came in from the morning sun they looked at each other and they realized this was a new ngày and a chance to make history.