thảo luận What, in your opinion, is considered bisexual behaviour?

theblondegirl posted on Mar 05, 2011 at 01:07PM
I have heard a lot of people argue about what being bisexual really means. I believe the official way to define bisexuality is that the individuals themselves define themselves to be bisexual. I agree with this one.

However, some people have pointed out a few things that have made me think. I'd like to hear what you think about them.

1. There are some people who might feel attracted to their own sex and/or have sexual relations with their own sex and yet continue to perceive themselves as heterosexual.

-Do you think they are actually bisexuals who just haven't admitted it to themselves?

2. Likewise there are people who claim to be bisexual but would never actually get involved with a same-sex partner in real life, instead being more attracted to the idea of it.

-Do you think that their lack of real-life commitment to their identification of bisexuality proves that they're actually not bisexual?

3.A friend of mine theorized that the very common bisexual behaviour in teenagers when they are coming to terms with their sexuality might prove that bisexuality is not necessarily a permanent state, but instead something a person might choose and control easier than heterosexuality and homosexuality.

-Do you think that a bisexual person can control their sexual orientation easier than other orientations?

4. It's quite common for teenagers to experience homosexual attraction to their own sex even if they later in life consider themselves straight.

-Do you think that a homosexually experimenting teenager who later grows to see themselves as heterosexual is actually bisexual, no matter if they perceive themselves to be that or not?

-What is your personal view of the nature of bisexuality? How would you define it?

To me it seems like bisexuality is often left undefined and undiscussed in contrast to other sexual orientations. I hope to spark some (intelligent and respectful) discussion about the subject.
last edited on Mar 05, 2011 at 01:09PM

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hơn một năm qua -sapherequeen- said…
This was a subject that I, myself, was focusing on lately.

To give my own definition of bisexuality, I believe that an individual is bisexual if a person is not only attracted to those of his or her gender, but can fall in love with a person of his or her gender.

This is why I still wonder if I, myself, am bisexual. Although I've had strong attraction towards girls, I never really felt anything that I could identify as 'love'. I've had crushes, but never really something I would call 'love' yet. I'll wait for myself to fall in love with a girl, then I can freely call myself bisexual. For now, I guess I could call myself 'bicurious'. But this is just how I see it, and I hope I hadn't offended anyone by saying so.
hơn một năm qua -sapherequeen- said…
After reviewing my thoughts and reading my definition of bisexuality over and over again (lol), I decided to make another comment.

I want to clarify that this is not my concrete definition of bisexuality. I believe that love, as well as attraction, should have a lot to do with all three sexualities. But at the same time, a person's definition of love is most likely different from mine. And love itself is a complex emotion that a lot of people may not recognize until much later on. So I want to just make clear that the definition I explained in my previous comment is not a solid one yet.
hơn một năm qua Cinders said…
I don't assume to know anyone else's sexuality but my own. So in all your examples, I would consider the people to be whatever they identify as, because they know themsleves better than I do.

Sexuality is complicated. Lately, there's been some anti-pan and bisexual murmuring on the LGBT spot, calling them indecisive or posers. I have not weighed in on this because it's an issue that gets me angry to a boiling point that we get this from (supposedly) our own community. But in short, the reason some people don't believe in labeling themselves is exactly for several reasons you shared. Just because you identify as straight doesn't mean you can't find your own sex attractive, and vice versa. Why?

Because sexuality is not a dichotomy, it's a continuum.

I don't believe in defining sexuality because I don't think it can be summed up in one word. People identify with a sexuality for the sake of having an identity, and being proud of that identity, but the identity doesn't define them. They define the identity. They decide what they mean when they decide to identify as gay, straight, bi, pan, or asexual. These identities were not meant to put us in a box. They were meant to help us connect with like-minded individuals. They were meant to help figure out who we really are.

I'm sorry. This was pent up anger from some comments I've been reading at the LGBT spot. And the fact that bisexuals are the most second-guessed sexuality by both gays AND straights, really, really bugs me.
hơn một năm qua misanthrope86 said…
^ Amen.

Bisexuality is a label that people need to slap on people so that they can define them. Humans like to categorise and stack things neatly in little boxes so that everything is clean and clear-cut. The problem is, life isn't like that.

Some people, like Cinders hinted at, feel the need to add a sexuality string to their identity bow, and that is a personal thing. Some people are empowered by the label, but they are empowered by their own definition of the label. That is, they are empowered by the meaning that they give the label, but are not necessarily empowered by someone else's definition and meaning of the label.


So to answer the questions you posed:

1. No way.
2. It is what it is and you are who you are. "Straight" people and "gay" people live their lives in that same way too.
3. "Bisexuals" better at controlling desires? No more so and no less so than any other person.
4. No.
5. Already done that in my ramblings.
hơn một năm qua Sappp said…
'-Do you think that a bisexual person can control their sexual orientation easier than other orientations?'

Not really but something like this might happen: Imagine a bisexual boy in a very religious family and community. His parents are very homofobic and so are most of his friends and the rest of his family. This bisexual boy might choose to focus more on girls then boys, even though he likes both, because this is more acceptable.

last edited hơn một năm qua
hơn một năm qua harold said…
I'd love to see some studies that support the ideas in your original post, about how common it is for teenagers to feel and/or experiment with homosexuality. I hear this a lot as a perception, but I haven't yet seen any research (or even poll results) to support it. I'm not asking as a challenge, but more out of curiosity.

My answers:
1: This really depends on one's definition of (homo/bi/hetero)sexuality. For me, if they are having sex with both genders, then they are by definition bisexual. But that's because my most basic definition of bisexual is exactly that: disposed to and/or engaging in sexual activity with both genders. The case of attraction is more complicated; what does "attraction" mean? Admiration? Enjoying their company? Romantic feelings? Lust? For me, if there's lust for both genders, then they're definitely bisexual. The others are less clear.

2. No. If someone experiences lust for both genders but never acts on it, they're just as bisexual as a homosexual or heterosexual who lusts but never has sex. Doing the deed is a potential consequence of one's orientation, not a prerequisite. To say otherwise is a little silly, like you have to prove your sexuality. "I'm hetero" I might say, but if you tell me I have to have sex with a woman right now to prove it, I'd laugh in your face.

3. No. If there's anything I've learned in life, it's that people can't generally control their own orientations in anything, much less sexuality. To say that bisexuals have this amazing power that other mere mortals do not is giving them way too much credit as an arbitrary group.

4. This depends on whether they feel sexual attraction to both sexes; it's really pretty simple. If they do, then they're bisexual. If not, then while they were either homo- or bisexual in their youth, they're now either homosexual, heterosexual, or asexual.

5. See definition in #1, above.
hơn một năm qua bri-marie said…
I agree with Cinders: whatever sexuality the person identifies with is the sexuality I consider them to be. I've been through something similar with this - a good majority of my friends consider me to be pansexual because I behave in the way they think a pansexual should behave. I think it's the same with bisexuals. They may not "fit" the exact "definition" someone has (or a heterosexual "fits" the definition) of a bisexual, but it's what they consider themselves to be that counts.

I think that kind of answers all your questions.