Hercules: bạn like making deals. Take me in Meg's place.
Hades: Hmm. The son of my hated rival trapped forever in a river of death.
Hercules: Going once...
Hades: Is there a downside to this?
Hercules: Going twice...
Hades: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. bạn get her out. She goes, bạn stay.
[Hercules dives in to save Megara]
Hades: Oh, there's just one thing. You'll be dead before bạn can get to her. That's not a problem, is it?
Hades: How sentimental. bạn know, I haven't been this choked up since I got a một khúc lớn, hunk of moussaka caught in my throat.
Panic: "Hercules." Why does that name ring a bell?
Pain: I don't know. Um, maybe we owe him money?
Panic: Wait, wasn't Hercules the name of that kid we were supposed to...?
Pain, Panic: Oh, my Gods!
[they run, Hades seizes them]
Hades: So bạn took care of him, huh? "Dead as a doornail." Weren't those your *exact* words?
Pain: This might be a different Hercules.
Panic: Yeah. I mean, Hercules is a very được ưa chuộng name nowadays.
Pain: Remember, like, a few years ago, every other boy was named Jason, and the girls were all named Brittany?
Hades: We dance, we kiss, we schmooze, we carry on, we go trang chủ happy. What do bạn say? Come on.
Hades: It's a small underworld, after all, huh?
Hades: Zeusy, I'm home.
Hercules: People are... are gonna get hurt, aren't they?
Hades: Nah. I mean, it's, bạn know, it's a possibility. It happens 'cause, bạn know, it's war, but what can I tell ya. Anyway, what do bạn owe these people, huh?
Hades: So is this an audience hoặc a mosaic?
Zeus: So, Hades, bạn finally made it. How are things in the underworld?
Hades: Well, they're just fine. bạn know, a little dark, a little gloomy. And, as always, hey, full of dead people. What are bạn gonna do?
Pain: Coming, your most lugubriousness.
Panic: Oh, sorry. I can handle it.
[Runs down the stairs; trips and crashes into Pain; they tumble down the stairs; Pain is now stuck to Panic's horns]
Pain: Pain - Ow!
Panic: And Panic - eechk!
Pain, Panic: ...reporting for duty!
Hades: Fine, fine, fine. Just inform me the một phút the Fates arrive.
Panic: Oh, they're here!
Hades: [shouting] What! The Fates were here and bạn didn't tell me?
Pain, Panic: Ohh... We are worms!
[as they grovel, they turn into worms]
Pain, Panic: Worthless worms!
Hades: Memo to me... Memo to me: Maim bạn after my meeting.
Zeus: Aw, Hades, don't be such a stiff. tham gia the celebration.
Hades: tình yêu to, Babe. But unlike bạn gods lounging about up here, I regretfully have a full-time job that you, bởi the way, so charitably bestowed on me, Zeus. So, can't. tình yêu to, but can't.
[after Pain and Panic, disguised as children, are rescued bởi Hercules]
Hades: Stirring performance, boys. I was really moved.
Panic: "Jeepers, Mister"?
Pain: I was going for innocence.
Hades: [after taking Hercules' powers away] bạn might feel just a little queasy. It's kinda natural. Maybe bạn should... sit down.
[Knocks Hercules down with dumbells]
Hades: Now bạn now how it feels to be like everyone else. Isn't it just peachy?
Hades: I'm sorry. bạn mind runnin' that bởi me again? I must have had a chunk of brimstone wedged in my ear hoặc something...
Meg: Then read my lips - forget it!
Hades: Meg, Meg, Meg, my sweet deluded little minion. Aren't we forgetting one teensy-weensy, but ever so crucial little, tiny detail?
[Hades explodes into flames]
Hades: [shouts] I own you!
Hades: He's gotta have a weakness, because everybody's got a weakness. I mean, for what? Pandora, it was the box thing. For the Trojans, hey, they bet on the wrong horse, okay?
Hades: I can't believe this guy. I throw everything I've got at him, and it doesn't even...
[Hades notices Pain is wearing Air-Hercs]
Hades: What... are... those?
Pain: Um, I don't know. I-I thought they looked kinda dashing.
Hades: I've got 24 hours to get rid of this bozo, hoặc the entire scheme I've been setting up for 18 years goes up in smoke,
[begins to shout]
Hades: and bạn are wearing his merchandise?
[Hades almost blows up in front of Pain, but stops to see Panic slurping a Hercules drink]
Panic: [chuckling nervously] Thirsty?
[Hades shouts out loud, blows up and the whole city rumbles]
Hades: Uh, guys? Olympus would be that way.
Hades: Name's Hades, Lord of the dead. Hi, how ya doin'?
Hades: We were so close! So close, we tripped at the finish line! Why? Because our little *nut*-Meg has to go all noble.
Hades: Ah. There's the little sunspot. Little snootchie. And here is a sucker for the little sucker. Eh? Here bạn go. bạn just...
[Baby Hercules squeezes Hades' finger too tightly]
Hades: Sheesh. Uh, powerful little tyke.
Zeus: bạn ought to slow down. You'll work yourself to death. Hah. Work yourself to death.
Zeus: Oh, I kill myself.
Hades: [to himself] If only. If only.
Hades: Ladies. Hah. I am so sorry that I'm...
The Fates, The Fates, The Fates: Late.
The Fates: We knew bạn would be.
The Fates: We know everything.
The Fates: Past.
The Fates: Present.
The Fates: And future.
The Fates: [aside, to Pain] Indoor plumbing. It's gonna be big.
Meg: I've done my part. Get your little imps...
Hades: They couldn't handle him as a baby. I need somebody who can... handle him as a man.
Meg: Hey, I've sworn off manhandling.
Hades: Well, bạn know, that's good because that's what got bạn into this mứt in the first place, isn't it? bạn sold your soul to me to save your boyfriend's life. And how does this creep thank you? bởi running off with some babe. He hurt bạn real bad, didn't he, Meg? Huh?
Meg: Look, I learned my lesson, okay?
Hades: Which is exactly why I got a feelin' you're gonna leap at my new offer. bạn give me the key to bringing down Wonder Breath, and I give bạn the thing that bạn crave most in the entire cosmos: your freedom.
[Pegasus blows the flames off Hades' head]
Hades: Whoa. Is my hair out?
Hades: [anger rising] I'm about to rearrange the cosmos, and the one *schlemiel* who can louse it up is waltzing around in the woods.
Hades: What d'ya say? It's happy ending time. Everybody's got a little taste of somethin' but me. I got nothin'. I'm - I'm here with nothin'. Anybody listenin'? It's like I'm - What am I, an echo hoặc something? Hello? Hello? Am I talking to, what, hyperspace? Hello, it's me. Nobody listens.
The Fates: In 18 years precisely / The planets will align ever so nicely.
Hades: Ay, verse. Oy.
The Fates: The time to act will be at hand / Unleash the Titans, your monstrous band.
Hades: Mmm-hmm. Good, good.
The Fates: Then the once-proud Zeus will finally fall / And you, Hades, will rule all!
Hades: Yes! Hades *rules*!
The Fates: A word of caution to this tale...
Hades: Excuse me?
The Fates: Should Hercules fight, bạn will fail.
[they laugh and disappear]
Hades: [shouting at the hàng đầu, đầu trang of his lungs] What?
Hades: Okay, fine, fine. I'm cool. I'm fine.
Hades: Meg, my little flower, my little bird, my little *nut*-Meg. What exactly happened here? I thought bạn were gonna persuade the river guardian to tham gia my team for the uprising and here I am sort of... river-guardian-less.
Meg: Look, I gave it my best shot, but he made me an offer I had to refuse.
Hades: [Hercules and the Hydra are fighting, and the Hydra is winning, while Hades watches] My yêu thích part of the game: sudden death.
Hades: Brothers. Titans. Look at bạn in your squalid prison. Who put bạn down there?
Hades: And now that I set bạn free, what is the first thing bạn are going to do?
Titans: Destroy him.
Hades: Good answer.
Hades: Guys, get your Titanic rears in gear and kick some Olympian butt.
Hades: Well, gotta blaze. I have a whole cosmos up there waiting for me... with, hey, my name on it.
Hades: Pain. Panic. Got a little riddle for ya. How do bạn kill a god?
Pain: [sounds assertive at first] I do not... know.
Panic: bạn can't... they're immortal?
Hades: Bingo, they're immortal. So the first thing we gotta do is make the little sunspot... mortal.
Hades: If I say I want Wonder Boy's head on a platter, bạn say...?
Meg: [without much enthusiasm] Medium hoặc well done?
Hades: Let's get ready to RUMBLLLLLLE!
Hades: Hercules, stop! bạn can't do this to me, bạn can't...
[Hercules punches Hades in the face]
Hades: Fine, okay, well I deserved that.
Hades: Meg, listen. Do bạn hear that sound? It's the sound of your freedom, fluttering away, *forever*!
Meg: I don't care, I'm not going to help bạn hurt him!
Hades: [sighs] I can't believe you're getting all worked up over some "guy."
Meg: This one is different. He's strong, he's caring, he would never do anything to hurt me...
Hades: He's a guy!
Meg: [smugly] Besides, O Oneness, bạn *can't* beat him. He has no weaknesses! He...
[she turns and sees Hades smiling slyly at her]
Hades: I think he does, Meg.
[envelops her in his arm]
Hades: I truly think he does.