thảo luận Society's Problem with Mrs. Robinson and other May-December Relationships

Cinders posted on Jan 20, 2008 at 03:44AM
It's interesting, but there are folks around here who wince at the idea of a large age gap between between lovers. I'm sure you can think of your own examples, but I have two that inspired me to bring this up over here. 1) The fictional but still controversial "GSR" or "Grissom-Sara Relationship" on CSI. Plenty of people think it's annoying, wrong, or disturbing, and they have different reasons for this, but mostly (I've heard) it's because Sara is fifteen years younger than Grissom. Secondly, there's the real life relationship between Heroes stars Milo Ventimiglia and Haden Panettiere. Hayden, born in 1989, is of legal consenting age, and yet people think it's wrong for her to be seeing Milo, who is twelve years her senior.

First of all, remarks about the pettiness of being concerned about fictional/celebrity relationships aside, I'm just curious to pose the question to folks here: Do you see something wrong with a woman dating a man ten or more years her senior? And what do you think of a man dating an older woman? I only just thought of Ashton Kucher and Demi Moore (16 year gap) and the reactions THAT got.

Personally, I have absolutely nothing against age gaps. So long as both parties are mature and responsible, then whatever floats their boat. But what do you guys think about it? Maybe I'll make a pick about it...

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hơn một năm qua Zerstoren said…
People make a snap judgment when they see these people: An older man dating a young, attractive woman must mean the Man is rich and the woman is more attracted to the money/power than the older man. Also works when you switch the sexes.

That is not the case with all relationships but I do believe the chance of the relationship succeeding is much slimmer if the age gap is big.

Personally when i see Fred Thompson with his wife I cringe a little. My first impression is that he lacks strong moral values because he is married (and even has children with) a woman who is 20 years younger and extremely attractive(compared to him anyway).

Why do i feel this way? It seems disgusting to me that older Men can't marry people their own age and go for young pretty women instead. It shows the insane expectations this country has of women, in my opinion.
hơn một năm qua blisslikethis said…
i don't tend to feel the same way about these relationship as most, but i'm still against them in general. i understand why older men/women are attracted to younger women/men, and vice versa. hell, i've been in a relationship with a pretty significant age gap. nothing like 16 years, but enough to be noticeable.

the thing is, an 18 year old and a 30 year old are in very different stages in their lives. that's why i tend to be against these relationships. let's put it this way: a typical 18 year old has just finished high school and is experiencing independence for the first time. they're starting university and flexing their wings, and setting out to find their place in the world.

on the other hand, a 30 year old is probably well on the way to having an established career and likely has a pretty good idea of who they are and what they want out of life. they're likely to have settled down and are probably starting to think about things like marriage and families and mortages and things that generally involve pretty serious commitment and a lot of responsibility. (keep in mind that i'm speaking very generally about these age groups, not about any specific person or people)

with that in mind, it's hard to see how two people in such different stages of life could make a long-term relationship work. it's not quite the same as disagreeing on whether to adopt a dog or a cat - these are major issues. i'm sure i'll get tons of people saying "love is all you need", and as much as i'm inclined to want to believe that, it's just not realistic.

EDIT: also, you just can't help but be a little creeped out by a man or woman sleeping with someone young enough to be their offspring... especially if they have children that age. i don't think it's morally wrong or anything, just a little icky.
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hơn một năm qua DrDevience said…
My grandmother married a man younger than my mother (her daughter) - that was well over 30 years ago and they are still very happy together.

I have no problem with age gaps in relationships.
hơn một năm qua DrDevience said…
HOWEVER - I would like to publicly state that my same-age husband is all I ever need and have no desire for young, hot, shirtless Cabana Boys when I'm 80 and retired to a tropical beach....
hơn một năm qua amazondebs said…
lol DrD!
i think this is just one of them where it depends, like you said bliss yes a lot of age groups are at different stages but perhaps the reason why these couples with age gaps are together is that they are at a different stage to the majority of people in there own age gap, so they seek someone older/younger to match how they feel. For example a younger woman who is wanting a committed relationship which could lead to marriage and children might seek a older man as the majority of men in her age gap are not ready for this yet.
Plus there are plenty of older men out there that i would find attractive i know that's a shallow way of looking at it but still.
basically when it comes down to it i am human so if i saw a 60 year old man with a 20 year old woman on arm i might raise a eyebrow but ultimately if there both happy who am i to judge?
hơn một năm qua Cinders said…
Right, debs.

I meant to put the disclaimer of "This does not include gold-diggers" but I think you have pretty much figured all of this out.

Um... I agree with debs so I have nothing to say.
hơn một năm qua blisslikethis said…
haha, that is a great point, debs. i think you're absolutely right.. i realized i was approaching this like "would i want to be in a relationship like this", rather than am i ok with them in general. i still have a natural tendency to be a little suspicious, and a little grossed out by them.. but if they're happy and it works for them, then great :)

... this is what happens when i do all my fanpopping in the wee hours of the morning lol.
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hơn một năm qua Cinders said…
In the wee small hours of the morning... when the whole wide world is fast asleep...

I *heart* Frank Sinatra. Sorry. I know this is completely irrelevant.
hơn một năm qua ollythedolly said…
Frank Sinatra is great.

On the age gap thing, I don't think there's a problem with it as long as people are in it for the right reasons. Unfortunately, when I hear "May/December" I often think of Anna Nicole Smith and whats-his-face.

PS: Grissom and Sara = hot.
hơn một năm qua Cinders said…
Grissom and Sara IS hot!

And I understand the Anna Nicole stereotype. I don't know what that was.

Generally speaking, though, I find those types of scenarios to be the exception, not the rule.
hơn một năm qua amazondebs said…
agreed frank is fab!
oooo very stereotypical there cinders just because a 60 year man is with a 20 year old woman it means she's gold digger lol why arn't you the suspicious one

well actually gold diggers is a funny topic
as they can give a lonley man a last few happy years but then again one could argue it's sort of like prostitution

sorry i keep asuming that this hypothetical couple that i'm talking about have to be older man and younger women
hơn một năm qua MissKnowItAll said…
My Dad is 10 years older than my Mum, and I see nothing wrong with it. My uncle, who is 47 (I think) is dating a youngr woman. I'm not sure how old she is, somewhere like 24 maybe? Anyway, both of these couples are extremely happy together. Infact, my Mum and Dad have been together for 27 years and my uncle and his girlfriend are about to move in together.

Personally, I do find it slightly... odd when there is a really massive age gap, like 50 years or something.
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hơn một năm qua housefrk said…
Well, there's a sixteen-year age gap between my dad and his wife, but then, they've only been married a few months, and it is his third wife, so I'm still kind of waiting to see what happens. She's also sixteen years old than me, though, so yeah, it's kind of wierd.

I think that fact that I ever shipped Hameron proves that I can be okay with those types of relationships. The thing about TV though, is that, most of the time, you know both characters' motives for wanting the relationship and what goes on behind closed doors. In real life, you don't, so I am a little skeptical when I see something like that.

On the other hand, I know people whose parents are ten years apart and still very happy together.
hơn một năm qua harold said…
This recalls, for me, a conversation we had in AP English many, many years ago (last millennium, in high school): we were seniors, and one of my class-mates was grousing about how some kids from previous classes kept visiting from college. "Why do they keep coming back? They graduated and went off to college! Why don't they just leave?" Our teacher sardonically observed: "Rich, you're just jealous because they're here to steal your women."

To this day, I can't hear anyone complaining about an age-gap in a relationship without identifying it as that same amusing jealousy in a different guise.