Written bởi ilovetvalot.
5 chapter Story
Lies I Told Myself
Chapter 3
“Go home, Hotch,” Emily đã đưa ý kiến tiredly, trying to close the door on him. She simply couldn’t deal with this right now. The initial thrill of knowing he’d come to her had faded quickly, the adrenaline ebbing and flowing like the tide. Now, all she felt was an overwhelming sense of impending doom. And quite frankly, it was thêm than she could handle in her present state of mind.
Quickly inserting his foot in the partially open door, Hotch stilled its onward momentum. “No, Emily. Not until we discuss what happened this morning.” He had a mission to complete, and he was not about to leave without making sure that he at least had a chance to be successful.
“Nothing to discuss, Hotch,” she said, deliberately distancing herself bởi using the shortened version of his last name. She had a feeling that she was going to need every barrier that she could erect at this moment. “I already đã đưa ý kiến everything I had to say.”
Shaking his head, Hotch countered, “Emily, we both know that bạn đã đưa ý kiến a whole lot of words equating to absolutely nothing. “ Feeling his jaw clench, he added, dark eyes flashing to hers, “No reason. No justification. Nothing.”
“Can’t we both just go our separate ways and go back to the way things were between us. Before,” she offered tiredly, tightening her hand on the edge of the heavy wooden door.
“We both know that’s an impossibility, Emily,” Hotch declared softly, then glanced around the now-quiet interior hallway. “Let me in. I don’t think either one of us wants to put our personal life on display. People are going to be waking up soon. bạn don’t want to have this conversation through an open doorway, do you?”
Measuring his words, Emily had to grudgingly admit that her desire for privacy outweighed all other current needs. Resisting the urge to roll her eyes as she widened the door, Emily replied tightly, “I don’t want to have this conversation at all.”
Walking past her into her warm, comforting apartment, Hotch asked, his words serious, “Why not?” When Emily merely passed bởi him, giving him no response, he đã đưa ý kiến with a sigh, “We’ve never had a problem being honest with each other before now…even when one of us had something to say that the other didn’t want to hear.”
Glancing over her shoulder, Emily fought to maintain her neutral voice as she replied, “Because it doesn’t matter. I told you, Hotch. I’m done.”
“And I’m going to ask again, Emily. Why? Why are bạn done? What changed in the four hours we were asleep?” Hotch asked, seeing the drawn look on her face, the tightening of her lips. For a chẻ, phân chia, split second, he remembered the look of relaxation that had been on her face just a few hours prior, the comparison unsettling.
“Why does it matter? I made a decision. We both knew that whatever we were doing wasn’t going to go on forever. It doesn’t matter what the reason was,” Emily argued, turning away from him, needing the separation if she was going to maintain her defense. God, it hurt to look in his eyes when she could remember seeing those same eyes filled with passion.
“It matters because none of this makes any sense to me,” Hotch sighed, taking a short step toward her, barely resisting the urge to reach a hand. “Emily, look at me. It matters. This matters.”
Turning sharply, Emily bit back a groan as she saw the truly perplexed look on his face. All this was to him was another puzzle his regimented mind needed to solve. In his world, he wanted everything to have sharp, crisp edges, to fit into a pre-defined box for easy storage. And this was a mess. And she knew, if there was one thing Hotch couldn’t stand it was a mess in the middle of his world. Shaking her head at him, she bit out, “Can’t we just put this down to incompatibility and di chuyển on, Hotch?”
“We BOTH damn well KNOW that one’s a lie,” Hotch đã đưa ý kiến in that low even voice of his, with a slight cock of his head. Years of experience had taught him to easily identify when another person was avoiding the truth, and he could recognize the signs in Emily’s words and demeanor right now. And a small part of him fought down the hurt that she would feel the need to lie to him, especially now. Cocking an eyebrow, he added, “A word of advice, Emily, tell the truth. You’re never going to win any awards for acting.”
“Thank bạn for the words of wisdom,” Emily replied caustically, narrowing her eyes at him. Why couldn’t he just GO? At this point, all she wanted, desperately, was for him to leave her alone with her pain, to suffer in silence. Why couldn’t he allow her to lick her wounds and find a way to pick up the pieces of her life and di chuyển on?
“I don’t understand why you’re suddenly so angry. I thought things were going well between us.” Sighing, he shook his head as he started, his words methodical, “I know you, Emily, and…”
Lifting her head to nail him with a penetrating stare, she warned, her lips tightening, “Don’t bạn dare thông tin các nhân me, Hotch. Not now!”
“Then talk to me,” he urged, single-mindedly, the feeling that his whole world hung precariously in the balance increasing with each word she spoke.
“I don’t want to talk, Hotch. I want bạn to go. To forget this…we…ever happened,” she whispered unevenly, fighting for control, as she forced the words off her tongue.
“I can’t do that. Not again,” he đã đưa ý kiến firmly, resolved that no matter what she said, he wouldn’t simply walk away without a fight…without her knowing how he felt. He had made that mistake once before, and he liked to believe that he was intelligent enough to learn from his imperfections. And a part of him had to admit that he honestly couldn’t imagine his life without this wonderful woman in it.
“What do bạn mean ‘not again’, Hotch? We’ve never done this before,” Emily retorted shortly, latching on to his words as her addled mind tried to sort his possible meanings.
“I’m not being clear here,” Hotch sighed, dropping his chin to his chest and staring at his shoes. Hell, he was making a jackass of himself and he hadn’t even really đã đưa ý kiến anything yet. So much for eloquence. How could he make her understand how important she was to him if he couldn’t verbalize the need?
“You don’t need to be clear, Hotch. What bạn need to do is leave,” Emily muttered, heading toward the front door with every intention of ejecting him from her apartment. No matter what her tim, trái tim was telling her, she knew that she couldn’t allow him to stay one moment longer if she had any hope of recovering from this travesty.
Seeing her tortured face as she moved past him, Hotch surrounded her arm in a gentle grip, needing to keep her close to keep hope alive. “Emily, please. Talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to say here, Hotch,” Emily said, swallowing hard as she met his confused gaze. The feel of his hand against her skin burned, almost branding his print into her body and soul. This could not happen. “It was never going to work. I can see that clearly now. And I refuse to waste anymore time.” Casting a pointed look to her arm, Emily ordered, harshly, “Let me go.”
Shaking his head, Aaron tugged her toward the sofa. He had the distinct feeling that if he let her go, then he knew that he would lose her forever. Wracking his mind, he decided the easiest place to start would be the ending of their last conversation. “Not until we talk, Emily. bạn accused me of not being broken until bạn slept with me. I think the least bạn could do is explain that remark.”
Closing her eyes, Emily felt a wave of pain wash over her, the memories of those last moments with him too much for her fragile soul to handle. Whispering roughly, she replied, “Look, Hotch, I đã đưa ý kiến that in the heat of the moment. Just let it go.”
“I can’t do that. bạn expect me to just walk away meekly after saying something like that? Does that sound like me, Emily?” he asked somberly, gently rubbing the pad of his thumb against the cool skin of her forearm. Shaking his head, he added, intent on getting the các câu trả lời he needed, “Something happened last night. I know I did something. I đã đưa ý kiến something to hurt you. Tell me, damn it!”
Hearing the stark determination in his words, Emily smiled grimly as she remembered similar moments in shared interrogations. This must be what their unsubs felt like, she thought almost dispassionately. Hotch was like a con beo, panther stalking his quarry. He was purely relentless in the pursuit of his prey.
And she knew in that instant, nothing less than full disclosure was going to appease him.
“You sure bạn want to do this, Aaron?” Emily asked quietly, reverting to his first name, but still refusing to meet his eyes. A part of her had to remain protected, hidden, from his piercing gaze.
“Want? No, I don’t want to do this. I WANT to go back to last night and not screw up in the first place,” Hotch answered her quickly, not giving her a chance to respond as he continued, “But, in order to repair whatever damage I did, I NEED to do this. I need bạn to talk to me. Explain to me what happened.”
Those words seemed to penetrate deeper into her soul, his tone assuring her that he was not speaking empty phrases meant to tickle her ears. But that still didn’t remove the misery flooding her soul. Raising eyes filled with despair to his, she reminded softly, “Just keep in mind, bạn asked for this.”
“Just talk to me, sweetheart,” Hotch said, lifting a hand to thumb a lone tear from her cheek that hand managed to make an escape. The rarity of her tears spoke volumes to him, and he felt a deep clench in the pit of his stomach as he realized that her wounds, the wounds he had caused, were far deeper than he had first thought.
“You …You…You called for her,” Emily confessed, the words falling over themselves as she finally found her voice enough to tell him the truth.
“For who?” Hotch asked, furrowing his dark brows in confusion as he met her honest gaze.
Raising her chin, Emily felt her spine straighten as she stared into his darkened eyes. Pulling her hand away from his touch, she crossed her arms over her chest as she said, deceptively calm,“You called for Haley.”
5 chapter Story
Lies I Told Myself
Chapter 3
“Go home, Hotch,” Emily đã đưa ý kiến tiredly, trying to close the door on him. She simply couldn’t deal with this right now. The initial thrill of knowing he’d come to her had faded quickly, the adrenaline ebbing and flowing like the tide. Now, all she felt was an overwhelming sense of impending doom. And quite frankly, it was thêm than she could handle in her present state of mind.
Quickly inserting his foot in the partially open door, Hotch stilled its onward momentum. “No, Emily. Not until we discuss what happened this morning.” He had a mission to complete, and he was not about to leave without making sure that he at least had a chance to be successful.
“Nothing to discuss, Hotch,” she said, deliberately distancing herself bởi using the shortened version of his last name. She had a feeling that she was going to need every barrier that she could erect at this moment. “I already đã đưa ý kiến everything I had to say.”
Shaking his head, Hotch countered, “Emily, we both know that bạn đã đưa ý kiến a whole lot of words equating to absolutely nothing. “ Feeling his jaw clench, he added, dark eyes flashing to hers, “No reason. No justification. Nothing.”
“Can’t we both just go our separate ways and go back to the way things were between us. Before,” she offered tiredly, tightening her hand on the edge of the heavy wooden door.
“We both know that’s an impossibility, Emily,” Hotch declared softly, then glanced around the now-quiet interior hallway. “Let me in. I don’t think either one of us wants to put our personal life on display. People are going to be waking up soon. bạn don’t want to have this conversation through an open doorway, do you?”
Measuring his words, Emily had to grudgingly admit that her desire for privacy outweighed all other current needs. Resisting the urge to roll her eyes as she widened the door, Emily replied tightly, “I don’t want to have this conversation at all.”
Walking past her into her warm, comforting apartment, Hotch asked, his words serious, “Why not?” When Emily merely passed bởi him, giving him no response, he đã đưa ý kiến with a sigh, “We’ve never had a problem being honest with each other before now…even when one of us had something to say that the other didn’t want to hear.”
Glancing over her shoulder, Emily fought to maintain her neutral voice as she replied, “Because it doesn’t matter. I told you, Hotch. I’m done.”
“And I’m going to ask again, Emily. Why? Why are bạn done? What changed in the four hours we were asleep?” Hotch asked, seeing the drawn look on her face, the tightening of her lips. For a chẻ, phân chia, split second, he remembered the look of relaxation that had been on her face just a few hours prior, the comparison unsettling.
“Why does it matter? I made a decision. We both knew that whatever we were doing wasn’t going to go on forever. It doesn’t matter what the reason was,” Emily argued, turning away from him, needing the separation if she was going to maintain her defense. God, it hurt to look in his eyes when she could remember seeing those same eyes filled with passion.
“It matters because none of this makes any sense to me,” Hotch sighed, taking a short step toward her, barely resisting the urge to reach a hand. “Emily, look at me. It matters. This matters.”
Turning sharply, Emily bit back a groan as she saw the truly perplexed look on his face. All this was to him was another puzzle his regimented mind needed to solve. In his world, he wanted everything to have sharp, crisp edges, to fit into a pre-defined box for easy storage. And this was a mess. And she knew, if there was one thing Hotch couldn’t stand it was a mess in the middle of his world. Shaking her head at him, she bit out, “Can’t we just put this down to incompatibility and di chuyển on, Hotch?”
“We BOTH damn well KNOW that one’s a lie,” Hotch đã đưa ý kiến in that low even voice of his, with a slight cock of his head. Years of experience had taught him to easily identify when another person was avoiding the truth, and he could recognize the signs in Emily’s words and demeanor right now. And a small part of him fought down the hurt that she would feel the need to lie to him, especially now. Cocking an eyebrow, he added, “A word of advice, Emily, tell the truth. You’re never going to win any awards for acting.”
“Thank bạn for the words of wisdom,” Emily replied caustically, narrowing her eyes at him. Why couldn’t he just GO? At this point, all she wanted, desperately, was for him to leave her alone with her pain, to suffer in silence. Why couldn’t he allow her to lick her wounds and find a way to pick up the pieces of her life and di chuyển on?
“I don’t understand why you’re suddenly so angry. I thought things were going well between us.” Sighing, he shook his head as he started, his words methodical, “I know you, Emily, and…”
Lifting her head to nail him with a penetrating stare, she warned, her lips tightening, “Don’t bạn dare thông tin các nhân me, Hotch. Not now!”
“Then talk to me,” he urged, single-mindedly, the feeling that his whole world hung precariously in the balance increasing with each word she spoke.
“I don’t want to talk, Hotch. I want bạn to go. To forget this…we…ever happened,” she whispered unevenly, fighting for control, as she forced the words off her tongue.
“I can’t do that. Not again,” he đã đưa ý kiến firmly, resolved that no matter what she said, he wouldn’t simply walk away without a fight…without her knowing how he felt. He had made that mistake once before, and he liked to believe that he was intelligent enough to learn from his imperfections. And a part of him had to admit that he honestly couldn’t imagine his life without this wonderful woman in it.
“What do bạn mean ‘not again’, Hotch? We’ve never done this before,” Emily retorted shortly, latching on to his words as her addled mind tried to sort his possible meanings.
“I’m not being clear here,” Hotch sighed, dropping his chin to his chest and staring at his shoes. Hell, he was making a jackass of himself and he hadn’t even really đã đưa ý kiến anything yet. So much for eloquence. How could he make her understand how important she was to him if he couldn’t verbalize the need?
“You don’t need to be clear, Hotch. What bạn need to do is leave,” Emily muttered, heading toward the front door with every intention of ejecting him from her apartment. No matter what her tim, trái tim was telling her, she knew that she couldn’t allow him to stay one moment longer if she had any hope of recovering from this travesty.
Seeing her tortured face as she moved past him, Hotch surrounded her arm in a gentle grip, needing to keep her close to keep hope alive. “Emily, please. Talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to say here, Hotch,” Emily said, swallowing hard as she met his confused gaze. The feel of his hand against her skin burned, almost branding his print into her body and soul. This could not happen. “It was never going to work. I can see that clearly now. And I refuse to waste anymore time.” Casting a pointed look to her arm, Emily ordered, harshly, “Let me go.”
Shaking his head, Aaron tugged her toward the sofa. He had the distinct feeling that if he let her go, then he knew that he would lose her forever. Wracking his mind, he decided the easiest place to start would be the ending of their last conversation. “Not until we talk, Emily. bạn accused me of not being broken until bạn slept with me. I think the least bạn could do is explain that remark.”
Closing her eyes, Emily felt a wave of pain wash over her, the memories of those last moments with him too much for her fragile soul to handle. Whispering roughly, she replied, “Look, Hotch, I đã đưa ý kiến that in the heat of the moment. Just let it go.”
“I can’t do that. bạn expect me to just walk away meekly after saying something like that? Does that sound like me, Emily?” he asked somberly, gently rubbing the pad of his thumb against the cool skin of her forearm. Shaking his head, he added, intent on getting the các câu trả lời he needed, “Something happened last night. I know I did something. I đã đưa ý kiến something to hurt you. Tell me, damn it!”
Hearing the stark determination in his words, Emily smiled grimly as she remembered similar moments in shared interrogations. This must be what their unsubs felt like, she thought almost dispassionately. Hotch was like a con beo, panther stalking his quarry. He was purely relentless in the pursuit of his prey.
And she knew in that instant, nothing less than full disclosure was going to appease him.
“You sure bạn want to do this, Aaron?” Emily asked quietly, reverting to his first name, but still refusing to meet his eyes. A part of her had to remain protected, hidden, from his piercing gaze.
“Want? No, I don’t want to do this. I WANT to go back to last night and not screw up in the first place,” Hotch answered her quickly, not giving her a chance to respond as he continued, “But, in order to repair whatever damage I did, I NEED to do this. I need bạn to talk to me. Explain to me what happened.”
Those words seemed to penetrate deeper into her soul, his tone assuring her that he was not speaking empty phrases meant to tickle her ears. But that still didn’t remove the misery flooding her soul. Raising eyes filled with despair to his, she reminded softly, “Just keep in mind, bạn asked for this.”
“Just talk to me, sweetheart,” Hotch said, lifting a hand to thumb a lone tear from her cheek that hand managed to make an escape. The rarity of her tears spoke volumes to him, and he felt a deep clench in the pit of his stomach as he realized that her wounds, the wounds he had caused, were far deeper than he had first thought.
“You …You…You called for her,” Emily confessed, the words falling over themselves as she finally found her voice enough to tell him the truth.
“For who?” Hotch asked, furrowing his dark brows in confusion as he met her honest gaze.
Raising her chin, Emily felt her spine straighten as she stared into his darkened eyes. Pulling her hand away from his touch, she crossed her arms over her chest as she said, deceptively calm,“You called for Haley.”
