"Choices aren't what bạn think. They're fickle, dangerous things. Slippery, unpredictable. Tenacious. The big ones just don't go away. bạn make them once, but they keep coming back, demanding to be re-made again and again, insisting that bạn own them."

'Rosie: Note To Self', Claire Connor with G.P. Taylor


I'm going to be direct here: it KILLED me that Elena chose Stefan in the finale. I think a lot of những người hâm mộ expected her to make the right choice, but she didn't. She made the wrong one.
I would never do Elena the dishonour bởi arguing that she didn't tình yêu Stefan. We all know she does. She loved him all the way through his ripper phase this season, and she đã đưa ý kiến she loved him in that excruciating phone-call to Damon too. So she loves Stefan, I believe her. The issue is not: 'Which brother do I love?' because she thêm hoặc less đã đưa ý kiến she loves them both to Matt. The issue, and the problem at the tim, trái tim of her choice is that she made it based on select components, which she believes overrides her tình yêu for Damon, IN SPITE of her tình yêu for Damon being arguably thêm intense than her tình yêu for Stefan.

Elena's choice is complicated bởi the knowledge that Stefan saved her life, and that afterwards, being with him apparently taught her how to live again at a time when she felt lost. When Matt asks if she feels like she 'owes' him, she denies it. But I wonder...

"After the accident, I kind of felt like I didn't know how to live anymore. Like I didn't want to. But then being with Stefan...somehow I figured it out. And that's what tình yêu should be. bạn should tình yêu the person that makes bạn glad that you're alive."

Where is the passion in this speech? Does it sound like a girl who's madly in love? Notice that towards the end of her speech, something strange happens, and Elena refers to herself in the third person. It's not "I", it's "You". She doesn't say "I tình yêu Stefan because he makes me glad to be alive," hoặc "When I'm with him I feel alive". She says "You SHOULD..." almost as if she is trying to convince herself that it's the right thing to do. She can't admit it because she doesn't think that's what she's doing, but Elena's basically saying that she loves Stefan because he made her feel alive at a time when she felt dead. In her mind, this makes total sense, but her logic is very warped to me.

Here's the thing: tình yêu isn't about a danh sách of what bạn 'should' do. If bạn think bạn 'should' do something, the chances are that bạn won't feel like it doing it. Elena is still very young, and she doesn't yet know what tình yêu is. She has no mother hoặc aunt to shed some light on the situation she's in, and any Lời khuyên Caroline gives her will be hopelessly in favour of Stefan. People don't seem to know what tình yêu is; their perception of it can vary wildly according to what they believe hoặc it can be very flawed. The truth is, if you've never been deeply in love, then bạn can't know how it feels hoặc what its like. "You don't understand," Karen tells Derek in 'Smash', "because bạn don't understand love." Elena has this idea of what tình yêu is, she thinks she knows what it should be, but the truth is, she just doesn't understand what tình yêu really is.

Although Elena can be forgiven for believing that she should tình yêu Stefan because he got her back on her feet and made her feel "alive", she is mistaken in thinking that's what tình yêu is.
Elena says that when she's with Damon it just "consumes" her, and Stelena shippers will undoubtedly pounce on this and immediately denounce her feelings as unhealthy hoặc wrong, and something that is not real tình yêu at all. "Real tình yêu is not a "consuming love". It is a love that makes bạn feel alive, makes bạn glad that you´re alive. That is the greatest thing bạn can feel..." one such person wrote.
I think they're misguided in their thinking, because "real love" IS consuming, hoặc it can be. Some of the greatest tình yêu stories ever told are about a tình yêu that "consumes" the characters. The most famous tình yêu songs in the world weren't written because the song-writer loved somebody who made them happy to be alive, but because they loved someone so much, it hurt.

Loving someone who makes bạn glad to be alive isn't necessarily what makes a relationship "great", nor is it the greatest thing bạn can feel. It might be a part of it, but if tình yêu doesn't take over you, if it's not so intense that it would make bạn want to go to the ends of the earth for someone, hoặc drives bạn to distraction, hoặc fills your every waking moment, hoặc has the power to destroy you, then...maybe bạn have a problem. Maybe it's not what bạn think it is and it's not the greatest tình yêu it could be.
When I was 19 and in my một giây năm at university, I met a guy and fell head over heels crazy in tình yêu with him. Did he make me feel alive? Yes, but thêm importantly, I was utterly consumed bởi him. I couldn't think of anything but him, which was a big problem because I was supposed to be studying for my exams. But it was a feeling I couldn't control. Elena talks herself into choosing Stefan bởi rationalising that she has to let one of them go because she can't tình yêu them both. Being consumed bởi what she feels for Damon naturally makes her feel alive too, to the point where it overwhelms and frightens her, but because she didn't fall in tình yêu with him when she had Mất tích her way, then her loyalty to him isn't as strong as the loyalty she feels towards Stefan. So Elena's choice isn't ultimately about love; it's about who she feels most loyal to at this moment in time. Notice that at no time in her phone-call to Damon does she utter the words "I'll always tình yêu Stefan." She says "I can't think about always, all I can think about is right now," suggesting perhaps that her choice comes with a time limit, an hết hạn date. Sure, it's what she wants for now. But what will her choice look like in the months ahead? Elena thinks she's chosen, but in reality she hasn't. Her choice will come back to haunt her, and demand to be re-made until she makes the right one - not the choice she thinks she SHOULD make, but the one she really wants, deep inside.
"You want a tình yêu that consumes you," Damon tells her in the flashback. "You want passion, and adventure and even a little danger." As long as Elena clings to Stefan, she will never have what her tim, trái tim truly desires.