xin chào guys. I want to start off bởi saying that this is strictly my opinion with which bạn may hoặc may not agree. This bài viết is somewhat anti-Stefan hoặc anti-Stelena, so fair warning beforehand. If bạn are a người hâm mộ of them, please do not read it. Contructive criticism much appreciated. :)

This bài viết mainly deals with Stefan's actions in the gần đây episodes (3.09-3.12), and how i view them in regard with Stefan-Elena's relationship.
Stefan went on his revenge Klaus mode asserting that he didn't care about anything anymore, including Elena. He stated that 'destroying Klaus' is all he has left. Elena then had đã đưa ý kiến if he was trying to make her hate him, which could be very much possible. We all know how Stefan is, don't we? After spending about 3-4 months with Klaus and doing his chores, he must be full of guilt at the moment. He must be feeling that he does not deserves to be with Elena- that she is better than him (his words, not mine). But part of me can't help but think that there is thêm to it, which is that Stefan himself cannot accept and face what he has done, what Klaus made him do. Klaus unleashed the 'monster' inside of him which Stefan was trying so hard to ignore and suppress from himself, and from everyone. Last time this happened (1.20) he wanted to commit suicide, despite having Elena's tình yêu i might add. But this time he has someone to blame it all on, Klaus. So once he got his freedom back, he used this agency bởi focusing all his energy on destroying Klaus instead of going back to Elena who would've welcomed him with open arms! To me it is like he hates this side of himself, and whenever it comes out to play he wants to run away from it irrespective of how different other people think about it. This is actually sad! It's tragic for Stefan's character, and I somewhat understand it.

But this very trait of him is the reason i can never ship Stefan-Elena. It just says how things cannot work between them. Stefan can't embrace his vampire nature. He can't tình yêu himself, atleast not his whole self. He loathes himself for even having this bad streak inside of him, but as a vampire it's not possible for him to keep it under control hoặc in check all his eternal life. He falls, but when he is back to his 'normal' self he does what he feels like doing to make things right- for himself ie, suicide in 1.20 and avenging Klaus in season 3. In both scenarios his actions serves to himself only, these were the steps which made him feel better, in a twisted way. His guilt was greater than his tình yêu for Elena. 

But in both cases, where does Elena fit in for him? She was right there for him, supporting him, waiting for him to come back to her. Loyal as always. Her tình yêu for Stefan was actually monumental. She deserves to be loved just as much in return. But Stefan places his needs before Elena's. His tình yêu took a backseat when he chose revenge (or suicide) over Elena. He did what suited best for him, not taking into account what Elena needed. That's not something anybody would want in any relationship!  What he did was not because he couldn't face Elena, no. It was because he couldn't face himself. Similarly, he lied to Elena, hoặc rather hid his past from Elena for the very same reason for 2 seasons. He was ashamed of it, and thought that Elena would judge him based on his past- which he should have known better. Elena is such a compassionate character. She forgave Damon, and believed in him even after everything he did right in front of her eyes. So, i'm pretty sure Elena would've accepted Stefan, and his past without letting it effect their relationship. It appears to me as if Stefan wants Elena to see and tình yêu only a part of him- the good part, the part over which he has control, the part he's not contrite about.  Such a relationship isn't real. What they had then was merely an illusion. Moreover, bởi doing so Stefan severly underestimated their relationship. It's like he doesn't have faith in his relationship with Elena. He thought Elena knowing his dark past would crumble their world. Like one single blow, and it'll all be over for them. Pretty much why he đã đưa ý kiến to Elena in 3.10 "I Mất tích bạn the moment I left town." He actually believed that their relationship wouldn't survive now, so he gave up. Not Elena, but Stefan gave up on them. 

Elena was full of hope. She truly believed that she, with Damon's help, will be able to save Stefan. This belief of her was crushed bởi none other than Stefan himself in 3.10 when just to revenge Klaus he refused to budge to save Jeremy! This cannot be love. One possibly cannot include this indifference on Stefan's part as one of his di chuyển to make Elena hate him. Just No! bạn do not do this to someone bạn love. Specially not if you're only doing this to make someone hate you, but bạn still actually care! This is the excuse which SE'ers come up with, right! If he loves her and cared about her in that moment, then how could he not help her save the one person she loves most dearly, her only family member. It would have killed Elena had Jeremy died. Here Stefan did this only for revenge from Klaus, and didn't give a damn about Elena. He was being utterly selfish with the one person he claims to be in tình yêu with.

Now, a point which i recently observed after watching 3.12 and the Canadian promo of 3.13. Till 3.11, Stefan didn't care about Elena at all. His main concern was Klaus. Even up until the time Elena tells him that she kissed Damon, he was just being his jerk- ish self. But soon after she reveals this, something in him snaps. He's hurt, clearly. He goes back to home, and punches Damon when he asks if Elena is okay. He punched Damon, fine. What irks me is the timing of all of this. One episode back, Stefan was the one who đã đưa ý kiến to Damon and I quote "protecting Elena is your problem now". This is what Damon's doing, right! Looking out for her because Stefan is too busy being the 'better villain'. Stefan was well aware of how Damon feels about Elena when he chose to be all villiany. It didn't matter much to him then. But soon as he notices in 3.12 that Elena has changed now, that she has been getting closer to Damon, that SHE kissed Damon, it's then he starts getting all in Elena-is-mine mode. Elena didn't matter to him in these few episodes, yet in the Canadian promo of 3.13 we see Stefan saying to Damon that he loves her. What changed his mind? To me it's almost like he cannot accept the fact that Elena is indeed starting to di chuyển on in her life. That things have changed now. He's back to claim his tình yêu for Elena when he saw Elena moving on from him. It just pinches me in the wrong way! And what bothers him thêm is she is starting to have feelings not just for any person, but for his brother Damon. bởi punching Damon for kissing Elena, and bởi saying to Damon that he loves her he's asking him to back off. Kinda. Stefan's 'love' for Elena is rushing back to him now because Stefan is scared that while being the bad guy, Damon somehow became the hero. He's scared that Elena will choose Damon over him, something which he isn't used to. There's no other explanation which i can think of about this sudden change in him.  To him loosing Elena might be a bad thing. But what's worse is losing her to his own brother Damon, else he wouldn't have deemed Damon as unworthy of Elena's tình yêu to Elena herself when he realized that he had ruined his chance with her. It was like if bạn can't be with me, i won't let bạn be with Damon either. Stefan was okay if taking revenge on Klaus meant Elena being in misery, coz that was exactly what he was putting her through. But the moment revenging Klaus meant Elena and Damon getting together, it is so not okay with him anymore. Again, selfish. 

Now contrasting all this to Damon, and Damon and Elena's relationship i feel so proud of being a Delena shipper. DE's relationship is real. It's based on truth, understanding, and belief and we all know this. For Damon, Elena's priorities are foremost. He would literally do anything for her happiness and safety, even if it hurts him. We have seen this on several occassions. His tình yêu is selfless. Even now when he knows Elena feels something for him too, he  never misses an opportunity to praise Stefan to Elena. He knows it might reduce his chance to be with her, but he does it anyway. Which is something i really can't say for Stefan, i'm afraid. Damon was happy for Elena because he knew she was happy with Stefan. But now when Stefan has to deal with the same thing, he's being very immature. Damon love's for Elena brings out his selfless side, whereas for Stefan it brings out his selfish side. 

I am not at all saying that Stefan does not hoặc has never loved Elena. Of course he has. Their relationship has had some great moments, but it's the way Stefan loves Elena which makes me not ship them. All in all, for a relationship which is referred to as 'epic' every now and then, i sure can't see SE as one. If it really was epic Stefan would never have wanted to revenge Klaus for what he did to him when Elena, his love, was waiting for him. If it was epic, Elena's tình yêu for Stefan should had been thêm than enough to make him care again and to make him come back to her. Instead it was seeing Elena falling in tình yêu with Damon that made him care. Epic tình yêu is one where bạn care about your other half's happiness thêm than your own, not when bạn are putting them in danger while letting your own motives take precedence over your love. tình yêu is not epic when bạn can watch your lover die, and do nothing about it. In short, epic tình yêu is Damon & Elena. A patient and selfless love.